Saturday
10:00 am
Today is Saturday - at least I don't have to go to school. Yeah - you are right - its me, and I don't want to go to school - how hard is it to believe? Of course I don't like it here. You know there is that boy in my class - somehow he makes me uncomfortable - don't know why. What do you think? Should I talk to Dean? I think about that sometimes - but then again - worried Dean is the last thing I want now. I will deal with it - just need some time to think alone. By the way, where is my brother? I haven't seen him since morning.
Last night we had an argument - a rough one - that ended with Dean giving me a silent treatment (which is practically my signature move)! I hate it when he does that. I know that I do that all the time - but that's me... You know, not Dean. When he gets silent instead of throwing some meaningless insults, I immediately start to panic (of course I don't let him know that). All I want to do is to pull him, push him, hit him - anything that works, to make him angry, but not hurt... Never hurt. Dean should not be hurt - never ever. Yeah we can fight - get into a nasty fight - but anger is OK - pain is not. And the worst part of Dean being hurt is that, he would never let me be the there for him. He would suffer all alone, would wrap his tears with his laughter.
Great - now I am almost sobbing. Tell me one thing, why did I think that fighting with my brother would be a good idea last night? I couldn't even remember the issue we were fighting over. All I can remember the pained look on those green eyes. God! What had gotten into me! I tried to call him a few minutes ago. His phone was on his empty bed. That is new. He never did that before. Shouldn't I worry now? I think, I should stop writing. Not in mood really.
12:50pm
OK, now I am totally freaking out. Dean took the car as I expected, but he did not take his gun. So I thought he might have gone to some bar or pub. But then again, its too late for him to be there still. I know I should respect his privacy, and all. But I need to check his bag. I need to know what else he took, so that I can guess where he might have gone. He took The Photograph - the one where he was sitting beside mom, with a tiny me in his arms... That photograph was not in his bag. Dean took that but did not take his gun! Dean, where are you? I am stuck... How do I find him? Should I call Dad? Is this that kind of emergency, when I am allowed to call him? Truly speaking, I have no idea. That man is totally beyond my understanding. I think I should try a bit more by myself. But I will wait till evening, after that I am calling him. He is Dad after all. Dean always says, Dad is a superhero. Dad must be able to find him. I am actually scared of him you know. He is not like the father you want to run to when you hurt your knee! But somehow I also know, if there is something really evil reachIng out for us, he will not even blink before giving his life to save us. Dad is scary like hell, but he is the shield that will protect you till the end. I don't have any memory of my mother. Dean was the only mom I ever knew. I know Dean is only four years older than me. But sometimes its so easy to forget that. Anyways I am hitting the road now. Will be back later. Hopefully with Dean.