Let Me Be Selfish
By: Silver Hunteress
Disclaimer: I own nothing but these words.
Pairing: Rafael x Rishid
Summary: I'll return to my master's service tomorrow. I'll be selfless tomorrow. But tonight, just for tonight, let me be selfish… Just let me have this one night of selfishness…
Warnings: implications of Male on male sex non explicit
"Blah" means Arabic
"Blah" means French
Blah means emphasis and thoughts
A/N This took me ages to write, I hope I'm doing the pairing justice. I do believe I am the first to write these two together romantically, if I am wrong please tell me where I can find it.
Dedicated with much love to Casaragi who helped me to finally finish this monster of a one shot.
Rafael had a question. One he really would like the answer to, but unfortunately one it seemed he would not be getting the answer to anytime soon.
Why on Earth did Master Dartz send him to Egypt with absolutely no knowledge of the language?
Rafael merely sighed to himself, it was probably a test, one that he had no intention of failing, if he was to help his Master rid the world of evil then he had no choice but to succeed. And, he supposed, if the pharaoh truly has been reincarnated by now, then beginning the destruction of man's inherent evil in his country of origin would make quite an impression.
If nothing else, Rafael could find the pockets of peasants still loyal to the wicked pharaoh and steal their souls to prevent them from aiding him in the war to come.
But still, navigating the hostile desert with no way to communicate beyond gestures would prove difficult. And he doubted that anyone willing to help him spoke French.
He made a mental note to start learning new languages (or at least one).
And looking around, he noticed another problem; he stuck out like a sore thumb. Even in his native country he stuck out, his sheer bulk caused people to look twice. And with his bleach blonde (natural, thank you very much) hair, blue eyes, and relatively pale complexion, he stuck out in the sea of dark, well, everything.
And considering the almost hostile looks he was getting, this whole Egypt thing was beginning to look worse and worse.
"Come with me."
Suddenly Rafael found himself being pulled from the street corner he'd positioned himself at by a man dressed in pitch-black robes.
"Hey!"he exclaimed, trying to pry his hand from the surprisingly strong grip. "Let go before I'm forced to hurt you," he threatened, forgetting that the man probably couldn't understand him.
All he got for the attempted warning, was a harder jerk on the hand, an accelerated pace from the Egyptian (well, he assumed Egyptian anyway, as he had yet to see the man's face), and a word in Arabic that Rafael took to mean 'hurry'.
Scowling the blonde waited until the pair entered an alley way then grabbed the back of his escort's robes and spun him around in order to get a better look at his victim…
Rafael gasped, his face…
()()()
The blonde man was asking for death. Rishid did not know how he came to this remote village, but he doubted that the foreigner would leave alive. Outsiders here were instantly distrusted whether they were Egyptian or not, but someone so glaringly out of place was merely a stone throw away from being attacked, and if the man defended himself all he would do was add fuel to the fire.
He shook his head and forced himself to look away. It was none of his business after all, if the European wanted to die it was not Rishid's place to interfere. He had things to attend to anyway.
But-
Before even realizing he had made a decision, Rishid was on the move. He was not in the practice of allowing innocent bystanders to come to harm. Perhaps it was the protective nature he'd developed with Master Malik or perhaps it was simply his conscience, either way Rishid found himself pulling the stranger toward a little-used Ghoul hideout.
Unsurprisingly, Rishid felt a large hand trying to free its brother as his new companion said something in a possibly Romantic language that sounded like a threat. Undeterred, he tightened his grip and pulled harder, "Move."
Almost there, he thought as he turned into the alleyway; he could even see the entrance. But then Rishid found himself facing his companion quite abruptly. He saw the man's expression change from threatening to shock.
That was when the Egyptian realized his hood had fallen back, baring his scars to the world…
()()()
Rafael had never seen anyone quite like him before.
He had the eyes of a predator. The tawny gaze of one of the large cats, a lion perhaps. No, he amended mentally, a leopard. Rafael had once had an uncle who was a big game hunter, he'd told his nephew that leopards were so dangerous because they were so intelligent, you don't see a leopard, he'd said, until it's too late to make a difference. Here he would gesture to his hideously mauled face; the man had only survived because he hadn't been alone.
His other features looked carved from stone; strong, angular, and unyielding. He was clean-shaven, even his head. Or not, Rafael amended that thought too, when a bit of desert wind whipped through the alley disturbing the man's ponytail.
He was… a god. A desert god he seemed so… ABOVE the world at large, he was serene even as he glared at Rafael with impatience.
()()()
Rishid had never been under such intense scrutiny before. He'd always tried to remain hidden in this world beyond the tomb keeper clan. Modern society tended to frown upon such things as ritual scarring.
Why was he still staring?
Surely his scars were not that horrific to a foreigner?
Then he realized. The blonde giant wasn't looking at his scars. It was as though his eyes were glossing over the imperfections.
Abruptly, Rishid realized that at sometime during the silent gazing one of them had moved forward so they was less than a foot distance between them.
"We must show him that outsiders are not welcome here!"
The spell that had fallen over the two shattered with the shout that echoed through the alley. Rishid's eyes widened and he resumed tugging his companion toward the entrance.
()()()
Rafael did not know what the voice said, but if the tone and the reaction of his escort were anything to go by it would be in his best interests to cooperate with the desert deity. So he allowed himself to be pulled toward a stretch of completely unremarkable wall. But when the slightly smaller man knelt and pulled on a rope Rafael had never noticed and opened a wooden door hidden in the ground the blonde was unwillingly impressed.
The stranger gestured him to follow, murmuring something as he entered the underground passage. Wonder what he said, Rafael mused, but when he hit his head on the unyielding ceiling he felt he could guess pretty well.
()()()
"Watch your head," Rishid cautioned.
Thunk!
The Egyptian winced, that sounded painful. He barely had time to turn before a disoriented European stumbled; bringing them both down the sandstone steps in a rather unorthodox manner.
Sometime during the tumble the larger man wound up on the bottom, solidly cracking his skull for the second time in under a minute. Rishid looked into his companion's eyes from his position on the broad chest, yes, definitely disoriented, possibly concussed.
"Did you hear something?" a muffled voice asked.
Rishid froze; thanked all of the gods that the trapdoor swung shut automatically; and clamped a hand over the mouth of the man underneath him. That voice had to be standing right on top of the entrance.
"No, there's nothing here."
"Perhaps he left."
"Good riddance." There were murmurs of assent before the pursuers wandered off.
Rishid sighed in relief before turning his attention back to his guest. The mammoth's eyes were still unfocused and his forehead was slowly trickling blood. Slowly he moved off of his companion and set about concocting a way to move the other.
"Rafael."
Rishid's head jerked up. The giant was looking at him, a bit blearily but he seemed to be able to focus at least partially. Quite clearly, the man had the constitution of a troll. But what-
"Rafael," the blonde repeated, gesturing to himself.
Comprehension dawned. "Rishid," he replied, mimicking Rafael's movements.
()()()
Rafael smiled a bit to himself, so his name was Rishid then? He liked it. He squinted, partially due to the darkness but mostly because he was having a bit of difficulty focusing. He felt blood on his forehead and tried to wipe at it, nearly poking an eye out in the process.
Rishid let out a cry of distress and caught the hand before it could damage the owner. Rafael scowled, he could feel the fluid accumulating on his brow, but as Rishid still held one of his hands, and for all of his scowling the blonde really did not want to put his own eye out he did nothing.
There was a slight ripping sound and then the blood was being dabbed at, by a soft piece of cloth. As Rishid cleaned his forehead, Rafael idly wondered if he realized the pair was still holding hands.
With ever-clearing vision, Rafael focused on his savior. There was an almost tender look to Rishid's eyes; his movements were smooth, unhurried, and practiced. He wondered, how often had the Egyptian done this? And for whom? And why was that second question more important to him?
()()()
In spite of himself, Rishid found that he was relaxing in Rafael's presence. Perhaps it was the familiarity of tending another's wound? Ra only knows how often he'd treated Master Malik. Or perhaps it was the instinctive feeling that despite his fearsome appearance the blonde was not truly dangerous. He knew not from whence this feeling came, but he felt confident in its validity. If for no other reason than how nice their hands felt entwined.
Within a short while Rishid found himself assisting Rafael to his feet and leading him toward the main room of the hideout. And when he laid his hand on the blonde's bicep he even managed to convince himself it was to ensure the larger man's balance.
()()()
Rishid led his guest to a large open area lit with torches there were a few tables and chairs as well as some sealed crates bearing either the Industrial Illusions or Kaiba Corporation logos. There were a few rooms off to the sides but they seemed to be dark for the most part. Rafael was made to sit at one of the tables while Rishid disappeared into one of the other rooms eventually returning with a water skin and ceramic cup which he offered to the blonde who accepted gratefully, just realizing how parched he actually was.
After downing two cups Rafael once again examined the desert native and came to a startling revelation (which, quite frankly, he should have noticed before), almost the entirety of the left side of Rishid's face was covered in hieroglyphs but they weren't tattoos; no, they were scars.
Without realizing he'd done so the soul stealer reached out and gently traced the markings. They were not as crude as he thought they would be, not a mockery of the ancient language but a careful reproduction of it. It was almost as if the one making the carvings had been raised to write in such a manner, which was ridiculous, of course, but Rafael simply could not shake the feeling that whoever had painstakingly carved the glyphs had not done it maliciously but as a tribute to the pharaohs of the past.
()()()
It had taken all of Rishid's self control not to bolt when the other man touched his scarred face. No one had ever done that before, in fact, he, himself, avoided touching them if he could as the skin was hyper-sensitive and doing so often caused a phantom pain response. But when Rafael touched them, it felt… pleasant. Gentle caresses from his fingertips soothed all lingering pain and were surprisingly relaxing. More surprising however was the expression on the other's face as he traced each symbol.
It was not repulsed, horrified, or pitying. It was… puzzled; as though curious to the meaning but he knew asking would be pointless. It was… soft and caring; as though saying, 'I wish you hadn't felt that pain'. It was… curious, wondering who had done this, why, and maybe even when.
After about a minute he sighed and closed his eyes in contentment, leaning ever-so-slightly into the touch missing the look of pleasant surprise cross European features. Once they'd traced the last glyph Rafael's fingertips seemed to be strangely reluctant to stop their exploration, so they traveled along Rishid's jaw line pausing for several minutes to toy with one of his ahnk-shaped earrings before migrating to the back of his head to run through his hair. He was, to be perfectly honest, amazed that such simple touches could feel so good. No one had ever touched him quite like this before it was… simply wonderful, he could almost purr in pleasure. He didn't want these gentle touches to stop…
()()()
Even as he ran his fingers through long ebony strands Rafael observed Rishid's expression with a hint of amusement; it was completely and utterly relaxed. As what sounded like an appreciative murmur escaped tanned lips the blonde was brought back to Earth with a resounding thump. What the hell am I doing? Startled by his own actions, he began to pull his hand back; causing tawny eyes to reappear and look a bit surprised and confused by the loss of contact. Rafael realized with embarrassment that once again he had moved closer to the other without meaning to. Their knees were touching and he was almost leaning out of his seat in order to bring his face into closer proximity to Rishid's. Hell, it looked like they were about to kiss!
At that particular thought the taller male hurriedly tried to push himself back and put some distance between them. However, it seemed that he'd propelled himself a bit too forcefully as the chair he'd sat in overbalanced and once again he cracked his skull against the stone floor. He was dimly aware of Rishid saying something in a rather panicked tone before the world went black.
()()()
Rishid was not exactly sure how he'd brought the mammoth of a man into the only bedroom in the hideout, he rather strongly suspected the phenomena that allowed mothers to rescue children from underneath massive objects had also allowed him to bodily lift and carry a man who was easily at least his own weight and then some. It had been scarce seconds after depositing the other into the bed that he awoke. Rafael had been keeping a cold cloth to the forming lump ever since. Fortunately, it seemed that the blonde did not have a concussion as aside from the brief unconsciousness no symptoms had shown themselves.
But something had bothered him, why had Rafael, pulled away so suddenly? Was it his, Rishid's, fault? Had he done something? If so what? Did he somehow offend his companion? If so how? Di- what was that?
Like lightning, the Egyptian's hand shot out to grab Rafael's wrist. Ignoring what sounded like protests, he pulled the limb closer to him and into the torch light.
Scars. They traced the interior forearm, minor burns and cuts not self-inflicted, no; they were souvenirs from years of hard living. But what had caught his attention was the long jagged scar running along almost the entire forearm; it was a miracle he hadn't died. And just like Rafael had mere minutes ago, Rishid began to run his own fingertips over the scar tissue, not even noticing that he'd moved to sit next to the blonde on the large bed.
()()()
W-why is he? That was the closest thing to coherent thought that Rafael could achieve at the moment. In fairness, it was a valid thought, why was Rishid running his fingers over his scars? Setting his cool compress aside, the taller man pondered that as well as the expression on the other's face as calloused fingertips ran over the large scar left over from washing up on that island. He had at some point been dragged across either coral or some particularly sharp rocks and had sliced most of his arm open; he remembered waking up in absolute agony from the salt water that had entered the wound.
A brief thought flitted across his mind, perhaps this was a type of revenge for the blonde invading Rishid's personal space earlier. There was no question that he'd been inside the Egyptian's bubble so to speak, this might be retribution. But… the expression on his face wasn't vengeful. It was more… sympathetic.
Well, if anyone could understand about pain then he would.
Once more, blue eyes strayed to hieroglyphics carved where they had no place being carved. Tempted, Rafael began to reach toward an unsuspecting target, but then Rishid did something that froze him in his movements.
He looked up.
Shit. They sat there for a moment, the blonde's hand awkwardly extended toward the other, and Rishid's fingers now unmoving on the scars. A bit embarrassed, he began to pull his hand back.
()()()
A bit ashamed at the way he almost frantically reached for the retreating hand, Rishid nonetheless slowly brought it to its intended destination.
The hieroglyphics adorning his face.
Resting the palm against his cheek calm tawny eyes met shocked blue levelly. Rafael seemed frozen, so the Egyptian decided to encourage him. He closed his eyes, and leaned into the hand, pressing it a bit more firmly to his face, before opening his eyes again this time a bit pleadingly.
Touch me, he willed half-desperately, hoping against hope that the blonde would respond, would read his expression accurately. Would realize what he was saying without words, I like your touch, I want your touch.
They sat like that for another frozen moment, before shock melted away to be replaced with something else. Relief mingled with a desire to… to what?
()()()
He had never wanted to kiss someone as much as he had in that moment. He stared at pleading tawny eyes for a bit longer before gently caressing the scarred area and leaning to kiss his desert god.
Sparks flew between them, and until that instant Rafael had only thought the phrase to be a useful set of words to portray a bit of lust used by romance novelists and slash fanfiction writers to encourage the protagonists to sleep together.
But it wasn't. It was oh-so-much more. It was a feeling of need, of understanding. And he was sure that they had both gasped upon feeling such sensations but he didn't care because he was already carefully mapping out every inch of a certain male's mouth, committing every detail to memory as his hand, guided by Rishid's own, traced the glyphs anew. After a few minutes a subtle battle took place and Rafael found his own mouth being just as carefully explored. A few minutes after that, they broke away, panting, and when had the blonde carefully eased the two of them so they lay on the mattress properly with himself straddling the slightly smaller male? Probably around the same time Rishid's cloak had been pulled off and Rafael's coat was pushed off of his shoulders.
They paused both looking at each other with wide, questioning eyes. Do you want to do this? They seemed to be asking, because I do.
And they answered one another. Yes.
()()()
Even as Rishid kissed his soon-to-be lover he thought of his Master Malik. His master needed him, but he had been given no instructions today, in fact, Master Malik had needed to brood and had sent all of the Ghouls, Rishid included, away from the main hideout.
()()()
Rafael forcibly banished thoughts of the Orichalcos, stealing souls, and finding members of an obscure, ancient cult. He had no idea how to proceed here. In truth, he was beginning to think it merely a survival test. Master Dartz hadn't really told him to do anything specific, just 'Go to Egypt', find and steal powerful souls was implied, but so far he hadn't found any opponents.
Even without knowing, their thoughts echoed one another. I'll return to my master's service tomorrow. I'll be selfless tomorrow. But tonight, just for tonight, let me be selfish… Just let me have this one night of selfishness…
Clothing was quickly discarded as hands and lips roamed. Not a word was spoken between them; none were needed, not for this most intimate of unions.
An apologetic look and a reassuring kiss. This will hurt.
A wince followed by a nod. I'm fine; keep going.
Gentle lips trailing down a smooth expanse of neck. I'm sorry.
A squirm. I'm ready.
Long legs wrapping around a waist. More.
A kiss. You're beautiful.
Arms pulling the other closer, a blissful expression. So good!
Foreheads resting against one another, eyes gazing deep into the other's soul. I think, no, I know I love you.
Wordless cries followed by gentle kisses. That was incredible. And I've never felt this way before.
Together they lay curled up and almost clutching one another even in sleep, both knowing that with the coming of the dawn they would have to part.
()()()
Rafael's internal clock roused him at exactly seven-thirty a.m. Rishid was still asleep. Good. He didn't know if he could handle a wordless good-bye, or even worse, a wordless plea to stay. He knew he couldn't stay, he had a mission to carry out; he needed to fulfill his destiny. That didn't mean he wouldn't want to, that was just it. He did want to stay, very much so, but he couldn't.
He couldn't just leave though either…
It took a bit of scrounging but he eventually found some paper and a pen, it wasn't going to be near enough but it was going to have to do.
Rishid,
I'm sorry to leave you like this, but I couldn't bear to see your face as we try to say good-bye. There are a great many things that I fear I may regret in life. I just want you to know that last night, what happened between us, will never be one of them. I am so glad I met you. Please know that it's not that I want to leave you, but it is something I must do. I hope someday in the future we'll meet again; if fate will allow us to, know that I look forward to that meeting with all of my heart. So, until fate allows us, farewell.
Rafael
P.S. I'll miss you with all my heart.
()()()
The bed was cold and empty when Rishid awoke, his only company a short letter that he could not understand. It had been carefully placed underneath his hand by his former bedmate. And although he could not read the words written in elegant script he prayed that they meant what he thought they did. 'I care about you.' 'I'll miss you.' And perhaps most importantly, 'I have no regrets.' He held the paper to his bare chest silently for a moment, vowing to discover its true contents.
()()()
A cell-phone rang. "Yes, Master?"
"I have a new assignment for you, Rafael. I need you to track down the whereabouts of the Egyptian God Cards. I have recently received intelligence that Maximilian Pegasus entrusted them to a woman named Ishizu Ishtar. She's in Cairo. Go there, observe but do not strike."
"Of course, Master."
"Do not fail me, Rafael."
"Never, Master." And the line went dead.
Glancing in the direction of the underground shelter for the briefest of moments, Rafael headed in the direction he had left his bike.
()()()
Rishid emerged into the sunlight of the village, just as he felt a familiar presence brush against his mind.
(( "Rishid?" ))
( "Yes, Master Malik?" )
(( "It seems our dear sister is burying the Egyptian God Cards in the Valley of the Kings. We'll head to the river and take a boat; I'll meet you there." ))
( "Right away, Master Malik." )
Once again checking his pocket to feel the oddly reassuring piece of paper, Rishid entered another Ghoul's building where he'd parked his motorcycle upon arriving.
And so it was they parted ways, each hoping they would meet again, yet each somehow knowing they would not. All the same, the pair carried those memories with them, holding them close even as they returned to the service of their respective masters, not knowing that their thoughts once again echoed one another.
I've been selfish, now I must be selfless. I refuse to fail my master, but I do not regret my selfishness.
-END-