Disclaimer: I do not own and will never own Ronin Warriors. ;_; Just makes you want to cry, doesn't it? Sueing me will get you about… 6 pennies and a block of wood. _ So, I highly recommend against such actions. This is yaoi/shounen ai. If you are against such things then do not read further. You have been warned so I won't appreciate and flames about this.
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Journey of Souls
By Yi Lin
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He was far away from home. Actually he couldn't ever remember having a stable home. Sure, he had a house to dwell in, and he was always fed and clothed, but that feeling of family-ness was lacking. His mind tended to wander to the past as he lay awake at night. In fact, being the genius that he was he highly doubted that he ever really stopped thinking, much less about his childhood, or lack thereof.
Maybe it's his imagination playing tricks with his mind, but did the stars not shine as brightly as they did before he left the others, left the only real home he had known? Probably his overactive imagination at it again for the thousandth time. When would he learn to not drink whatever was in the fridge without looking at the expiration date?
A soft sigh escaped his parted lips before taking in more of the air surrounding him. It was suffocating to say the least. He hated living by himself, but couldn't bring himself to move in with the others. They had their own lives and didn't need him burdening them. Great, now he was just talking to himself. What next? The walls will start talking to him? He needed a drink. Badly.
Rising to his bare feet, he wandered into the confines of his 'kitchen', if anyone could call it that. Basically, it was just the corner of the living room that held only a portable electric stove, sink, and literally one plate, one mug, and one bowl. Oh, must not forget the fact that he didn't have any silverware and his small fridge held... well… didn't hold anything except for what appeared to be a molding container of … he'd rather not find out what was growing in there..
A slender hand reached down to pluck his only mug up, soft azure hues narrowed as they examined the faded writings. The corners of his mouth pulled up just slightly as though a pleasant memory surfaced. Indeed, it was a pleasant memory for him. The mug had been a present from his friends and comrades in arms on his 18th birthday. Actually, it was a gag gift since all over the surface each person had written their own version of 'I hope you get laid!'. Well, it was the thought that counted.
Jerking from his memory world he placed the mug back down. It was actually pointless to use it seeing as there was still nothing in the fridge and he didn't exactly trust the water to be of drinking quality. Shopping would be a smart thing to do. Geniuses were smart. He was genius so shouldn't he be smart? Nope, that would be too logical.
Grabbing his worn blue jacket, he shrugged it on as he searched for his keys. The same keys that just so happened to already be in his pocket. After a few moments he finally realized this fact and was out the door without a second thought. He was already down the block before realizing it would be hard to buy anything much less groceries if he didn't have money so he made his way make to the apartment building to climb up seven flights of stairs before reaching his own place. Wallet in hand, a wallet that held money… he had made sure before shoving it in his back pocket, he returned the way he came.
Brightness of the neon glowing lights hurt his sensitive eyes. Damn shop owners were trying to blind him or something. Lowering his head as far as he could, he looked through blue bangs hanging in his field of vision. No longer was he dealing with just one stubborn lock, he was dealing with an arsenal for he seldom wore his headband anymore. Not really a particular reason why just he didn't want to be the same as before. Making a small change as that didn't make much of a difference on the outside but on the inside he felt like a completely different person. Hell, he was a completely different person.
Shoving all unwanted thoughts aside, he pushed open the entrance door that led directly to the produce section of the grocery store. Glancing around slowly he picked up a basket to carry whatever he chose to buy. Ignoring the stares and whispers of others at his shocking shade of hair, he walked done the closest aisle to him. Wrong choice. The moment he looked up, azure hues locked with hazel ones. Ones belonging to the bearer of Torrent. Damn his luck. He'd forgotten that the others lived so close.
"Touma-kun!"
Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. He didn't want to face the others. Not now and maybe not ever. Perhaps he was being selfish and a bad friend, but at that moment he didn't care. Nothing mattered to him other than the fact that he needed to get out of there NOW. Feeling like a coward he turned tail and walked briskly out the door. At the last minute he remembered to drop off the basket he was holding and stole one last regretful glance at Shin before making himself scarce. Of course Torrent would try to follow him, but out of the five of them Shin had the most sense and compassion to realize that following would hurt Touma for he obviously didn't want to be found.
Finding himself in a deserted alley, he leaned against the brick wall as he tried to still his quick beating heart. That had been close, too close for comfort. Though a nagging voice in his head told him over and over to go back, to stop living this existence he was living. If anyone could call merely breathing living. No, he stopped living that day so long ago. Nothing would be the same for him. Ever.
A sudden thought struck him. Pushing himself off the wall, he walked in silence in the direction opposite of any stores. Soon there was nothing much of anything besides fields of grass and the occasional tree, but the scenery did change again. The whole area now gave off an aura of something not quite right. Possibly some of the spirits buried on the land were restless. That was to be expected for Touma was walking into a rather old cemetery, one that had been around since before the Meiji era. His feet took him where he wanted to go automatically for this trek was one that was familiar.
Stopping abruptly, he stared down at the marker for a few moments before his knees gave away and sank down onto the cold ground. He was truly weak. Couldn't even keep his stupid emotions in check. Unlike his parents, they always were in full control of their emotions and rarely showed them to anyone much less their son.
"Gomen… I don't mean to be weak. Gods, how I hate to be weak, but I can't help it…It's all I can do not to break down and never get back up."
He only spoke words here, the place had become a sanctuary for him that allowed him to release all that was bottle up inside.
"I know you didn't show it very much, but you loved me... in your own way. Both of you did. I don't feet any hate just an incredible sadness. I-I wanted to make you both proud to have me as a son, but I guess that wasn't meant to be."
Pale hands traced the engraved words on each marker over and over. That simple action seemed to calm his soul if only for the moment.
* * * * *
"Why won't he let us help?"
Frustrated, Ryo punched the closest thing to him which happened to be a rather ancient looking tree, one that didn't look that it appreciated being used as a punching bag. Ryo didn't even flinch in pain when his fist made contact with the rough bark causing the top layers of skin to rip and bleed crimsom.
"Don't take it out on an innocent tree."
Those were the only words the bearer of Korin had said all day. It was merely just a comment, his thoughts were concentrated elsewhere. Not that he was normally talkative, but this was beyond quiet even for Seiji.
"Calm down Ryo. He isn't ready to let us help him. He looked like a deer caught in headlights when he saw me at the store. We don't want to push him further away by being impatient."
"I know, but it's frustrating!"
Holding his temper in check, Ryo resisted the urge to punch the tree over and over until there was nothing left. Just barely. Instead he turned to Shuu who had been uncharacteristically quiet and raised ebony brows in query. However, Shuu remained unresponsive. Shaking his head, Ryo glanced up at the sky.
"It's been hard on all of us, but if we crack now then Touma really will be gone and might never return. Cheer up though, the look he had right before he left said that he wanted to come back, but he just wasn't able to yet. Give him time..."
The reality behind Shin's words strengthened all their resolves. If not for Touma's sake, then for their own. With that on their minds, they went their separate ways for the time being. They knew they would eventually have to confront their close friend, but now was not the time. They weren't ready to face the demons.
* * * * *
Another day had gone by with nothing to show for it except swollen and puffy bloodshot eyes. Hell, he didn't even get food like he intended and even that thought didn't bother him a whole lot. He had already gone 5 days without eating and barely drinking anything so what was another day?
*You are such a coward.*
"Shut up. What do you know anyways? You're not even real…"
*Real enough that you are talking to me. Now about this whole deal of slowing killing yourself by not taking care of your health… just isn't going to happen. What would the others think?*
"The others…the others have nothing to do with this! Leave them out of it. Leave ME out of it!"
*Touchy. But that just isn't reality. The others will soon find you. What will you do when they discover the state that you're in? Tsk, tsk. I'd hate to see what Torrent will have in store for you once he gets his hands on you.*
"They won't come near me, not if I won't let them. Just… leave me alone. I don't want any help, least of all from you. Just go away. You're not wanted."
*Ahh… I see now. You think you aren't wanted. But I know better. I know all in fact. Everything that concerns you, concerns me. Can't hide things so easily from me. Haha… you can try though. It would be amusing.*
"Who the hell are ya anyways? Get out of my head. There's only room for one and that's me."
*Oh, you think that I'm a separate being? Like Tenkuu? Hah. Nice try kid, but no. I am much older. Much wiser. And most of all more in tuned to you. You could say that we are the same person in most aspects.*
"Most? Why not all Mr. Almighty and knowledgeable one? Pffft. You're not even real. I'll just ignore you and you'll disappear. That's it. You'll just disappear and I'll be alone again… with my own thoughts…"
*That's where you are mistaken little one. These ARE your own thoughts…and you will never truly be alone. That's not what you want at all. You just want someone to hold you and tell you everything will be okay. Like the way you wished your mother would have done. But she never did, did she?*
"SHUT THE HELL UP! Leave me alone! I'm not going to listen to you anymore…"
Feeling the frustration building up inside, Touma let it out at the first opportunity he got. Grabbing a plate to his left, his knuckles turned white from holding it so tightly before releasing his grip and letting the plate hurtle towards the wall he was facing. Pieces of what used to be one object scattered everywhere in no particular fashion. One large and rather pointy piece shot backwards and imbedded itself within the pale flesh of Touma's arm. Staring blankly at it for a few seconds, he grasped the jagged piece and dragged it all along the length of his arm. He didn't even feel the blood seeping through the fresh wound.
* * * * *
To be continued…
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