A*N - I know I have at least two incompletes that I have to finish. I am trying to get back into writing again so please just bare with me. This is just a short ficlet that I had to get out of my head more for my own therapy than anything else.

She's trying to be happy. She really is. It's been a few months in New York now. Life isn't bad. She's not homeless on the streets. She isn't totally alone.

And yet, it feels like it.

Rachel has been working on her show and NYADA and working and Kurt is Kurt. It's not that they don't get along, but it's not like they have a lot in common. They're both gay, sure. They both have a love of sometimes too-tight clothing. But he's got a life of his own, his head always wrapped up in Blaine and Broadway.

Dani. There's Dani. It feels odd to be dating again. She didn't honestly think it would be possible after her. Dani is cute, no doubt about that. Her voice is amazing and she can play guitar. Still, she can't help but think about how good it was being the only singer in the relationship and having her dance circles around the room as she sings. How it was nice to be complimented like that.

She is face down on the couch in the break room of her latest waitressing gig. She's trying not to think about how many sweaty asses have sat in the place her face currently is. Unfortunately that makes it so much harder not to think of the things she feels since her New York adventure has started. Of course it was supposed to be much more glamorous. Guys and girls alike fall at her feet as they did in Lima. Her big break coming after maybe a month of paying her dues by being discovered walking to work one day. Of course, it was unrealistic. But it was all she had told herself in order to make the jump. She was unhappy in Kentucky. Now she's unhappy in New York. She never thought there would come a time when she would realize she was happiest in Lima.

Of course, the obvious reason is her. She's not allowed to think that, though. The break up was amicable. Brittany now is some super genius living it up in college while she's a drop out scraping by in NYC. She can't help but let out a chuckle imagining all of the people in Lima eating their hearts out for calling Brittany stupid and dumb and an idiot. She always knew better.

Her phone buzzes beside her head. She hates to admit that she jumps for it. Every now and then she gets lucky and Brittany texts her something while she's working that is simple but sweet and so Brittany that it makes her heart jump in the best way. She almost feels guilty. It's like she's emotionally cheating on Dani. Honestly, though, it's not like she can help it. If it was easy to let Brittany go, she probably wouldn't have sacrificed losing her abuela over it if Brittany hadn't been there and pushed her to be herself. She wouldn't have went back to visit Lima so much with so many lame excuses like acting in a high school play when there clearly should've been some rules against it as she's no longer in high school. She's disappointed to find it was only her alarm telling her that her break is up.

When she gets home later that day, Santana sighs as she sinks down onto the couch. She hears Kurt in his room skyping Blaine and doesn't bother to announce her presence, knowing he's too wrapped up to care. It sounds like they are going over song choices for Mr. Shue's latest assignment. She doesn't miss those. She only really ever got into them for Brittany.

Stop thinking about her.

Her phone buzzes and she quickly checks it, face falling when she reads Dani instead of Brittany. She guiltily forces the corners of her mouth up, as if she needed to fake it even alone.

Dinner?

She sighs. She doesn't really feel up to it. She regrets letting her thoughts and feelings get the best of her because all she wants to do now is curl up in bed and watch some stupid movie.

She hears Kurt let out a loud laugh at something and she hates him for a second. Not in a real hate, more of a jealous hate. She remembers the late night skype calls with Brittany and sometimes even falling asleep, waking up to Lord Tubbington's face because Brittany wouldn't end the call before going to school. She would scoff at him and he would meow loudly at her before slinking off. She had promised to help Brittany with her schoolwork, something Britt had cried to her about one late summer night after her graduation.

"I'll always be around to help you, Britt-Britt."

She hates herself for missing that night. She had hated the night when it happened but she misses the times when Brittany needed her the way she never needed anybody else. They had stayed up until four in the morning, Santana holding the poor crying girl tight in her arms while Brittany told her all of the recent fears.

"What if you forget, San?"
"Are you crazy? I could never forget you."

"What if you become famous and -sniff- and meet a prettier, blonder dancer to be your favorite?"
"Nobody can dance like you, hun. Nobody. And you're the prettiest girl I know. You take my breath away like nobody else could ever."

"I love you, San. Will you still love a stupid high school girl?"
"I love you forever, Britt-Britt. It's me and you until the end. And what did I say about that word?"

"Never say stupid or dumb or anything of the sort when talking about myself because I'm smarter than all of the Lima losers combined."
"That's my girl. Now blow your nose and let's get some sleep."

She realized she was smiling, even as she thought of the gross snot string that was hanging from Brittany's nose and clinging to her shirt. It was disgusting yet it was Brittany so she just giggled, carefully pulled her shirt off and used that to wipe her girl's nose.

Her phone buzzed again.

?

She glanced down and realized she had never texted Dani back, instead getting lost in her thoughts once again. She was surprised to feel the tear drip down her nose and splash onto her screen. I'm fucking crying. Ugh I'm such a sap.

She grabbed a Kleenex from the box on the coffee table usually reserved for Kurt and Rachel as they bawled at the tv and blew her own nose as quietly as she could. The last thing she wanted was Kurt bugging her and asking a thousand questions, although she had a feeling he would know. She wiped her eyes, smiling stupidly at how only Brittany could ever do this to her.

She grabbed her phone once again typing out a message. She was only interrupted after two letters when there was a knock at the door.

She curiously slid it open, expecting Dani who had just assumed after she hadn't responded but was surprised yet again to find a shy, yet hopeful face a few inches in front and above her own.

"Brittany…" She managed as she stepped forward on instinct and wrapped her arms around the girl. She feels strong arms wrap around her as well. She sighs in happiness and then feels lips brush against her ear in the most familiar of ways.

"I couldn't let you forget, San. I just couldn't."

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