Dear Diary,
I don't think there is anyone on Earth who forgets the moment they knew they were loved.
For me, it happened tonight. The mansion. Lex & I were watching tennis and Lifetime Movies and listening to Oasis.
Just when I had enough to think about...enough to worry about, you know? But really...none of what I am about to say worries me...
It thrills me... Makes me want to sing. Bad Teen Ballads...like Britney or something. Sing and dance about love and happiness until they muzzle me for Public Intoxicated Bliss...That P.I.B....dangerous! Mr. Pibb though is delicious...you know...the stuff like Dr. Pepper...it's yummy. I'm rambling...sorry...
Let's look at my life so far...shall we? (Like you don't know!)
Strike One-- I'm an alien. Still don't know why/where/how. Don't think I wanna know either. What if they were human-eaters? Strike Two-- My folks work way too hard and money's always tight...and my food budget alone is making my Mom get cash advances on her MasterCard. Strike Three-- I've stopped thinking about girls...completely.
Sure, I still like them as friends. Chloe's damn great and Lana's the sweetest, kindest chick in town. But... I don't jerk off thinking about them anymore. They don't get me hot. I miss them when they aren't around but I don't miss them when I have morning wood and the sun is pouring through the barn and I need to come.
When I need to come...
I always think about him . Alexander Luthor.
He's not the most handsome guy, for sure. He actually looks kinda alien himself, especially when he smirks. Or lies. I hate that. His dome is hot though...exotic... He's not the nicest guy in the world. I know he's pretty shady...But who exactly isn't anymore? The only truly legit people I know are my Mom & Dad. Everyone has shades they draw at the right times. Everyone needs to hide in the darkness for certain intervals. I linger there quite often myself!
But now... I like being in the dark with Lex.
After we watched "The Stepford Husbands" on Lifetime Movie network, he turned off all the lights.
For a few minutes, we just sat there. I was so scared. I mean...I've only kissed like three girls and two of them were virtually stoned and/or insane. I felt his hot breath on my cheek and I got hard. And very scared. For just a second I wanted to run. But I didn't. Diary...I didn't run. I let that breeze of wine-scented glory waft closer and closer to my breath--
Oh fuck...I hope my breath didn't reek. I'd been eating pickles and pizza all night. I was kinda worried if I stunk too. I hadn't taken a shower since before I helped Dad out on the back forty. But Lex liked sweaty farm guys... He told me so...whispered it my ear...I could come for years on his voice alone...all throaty and dirty...like that cheap 1-900 porn line my Mom caught me calling last year...
Damn. Well, anyway...
I let him kiss me. And it was all slow and gooey and should have been gross but it was the good kind of sloppy, like swimming in a deep muddy pond on the hottest day of the decade. I felt his tongue on my bottom lip and I giggled like a moron but it was dark and all I could see was his eyes and all I could see was red candy hearts dancing around my cock making me happy....
They were dancing around my heart too.
He got his tongue inside my mouth and somehow his tongue introduced itself to mine and they started this slow waltz...And I was moaning real loud and then my hand was on his dick...seriously...and he was big. I'd never touched another guy before. I'd looked sure and I knew I should be proud of what I have...but Lex's was more...umm...sure...yeah....sure...of what it wanted.
His cock was like, seriously, confident. And I just kind of traced the lines of it through his slacks and he was moaning like me. And we sounded like freaking animals.
But it was awesome.
And we kissed and kissed and licked each other....we didn't get to the real heavy stuff yet because he wants to give me time to adjust and stuff. I feel pretty well adjusted actually but I appreciate what he's doing.
After we made out I still had my short off and felt kinda sticky but Lex wanted to just lie on my chest, his head right above my heart...he listened to the thumping from my chest, his eyes closed in perfect bliss. For a time, he stroked my hair and tickled my neck and I felt like I had never felt before.
Oh yeah...he like...umm...bit me too...it was so hot...I guess it should have hurt, HA-HA..I almost wish it could have hurt...but he kept sucking, gnawing on my nips...and man...it was great...I hope I don't become a slut, though...can guys be sluts? I guess...yeah...those dudes on that Showtime show are nasty! I don't wanna sleep around...I just want Lex. Lex...skin-to-skin...Lex...on me... I let him fall asleep that way. On my chest. Nestled into me. Like he was a part of me, an extension of my sweaty, pickle-eating, soon-to-be-grounded- for-staying-out-until-five-a.m. self. And it was perfect.
At one point I caught those steely ocean gems he calls eyes (I call them redemption) looking directly into mine...
That was the moment. The click. The explosion. The knowing. Knowing. That. He. Loved. Me. Clark.
I love him too.
And for the first time, I didn't care that I was really fucking different or that Lex was kind of a rich thug or that everybody would call me a fag at school-- which I'm pretty sure they will-- Nope...I didn't/don't care at all...I am kinda worried about how Dad will deal if he finds out...he will find out. Sooner or later. Lex is too good to be a secret. I don't wanna hurt Dad though. Maybe Mom will help. I just know she will be O.K. I mean, she always talks about my Uncle Frank's days as a drag queen....
So what if I am fifteen, diary...if I am really am, anyway? People fall in love for random crazy reasons and maybe Lex & I are just supposed to be. I know I am probably fucking naive and dumb but who cares? Right now I just feel wanted and normal and the smile on Lex's face showed me I am worthy.
Finally fucking worthy!
Yeah...just be. Together. And he can always help me with my homework and stuff. I might fail chemistry if I keep running off to save people during fourth period. Got to work on that. With his help!
Well....I'm tired. And happy. And everything is as good as it will get for this guy.
Tonight...love came for me!
'Till tomorrow,
C.K.
I don't think there is anyone on Earth who forgets the moment they knew they were loved.
For me, it happened tonight. The mansion. Lex & I were watching tennis and Lifetime Movies and listening to Oasis.
Just when I had enough to think about...enough to worry about, you know? But really...none of what I am about to say worries me...
It thrills me... Makes me want to sing. Bad Teen Ballads...like Britney or something. Sing and dance about love and happiness until they muzzle me for Public Intoxicated Bliss...That P.I.B....dangerous! Mr. Pibb though is delicious...you know...the stuff like Dr. Pepper...it's yummy. I'm rambling...sorry...
Let's look at my life so far...shall we? (Like you don't know!)
Strike One-- I'm an alien. Still don't know why/where/how. Don't think I wanna know either. What if they were human-eaters? Strike Two-- My folks work way too hard and money's always tight...and my food budget alone is making my Mom get cash advances on her MasterCard. Strike Three-- I've stopped thinking about girls...completely.
Sure, I still like them as friends. Chloe's damn great and Lana's the sweetest, kindest chick in town. But... I don't jerk off thinking about them anymore. They don't get me hot. I miss them when they aren't around but I don't miss them when I have morning wood and the sun is pouring through the barn and I need to come.
When I need to come...
I always think about him . Alexander Luthor.
He's not the most handsome guy, for sure. He actually looks kinda alien himself, especially when he smirks. Or lies. I hate that. His dome is hot though...exotic... He's not the nicest guy in the world. I know he's pretty shady...But who exactly isn't anymore? The only truly legit people I know are my Mom & Dad. Everyone has shades they draw at the right times. Everyone needs to hide in the darkness for certain intervals. I linger there quite often myself!
But now... I like being in the dark with Lex.
After we watched "The Stepford Husbands" on Lifetime Movie network, he turned off all the lights.
For a few minutes, we just sat there. I was so scared. I mean...I've only kissed like three girls and two of them were virtually stoned and/or insane. I felt his hot breath on my cheek and I got hard. And very scared. For just a second I wanted to run. But I didn't. Diary...I didn't run. I let that breeze of wine-scented glory waft closer and closer to my breath--
Oh fuck...I hope my breath didn't reek. I'd been eating pickles and pizza all night. I was kinda worried if I stunk too. I hadn't taken a shower since before I helped Dad out on the back forty. But Lex liked sweaty farm guys... He told me so...whispered it my ear...I could come for years on his voice alone...all throaty and dirty...like that cheap 1-900 porn line my Mom caught me calling last year...
Damn. Well, anyway...
I let him kiss me. And it was all slow and gooey and should have been gross but it was the good kind of sloppy, like swimming in a deep muddy pond on the hottest day of the decade. I felt his tongue on my bottom lip and I giggled like a moron but it was dark and all I could see was his eyes and all I could see was red candy hearts dancing around my cock making me happy....
They were dancing around my heart too.
He got his tongue inside my mouth and somehow his tongue introduced itself to mine and they started this slow waltz...And I was moaning real loud and then my hand was on his dick...seriously...and he was big. I'd never touched another guy before. I'd looked sure and I knew I should be proud of what I have...but Lex's was more...umm...sure...yeah....sure...of what it wanted.
His cock was like, seriously, confident. And I just kind of traced the lines of it through his slacks and he was moaning like me. And we sounded like freaking animals.
But it was awesome.
And we kissed and kissed and licked each other....we didn't get to the real heavy stuff yet because he wants to give me time to adjust and stuff. I feel pretty well adjusted actually but I appreciate what he's doing.
After we made out I still had my short off and felt kinda sticky but Lex wanted to just lie on my chest, his head right above my heart...he listened to the thumping from my chest, his eyes closed in perfect bliss. For a time, he stroked my hair and tickled my neck and I felt like I had never felt before.
Oh yeah...he like...umm...bit me too...it was so hot...I guess it should have hurt, HA-HA..I almost wish it could have hurt...but he kept sucking, gnawing on my nips...and man...it was great...I hope I don't become a slut, though...can guys be sluts? I guess...yeah...those dudes on that Showtime show are nasty! I don't wanna sleep around...I just want Lex. Lex...skin-to-skin...Lex...on me... I let him fall asleep that way. On my chest. Nestled into me. Like he was a part of me, an extension of my sweaty, pickle-eating, soon-to-be-grounded- for-staying-out-until-five-a.m. self. And it was perfect.
At one point I caught those steely ocean gems he calls eyes (I call them redemption) looking directly into mine...
That was the moment. The click. The explosion. The knowing. Knowing. That. He. Loved. Me. Clark.
I love him too.
And for the first time, I didn't care that I was really fucking different or that Lex was kind of a rich thug or that everybody would call me a fag at school-- which I'm pretty sure they will-- Nope...I didn't/don't care at all...I am kinda worried about how Dad will deal if he finds out...he will find out. Sooner or later. Lex is too good to be a secret. I don't wanna hurt Dad though. Maybe Mom will help. I just know she will be O.K. I mean, she always talks about my Uncle Frank's days as a drag queen....
So what if I am fifteen, diary...if I am really am, anyway? People fall in love for random crazy reasons and maybe Lex & I are just supposed to be. I know I am probably fucking naive and dumb but who cares? Right now I just feel wanted and normal and the smile on Lex's face showed me I am worthy.
Finally fucking worthy!
Yeah...just be. Together. And he can always help me with my homework and stuff. I might fail chemistry if I keep running off to save people during fourth period. Got to work on that. With his help!
Well....I'm tired. And happy. And everything is as good as it will get for this guy.
Tonight...love came for me!
'Till tomorrow,
C.K.