This is my first fan fiction. I just think I should people that if this sucks, I blame my inexperience.
This is going to be Edward's POV for most of the story. It is going to be in New Moon. So, what if Bella never jumped alone? What would have happened? This is what I think would have happened.
Now I must say. Personally I am not the biggest Jacob fan (or even a fan period) so I am not going to go on about life with Jacob. But, I am not going to make Jacob go out of character. Meaning he is not going to be the bad guy in my story. Jacob fans are welcomed to come to this story. Granted, I am not about to change the paring Bella/Edward. That is not going to change.
So on with the story.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. If I did I would not be writing this here, now would I?
Chapter 1
I will not go back.
Emptiness. That's all this world is about now. I can't even make myself get up to move anymore. The pain that I feel now has nothing to do with the fact that I haven't moved for weeks but the fact that I haven't seen her for over 6 months now.
I should just go back. I told myself. However I immediately turned it down. I needed to go back to see her but I can't: I made a promise. I promised that she would not suffer anymore because of me, because of the damage that I put her through. This was one of the only selfless things I could do for her. I won't go back, I'll never go back.
I can't even think of her name anymore. It pains me to think of her. But I can't get rid of the image of her face that was always at the back of my eyelids. Bella, I forced myself to think her name, my Bella is gone from me and I will never get her back. Nothing in this world would get me to go back to her. This is for her, no matter how much pain I am in for losing her, I just can't give in to my own selfishness.
I pressed my head harder into my knees. I can't believe I actually thought that I could go back to her. That is not an option. It will never be.
My phone buzzed right about then. Without looking at the caller ID I knew it must be Alice. She has tried to get me to go back to her since the beginning. It reminded me that I haven't talked to anyone in my family for a while now. Not since Alice last called me. I just can't face my family if I am like this. I can hear their pity for me in not only their words but thiers in heads too. But the worst part is seeing myself in their minds. Sure we're all dead, but I lost the little life that was left of me. Esme was happy when I found her and now she won't stop thinking "Just go back to her, Edward. You two were made for each other."
Maybe I should answer Alice now. I need a good distraction from thinking about her again. Alice might be able to help. In the back of my mind I realized that Alice would never stop pestering me to go back. But I hoped she would. I did the right thing. Bella would be safe now; there isn't any reason for her to be in any danger.
The phone stopped vibrating but instantly started up again. Come to think about it, I haven't really been the best brother lately. I haven't seen, or even said hi, for a while now. I probably owe her to answer the phone.
I thought about that. But my body did nothing to answer it.
To think, this happened to me just because of her. If I never intervened with her life then I would have probably just been listening to my music right now. I would never know what it felt like to feel this pain. But I wouldn't have felt love either. I would not have had the best time of my "life" last summer. And I wouldn't have been able to hold her in my arms. I can be able to hold her again, apart of me screamed in my head. All I have to do it go back to her window. She will forgive you. I could go back. All I would have to do is open the window and let myself in. I would be able to see those deep brown eyes again. I could hold-
I stopped my train of thought. My thoughts had gone back to a dangerous path. Hopefully Alice hasn't seen me returning. That would just be one more thing she could throw at me: what would happen if I had gone back. Surely she has seen that possibility.
The phone started to buzzed once more. I never even realized it stopped again. Alice must really want to talk to me if she won't stop phoning. I wonder how long she might go on if I don't pick up. An hour, a day, maybe even a week. My lips almost were able to turn up in an attempt at smiling. I could just picture Alice sitting down with the cell phone in her hand for a week.
But I do need a distraction. I might start thinking of her again. Who knows? I might actually go back. I stated to myself. Alice will help with that if she doesn't go on about going back to Forks. Praying that she doesn't talk about my love, or anything connected to her, I cautiously answered the phone.
"EDWARD!" the voice through the receiver took me by surprise. It wasn't Alice yelling at me to go back to Forks, but instead it was Rosalie. What does she want? I was about to get my answer. "Edward Anthony Mason Cullen! Why don't you stop moping and just come back to us? I'm tired of Esme grieving and Carlisle never laughing. You should feel ashamed at what you've done to them. Emmet misses you all the time and it is getting on my nerves. He doesn't even compete anymore. You have a family. Don't abandon us!"
It took me a moment for me to answer her. I am positive that she purposely pointed out how our family is holding up since I left. Leave it to Rosalie to be the blunt one. But it did strike hard what I did to Esme and Carlisle. I am sure that they think this is like my rebellious age and I might go on a human hunting spree again. It almost killed me the last time and I don't think could ever do that again. Plus there is the whole "Emmet who doesn't compete" thing that I won't be able to shrug off. Apart from Rosalie and that is all Emmet ever thinks about: competition. I should know.
I was about to reply but she bet me to it. "I thought when the whole Forks thing was over; it would go back to normal."
No, it would never go back to normal, I thought in my head. "Forks was never the problem," I told both her and I. It wasn't the area that we were in. It was her that made everything changed. For the first time, I was able to become more alive then I ever thought possible. Now that I got that taken away from me, I wanted it back. Badly.
"Then why don't you just… Hey!" Rosalie's voice went quieter near the end.
"Edward." I should have known. Alice's voice shot through the receiver. "I know that you have already thought about going back to her today. Just go! Things will turn out find between you two. Just go back to her... Please?" I could imagine her face through her voice. She would have pleading eyes, her eyebrows would be slanting up in the middle and pulling together, and she would make her lips tremble at the corners. It would be a heartbreaking expression. To bad for her, my heart is already broken and I have no intention of putting it back together, anytime soon.
"Alice, I cannot, will not, go back. I have already told you that." I have had it. This is not a distraction but rather it is digging a bigger pain then the one I have been living through for what seemed like an eternity now. I have had enough of it.
"Don't," Alice warned. Obviously she had seen me hang up. It would be nice to have a sister that can't see the future but isn't as selfish as Rosalie. Not like I can talk, I am just as selfish as she is.
"Look, I really don't want to talk right now. Just leave me alone, Alice." Alone was the last place I wanted to be right now. I wanted to go back to her, like Alice demanded me to do. No doubt I would have to grovel when I got back to her. I don't mind. I wouldn't mind if she doesn't even want me back. I could watch her sleep at night. At least I would be with her. At least I could see her again and not just the image of her looking at me right now behind my eyes.
No. I cried out in my head. I would not go back. I tried to convince myself. But both the little Alice yelping in delight on the other end and I realized that I will give in someday, soon. I don't know what Alice had just seen a moment ago, but I have a pretty good guess.
Maybe I could go back. I would just see how she is doing. She would be happy, so there would be no reason for me to stay. But I would check, just to see if I am right, which I am.
She has no reason to be sad, upset, and lonely like I am. She is human, she has probably already forgotten all about me. Well hopefully not everything but she would have moved on. I winced at the thought that she would have started dating another person. Of course that is what I wanted to happen. One the other hand, to think that my love would have started to date that despicable, vile Mike Newton (it would have to be him, who else?). It caused an even worst pain then the one I am dealing with this instant.
"Thank you, Edward!" Alice sang. I hanged up and just stared into the darkness. I don't really know where I am right now. Just some place in the south. Mexico maybe? I'm not positive but I don't care. I am going back to my love, Bella. I just need to get an airplane ticket to Seattle. Alice would pick me up from there.
I was full of glee as I stood up from the grown. But that instantly turned to anxiety. How much does Bella hate me right now? Is there any part left in her that would want me back at all? I would find out the answer to that soon, and I would get the answer from her. No matter what, I will be seeing my Bella soon; whether she wants me back or not. Hopefully she will want me…
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