Friends in Odd Places

An idea from my husband - Shatner wanted to play a part in the New Trek? Well, here's his chance. (be careful what you wish for, sir - anyone who watched Buffy knows that 'wish' is truly a four-letter word) I'm pretty sure that this qualifies as crack-fic. I don't consider this to be in the same universe as my other Trek 2009 stories. If it were (but it isn't!), it would be after "Reception and Revelations" and before "Worse Than His Bite." And, I might add, I can't believe no one has done this particular crossover, since there seems to be nothing the fans love better than doppelganger crossovers (OK, they love slash more.) Maybe I just haven't looked in the right places.

Standard disclaimers: Universes and characters are the intellectual property of respective creators and corporations, not mine (sniff), and they retain all rights. No trademark/copyright infringement is intended, and no money or other material consideration exchanged hands.

Humor (I hope)

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1 - San Francisco - Spring 2258

The attractive woman approached the door of the dorm room. She had sweet talked her way through the security in the lobby, and was now ready to beard the lion in his den. She held down the buzzer for five full seconds. Let's see him ignore that.

She heard footsteps, and a muffled "Jim, could you get that?" She smiled. A twofer.

The door slid open to reveal a handsome young man. He had tousled blond hair and the most electrifying blue eyes she had ever seen. The woman thought that the news vids did not do the man justice. She really did have to mix pleasure with business on this case. It was, after all, a family tradition.

The young man smiled at her. "Well, how can I help you?"

" I need to get a hold of Doctor Leonard McCoy. He's been avoiding me."

The young man turned his head and hollered, "Hey, Bones, you have a visitor. And why the hell are you avoiding her? You crazy?"

Another man appeared in the doorway. The cliche "tall, dark and handsome" might have been created for this one she thought. Pity all the information they had on him indicated that he was very old-fashioned. Probably would not be interested in a threesome.

The woman smiled and handed McCoy a business card, an archaic oddity in this day and age.

"I'm Elaine Shore, of Crane, Shore and Associates," she said.

"Hey, I've heard of you," Kirk said. "One of the oldest law firms in North America, right?"

"Quite right, Captain,"

"Hey, no Captain here. Just a cadet."

"My information indicates that there's a big promotion in your near future," she said.

He shrugged. "Just call me Jim, then."

McCoy looked at her with deep suspicion. "I'm not too fond of lawyers," he said.

"Hardly a surprise, under the circumstances," she replied "My partner is convinced that you have been the victim of a grave injustice, and wishes to represent you."

McCoy shook his head in disbelief. "There's no way I could afford you."

"Very true, Doctor. But my partner is willing to take this case on contingency. We don't get paid unless we win - and my partner always, always wins."

-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-

They found themselves having lunch at one of San Francisco's most exclusive restaurants. Even though the Star Fleet men were in civilian attire, people recognized them. The staff at the restaurant politely but firmly kept anyone from bothering them.

"So, when will your partner be here?" asked McCoy, picking at his salad..

"Oh, soon, soon," replied Elaine. "Denny runs on his own time."

There was a disturbance by the door. An older man, a bit stout and florid was shaking hands with people as he made his way through the restaurant. As he got closer, they could hear him say, "Glad to see you here. Denny Crane." He waved at a few people across the restaurant before stopping beside Elaine.

Elaine noticed the doctor's slight frown; the way he looked at his friend, and then at Denny. Denny smiled at McCoy and Kirk.

"Gentlemen, it is a great pleasure to meet you. For some reason I feel like I've known you all my life," said Denny as he shook their hands vigorously. "Denny Crane."

"The seventh," added Elaine.

"And you, Kirk, well done. Couldn't done better myself." Denny beamed at Jim. Elaine could see McCoy and Kirk exchange glances of disbelief. Well, Denny had that effect on people. They sat back down at the table, and waited for Denny to place his order. He offered the wine bottle to McCoy and Kirk.

"You really must try this Picard '39. It was a very good year." Denny's face took on a look of nostalgia. "Yes, a very fine year it was."

"Ah, no thank you, sir," said McCoy, waving away the proffered drink. Elaine could see he was looking at puzzlement at the bottle's label, which clearly said '2139'. "I was wondering why you wanted to meet with me."

Denny leaned back in his chair. "You, my good doctor, have been the victim of a terrible miscarriage of justice. I want to set things right. Consider it a favor for an Enterprise crew member."

"And how do you propose to do that? Joce's lawyers were quite through."

"Ah, but you didn't have the advantage of our sage advice. I have centuries of experience..."

"Our firm, that is," Elaine interposed smoothly.

"In pulling off the impossible. It's all just a matter of knowing where to push." Denny beamed at McCoy.

McCoy looked unconvinced. "What's the weak point? Where exactly are you going to push?"

"Well, for a start, we have an open-and-shut case against your ex-wife in regards to visitation interference," Denny said. Elaine noticed McCoy sit up straight at that. Her information was (of course) once again correct. Of all the damage from the divorce, it was the situation with his daughter that hurt him the most.

Denny continued. "After that, there are the matters of defamation of character, damage to professional reputation, and more than a bit of out-and-out perjury on the part of several of the witnesses at your divorce trial. And, to wrap up everything, some malfeasance in office on the part of the judge presiding over the custody hearing."

"Which would be?" asked Jim, as his friend seemed too stunned to respond.

"To translate into the common tongue, the judge was sleeping with Jocelyn," said Elaine.

The outraged, "What?" from McCoy attracted attention from around the restaurant. Kirk grabbed McCoy's lower arm.

"Steady, Bones."

"She, they, were?" managed Bones in a less window-rattling voice.

"Yes. And we can prove it. That particular judge has not been as discreet as he thought he was. And Jocelyn was not the first person, or the last, he has traded favors with," said Elaine.

Denny grinned at McCoy. "It'll be a snap. A little public humiliation of the ex, and we'll have it all wrapped up before lunchtime."

"No," said McCoy. They all looked at him.

"No, what, Doctor?" asked Elaine.

"I don't want you dragging Jocelyn's name through the mud. It wouldn't be good for my little girl."

"But Doctor," started Denny.

"I said no," stated McCoy firmly, in that tone of voice that made interns and nurses run for cover. Anything else he might have said was interrupted by the beeping of his communicator. He flipped it open. A voice squawked over the connection.

"Doctor McCoy? You are needed at the hospital immediately."

"Blast. Yeah, I'll be there in about ten minutes."

Elaine waved over a staff member. "Doctor McCoy needs transportation to the Star Fleet medical complex immediately."

"Of course, Ms. Crane. This way, Doctor," said the waiter. They watched him leave the restaurant. Elaine sighed and said to Jim, "Honor before reason sort of guy?"

"You have no idea," said Jim. He frowned. "It's going to get him killed someday. Well, I'm sorry you wasted your time. I know Bones - when it comes to matters of right and wrong, he's about as movable as El Capitan."

Denny and Elaine looked at each other. Denny gave a small nod.

"Oh, I think we can work something out," said Elaine.

"But he just said he doesn't want you to..." Jim started.

"Oh, we've dealt with difficult clients before, Jim," said Denny. "Of course, most of them are howling for blood and need to be held back."

"How do you expect to proceed if he won't cooperate?" asked Jim, honestly puzzled.

Elaine smiled wolfishly at Jim. "Oh, we'll manage; It will just make things more challenging."

-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-

Chapter 2 is in the works - Elaine Shore vs. McCoy's ex. It just doesn't have enough snark yet to suit me

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