Disclaimer – If you know it already, I don't own it.

Him
He didn't know when it had happened.

When did this happen?!

He didn't know why it happened to him.

Why him… after the life he has led…

But if there was one thing he didn't question, it was the how. He was sure as hell exactly how it had happened. This beautiful thing. This disgusting gift. He knew exactly when his affections for the young witch had begun to grow beyond the boundaries of platonic. When he had thought he couldn't possibly have another reason to admire her, she made sure she gave him one. Her intelligence and wit aside, the sexual tension that radiated off him every time he saw her right before the onset of the full moon was palpable. She couldn't possibly have not noticed how he stared at her, his eyes running hungrily down her long, slender legs, his arms wanting so much to wrap around her waist, his hands to run through her beautiful wild locks, his tongue to – Stop it this instant! He chided himself.

You old incestuous bastard.

She was his best friend's godson's friend. She could practically pass off as his daughter. And the more he thought about it, the more he believed it. They were so similar in nature, with very few stark differences, that if he claimed they were related, no one would question it. Yes, it was a disgusting gift indeed. This feeling of being so close to someone, yet always at arm's length. And now he was stuck in the exact position he wanted to be in, but in the worst possible way.

Remus Lupin sat in his arm chair, in the library of his home, and stared at his palms in disbelief. He had yet to wrap his head around the idea. The fireball had come raging at him, and he had been too shocked to respond, letting it hit him right in the face. He had fallen ungracefully, and probably hurt the girl who was now indefinitely standing behind him for protection. The same girl he had grown to want. Leaning back, he let his head rest on the soft red cushion of the chair, closing his eyes, and trying to calm himself down.

A warm cup of tea is exactly what he needed to calm his mind and help him sleep. And so he had ventured down into the kitchen and brewed some for himself. It was an uncommon type of herbal tea which he had bought from a specialty store, which helped relieve stress, without making him lazy or drowsy. This was great for the days he was working until late, or had a particularly bad morning. As he trudged back up to his room, he reveled in the warmth that the tea brought on such a cold night. The house was old and did little for insulation without added charms. He really needed to get around to putting those up before they all froze to death. A gurgled cry erupted from the door to his left and he stopped in his tracks. It had not been loud but his acute senses had picked it up loud and clear. He waited a moment, and heard a similar cry seep through the doors once more.

Bed springs.

At first Remus chuckled. Kids these days. How about putting up a silencing charm or two while conducting such private activities? He smiled as he remembered the amount of times he had accidentally walked in on Sirius, or James and Lily, and had backed out of the room in horror, leaving the men laughing and the women equally petrified. Just as quickly as the thought had come to his mind, it had flown away too, and his mood soured. This was her room. The ache that ripped through him shocked him. He backed away from the door, confused. He knew he felt close to the girl but what he was experiencing now was flat out jealousy. He didn't understand it, and he didn't want to either. Remus turned away from the door with resolve and started walking away when he heard it. She screamed, not a scream of pleasure but one of suffering, followed by a loud thud. The sounds had been muffled, probably by her sheets, but Remus had caught them as if she had been standing right next to him. Without a second thought, adrenaline from jealousy mixed with sincere worry coursing through him, he rushed into the room and towards her bed, to find her thrashing around uncontrollably. He put his tea on the floor, next to the book she had probably just knocked off the bedside table, and sat at the edge of the bed, securing her arms as he pulled her close. She fought against him, her unconscious mind raging a war inside her, but he held her tight and whispered comforts into her hair and soon he felt her body relax.

"Remus…" Her voice was shaky and soft, and it broke his heart to hear her sound as vulnerable as she did.

"Shhh, I'm right here," Even in her state, she had recognized him instantly, and that had made him one part confused and two parts giddy.

Snap out of it Moony!

He turned his focus back to the girl in his arms. She felt warm and soft, so when he pulled back from her, the loss of heat only accentuated the loss of contact.

"No"

If it wasn't for Remus' heightened hearing, he probably wouldn't have caught the sound of her voice through her sigh, "What the matter, love?" He spoke in soft, hushed tones, trying to sooth her.

"Please just stay next to me for now."

Remus knew he couldn't deny her. Merlin knows how many nights he had woken up in a sweat, needing for some physical contact, something as small as a hold of his hand, to keep him grounded. He nodded when she looked up at him, and climbed over her to the other side of the bed. Wedged between her and the wall, on this small bed, he cursed himself for feeling the way he was. She was still shaking, and he pulled her closer, holding her as she calmed. Remus lay on his back, eyes closed, reveling in the feeling of having this beautiful girl so close to him. Her head was resting on his arm, and her limbs were draped across him. And as she slipped into a deep, more relaxed sleep, he slipped as well, down the slippery slope which he could never have anticipated would take him as far as it would in the near future.

In retrospect, he could see that what he thought was harmless comfort that day, was actually the beginning of his fall. He understood that the way he had spent the night running his hands up and down her arms, under the pretense of helping her sleep, he had actually set in motion a chain of reactions that would bring him to where he was today. Remus didn't think that he was, by any means, in love with the witch, but he was sure as hell close, and that thought scared him more than anything. Even more than his impending situation. He rubbed his face vigorously, trying to wipe away the guilt he felt, and took a deep breath, slouching further into his couch.

When Remus' eyes blinked open a few hours later, he yawned, still quite exhausted. He had turned on his side, with one arm stretched underneath her head, and the other resting on her waist. Their legs had become tangled up in each other, but worse – or was it better – was the distance left between their faces. His lips were mere centimeters away from her nose, and if he leaned in the slightest bit, he could place a soft little flutter of a kiss on the tip of it. Remus didn't move an inch. He knew that soon she would wake up and leave, and he wanted to stay basking in the comfort of this proximity a lot longer than he would like to admit. He closed his eyes, and they lay in each other's arms, opening them every few minutes to peek at her, to contemplate leaving a peck on her forehead or her nose, and then to shun the idea as soon as it came. When she came to, she stiffened momentarily, relaxing again probably as the memories of last night came to her. He was stroking her back lightly. When he was a young boy, his mother would stroke his head or his back to put him to sleep. She sighed deeply and snuggled into him, bringing them closer than they already were, if that was even possible. Remus stayed still as a statue, because the added proximity meant that the slightest of movements would make his lips brush lightly against the bridge of her nose. He was thanking all the Gods that he hadn't changed out of his jeans and into his sweats, as he usually did, because sweats would do nothing to conceal his raging hormones. Lost in his own thoughts, for a moment, he didn't realize the slight shift as she tilted her head to look up at him. His lips brushed her skin down the bridge of her nose and hovered above her lips. His eyes darkened with lust as she stared at him for a moment. She didn't move back, and neither did he.

"Good morning" Her voice was raspy from having just woken up.

He whispered his reply, unable to speak any louder, afraid to break the moment they were in, "Good morning to you too."

"Thank you, Remus."

He knew what she was thanking him for, and truthfully, he understood the need she felt. She didn't need to thank him. But that was a conversation for later. For now, he nodded ever so slightly and accepted it. He didn't know exactly what he had expected to happen after this. But it was definitely not this. Turning her head back down, his lips brushed her nose lightly again. The teasing touches were breaking him from the inside, and he tried to shift onto his back, to create some space between their faces. He could only take so much of her breathing onto his neck. She moved aside to let him turn, and then lay back down the same way they had started, with her small body draped across his larger one. Maybe he had expected her to jump out of bed the moment she woke up. Maybe he had expected her to apologize incessantly and then shy away. Never had he thought that she would relax back into his arms and fall asleep again. Remus wrapped his arm around the back of her shoulders and held her, as he fell asleep more easily than he had in years.

He liked to think that that was the night that everything had changed. Because if it wasn't for what he had felt that night, he wouldn't have understood the lack of it when the next night had come. He had never missed what he never had, but after holding her in his arms for so long, he missed the feeling of her wrapped around him. Alone in his bed, he missed the warmth of her next to him. They had gone back to the way they were, friends who had grown close with their shared interests, spending time a lot of time together, but Remus had begun to venture out at night a lot more than he used to. At first, the random women in his bed had sated his need for temporary companionship. He had gotten what he wanted, and so did the women. But the more time he spent with the young witch, the less comfort he felt with the women he picked up, until he stopped picking them up altogether. Instead, he turned to his old friend, firewhisky. To his recollection, he had never seen her go out on a date, and while he wanted her to be happy, for that he was slightly grateful. He had seen her with her male colleagues once or twice, when they had insisted on dropping her home, or discussing work over coffee instead of at her office, and the same green face of jealousy had formed in him again, just like the first night, only getting stronger as it welled up inside of him. He couldn't really take it out on her, though he almost had once.

Now, he was being handed his dream on a platter. But at what cost? What would be the repercussions? What would she be thinking? His life was going to change forever, but Gods, he couldn't even begin to imagine what she would be going through right now. He shouldn't have been here, holed up in his house, trying to drown his guilt in alcohol. He should have been back at the headquarters, where she was right now. He knew she was very sensible. She would want to talk this through, to work it out logically. But logic was the last thing on his mind, and so he sat in his home selfishly and moped. After everything he had been through, he was allowed to be selfish for once.

Remus Lupin kicked the papers off the foot stool in front of him and put his feet up. The sheets of paper fell onto the floor, the very sheets that had released him and condemned him. He could see the words now, peeking out from the masses of shuffled papers –

-any and all circumstances within 30 days of issuance-
-requires all mugglebor-
-age to be wed to a pure/halfblood-
-severe incarceration for non-compliant memb-
-report to Department of Magical Law Enf-

And so it had been decreed.

Remus Lupin was going to marry Hermione Granger within the next 30 days.