Disclaimer: Rick and Morty are owned by Justin Roiland, Dan Harmon, and Adult Swim.

"Rick Sanchez of Demension L-825... You call yourself Caring Rick?" A disheveled Rick stood in front of Surgeon Rick as he read the reports on this Rick. Caring Rick gave a nod as he fought to stay awake. His knees were shaking as if they were on the verge of breaking, he had certainly gone without food for months, and he looked as if he hadn't had a bath and a shave in a similar time.

"Let's see, you left your Beth's house because money was running tight, Jerry was still an unemployed piece of shit, your Morty and Summer had run away. So, you decided to move out, packed your shit, everywhere you went, there was trouble, so you came here... I have one question. Why in the fuck did you go this long without coming here?" Caring Rick only gave a weak shrug as he climbed up onto the medical bed.

"Okay, fun part. Gotta take some blood." The Rick on the bed gave a wince as the needle nicked into his arm.

"Well, you're surprisingly clean of any diseases." Caring Rick gave a nod as the other read a synopsis of the blood sample.

It was a few more minutes of waiting to be let out into the Citadel, but once he was given fresh clothing and a bath, Rick of L-825 was left to his own in his new home.

"HANDS IN THE AIR!" Five Mortys. Unarmed. Regular wear. Bound and gaged against the wall. One has a scar on his neck. Another with a black eye. Third one is covered in bruises.

"MAKE ONE STEP FURTHER, AND I'LL BLOW THIS MORTY'S BRAINS OUT!" A Rick wearing a blood stained lab coat held the fourth Morty as a meat shield with a pistol pressed roughly against his right temple. The Rick in police uniform held his gun steady and had the sight right in-between the other Rick's eyes.

"Let the Morty go, and we'll ease your punishment."

"FUCK THAT!" The Morty whimpered as the Rick roughly jerked him back and tried to make his way to the back door.

"Fine." The Rick at the door took his shot. The other fell down dead and the Morty fell to the floor in hysterics. The others got up to comfort the one on the floor once they were freed by Cop Rick

"Dispatch. Target Dead. Hostages Freed. Request for transportation."

"10-4."

"A non-alcoholic Rick? Hah! Five bucks says your bullshitting me." A Rick chuckled as he sat across a table from a Rick drinking a glass of soda.

"Trust me. It was NOT easy to quit. Couldn't go cold turkey, I'll tell you that." Clean Rick smiled as he bragged of going clean of being dependent upon alcoholic beverages.

"Bull fucking shit. Ten says that you haven't gone a year without having one day that all you drank was beer."

"Not a single day." Clean Rick sipped the cherry cola as he turned his attention to the Jazz Ricks preforming up on the nightclub stage.

"What about smoking?" The othe burped just as as he slammed his empty shot glass and ordered another.

"Nope."

"Anything to shut the depressive shit?"

"Just anti-depressants issued by a therapist. Over the counter painkillers for whenever I get a headache. No narcotics. Nothing illegal. No over the recommended dosage on the bottle."

"Well I'll be damned."

"Yeah... Me too." Clean Rick smirked as he finished his drink, stood up, paid, then left.

"HEY! BREAK IT UP!" Storage Rick growled as he pulled two Mortys apart from throwing punches at each other.

"He started it!" One-eyed Morty whined as he was pulled away from Mullet Morty.

"Aw jeez. I-i was just trying to get him to join in a game."

"What game?"

"... Punch a Morty."

"How about, "Shut The Hell Up And Fucking Behave And Don't Give Storage Rick A Headache"?" Storage Rick snapped at Mullet Morty as he let go of the two and went back to the front. As he got closer to the entrance, there was a Rick in uniform with five Mortys behind him.

"Dropping off and picking up later... or putting up for adoption?" Storage Rick raised an eye brow as he saw one Morty with blood splattered across his face and a look of shock on his face.

"Adoption. None of their Ricks are alive." The Rick stated as he picked up the clipboard and scribbled the info needed on the five.

Once the five had been given over, Storage Rick showed them the bunk room and left them to their devices.

~Jak Cooper the Lombax