A.N. When I turned on the TV this morning, I saw people at the memorial ceremony for 9/11. Just the thought of that fateful and tragic day brings tears to my eyes. Many people experienced that day in many different ways. I know I did. I wanted to write something in honor of those there and for the lives lost. I decided to write about my experience. The only things that are fictional here would be the fact that I'm using Twilight characters, Leah's brother (I don't have a brother), and the visit to New York. Cause I actually live in New York. Another thing that is fictional would have to be the fact that Leah is telling this to Jacob. I was very young when this happened, so don't kill me if I make what she said make her seem to young. I have told this story to people but not in the way I'm going to tell you. Please review. I was actually six when this happened.
I woke up this morning at 3:00. Why you may be asking, it's because of the day. Today is September the eleventh. Not a day anyone would like to remember. I know that that was the one-day that I can actually say… I was scared. Actually scared was an understatement. I was terrified. Both my mother and I. That day would be engraved in our minds for the rest of our lives whether we want it to or not. It's a day you don't want to remember, yet it's a day you can't forget.
I get up and look at myself in the mirror to see a young woman. In truth she has the body of a woman, however her eyes say other wise. In her eyes I see a young girl. I see a girl that looks scared and fragile. I see a girl who doesn't exactly understand what just happened, but at the same time understands perfectly well what just happened.
Tears are running down my face as flashbacks of that day invade my mind. I can't stop them; I chose not to stop them. There is no point. NO point in stopping them when they have every right to fall.
I get up from my bed and walk to my desk. I grabbed several pieces of paper and a pen…. And I start poring out my heart. Everything I held in for so long goes out on that piece of paper. Everything I saw, every emotion that I felt, every thought, what I think now…. Everything.
Seth comes knocking at my door saying that mom made breakfast. It's now 6:30. I hadn't realized it but I wrote all of this in a form of a letter. I don't feel as content as I should. Mom Sais writing about it helps her…. but, I don't know I feel the same. I looked at it to see whom I wrote it to. Jacob. I can't believe I wrote it to Jacob. Well he's probably the only person I can talk about this to.
…...
After lunch I made my way to the Cullen's because Jacob is normally always there. With the letter in my hand, I made my way up to the stairs. Before I even had a chance to knock on the door, the pixie like vampire opened the door, Alice. She shocked me with a hug but nonetheless I hugged her back. She seemed more shocked then me when I actually did that. I walked looking for Jacob. I actually said hi to Bella which shocked everyone, but I was feeling… well, not myself really.
I walked over to Jacob who was currently watching a movie with Renesmee on his lap. Renesmee looked up at me and smiled at me and I smiled back.
"Hey Jake."
"Oh hey, Leah, is everything alright?" He asked cause I never come here unless need it be. Even then not really, I normally just have Edward read my mind and tell him.
"Um…. Can we go for a walk?" I asked biting my lower lip, debating whether or not having him read this letter was a good idea or not.
"Well I think it's a good idea." Edward said reading my mind. Great, I really didn't need him to know about this.
"Sorry couldn't help myself." He said while he gave me a small smile.
"What's going on?" asked a very nosy Bella.
I just rolled my eyes before I could reply, "Nothing, I just need to talk to Jacob for a while, and Edward you better not say a dam thing."
"I won't," he said with a stern look on his face, "it's not my place to tell."
"Thanks."
I turned to Renesmee then, "Do you mind if I borrow Jacob for a while?"
"Nah it's ok." Sid Jacob replying for her and pulling her off his lap, "This seems serious."
"It is."
"Ok let's go, see you later Nessie."
We walked out of the house leaving everyone confused for Edward and maybe Jasper. When we got out of hearing distance from the Cullen's Jacob turned to me.
"So what's wrong?"
"Let's go to cliffs." I said not meeting his gaze.
…...
When we finally made it to the cliffs I had Jacob make a bonfire so I could burn the letter after words. I didn't want it, it would be too much to handle.
Jacob sat down next to me with the fire in front of us.
"Leah what's going on?"
"You know what today is right?" He gave me a questioning look before it dawned on him.
"Oh." Is all he said?
"Yeah… I wrote a letter, talking about… everything about that day. I thought it would make me feel better."
"I'm guessing it didn't." He said while he grabbed my hand and giving it a gentle squeeze.
"No." I choked out. "I was wondering… if you would read it."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah."
"I'm not going to ask why." He said with eyebrows furrowed, "but I'll do it for you anyway."
I handed him the letter and he took it out and stated reading it out loud.
Dear Jacob,
You're the easiest person to talk to… so I hope you might understand why I'm writing this letter.
I remember my mother and I were getting out a train station, to go visit one of my mom's friends. I was so excited I was practically jumping up and down. I loved going places with my mother. My mom was holding onto my hand tightly making sure I was by her side. I didn't know why she was like that, when I wasn't going to go nowhere. However I'm thankful more then anything that she held me so tight. We were going up the stairs to make our exit when all of a sudden the ground beneath my feet began to shake.
I didn't know was going on. I thought is an earthquake. I remembered one of my teachers telling me that the ground starts shaking roughly when something like that is happening. I was scared. But I couldn't bring myself to scream. I tried but nothing would come out. The ground continued to shake. I thought the ground was going to grow a mouth and swallow me whole. People all around me were screaming. They were all running down the stairs, some were pulling me down. I was so terrified that I stated screaming and crying for my mom.
When she saw what was happening to me she went and grabbed my arm and pulled me toward her. I started clutching on to her. I didn't know what was going on. I didn't want to know. I jut wanted to get out of there. I kept telling my self that it was a nightmare and that I was going to wake up soon.
There was just one problem. As much as that little girl prayed to God that he would wake her up from the horable nightmare, he wouldn't. Because it wasn't just something she can wake up from. Yes it was a nightmare, but it wasn't the kind that your mom and dad could come to your room making sure you were all right. It wasn't the kind that they would come running into your room after hearing you scream. It wasn't the kind that you could just wake up from and just forget it ever happened.
Yes this was a nightmare, but I couldn't wake up from it, and you can't forget it. No mader how much I wanted to.
When the shaking finally subsided, the screaming stopped, and all was quiet. You herd absolutely nothing. It was quiet enough to here a pin drop.
You didn't here any care, no honking, no trains, no one talking. Nothing. You could pretty much here people breathing.
Everyone walked out of the train station. My mom told me to look down and not to pick my head up. I held her hand tightly as we walked to fine another train stain that would take us back home. I was so confused.
I remember wearing my sneakers that would light up every time I took a step. I didn't understand anything. I didn't understand why there was glass on the floor. I didn't understand why my mom wanted me to look down at the floor. I didn't understand why people were crying. I didn't understand why my mom was crying I didn't understand why I was crying. I didn't understand why everything shook. I didn't understand why people were running. I didn't understand what the red stuff o the ground was or why it was there. I didn't understand why everything smelt so funny.
I just didn't get it.
I herd and felt the ground getting crushed beneath my feet. The sound bothered my ears bur I tried to pay no mind to it.
I remember the whole time thinking, "I hope Seth is ok." "Dear God please let Seth be alright." "Thank God Seth isn't here." "I hope Seth doesn't know about this." "Will I make it out of here alive?" "Will mom and I ever see dad and Seth again?"
Although I didn't understand what was going on, I knew something but was happening. Something that meant people was hurt.
When we made it to another train station, I found myself getting more and more scared. I was scared that everything was going to happen all over again. While we waited for the train, I saw a bunch of people crying and saying this I couldn't understand. People were talking on their phones with panic in their voices. They were crying and talking way to fast.
I looked down the tunnel and I started crying. My life flashed before my eyes. A wave of fear just swallowed me whole. I started pulling at my mother's hand crying my eyes out and I just kept saying, "Mommy I don't want to die! I don't want to die! I don't want to die mommy!" I just kept crying and crying. There was no stopping I. My mom kept trying to calm me down and she tried to tell me everything was going to be all right.
However… this was the first time that I can actually say I didn't believe her. I was to scare. I knew people were staring… but I paid no mind. I could feel their eyes on me. I could feel the pity in their eyes.
We went from train to train. One of the last things I remember about that day was the fact that we went on one of those trains that went outside for a while. There was when I was finally able to understand what happened down there.
When I looked out the window…. I saw a building with smoke coming out of a whole in its side. I cried. I cried so much.
Both my mother and I cried, but for very different reasons. She cried because she knew that if we didn't make it…. Seth would no longer have a mother; her husband would no longer have a wife. We would have both died, and who knows what else.
I cried because, because I died that day. I was no longer the little girl that can pretend things like this don't happen. I was no longer the girl that had nothing to fear. I was no longer the innocent little girl.
That girl was crushed the moment the earth shook, the moment the glass fell on the floor, the moment I looked out that window. She's gone.
I didn't want anyone else to have to go through this. Not Seth, Emily, Jacob, no one. I was going to do whatever I had to do to keep anyone from going through this. No madder how foolish I may sound, but I don't want anyone to have to ever feel this or see this.
Like I said before. This is a nightmare. You can't wake up from this one though. I don't want anyone to have to have this kind of nightmare. Cause once you have it… you won't be able to get out of your head. Sure you won't see it every night… but that doesn't mean you'll forget it. Growing up isn't fun, but if it means I can at least try to protect my loved ones… then so be it.
With all my love,
Leah.
When Jacob finished reading it I looked up at him although my vision was blurry. He had tears running down his cheeks. I leaned over and brushed them off with my thumbs, but to no avail… they did not stop.
He held my hand close and kissed it before he lent over and kissed each one of my cheeks kissing away the tears, before he gave up and kissed my forehead. He let his lips linger there for a while. Then he pulled back looking at me in the eyes. We stood quite for a while not sure what to say.
I grabbed the letter from his hand and through it in the fire. As I watched the papers burn and cripple into ash, I felt Jacob rub soothing circles against my back. I relaxed not realizing how tense I was. I leaned into his shoulder, and I let the tears freely fall.
Jacob kissed my hair and laid his cheek onto of my head. "I'm here for you Leah, you don't have to worry no more. It's over. It's over Leah."
I laid myself down with Jacob lying next to me. Jacob held me close to his chest.
"I'm here for you Lee. Nothing's going to happen to you. You don't have to worry no more. Just like that, I fell asleep in Jacob's arms. For the first time in along time… I felt at piece. I felt relaxed and calm.
"Thanks Jake." I whispered before I let sleep consume me.
A.N. This was based off my experience in 9/ll. There are fictional parts because of the fact that I used characters from a fictional series. Which sadly doesn't belong to me. I have 2 forums up if you would like to look. Reviews are welcomed. Thank you for reading.