Disclaimer: I do not own the Vampire Diaries or its characters
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OUR DEFINING MOMENT
I was sitting in the lamplight of Elena's room, just staring at the walls. I had been drinking scotch at the boarding house for a while, but once Stefan got home, I didn't want to stay there and explain everything that happened with Katherine. I had nowhere else to go, so I ended up here.
Suddenly, I heard the bathroom door open, and Elena emerged, jumping. She obviously wasn't expecting to see me there. "You scared me," she pointed out, clutching the jacket that she was holding.
I gave Elena a quick glance before looking back to the spot on the wall. "Just doing my part," I told her miserably.
Elena sighed as she made her way across the room, setting the jacket on her nightstand. "Thanks. For looking out for us," Elena sighed, smiling slightly. "For me."
I just shook my head. "That's me: trusty body guard, calm in crisis…" I trailed off. The words came out slurred and she sighed again.
"Have you been drinking?"
I cocked my head a bit, pinching my fingers, the gesture saying "a little". I could barely keep my hand in the air due to the alcohol in my system.
"And you're sad. That's not a good combination," Elena started, looking at me with concerned eyes.
I rolled my eyes. "No, I'm not upset. Upset is an emotion specific to those who care." I squinted my eyes, knowing there was no truth behind those words at all. And, as usual, Elena could see right through me.
"C'mon, Damon. You know that's a lie," she explained, with those knowing eyes. "You care."
Finally, I turned my head to look at Elena, feeling completely broken. I was finally sobering up, just a bit. "You're surprised that I thought you kissed me back?" I asked her, feeling a painful twinge in my stomach that I hadn't felt in years. "You can't imagine that I'd believe that you'd want to?"
"Damon…" she began. But I didn't want to hear it, couldn't bear to hear her rejection again.
"That what we've been doing here… means something?" My face was unsure, and I knew my eyes were full of vulnerability. I knew that I should have just walked away right then, but I couldn't. Elena needed to know about the things she did to me, the way she hurt me every day when she was with my brother. "You're the liar, Elena. There is something going on between us, and you know it."
I knew my voice was full of venom, and I didn't care. I stood up then, walking up close to her, so that I could gaze into her chocolaty brown eyes. "And you're lying to me. And you're lying to Stefan. And most of all, you're lying to yourself."
She looked at me blankly, not believing a word I was saying. Her denial was driving me crazy! "I can prove it," I whispered, walking closer swiftly, my hands holding the side of her face. I knew she would kiss back if I did this. She had to. We had something beyond friendship.
I heard Elena mutter a quick, "No," before my lips crashed down on hers. And it was an amazing feeling to kiss Elena, like her lips belonged there forever.
That was the moment I completely fell in love with Elena Gilbert.
I could feel her hands brushing my face, then my wrists, her lips beginning to kiss back for just a moment. But, as soon as she did, she pulled her face away, looking at me with concerned eyes. It was as if she was denying that she kissed me back for that split second.
"Damon, don't," she said, her hands still at the bottom of my chin. I caressed the side of her face. She swallowed before she talked again. "What's wrong with you?"
"I want this," I stated, raising my head high. She needed to know how much I truly cared.
"Stop it. You're better than this. Come on." Elena's eyes were pleading, but I was beyond listening to her. I wanted her.
"That's where you're wrong." I leaned forward to kiss her again, but she moved her head back. That really hurt.
"No, no, Damon, I care about you!" she practically shouted, while both of our heads went back up. She wrapped her hands around mine, trying to make me hear her. "Listen to me. I care about you! I do, but…"
Her next words tore me apart:
"I love Stefan. It's always going to be Stefan."
I could feel it. My heart shattering in my chest like a broken glass. No one loved me. It always would and will be Stefan. Katherine said it too. It killed me inside.
She broke my heart. She broke me.
And then, Jeremy walked through the bathroom door. "Elena, what's going on in here?" he asked drowsily, noticing how close we were standing.
And then Elena noticed it too, pulling her hands away from mine, that were holding hers fiercely. She took a step away from me, lifting her hands in the air for a moment. "Nothing Jeremy. It's okay. Just go back to bed."
She ran her fingers through her hair, and I could feel my sanity slipping away once I saw the ring on his finger. I knew what would happen to him, and I knew how Elena would react. I was so pained and heartbroken right then that I had no control over what I was about to do. "He wants to be a vampire."
And then I completely lost it. Within a split second, I had Jeremy pinned against the wall, holding him by his face.
"No! Damon, stop it!" Elena yelled. But I ignored her, only concentrated on my victim.
"You want to shut out the pain? It's the easiest thing in the world! The part of you that cares… it just goes away. All you have to do is flip the switch and snap!" With that, I twisted Jeremy's neck, causing him to fall to the floor, lifeless.
"Damon!" Elena screamed, startled. And when Jeremy fell, she shouted, the tears beginning. I moved to the doorway, still feeling hurt and angry. I just stared at Elena for a moment, who was now sobbing over her dead brother.
After another long moment, she turned her face to me, her eyes full of tears and hatred. Lots of hatred. Then, I realized what I had done. I had lost control, and ruined any chances I had with the woman I loved. So, I turned my back on Elena, and went back to the boarding house.
I got there very quickly. The second I got inside, I picked up a glass of scotch. I knew knew the alcohol wouldn't make anything better. Nothing could make the pain go away. But I could flip the switch inside of me, it was the only way. To lose my humanity.
But if that happened, I would have no chances at all of having Elena admit her feelings for me.
But the pain would always be there, deep inside of me! It killed to have my heart torn out like this. So, I took the cup, throwing it against to the fireplace, the glass shattering against the bricks.
That helped ease my nerves a bit. But, still, I knew what words Elena was saying at the moment. I could just tell.
She was at home, talking about me. And the words that she was using were obvious.
"I hate him."
So, in my depressed state, I flipped the switch inside of me. I couldn't take it any longer.
So, while Elena Gilbert was in her room hating me, I was in my room, trying my best not to hate myself.
-Finish—
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