*Stop Here! SPOILERS!*
A/N: Okay, guys. This basically came out of nowhere. I was listing to Today by Gary Allan, which was the inspration for this, and I wondered how Gale reacted when he found out about Katniss and Peeta getting engaged. So... I kinda had to write it...
Disclaimer: I don't own it.
Today, he told her that he loved her
Put a ring around her finger
And promised her forever, together.
Today, she smiled for all the pictures
And he was right there with her
Making all the memories without me
And it hurts to say this out loud
Looks like she's really gone now
*
Gale:
I sat watching them smile. They're happy together. I never thought she'd act like that around someone else. I could see that something was bothering her, though. I'm the only person who could ever see through her smiles and 'everything is okays'. She could never lie to me. I always saw right through it. My mom kept glancing over at me. Giving me concerned looks. Her pity is the last thing I need right now. So I sat staring expressionless at the T.V. She knows how upset it makes me when I see Katniss and Peeta so happy together. The first time they kissed I went out into the woods where Katniss and I use to hunt and just sat. I stayed out all night and when I came in the next morning she didn't say a word to me. Just acted like I never left. Now I'm sure she wants to talk about it, but she won't because she knows I wouldn't want to.
"Is Gale going to run away again?" Posy whispered to mom, probably thinking I couldn't hear her.
Mom shushed her. I put my arm around her shoulders and whispered "I'm not going anywhere."
This is Katniss's last stop on the Victory Tour before she gets to come home. She's at the Capitol so it is mandatory viewing. Everyone is either at home watching it on their own T.V. or on a big T.V. in the middle of town. We usually stay home.
The interviewer - Ceaser Flickerman - welcomed them like they were old friends. Rory nudged me and commented on how beautiful Katniss looked. I smile, trying to act normal, which was hard because my heart felt like it was up in my throat.
Peeta and Ceaser had one of their normal banters. Katniss and Peeta are sitting on a love seat in front of Ceaser. Katniss has positioned herself almost behind Peeta where he can do most of the talking but she is still in the conversation. I had to bite my tongue when Peeta leaned over and kissed her. Almost like he owned her. He doesn't. No one does. No one ever will. I stopped when I tasted blood.
I saw Mom chewing on her bottom lip. She didn't want me to leave again, either.
Ceaser compliments Katniss on how beautiful she looks tonight - like she didn't look beautiful before her time in the games - and about how Cinna had done it again. Cinna didn't make her look beautiful. No one can make someone what they already are.
Peeta smiled at her and put his arm around her shoulder. She smiled back and rested her head on his shoulder. Everything after that happened in slow motion.
"You guys are so adorable together! Now that the games are over what do you think is in the future for you two?" Ceaser said.
I saw something cross in Katniss's eyes, but when she blinked it was gone. Peeta looked down, reached over, took Katniss's hand, and kneeled in front of her.
It didn't sink in what was happening until Mom whispered, "Oh my," and Posy screamed "NO!", got up, ran to her room, and slammed the door. Vick shifted uncomfortably and Rory put his hand on my shoulder and whispered, "Sorry, man," under his breath.
I felt empty as Peeta told Katniss everything I'd ever wanted to say, kissing her after every sentence. Every kiss was just like another bullet to my heart. He told her that she was the best thing that had ever happened to him. He told her just to what extent his love was. He told her he wanted her to be his forever.
For one stupid moment I thought she'd say no. Katniss doesn't believe in forever. She'd never agree to being engaged at sixteen. She'd think about her mom, Prim, me… There was no way she could ignore all those things and say yes. Peeta wasn't the right person. He's not good enough. She knows this. As I thought this I wondered if anyone would ever be good enough. When the cameras showed her face it almost looked like she wanted to say no, wanted to leave, run away; but it must have been my emotions getting the best of me. That was the first time I'd ever misjudged Katniss. She said yes.
There was a tight close up of her, a smile plastered on her face. I wasn't thinking about the engagement, the rage and loneliness that would soon consume me. I was too numb for that. I was thinking about the first and only time I'd ever kissed those lips that Peeta was kissing.
I stood up. I didn't know where I was going. Didn't care, really. I just had to go somewhere.
"Don't leave," Vick whispered.
I calmly walked toward the door. When I got outside I ran. Ran and ran. I had no idea where I was going. Didn't really care. I just had to get away.
And the only thing I could think was that I lied to Posy.
I found myself in front of the fence that separates District 12 from the wilderness. I didn't even check for the hum of the electricity before I slid under the fence. Being electrocuted would be a lot easier than the pain I would soon face as soon as the numbness wears off. The electrocution is something real. Something I can touch, this other stuff has been new to me since Peeta came into the picture, and I have no idea how to deal with it.
Sadly, the power was off as it usually is. I slipped under the fence and started running again. I ran until I couldn't run anymore. Finally, I just collapsed in a clearing. I buried my face in my hands. The numbness was fading faster than I imagined. I hoped I'd at least get a few hours of peace, but I guess I won't. I felt something wet in my palms. I leaned back and looked at them. I hadn't even realized I was crying. I wiped my face with the collar of my shirt and laid down on my back. I looked up at the sky and thought of the days before she competed in the Games. How happy we were then, even when we were the people who had the most to be unhappy about. Both our dads dying in the mine explosion. We were poor. We were on the verge of starving and the only thing that kept us alive was hunting and each other.
I thought about the day we first met all the way up until her name was drawn. I thought about my mom and dad. I thought about her mom - I never knew her dad. I thought about Vick, Rory, Posy, and Prim.
I wondered what her mom and Prim thought about the engagement. Were they happy for her? Disappointed in her?
I knew I made a good decision coming here, even if I promised I wouldn't. I could never let my family see me like this. There has only been two times in my entire life that I've cried. When my dad died. And now.
I swore to myself that this was the last time I'd ever cry over Katniss again. Even if that meant separating myself from her completely. I hoped it didn't, but still. She wasn't the person I was going to end up with, and I shouldn't care anymore. But I do. For now, though, if this was the last time I was going to cry over her, I was going to make it worthwhile.
I cried. It wasn't heart wrenching sobs, just silent tears, but it was so much more than I was used to. I'm not sure how long it was, but I finally cried myself out. I wish I could say that I got something out of it. Some sort of life realization or something, but when I got done crying I was just as alone and miserable as I was before.
I did figure out that the only thing I'm living for now is my family. I'm not waiting for that one moment when Katniss and I will be together anymore, because now I know that it will never come. In one second, Peeta stole everything I'd ever wanted and ripped me to pieces in the process. I felt like now I should be happy for her, after all she did get what she wanted, but I couldn't bring myself to be happy. To be anything for her anymore. I wanted to hate him. I really did. But I could never hate anything that Katniss loved, no matter how hard I tried. But, even though I couldn't hate them, or be happy for them, I knew if something ever happened I'd take her back. Just like that, with no second thoughts. No matter how much she'd hurt me. It doesn't matter. I'll always take her back, because I need her more than she'll ever need me.
Mom always said that if you love something you'll let it go. A saying that seemed to be as old as the land we lived on, and I'd never known the saying to ring more true than it did at that moment in time.
*
Today, is the happiest day of her life
I should be happy for her today
So tell me why are these tears in my eyes?
I know i should be happy for her
But i've lost everything
I've lost everything i've ever wanted today
Today, i thought about the moment i could have said i loved her
And promised her forever, together
Today, today it really hit me
That she don't really miss me
She's found a new beginning
And i'm wishing i had one more chance
God knows it's too late for that
-Gary Allan, Today
*R&R please!*