Twi-Talk

BY InuYashaBaby1

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Never had, never will.

AN: R&R, This chapter takes place 17 years after Breaking Dawn. The Cullen girls get into discussing a little thing called boys and sizes.

Chapter 1: Vanilla Milk Shake

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All the Cullen girls were sitting around the homestead, minding their own business. Bella was reading a book called 'Twilight' and was somewhat scared by the accuracies to her life this Meyer lady had. Nessie was sitting next to her, flipping the TV in between an episode of 'Growing Pains' and the E! True Hollywood Story!-on 'Growing Pains'. Alice was watching intently as Nessie switched channels, wondering which one Nessie would eventually choose. Rosalie was reading: BITCH! Monthly. Just kidding, she was reading a copy of People Magazine, but was holding it upside down. Ah, what a dumb blonde. (Also kidding-she was reading a magazine on cars, but was in fact holding upside down.) Esme was reading a motherhood book of some sort, trying to understand sibling rivalry.

"Would you just tell me which one I choose already?" Nessie complained to her Aunt Alice.

"I don't know, every second the vision changes." Alice said, shrugging her pixie-like shoulders. Nessie, groaning, turned off the TV all together.

"Maybe I should just do something else." Nessie stood up, stretching her humpire fingers to the sky.

"Yeah, we should go to the mall." Alice chirped. "Your wardrobe is exceedingly lacking."

"What's wrong with my outfit?" Nessie asked, gesturing to her 'WA STATE-IT RAINS' sweatshirt and her loose boot-cut jeans.

"You know, I find myself wondering if Emmett posted another blog." Bella thought allowed.

"You inherited your mother's sense of fashion. " Alice rolled her eyes.

"Just because you don't like my sense of fashion doesn't make it okay to pick on your only nice," Esme observed. "Be nice, Alice dear."

"Edward has a great sense of style. She got everything from Edward, except for her eyes and the fashion sense." Alice moaned.

"Edward has A LOT of great things." Bella winked over the top of her book.

"Ew, Mom don't talk about sex with Daddy." Nessie smothered her face into a couch cushion.

"Hey," Rosalie said, placing down her magazine of debated purpose, "How big is Edward? I've always wanted to know ever since he turned me down."

"If I could, you know I'd be blushing." Bella said.

"What do you mean 'how big is Edward'? Aren't all guys the same size?" Nessie commented.

"No dear, it's like the size of your breasts. It varies." Esme told the Naïve young girl.

"So, how big is Edipuss?" Alice asked, now clearly in the conversation. Bella made a gesture with her hands similar to if someone was telling the fish was THIIIIIS big story.

"Huh, that's a good nine inches." Rose commented. "That's huuuge compared to Emmett-he's like a 7 and a half."

"Carlisle's an 8, but I really don't think it's the size that matters." Esme added while Nessie was burying her head into a pillow.

"Of course size matters!" Rose interjected.

"You shouldn't be talking, you've got exponential universe Emmett." Alice laughed.

"Very funny, Ms. Pixie. How big is Jasper?" Rosalie sneered, her eyes glued to her 'sister'

"He's a twelve-at least." Alice smiled with smugness. She flipped her short dark hair. She added a wink.

"A TWELVE?" Nessie screamed, unable to hold on any longer. "Jake's only like-a six!" All eyes turned to the 17 year old on the couch.

"And just how do you know that?" Bella asked, leaning on her daughter, her gold eyes gleaming with anger, and she was partially wondering how many Jake burritos she could force into the microwave, or even Jake omelets, a Jake chili-con carne possibly a Jake parmesan, if she was getting in an Italian mood. Nessie's face was red with fierce blush, her eyes weird with astonishment.

"I-uh-I uh..." Nessie couldn't finish her sentence as 4 vampires surrounded her with angry looks. An idea flooded into her mind, and she suddenly pictured Jake running out of the bathroom and having his pants down. A totally fake image, of course. She and Jake had been doing it for a while now. She reached out and touched Bella's face, who nodded to accept this. She sighed, and Bella warded off Nessie's aunts, they all trusted her way too much. "I'm going for a walk." Nessie choked out, heading out to the front door. She ran as fast as she could, tripping over rocks and branched because of the nervousness left over from her close encounter with vampire females of the third kind.

"Hey good looking," Jake smiled at her, stopping her in her tracks.

"Hey, Jake." Nessie smiled playfully back.

"So what happened with the girls?" He asked, leaning on a tree behind him.

"Oh-nothing, just they suspected about us you know, doing it, but I veered them off that course, don't worry. " Nessie smiled proudly.

"Yeah, because we've been doing it every night since your 13th birthday." Jake said.

"Buss-ted!" Called a familiar deep voice from behind the bushes. Emmett stood in front of them, grinning wickedly.

"Aww, maybe next time we shouldn't have such a blatantly obvious success monologue." Nessie observed, facing Jake.

End chapter 1

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AN: YAY! Okay, you might not get the title, it's an inside joke, and it has to do with Jasper. This is meant to be funny by the way, so don't like...bash me, or anything. Also, I know it's short, sorry, it's just a conversation, so...! R&R!