Premature Midlife Crisis

Vaan paced the floor in agitation. Where WAS she? It couldn't POSSIBLY take this long for her to get some stupid groceries!! What could have possibly happened to slow her down so—

And then Vaan stopped. Right in his tracks. Because he realized that Penelo was a pretty girl. And pretty girls+dark……

Oh god. She could be raped. What if she was somewhere, right now, being mutilated by a bunch of thugs? Having her poor untouched body be violated? (It BETTER be untouched, anyway.)

Because, once he thought about it, even LARSA could do damage to her. LARSA. The little black-haired twerp that practically WORSHIPPED Penelo and didn't have a decent fighting bone in his body. Because Penelo was sweet and kind and caring and naïve and could be drawn into anything, and though she was the best damn healer he could ask for, she did NOT have the ability to beat down stalkers. Even if she used her Holy attack. Not even then.

Vaan was sure his hair was falling out of his scalp like he was going through his premature mid-life crisis.

Okay, so maybe she could handle herself. Maybe. He'd give her ten more minutes before he went out to look for her. Vaan sat down on his couch and waited.

And the end of four minutes, he was up and fretting worse than before. In his mind pictures flashed across like a damn movie, playing images of her dead, or being raped, or getting hurt—or even worse. Going on a date with some boy. Vaan scowled. He didn't like this theoretical boy already.

Well, he didn't like ANY male that came within ten feet of Penelo, but that was beside the point. She was too good for them.

And while Vaan got caught up in concocting plans of killing this boy he was sure Penelo was secretly meeting, Penelo walked in.

With groceries.

Vaan jumped up, prepared to give her the third-degree and massacre the man who touched her.

"Where were you! I've been worried sick! You've been gone foe like five hours!"

Penelo looked at him, exasperated. "Vaan, I've been gone for," she checked the clock, "forty-five minutes."

"SO?? THAT'S FAR TOO LONG!!"

The healer sighed. This was going to be a long night.

"So, what happened?" Vaan continued. "Did you get hurt? Or RAPED? Or did you GO ON A DATE?"

Penelo blinked. "What?"

Vaan scowled. "Tell the truth."

Blink. "… what?"

"AAARGH! JUST TELL ME IF YOU GOT HURT OR WENT ON A DATE OR A MALE DID SOMETHING INAPPROPRIATE TO YOU!"

Penelo scowled, knowing where this was going. "Vaan, the worst thing that happened tonight was when I got back and Balthier patted my ass and leered at my boobs."

Vaan promptly had an aneurism. "HE DID WHAT??" Without waiting for an answer, Vaan grabbed a sword and proceeded to march out the door and show Balthier just WHO he was messing with.

But Penelo placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and stopped him. "Calm down, Vaan. It's not like this isn't regular behavior for Balthier."

That didn't lessen Vaan's fury one bit. "Are you saying he's done this before?"

Penelo's eyebrow twitched. "That's not the point, Vaan. I'm a big girl now. I can handle myself."

Vaan sighed and dropped his sword. "I know. I just… worry, okay? I don't want you to get hurt."

She smiled at him. "I know." He was showing, in his own peculiar way, that he cared about her. He smiled back at her.

They smiled at each other like idiots for a few moments.

Penelo, feeling daring and affectionate of him for a moment, leaned in to hug him quickly, then quickly ran towards her room, a bright blush blooming on her cheeks.

"And Penelo?"

She turned around shyly. "Yeah?"

"Tell Balthier the next time he touches you, I'm gonna cut off his hands."

Penelo laughed quietly. "Will do."

A/N: Well, it's short and stupid, but at least it's humorous. I was beginning to think that angst had taken over my mind. I've been reeeally angsty lately, you see.