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Some people leave, other people stay behind. Some people abandon others, other people hold on to all their relationships. Some people wig out and join the fucking military, while other people freak and become crazy neurotic head-cases who eat way too much Ben & Jerry's to be a living breathing human being any longer.
Guess which kind of person I am.
Don't get me wrong, I've had my fair share of beautiful beaus. In no particular order, there was my 1st interracial stint with the sweet sensible MC Chris, the oh-so infectious Jay (in this case, the pun is very much intended…although, we've put that past behind us and since then Jay's put his magic stick o'doom back into his pants), the 2nd interracial stint I had with Damien (the next black president…apparently), the "blind date" with Derek thanks to Manny and Crack Head Craig, the momentary lapse off judgment I (unfortunately) willingly endured with Peter, and then there was the mechanic bad boy with a heart of gold and an incredibly hot bod who gave me my first kiss, my first "time", my first pregnancy scare, and my first (second AND third) heart-break.
Sean Cameron.
The name still gives me chills…reminds me of nights in the back of his car, toes curling, synchronized moans, hair pulling, goosebumps, sweat—good lord, I need to get laid immediately.
So it's been years…I'm a working gal now. I teach full time during weeks at none other than Degrassi (when will I move on?) and on weekends I waste my time acting as the "hot-cool" English Lit Professor at the University. I'm twenty-five and all I do is hang out with high school and college students. Well, as far as the college students go, it's okay. I'm extremely young to be a professor and also extremely close in age to them so it's almost like I never left University, but high school kids is pushing it just a tad.
Anyway, as painful as it is, back to the topic at hand.
Sean Cameron.
He was my first boyfriend and ironically enough, I kind of consider him my last boyfriend as well. I mean, sure I dated Damien for a while, but Sean was the last person I had a serious "loving" and serious sexual relationship with…I never really did anything with Damien that could be considered raunchy or even remotely off-hand and…um…dirty as the things I did with Sean so…yeah. Believe me, I'm twenty-five and talking about just how incredibly amazing the kid was in bed still makes me blush like a mad woman.
Okay, so the dreams (and yes, I'm talking about sex-kitten wet dreams…how embarrassing) didn't start up (again) until about a month ago and this was because exactly one month ago, as I was walking to the bus stop in order to get dropped off at Degrassi because my total piece of smelly, disgusting SHIT car broke down for the fiftieth time and clearly there was no block-head mechanic boyfriend of mine to fix it, I saw someone who vaguely looked like him. It was not Sean, but someone who vaguely looked like him! I repeat, it was not him. And yet, the same night, Sean was there in my dreams and we were in his car and…cue synchronized moans.
And then the next night…
And then the next night…
And then the next night…
And, holy shit, the saga continues.
It wasn't the first time that had happened. You should've seen the mental relapse I had when I saw Jay after a few years. Seriously, I about choked on nothingness. He walked into a coffee shop I was supposed to visit Manny at to discuss her plans to move to Los Angeles and in walks Jay. Well, Manny freaked out worse, because of obvious reasons. The two did have an actual thing, opposed to the "behind closed…van doors" thing that Jay and I had…or I guess you could call Jay's and my relationship "Operation Gonorrhea". Well, that doesn't matter, because why in the hell would I freak over Jay? Actually what I was freaking over was his auto-shop jumpsuit. Sean worked at the same auto-shop so therefore wore the same jumpsuit, hence Emma going "cuckoo bananas" as Manny put it.
While Manny cowered in a corner internally gushing over the fact that Jay ages the way that people like Johnny Depp and Ryan Reynolds age—i.e. really really really well—I was too busy walking over to him and punching him the arm as hard as my frail fist could…about twelve times. Jay gently grabbed my arm, eyebrows raised, and then (as if a light bulb went off in his peanut head) he looked down at his attire, up at me, and then grinned as though he was the fucking Cheshire Cat. Then he just kind of laughed and made some snide remark about how I haven't changed—yeah right, change is something I'm far too accustomed to these days—and then we all sat down and had coffee while Manny made plans to stay in Toronto after all. Funny how things work out.
So, that night I dreamt about Sean and in the dream he was in his auto-shop jumpsuit.
Life is so unfair.
So this is how it goes now. I, Emma Nelson, do nothing but binge on caffeinated beverages, teach all day, and dream all night.
I repeat, life is so unfair.
The bombs I can take.
The bombs I can take because I've taken bombs before—like when my parents kicked me out. The gunshots, the rapid fire—I can take. The gunshots and rapid fire I can take because it's nothing new. The injuries are painful but nothing I haven't experienced before…but the loss…the loss I can not take.
Waking up everyday with one other person missing in this shitty desert in the middle of nowhere. Waking up everyday knowing the conversation you had with someone who may have been your only friend out here in the middle of nowhere is now gone…it bleeds a needle pinched hole into your heart.
I can't take the loss. I never could.
I can take the bombs, I can take the gunshots, I can take the rapid fire, and I can even take the injuries… but the loss I can not take.
The loss I can not take.
All righty then...I know Emma is OOC..I just wanted her to have more bite. I want her to be more bitter so therefore her exterior has hardened...that's my excuse for her being like that...and as far as the second bit in Sean's perspective, I wanted him to be in an even more secluded but vulnerable state. My cousin joined the military with the same attitude as Sean and came back from war as an empty shell of a person. Gradually he's become who he used to be, but it's not a lie to say that Iraq messed a part of him up...so, I hope I've explained why the two of them seem a little off. I hope you guys liked the story so far, please review and bring on the constructive criticism. Believe me, I like that sort of junk.