You Found Me
He stood at the corner of First and Amistad with a beer in his right hand. His left was shoved into his coat pocket. A cold breeze whipped through the night sky blowing his dark curly hair into his face. He took another sip of that artificial happiness that he practically lived off these days, then stared up at the stars. He wondered how long it would take to count them all. And if he would die trying.
If he would die trying, he might as well start.
With a sigh, the boy finished off his drink, then began making his way back into the crowded bar for another one. He wasn't exactly sure why he had been standing outside. After all, it was freezing out and he only had a thin jacket. He just liked staring into the sky.
"Danny." a thin arm slipped around his waist then into the back pocket of his jeans. Danny was too exhausted to smile and respond by giving her a kiss. Instead he just smiled, nodded, then asked for another beer.
"What's wrong?" he girl pouted, stepping closer to him, "You look upset."
Danny shrugged placing the bottle to his lips. He didn't want to talk. All he wanted to do was drown his problems in the bottles of alcohol he insisted on wasting what little money he had. Lately, that's all he ever wanted to do.
"Danny," the girl got closer, pressing her lips to his jaw bone. What usually would make Danny smile, and quite often turn him on, now just pissed him off. He shrugged away from her, pulling her hand from out of his pocket and walking back outside. She followed.
"Robyn, please go back inside," he snapped without turning around. Robyn just put a small hand on his shoulder, "Danny please. You do this every time you're upset. What's the matter? You can talk to me, you know that."
"I know." he sighed, staring into the moon.
"So talk to me!" she shouted, "Please, I hate seeing you like this!"
"You wouldn't get it, Robyn. You wouldn't understand how I feel. You wouldn't get it..." he insisted as his fell to the sidewalk and sat against the brick wall of the bar. Robyn took a seat next to him tucking her red hair behind her ears, "I could try."
But instead of telling her what was on his mind, he simply set his bottle on the concrete and pressed his cool lips to hers. The two of them sat on the corner of First and Amistad in the moonlight while He just sat and watched, smoking his last cigarette.
"Danny, why do you do this?" Robyn asked as Danny kicked out of his jeans, then pressed his mouth back to hers. The two of them were back at Danny's now trashed flat. He was too upset to do anything about the mess.
"Do what?" he mumbled, breathing into her mouth.
"Danny," Robyn pushed on Danny's now bare chest and lie there on her side, facing him. "Every time you have too much on your mind you fix it with booze and sex."
"No I don't," Danny argued stubbornly. He would never admit to it, but she was right. He tried to forget everything by either drinking or getting laid. Or both.
Robyn sighed and pulled on her shirt and jacket, "Listen. You have a lot to think about, okay? I can't deal with this right now. If you don't want to talk to me, that's fine but I can't handle you when you're like this."
"Like what?" Danny complained, standing up and following her to the door.
"This, Danny!" Robyn shouted. "You're upset and you're angry. You have a lot on your mind and if you don't want to talk, that's fine. If you don't want to tell me what's wrong, I get it. But you're going to need some time. Which means you may need me out of the picture for a while."
"Robyn!" Danny complained as she stepped out of the door, "I'm fine."
The wooden door clicked shut, and Danny's fist flew into the wall. He leaned against it for a minute before turning around, then hopping into his car.
In the end, everyone ends up alone
Losing her, the only one who's ever known
Who I am, who I'm not, who I want to be
Rain pounded on his windshield in perfect time with the angry tears that flooded Danny's eyes. Lighting struck the gray clouds and Danny slammed his fist on the steering wheel as memories of the week past rushed into his mind.
"So that's where he always was, then, wasn't it?" Danny began his rant to himself as he pulled onto the freeway. "He was never 'working late' like he claimed. Ha! Working late? The only think he was working was his bed the fucking liar. Every time he sat down late for dinner he picked up the flood with the same hands that were probably just between the legs of the fucking whore he'd been screwing just minutes before. Sicko. I hope he gets screwed over the exact same way he screwed all of us over and then he can see how it feels. Sex isn't worth it! Some father." Danny's tears fell to the seat of his car, "Some gift to us, dad. Merry fucking Christmas to you too."
And then in the passenger's seat, He showed up. He used to always show up whenever Danny needed Him, but lately He's been missing.
"Where the fuck have you been?" Danny asked angrily, as soon as He showed up. He lit up another cigarette.
"Where were you when everything was falling apart?" Danny asked. He remained silent. Always silent.
"Where were you?!" Danny was now screaming at the man who was sitting in the passenger's seat of his car. He didn't speak. He just took a long drag on his cigarette, and disappeared the same way he appeared the first time.
"No!" Danny reached out, but it was too late, "Dammit, no!" he pulled over to the side of the road and leaned his head on the steering wheel, tears falling to the floor. The sobs that ripped through his chest were the only things to be heard in the car that December evening. Middle of winter and there was no snow. Just rain. Loud rain, and lightning.
Danny collected himself then continued to the place he was headed to in the first place.
"Thanks, mate." Danny shook the hand of the rugged looking man in the ally he had been standing in. The man kept his head down, nodding as He counted the money. When the man looked up, He gave Danny a toothless grin, "Sure."
"You!" Danny shouted, but the man, as well as the money, disappeared. Danny shook his head, took the object he had bought, and drove home in silence.
2:00am, drugs, a syringe, and no hope for the future. What did he have to lose? He found the vein in his arm, stuck it with a needle, and let what may as well have been venom take effect. While the poison flooded his body, Danny stared up at the stars, and counted, "One...two...three..."
Lost and insecure. You found me...you found me. Lying on the floor. Surrounded. Surrounded.
The paramedics came, as well as half the neighborhood. They all waited outside while the medics rushed into Danny's flat. And ambulance waited outside while He waited a few blocks away. At the corner of First and Amistad.
Where were you? Where were you? Just a Little late. You found me. You found me.
IV needles replaced the needle that held the poison in Danny's arm. No, not poison. But it was close enough.
"What happened?" Robyn asked, her blue eyes now flooded in a pool of tears.
"Heroin overdose," A doctor replied simply, staring down at the clipboard, "But don't worry. He should be fine."
"Thank God," Robyn put a hand over her heart.
"You're very welcome." The doctor looked up and He smiled and then turned on his heal and He left the room.
Family and friends surrounded Danny's hospital bed when he woke up. He looked around at all the faces, everyone he knew. Robyn, his mom, his sister, his band mates. Everyone he knew and loved as right beside him.
And then, there was the one person he never thought he'd see again.
"Dad..." he choked. His father stepped forward while everyone stepped out of the room. Danny sat up as best he could and glared at the man he once had so much respect for who was now the man he hated the most.
"Where were you?
When everything was falling apart.
All my days spent by the telephone.
And all I needed was a call
It never came!"
His father didn't say a word. And he didn't even have time, because the doctor came back into the room. He told everyone that no more visitors were allowed. Danny sighed a breath of relief. "Thank God."
"You're welcome," the doctor said as He looked up and gave Danny a smile. Then, as always, He disappeared.
Weeks later, Danny was allowed back home. He was advised not to do anymore drugs. You think he listened?
Well, he did for a while. But for a while, he kept drinking. As always he found that bar on the corner of First and Amistad. And there He was, smoking his last cigarette.
I found God on the corner of First and Amistad.
"Where were you?" Danny asked, making his way over to the man standing against the building, a cigarette between His lips. He smiled, then disappeared. Danny took a breath, sat down and leaned against the bar, then stared up at all the stars. He picked out his first one, then counted them all, scattered throughout the sky.
"One...Two...Three..."
Lost and insecure. You found me. You found me.