Summary: Sora likes muffins, Axel can't stand to lose, and Sephiroth breeds perfect children...yes. Rated M for sexual themes and naughty language oh my! AkuRoku Main, RikuSora, Zemyx etc etc you get the gist :

Chapter 1: Corsets & Muffin's

"Hey guys!" Sora sat himself down amongst the others, Riku tagging along morosely behind him. "Hey Sora, any luck with the shops?" Roxas looked up from his snug settlement he had made on Axel's chest. "Do we have to answer that question?" Riku gave Roxas a painful look, stopping all questions from being asked, everyone present painfully aware of Sora's shopping habits.

Axel got up, slowly sliding Roxas away from him, earning an audible whimper from the blonde. He gave him a quick peck on the cheek and smiled, "Don't worry Rox, I'll be back in a sec, just getting the next round of drinks." He strode off, soon disappearing into the flock of people with Roxas staring wistfully after him.

Sora looked across to the small sofa opposite him to see a very ticked off Zexion trying to explain his summer school work to Demyx, who seemed to be pretty darn confused at all of the numbers and coding.

"So Sora," Roxas started "what was so bad about shopping that made Riku snap so quickly?" Sora stopped being nosey and turned to Roxas.

"Oh! nothing really, I guess Riku was just a bit embarrassed because I managed to get him to try on this really cute corset in that lingerie store, I don't know why he gets so defensive about those kind of things, even though he looked REALLY good in it."

Riku's eyes widened in horror as he looked over from his seat next to Zexion, 'SORA! I thought I said to never mention that again! Ever!' Roxas and Sora laughed hysterically, Roxas managing to gasp out, 'Yeah I see what you mean about defensive!'.

Riku turned away from Sora, fully prepared to go into a good week long sulking session. Sora smiled, already well aware of the warning signs, and leaned over the table to place a small kiss on his cheek, followed by a typical Sora Puppy Look. 'Sora…' Riku melted under the look and resignedly settled back into chatting to the two of them.

'Hey you losers come help me carry all this!' Axel was slowly attempting to fight his way through the crowd to their table, arms laden with all sorts of goodies. 'Coming, coming relax', as Roxas jumped up to help his boyfriend Sora's eyes widened at the sight of steaming hot chocolate and blueberry muffins, while Riku slowly edged away, fearing the impending monster that was Sora high on sugar.

Demyx reached out to grab one of the blueberry muffins that was now placed on the coffee table but wasn't so lucky seeing as Sora was basically a walking, living hoover. "Hey! I was going to eat that!" Demyx pouted and folded his arms, watching as the brunette consumed the sugary treat. "Thorry!" Random pieces of fruit and crumbs sprayed all over the table when Sora opened his mouth and Riku dropped his head on the table in shame and disgust, 'Why me?'

'Hey Sora, save some space man, you gotta leave room for the gig!' Axel whined snatching the rest of the mauled muffins away from Sora, handing them out to those who hadn't been fast enough to grab one before Sora pounced.

'Yeah!' said Demyx bouncing excitedly on his seat 'It's gonna be awesome! Wait until you see Axel and Roxas's act, its so steamy its practically sex on stage.' Riku looked slightly sick at this comparison, having almost walked in on the two of them too many times to count.

Zexion looked up from coding for a second, 'Your act is really cute- I mean great too Dem.' He blushed softly and ducked his head again, resuming his work. Demyx smiled happily, 'Thanks! I hope you guys all like it too. Speaking of which Hexius still isn't here yet…I wonder where she's gotten to, she's missing out on some bitchin' hot chocolate.'

An audible crash and clutter was heard as the café door sprung open, letting in a cluttering mess in the form of Hexius.

"OH MY GOD, SORRY GUYS," she screamed, waddling over to the coffee table with her bass guitar "but there's a new comic book store opened on the way here, did you know they sell yaoi?!"

She pulled a chair over from a random table, earning a glare from the waitress who was cleaning. "WHAT? Well then, you are gonna have to show me this comic store very soon dear." Axel took a sip of his coffee in conclusion and put his arm around his pretty miffed looking boyfriend. "No worries babe, you're still my number one…and we can always read them together" He whispered seductively in his ear and winked at Roxas, making the blonde blush a little.

Demyx shifted a little so Hexius could squeeze in her chair between him and Roxas, after which she promptly threw her arms around him, 'DEMMY, how have you been slutface?'. Axel stared, 'I seriously will never understand the way they show affection…'

'Fantastic hoe bag.' said Demyx grinning happily. 'What an appropriate nickname.' remarked Riku dryly from across the table. "And what exactly is that meant to mean, mister sexually deprived?!" Demyx was in a fit of hysterical laughter at the honesty of his friend, noone could deny it really.

"Well, he does have a point Hex, you are pretty slutty." Axel drawled casually as he resumed his coffee sipping. "Ha! Rich coming from you!" she replied, sticking out her tongue in a childish manner. "Oh really foo?" He gave her an over exaggerated glare. "Really." she mirrored his act.

Roxas flinched as Axel reached over him to flick Hex in the cheek. She just stared at him blankly "Oh no you did not." Axel grinned and folded his arms, sticking out his tongue "Oh chyeah I did betch." He felt the force of the back of her hand on his nose at this point, this was the declaration of a war. Demyx jumped up and down grinning "Yay bitchfight! Who will win?!"

When the slapping turned laughter fight ended Hexius calmly said "Hey Roxas, I'm a slut, so let's go make out." She grabbed the shorter boys arm and stood up, Roxas just staring blankly at her shocked. "Oh no, that there is MY ground, you hear?", with this Axel grabbed Roxas himself and dragged him possessively to the small toilet room at the back of the café. Demyx watched and slowly turned back to the group, "Well, that's that over, who wants cake?"

Riku stared jealously after the couple, wishing Sora was just as eager. He could swear the kid barely even knew what happened when two guys made love. He sighed wistfully and turned back to the others. ' Heeeeeyyy what are Axel and Roxas doing in there?' asked Sora with wide, innocent eyes (yes, he definitely doesn't know exactly what happens).

'Ummm..' said Demyx eloquently, Hex came to the rescue, 'They're playing football on the DS Sora!'. 'Ooooohh! Which do you think is the goalie?' Riku instantly started choking on his muffin at Sora's obliviousness, earning him a good whack with Zexion's computer. 'Well Sora, I always sort of pictured Axel to be a goalie.' said Zexion smirking.

'OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH AXELLLL' came drifting out of the bathroom, earning the door a shocked and mortified look from the waitress. Hexius sniggered to herself, 'Looks like Axel just scored guys.' Riku hid his face in his hands, wondering why he had not only picked a complete tard for a boyfriend but the worlds most embarrassing morons as friends too. He just couldn't win really.

The waitress had bravely ventured over to the bathroom and was banging on the door, asking them politely to 'Shut the hell up! Your disturbing the customers!' A few moments later a very smug looking Axel and dishevelled, furiously red Roxas came slinking out of the bathroom and rejoined the table under the watchful glare of the waitress. Axel, satisfied with asserting his exclusive Roxas Rights, turned to Hexius and said happily, 'I bet he wouldn't scream YOUR name like that betch.' 'Well done for scoring Axel!' piped up Sora, holding up his hand for a high five. Axel tentatively high fived him, too shocked for words at Sora seeming to understand what had happened. 'We used to play that game all the time in middle school didn't we!? You were a reaalllly good goalie back then.' chirped Sora.

Axel stared.

Riku finally deemed it time to break it to Sora and dragged him off to a nearby booth dreading the upcoming talk. Demyx watched with interest, ' Poor Riku, do you reckon he'll ever get laid with a kid like that as a boyfriend?' … 'No way in hell.'

A few spoon flicking fights and laughing fits later brought the return of Riku and his now baffled looking little brunette trailing behind him. They sat down. "Ah, so the young one has been educated?" Hexius grinned slyly at Riku. "I guess you could say that..." He rubbed his temples stressfully and sighed. "But, if you do it in the BACK end, how does that feel any good?" Sora was asking questions, noone was answering. Instead he was just attacked with laughter and vacant stares from the group.

"Ah Rox, I'm so damn happy you are a tart instead of a tard." Axel ruffled Roxas' golden locks sending him into a meltdown of embarrassment. "Aw, Roxy baby you're embarrassed about it? I'm deeply hurt!" Axel put a hand to his chest and pouted. Roxas just hit his shoulder playfully and smirked at his melodramatic lover, secretly thinking to himself how gorgeous Axel looked when he pouted. Sexy bastard.

Demyx looked around at the happiness surrounding him when his eyes fell upon someone not so animated, Hexius also noticed Zexion's lack of involvement and plopped herself down beside him, placing an arm casually round his shoulder "ZEXIONNN!! SMILE! It doesn't hurt! Honest." She grinned at him and he very slightly smiled back at her lazily, as though it took him a lot of effort. "There." he said, keeping up his smile. "Good boy, we all love you really Zexy!" She hugged him more and invited Demyx over to join (considering the other, um, couples were occupied...) and put her free arm over his shoulder too. "Ah yay for hugging." She sighed happily. "Say, Zexion you told Demyx about your deep, burning, passionate dreams abou-" she stopped at this point when she received a stabbing glare from the small boy "..about that girl down the street! Yeah! Crazy things. Pfft."

"HOLY CRAP! Hex, you look like a pimp!" Axel screamed, almost grabbing the attention of the bitch waitress from hell, almost. Sora was about to ask many questions on the term "pimp" but Riku cupped his mouth before any words could escape. "Yeah! 'course she is! I'm her biggest seller honey!" Demyx pouted in a model-like way and hugged Hex tightly, making her choke and spurt her ice drink all over her face. Demyx licked it, confusing Axel again. "Nope, never will understand their way of showing affection. Not a chance." He shook his head and resumed drinking his fourth coffee.

Riku checked his watch, 'Hey guys we're starting to push it for time if we wanna get ready in time, the gig's at 8 and you know Sora's like a girl with getting ready.' 'Agreed' said Axel rolling his eyes, 'Roxy here is exactly the same, he won't leave the house till his eyeliner-' 'GUYLINER' '…fine guy liner is perfect.'

They all pushed back their chairs and wandered towards the exit, leaving behind a much relieved waitress in their wake.

A/N: Welll!! first chapter 8D. Me and a friend got bored so decided to make a little fic, which is turning out longer than expected...Oo but ho hum! Because of this you can probably notice the difference in speech marks but bleh i cant be bothered changing that, it's TINY Reviews WELCOME 8D!!