JJ drove around DC as tears fell from her eyes. She had been at this for an hour trying to get everything out so she could go home and have a happy night with her family. But it wouldn't stop. She was mad, scared, annoyed, and didn't know how she would tell Will because she was still not processing it herself. Barns had just walked her way into the BAU and ruined everything; destroyed the family. The team was family to JJ. They were the first people she met, the first real job she had, the ones that taught her life skills, the family before her family, and the people who were always there for her. JJ sniffed and took a deep shaky breath.
"Get yourself together," JJ whispered to herself as more thoughts pounded her head. She let out another hushed whimper and bit her lip. She looked outside at where she was thinking of what she could do and one thought came to her mind: Emily. They had always been there for each other; sharing rooms when they went out of town. Gossip, tears, covers made up their relationship. JJ quickly turned the car and headed to Emily's house hoping the brunette would still be up since it was nearing 10pm and they had a long day.
Emily had been in shock since they had gotten the news. She was upset as she paced around her house that she had earlier unpacked as Spencer has stopped her from leaving. Emily sat down on the couch with a glass of red wine since the team felt to sober after the news to go out drinking. Emily took a sigh as she picked up the newspaper when just then there was a knock on the door. Emily's eyebrows arched in confusion as it was late and she wasn't expecting anyone. Emily got up and walked over to the door cautiously. With the job, Emily had always feared the worst. Emily looked through the eyehole and saw the the blonde she recognized.
"Hey, JJ," Emily said hesitantly as she opened the door trying to analyze the blonde that was quietly shaking.
JJ kept her head down trying to hide her eyes, but quickly glanced up as she spoke, "I know its late, but can I come in?"
"Of course," Emily said worried about the younger profiler.
JJ hurried in and went to the living room but stood still as her breathing picked up.
"Hey, JJ," Emily said walking up behind the blonde and placing a hand on her shoulder, "What's going on?"
JJ shrugged not wanting to start crying.
Emily could sense the uneasiness and whispered quietly, "JJ, talk to me."
"It just," JJ started as her throat hitched, "It's just not fair."
JJ started crying and Emily quickly wrapped her arms around JJ and held her tightly against herself. JJ slowly wrapped her arms around her friend and buried her head in the crook of Emily's neck.
"What's going on isn't fair," Emily said. "We all know that. Tell me more. Anything about this that's on your mind."
JJ pulled back and brushed her hair behind her ears. Emily let go and carefully caught one of the loose strands on blonde hair and tucked it behind JJ's ear. JJ smiled a small sad smile at Emily and Emily comfortably ran a hand down JJ's arm reassuringly in response. Emily knew this was hard on everyone, but something really seemed to be picking away at the blonde.
"How about we sit on the couch?" Emily suggested getting a small nod from JJ.
They made it to the couch and JJ opened her mouth, "It's just not fair. Barns just walked in and took you away and then took over the case. She put me in charge and then didn't let me make any calls. We could have lost a victim, and she knew it. She knew how she had messed up and just spun it to defend her own ass. She can't be the head of the behavioral analysis unit chief or any position if she is in it for her image. People will die. We can't let this happen, but we can't do much."
"We'll find a way," Emily said with a sad smile wrapping an arm around JJ and leaning against the back of the couch. "We always have." Emily chuckled. "Between profilers and a genius boy and a tech wizard we should be able to find a way. Right?"
JJ shrugged with a snort, "You would think."
"And until then," Emily sighed, "You are there and in charge."
"Yeah," JJ said with an eye roll, "but I don't wanna be. Not like this. I don't deserve it. You do, not me. And now I am in charge and I'm not the most experienced. You aren't there. Spencer and Garcia aren't either. I don't know."
"Hey," Emily said pulling back to look at JJ, "You are an amazing profiler and will do so well."
"I just don't want it to be this way," JJ said. "I just want it to be like how it's supposed to be. When we can all work together. I had to share a room with Barns."
"Oh boy," Emily chuckled. "I'll miss our sleepovers. All those good and bad times."
"Yeah," JJ signed reminiscing about the times and she let her head fall against Emily's chest. Emily wrapped her arms around JJ and kissed her head comfortingly.
"What else is bothering you?" Emily asked sensing something else was on JJ's mind.
The two had been through everything together and the nights after rough cases had brought out the best and worst. Nightmares that would leave one terrified as the other sat there together to get through it. Joyful days where they would binge watch shows while eating comfort food until they crashed in the same bed. The laughing and crying had made JJ and Emily trust each other more than anyone else they knew.
"Nothing," JJ said pulling away. "That's it."
Emily watched JJ as she could see the blondes jaw muscles clench tight and her blue eyes go wide. Emily knew the look. She saw it one of the first weeks she knew JJ when she had found the blonde in the bathroom after the dog attack.
"Talk to me, JJ," Emily spoke quietly. "What's going on in your head.
The only response Emily got was JJ pulling her legs up to her chest and setting her head on her knees.
"JJ," Emily whispered her face full of concern for her friend. "JJ, look at me."
"It's nothing," JJ whispered barely audible.
"JJ, you look awful," Emily said, "What's going on?'
A tear fell from JJ's eye, "It's just...it's...it's that everytime major things have changed with my job, the time it changed, bad stuff happened and it always happens."
"Oh JJ," Emily cooed while reaching out and placed a hand on JJ's back. Emily knew JJ was referring to her "death" and JJ's assignment that almost killed her many times. "I won't let that happen."
"But It happened," JJ said clutching her hand over her stomach where the scar was subconsciously.
Emily noticed and quickly pulled JJ against her and moved one of her hands under JJ's and over the mark. JJ realized what she had been doing and that Emily knew and started sobbing into Emily's shoulder.
"It hurts," JJ cried.
"Hey shh, you're okay," Emily whispered. "You're okay. I've got you. Shhh."
Emily held JJ, who was practically on her lap, and quietly ran her fingers through the blonde's hair knowing it was one of the things that always calmed the younger agent down.
"JJ do you remember the first time we had a moment like this?" Emily asked with a response of a shrug. "It was one night when we were staying the night in a hotel after the week when you shot the man who went after Garcia. You woke me up when you were having a nightmare about the incident. I sat with you in your bed for over an hour just holding you. All you kept saying is that it hurt and how scared you were. That's when I promised I would always be there for you."
"Really," JJ said quivering in Emily's arms- slightly embarrasse. "I don't really remember that night to well."
"Yeah, you were pretty out of it," Emily chuckled lightly while kissing JJ's temple. "And since that night, we have always been there for each other."
"Yeah," JJ smiled as her breathing was evening out. JJ laced her fingers through Emily's hand and gave it a squeeze. "Thanks."
"You know," Emily started, "I almost left this week. Like gone gone. I thought it would protect the team. Spencer stopped me. But when I thought about it and all the times I was so far away from you all, it was so hard. The highlights of my time was spent playing with a cheeto eating scrabble player in another country. I missed you; and the team, but the boys never had as epic girls nights as we did."
"Oh yeah," JJ chuckled. "I missed you when you were gone." JJ paused. "You are like a sister and best friend to me and losing you would and has been at times felt like Rosaline all over again. I'm glad Spence stopped you."
"I am too, kiddo," Emily smiled taken back by all the things the blonde had said. "And you will run the BAU like a boss for now and do the best you can. I will suck it up with whatever shit they give me. But, even though we won't be sharing a room on a case, you can always text, call, facetime, or maybe if we are really desperate - scrabble."
JJ chuckled, "Thanks. Sorry for being a disturbance."
"Don't worry," Emily smiled, "You never were and never will be, and I don't have to worry about waking up early. And speaking of that, it's getting late."
"Oh yeah," JJ yawned emotionally exhausted.
"Do you want to stay the night?" Emily offered. "I have a spare room."
"I don't know," JJ shrugged. "I'm really tired, but I should get home to will and the boys."
"Or you could tell him we had an impromptu ladies night," Emily said grabbing the bottle of wine she had opened earlier, "and that we have some movies to watch and wine to finish."
"That does sound wonderful," JJ chuckled and wiped away the mascara that had been running under her eyes. "I might have to take you up on the offer."
JJ pulled out her phone and texted Will as Emily grabbed another glass and turned on the TV. The two friends huddled down under the blanket as they put on the latest chick flick and started laughing; both of them glad they had such a good friendship during these rough times.