A/N: this is a one-shot of Kenshin's thoughts on the Shogou Amaksau arc and his lost sight. Implied KenshinXKaoru pairing. Thought of it after I'd seen the episode and was listening to "Her Most Beautiful Smile". I do not own Rurouni Kenshin, Nobuhiro Watsuki does.
It's a strange thing, sight. You don't think about it much when you have it, but you realize what a blessing it is when you've lost it. When I fought Shogou Amaksau for the first time, I was more concerned about my life than I was for my sight, that I was. When his attack robbed me of my sight, my first reaction was disbelief and a kind of uneasiness. How can one describe the loss of sight to one who has it? It is like being surrounded by a black, all enveloping blanket. I could hear Yahiko and Miss Kaoru call my name, Kaoru on the brink of hysteria, but I couldn't see them. I think the reason you're scared at the loss is because it is a step closer to death. For me it wasn't fear, it was shock, that I would never see anything. The thought of not seeing those close to me…of never seeing Miss Kaoru's face again…was shocking.
My shock faded into a kind of acceptance and I began to recover and adapt. I could see things that I would have never seen using my eyes. Miss Kaoru asked me in that time if I thought I would be like this forever. I never answered. I've never been sure if it was because I didn't want to burden her with that worry, or if I was afraid to admit to myself I might never see her face again. I discovered though, that I could almost see her face and expression through the tone of her voice. I meant what I said to her when I said I was more concerned with the smile gone from her face than my lost sight. She is more important to me than any discomfort or suffering I could ever go through. I've never had the courage to say that though.
When I had recovered and we were making our way to Shogou Amaksau, I could hear the movement of others and rely on my "sixth sense", my warrior's intuition, to guide me. I still was unable to rely only on myself, I had to rely on Misao, Yahiko and Miss Kaoru to get a feel for my surroundings; it made me feel weaker, yet stronger at the same time. Weaker in that I had to rely on someone other than myself, but stronger in that my friends were supporting me, guiding me.
My fight with Shogou Amaksau relied almost entirely on my instinct. Despite all of his delusions of being god, He was human. His Amakakeru Ryu no Hirameki failed because his will to live was not there, he believed he had failed in protecting those close to him. The will of someone who believes he has nothing to live for is a shadow compared to one who does, that it is. I have friends who I care about and…one that I love waiting for me, I can't fail, ever, for their sakes.
When I won, my sight was restored. Miss Kaoru was the first to approach me. I can still fell her hands on my face as she looked into my eyes and realized I could see. I truly meant that I was glad to see her face. I was happier than anything, just to see her again. That's the closest I think I've ever come to telling her anything about how I feel about her. That's something I'll never tell her, she deserves better than me, that she does. When she practically collapsed into my chest it took every ounce of willpower I posessed to not hold her, to not burden her with the feelings of one who has stained his hands with the blood of others.
I think now I am more thankful for my sight, that I am. To go without something makes it more valuable to the person who regains it. I truly do have a better sense of people's feelings now because of it. As well as knowing the true blessing of sight I also was granted a look into what eyes cannot see, that I was.
"Kenshin!" Lifting his head from the small writing desk in his room, Kenshin put his writing brush down and opened his shoji screen, "Yes, Mis Kaoru?" Kaoru's voice echoed down the hall, "Could you give me a hand with the laundry?" Kenshin smiled, "Yes, I'll be there in a minute, that I will." He turned his head back towards his journal, he'd have to finish it another time. The past could be dealt with later, right now he was needed in the present.
Awwww, I love Kenshin and Kaoru as a couple, they're so cute. This was really a random serious introspective piece of my thoughts after that arc and I wrote them down from Kenshin's POV. I guess what I'm trying to get at is sorry if it's OOC. I hope you enjoyed it anyways!!! Comments are welcome.