"What's the worst that I could say? Things are better if I say so long and good night"
"Helena" My Chemical Romance
Return
Chapter One: Homecoming
BPOV
I was nervous about going back to Forks. I wanted to go, but all those people I had abandon would be there waiting for explanations I could not give. I would have to run deeper into my web of lies. I would have to leave again for years and get more strength and leave them all again. Once more just to run deeper into more lies. I did not want to upset my friends but I did want to see Charlie. I had to it was the only way to be me again. I knew that if I had to do when I got home. I was ready to go into the repercussions of my decision. I was ready to go on with my life and be happy again. I was ready to take off the mask that had hidden my emotions for so long and never touch it again. I wanted to be able to lift my head high and know that I made something of myself. I wanted to go to college like Charlie would have wanted me to. I want to be everything he wanted me to me. "Bella, are you okay?" Edward was worried about me. The plane was about to land and I had zoned out for half the flight. I was Lost in my thoughts, my dreams, and my regrets. "Sorry I didn't talk much. It's just that coming back after almost a year. It kind of hits you hard. Now I have no dad and a mom who thinks I hate her to come home too." He kissed me as we got off the plane. We were going to run to the boarder at La Push and Jake and Billy were going to drive Alice Edward and I to where Charlie was buried. This was going to be so hard for me. I loved Charlie so much and I left him for dead. I had to stop blaming myself for this, but it was so hard to. I felt so responsible for his death. We met Jake and Billy at the line. Jake had upgraded from his rabbit. He now drove a mustang convertible. He ran over the line to hug me. I swear that boy can read my mind. "Bells, are you okay?" "To tell you the truth Jake, ever since I heard of Charlie's death I have been a wreck." He kissed my cheek and let me go. "It'll all be okay Bells." I nodded my head and got into the back of his car. It was a rainy day so I did not have to worry about sparkling in the sun. "Bella." Edward whispered into my ear "When were done here lets go to our meadow." I kissed him for a moment, and then agreed that was a wonderful Idea. "Jake can we stop at the flower shop I want to get some roses for Charlie." "Okay Bells." He turned into the parking lot and I go out of the car. "Thanks Jake." I said as I walked into the shop. I bought a bouquet of roses and white lilies for Charlie. I paid the cashier and walked back out the Jakes car. "Bella those are really pretty. I want to go get some!" Alice jumped out of the car and ran inside to get some flowers. About 5 minutes later she came out with a bouquet of lilacs, roses and baby's-breath. "Alice that looks really beautiful!" "Thanks Bella." She said getting back into the car. We pulled out and headed towards where I would soon see my father. I knew it was going to be hard for me. I knew that all the guilt and lament I had buried away for so long would surface. I knew that Edward would be at my side. I knew that Alice would be broke for the rest of the day. I knew I would be too. We pulled into the graveyard. Jake seemed to know where he was going. Once he stopped Alice and I got out of the car and walked over the Charlie's grave. I fell to my knees after laying the flowers in front of his head stone. I was sobbing my tearless cries trying to find happiness in all my pain. I thought I would be able to smile again, for real and not just that mask but I felt more detached from myself than ever before. I got up and hugged Alice. "We can get through this." She nodded and we went back to the car. "Bella, are you okay?" Edward looked more worried about me than ever before. "I will be fine; can we go to our meadow now?" I wanted to be alone with him so we could talk. I needed to get myself pulled together. Jake drove us to the Cullen's house that was just outside of Forks. I loved that house, it had so many memories. "Thanks Jake, I will meet you at the line tomorrow. I need some time to think. I just don't know anymore." "Its okay Bells I love you. Just feel better." I hugged him and went to find Edward. "Bella, you really worry me, I don't know what to do to help you. All you do is mope around. Is there anything I can do to make this better?" "NO EDWARD THERE IS NOT! I WILL ALWAYS BE DAMAGED AT BEST! WE ALL JUST HAVE TO GET USED TO IT I GUESS!" He came to hug me and I just pushed him away and run up to our room. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to be dead actually. If I could I would put a bullet in my head, but to my dismay vampires are immortal beings doomed to walk the over the face of the earth for all of eternity. I sat on the couch for hours. I just needed to escape from my thoughts for a little while. I heard a knocking at the door, "Bella can I come in?" it was Edward. I felt bad for pushing him away all he wants is for me to be happy again. "Yeah come in Edward." I waited for him to come in so I could get up and run into his arms. Now all I wanted was to be near him. I wanted to be loved. I needed it. I thrived on it. It was something I could not be without. "Bella do you still want to go to our meadow?" I nodded pulling his lips to mine. "I'm sorry I pushed you away earlier. I was just upset and I don't know what I can do anymore. I am so miserable. Don't feel guilty it's not your fault. I wanted this life and you just let me have it. I'm sorry if I make you feel bad but I need to get myself pulled together. I want it to just be us, no one else for a while. I know you love your family, I love them too. But I need time to think and be alone, but not without you close by. Can we just stay here?" he looked shocked "Yes Bella, if it will bring you back to me." I smiled and kissed me before we left the house. We ran to our meadow. I was excited to see him glitter again. It was so breath taking. I was ready to start over, from our beginning.