After the Accusation
Ange winced as Dom stalked out the office and slammed the door behind him. She hadn't meant to upset him quite so much, but she was trying to get him to see that Chloe needed her more, and that he had Carole. She felt really badly for having essentially ripped Carole's son away from her.
She winced again as the door opened forcefully as Dom barrelled back into the room. He closed it behind him and asked in a low angry tone, "Why did you even bother staying?"
Ange was startled by the question, "I wanted to get to know you," she responded calmly. Dom shook his head, "Then why were you leaving? Chloe told me, the day after you found out about me, you wanted to leave. Just pack you both away back to London and leave me again. You didn't want to know me then and now you don't want me again. So what changed? Decided you don't like what you see?"
Ange sat back onto the sofa with a thud. She didn't really know how to answer this she started speaking quickly, "I panicked ok? I recognised Carole and once I worked out who you were I was overwhelmed. When she told me you didn't know about any of it, I didn't know what to do; I knew I couldn't work with you without you knowing it would have hurt too much. I didn't want to rip your life apart you were happy knowing Carole and Barry were..are your parents. And then Carole told you, but she didn't tell you everything and I didn't know how to tell you the rest."
"But you sat with me and comforted me and told me that it didn't matter, that it didn't change anything and you encouraged me not to find you. Why would you do that? I don't understand! Then you wanted me and now you don't. You said you're not my new Mum! I know that! You're my OLD Mum, the one that gave me up and didn't regret it! I just want to be with my family, is that so bad? Then Chloe wouldn't just have you, she'd have me and Lofty too. Why won't you let me in?"
Dom was almost shouting by the time he was finished, he was barely holding himself together. His breathing was hard and his head was pounding. There were tears forming in his eyes but he blinked them away, he wasn't going to show weakness to her. He wasn't he told himself.
Ange was getting alarmed as Dom as getting redder and redder and she could hear his harsh breathing from the doorway. She stood up and started walking towards him, "Dominic calm down," she said firmly trying to keep her voice low and calming. "Just focus on your breathing ok?" he nodded and started just focussing on counting his breathing in and out. God he hadn't to do this since well since Isaac, his breath hitched at the thought and he wrenched his mind back into the present keeping an eye on Ange as she slowly approached him.
She reached her arm up intending to put her hand on his shoulder and guide him to sit on the sofa but he flinched away. She frowned, she'd not seen Dom react like that before, he was obviously far more upset them he seemed outwardly. "Come on, sit down," she said waving her arm towards the sofa.
Dom nodded and slowly made his way to the sofa, shuffling so he could keep Ange's hands in view at all times. He didn't think she would hurt him physically, but he was so on edge and he couldn't think clearly. His thoughts all over the place as he flashed back to arguments with Isaac about being too needy. Just like he was being now.
Ange felt her heart open a crack as she watched Dom move while keeping her in sight. She made sure to put her hands down slowly. She was concerned; surely he didn't think she would hurt him? What had happened to him to think that she might?
Dom calmed himself down a bit while Ange watched; he started speaking in a low tone this time trying to avoid upsetting himself. "I said I'd give you time for Chloe and I did, I don't know anything about that email and yeah maybe I did manipulate things today but I just want to be a part of the family. My family! I told you, you don't get to abandon me again but you are. I can see she's hurting but I want to support her too, I want to be a part of that, please?" He looked up at Ange with beseeching eyes.
Ange had been so focused on Chloe teetering she hadn't recognised that perhaps Dom was also not coping just in a different way. She didn't know how to support two children, didn't know if she had the strength. She squared her shoulders, she had to try, and she couldn't watch them both unravel before her.
"Dom, you don't know Chloe like I do you don't know what will upset her or calm her. I know you want to be her big brother and that's really great, but you need to get to know her first. I think it would be best to give her some space right now; she'll come to you when she's ready. She likes you remember?"
Dom nodded, he could see the sense in that. He didn't want to hurt Chloe, he just wanted to be her brother but maybe Ange was right they'd been on track to be great friends before all of this. Maybe it was best to focus on that first. He wanted to make sure Chloe knew he didn't think any different of her now and maybe that would be the best way.
His anger was fading and he was feeling exhausted. His heart was still breaking at the thought that Ange would leave him again. He felt like he belonged with her, in a way he'd never felt before. It was part of the reason he'd worked out who she was. While realising she knew about Barry when she had no reason to had been the final piece. He'd already been puzzled by her off behaviour and when she'd tried to comfort him and held him. It had just felt right, he'd been so confused and she'd felt so safe. It wasn't something he usually felt unless he was with Sacha, Lofty or Mr Hansson.
Even now, when she was pushing him away again all he wanted was to be close to her. He really wanted another hug, but he didn't dare ask. He didn't think he could take it if she said no. He was barely holding it together as it was.
Ange approached him again slowly, keeping her hands by her side. Dominic seemed lost in thought and he looked so sad. In all the imagining she'd done for when she would finally meet her son again, she'd never imagined it would all go so badly. It was such a mess, she could see he was hurting and even worse he seemed scared.
"Dominic, I am not leaving you," she said as firmly as she could manage. "You're right in that we can both be there for Chloe ok, I'm sorry I shouldn't have pushed you away. Dom I need you to understand we're not a perfect family, we..I make mistakes ok. A lot of them. I just wanted you realise that Carole is your Mum too, she and I we chat and I can see she's hurting and it made me feel guilty. But I shouldn't have put that on you." She said while approaching the other side of the sofa slowly and sitting beside her son.
Dom could feel the sofa move as she sat down beside him. Ange wanted to reach out to him again but she wasn't sure he wouldn't flinch back again so she put her hands in her lap. "Dominic look at me," she asked. Dom turned his head towards her. She took a deep breath, she wasn't sure this was the right thing to do, not at all.
"I love you, you are my son and I love you and I always have," she said kindly. She needed Dom to understand that he was loved and wanted just as Carole had promised her he would. Dom just stared at her for a second and then shook his head, surely he was hearing things. Maybe he'd fallen asleep and was dreaming?
Ange thought that Dom hadn't heard her; she hadn't reached him in the way she'd intended. If this was Chloe she'd have wrapped her up in a hug by now, but it wasn't and as much as she loved her son, she didn't know him well. But she needed to try again.
She opened her arms slowly, "Dominic, Come here." Dom saw her open her arms, surely she didn't want, and she wouldn't want to hug him would she? He didn't deserve that although he wanted one so badly. When he didn't respond she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him. Much like she had the day after his birthday, when she thought she was saying goodbye.
"I love you, Dominic. You're my son and I'm not going anywhere," she said fiercely this time. She knew now that she couldn't keep pushing him away to protect herself, protect Chloe or even him. It was too late, they were all hurting anyway.
Dom had frozen initially when Ange reached for him, but as those words he couldn't keep his tears away and he wrapped his arms around his Mum almost instinctively as he started sobbing silently into her shoulder.
They sat there for a long time as Dominic finally calmed down, he didn't want to let go. He clung to his Mum, desperate to cling on to the safety and calm that being this close to her brought. He didn't even understand why he felt that way.
He knew there were still issues, this didn't fix everything but maybe maybe he could trust that she wouldn't leave. Maybe he could forgive her for wanting to, after all everyone makes mistakes and he desperately wanted for it to be true and that she loved him.
He steeled himself to ask, he hated being so weak, "You promise Mum?" He asked sounding much younger than his 32 years. He felt her stiffen slightly at the name but he couldn't help it, it's what he wanted her to be for him. Who she was.
Ange smiled as Dom called her Mum, she didn't deserve it and she felt awful that he was calling her that and not Carole, but she couldn't help the immense happiness and rightness she felt at having her son in her arms and calling her Mum. "I promise," she pledged as she squeezed him again.
