Disclaimer: I don't own Steven Universe!
Title: First Rule
Summary: Most of all, Steven knows to run. To run and never look back. Looking back is what gets him hurt.
...
There's a lot of unsaid rules about combat that Steven's learned. He's learned that scrapes happen, and he shouldn't complain, because then Pearl will think he's seriously hurt and stop the mission. He's learned that it's a bad idea to put his shield down, even if they've moved on to talking instead of fighting. He's learned that it's best not to say when he's hungry or sleepy when they're in the thick of it, because then the funky flow goes out the window.
Most of all, Steven knows to run. To run and never look back. Looking back is what gets him hurt.
He dreams of that part the most. He's undeniably had worse adventures, but the ship had been the first. It had been the first, and that made it the worst. When Steven gave himself up to Homeworld, he'd had a good idea what would happen to him. When they went to get his dad, he'd expected much worse. When they fight corruptions, it's usually quick and painless- a couple jabs, a couple miles of running and walking, and then they go home.
There will never be a memory as horrible to recall for Steven as watching Garnet falls to pieces, glowing sickly green and yellow. Beach City, empty and broken. The throbbing agony when Jasper headbutted him. The terror of waking up alone in a cell, unaware of what was going on.
(Steven still doesn't know what's going on, but at least he knows he doesn't know now.)
The first rule Steven has learned about war is that running is a good option. It's always a good option. But not to flee- to draw the others away. Steven knows that where he goes, Garnet is bound to follow, and Amethyst and Pearl always follow Garnet. If that means putting himself into danger again and again and again, he'll do it. Steven's not afraid to fight to the death. Pearl's taught him not to be afraid.
He's not scared to sleep. He's scared to dream. He wakes up alone, and Steven knows full well that he'll fall asleep alone too, clutching a pillow and trying to ignore the hot sting of tears, thinking all the while if you could have just run faster, fought harder, maybe this wouldn't have happened. What kind of Gem are you? What kind of son?
Author's Note: I haven't written any real angst in a while, so I thought I'd get some practice in, and this boyo is rife with issues.
#LetStevenSleep2k18
-Mandaree1