A/N: So. Hi. This isn't any of my usual fandoms, but I think it's going to become one. This was written in the middle of a BTR marathon at 2:00 in the morning, when I started watching ep 9, Big Time Demos, and heard the line this fic is based on. Because of this, I don't know any of their backstories or anything, and I didn't want to look them up for fear of spoilers. So, this is a possible canon divergence. This is also alternate universe, because we all know Kames will never be canon. Sigh. All my knowledge comes from the first 8 and a half eps of BTR, and a couple others that Teen Nick has rerun. I know the characters are totally OOC, sorry, but I'll try to be better with my next fic. Reviews are loved. Happy reading! :)
Make It Happen
You don't wait for your dreams to happen; you make them happen.
This has been Kendall's mantra as long as he can remember. And so far, it's done him right time and time again, helping him to disband the School of Rocque, transform 2J into teenage paradise, and even ask out Jo. Never once has chasing after his dreams led him astray. He's come to realize that the only way to get the results he wants is to make them happen.
So why is this so difficult?
For all that he tells the guys to make their dreams come true, Kendall has always been terrified of chasing after his own dreams. Even when he was a kid playing Peewee Hockey, he was hesitant to accept the position of captain for fear that he would fail his team. He's more than happy to remain in the sidelines, cheering on his friends as they reach for the stars, while he simply sits back and enjoys the view. He'll help out when needed, because after all, the guys are his best friends, and he could never hang them out to dry. But when he dream in question is his own?
Kendall's other mantra is to "always be yourself," and Kendall's true self doesn't want his dreams to get in the ways of the other guys'.
This is probably why he's so afraid to take the first step. If he does this, there's the biggest chance that it'll screw up the band's relationship forever. It'll ruin their dreams. And he can't do that. Especially not to James, whose dream has always been to make it big as a pop sensation.
And there's the crux of the problem.
James.
You don't wait for your dreams to happen; you make them happen.
When a scrawny brunette stumbled onto the ice rink in fourth grade while Kendall was practicing, decked in full hockey gear, Kendall had to struggle not to laugh.
"You look like a fish out of the water!" he called to the new kid, whose name he didn't even know. He knocked his puck over to the brunette, who shrieked like a girl and dove to the side. Kendall couldn't help himself. He doubled over laughing, then went to help the other kid up. "I'm Kendall. Who are you?"
"James," the brunette said, letting Kendall pull him up. "What was that for? I almost broke my nose!"
"Hey, that's your fault, not mine!" Kendall said hotly, eyes narrowing. "You should know better than to come out here in full hockey gear when you clearly don't even know how to skate! Besides, you'd better get used to it. I've almost broken my nose plenty of times. Hockey isn't easy."
"I don't even want to be here," James grumbled, pressing a hand protectively against his helmet, presumably attempting to shield his face from any further injuries. "Hockey's dumb. But my dad says I need a backup plan in case I don't wanna take over my mom's job, and that I need to play a sport for college."
Kendall stared at James in consideration. "You really think hockey's dumb?" he asked, feeling a little insulted.
"Yeah. I gotta protect the face, and hockey?" James gestured angrily to his face. "Not protecting the face!"
Kendall felt a brief moment of irritation. Who knew a puny little fourth grader could be so arrogant? "So what do you wanna do instead?"
"I'm gonna be a pop star!" James said brightly, his entire face lighting up. "I'm gonna record a bunch of songs, and perform at lots of concerts, and own a million houses, and have girls all over me!"
Kendall laughed. It was a stupid dream. Things like that never happened in real life, only in the movies. But hey, it was still a dream, and some part of Kendall couldn't help but cheer on this arrogant, scrawny fourth grader to go for it and make it big. "Well, girls love a guy who can play sports, too. Come on, I'll teach you how to skate and play hockey! You've gotta learn fast, though. The first game is in a couple months!"
You can't wait for your dreams to happen; you've got to make them happen.
Kendall watches from the behind the potted plants as James relaxes on one of the chaise lounges lining the poolside, humming quietly to himself. Kendall doesn't think he's ever seen James happier than he's been in L.A., and quite frankly, Kendall doesn't think he'd be able to handle seeing that smile drop from James's face ever again.
Which is exactly what it would do if James found out that Kendall regularly devotes a small portion of his early morning shower to him. How sick is it that Kendall desperately wants James, his best friend of over seven years? James has always trusted him. Kendall can't betray that trust now, not when Big Time Rush has finally made it.
"Whatcha doing, big brother?" Katie asks, appearing suddenly at Kendall's shoulder.
Kendall stifles a shriek. "Katie, I've told you not to do that!" he whispers fervently, trying to calm his rapidly beating heart. "What do you want?"
"Oh, so I can't stare creepily at hot guys with my big bro?" Katie asks in disbelief. "I thought we shared a bond, Kendall! I thought you loved me!"
Kendall splutters. "I am not staring creepily at hot guys!" he says heatedly.
"So you're saying James isn't hot?" Katie asks, raising an eyebrow.
"What? No!" Kendall stammers out. "He's not... What? Do you even hear yourself?"
"Aha!" Katie exclaims. "So you admit you were staring at James! And also that you think he's hot. Which is kind of weird, by the way."
"What? I never said..." Kendall denies weakly, his face burning a bright red. "Alright, yes, fine. I was staring at James. Why do you care?"
"Well, you could've done worse," Katie says, looking James over.
"Don't do that!" Kendall says. "He's my best friend. You can't look at him like that!"
Katie raises her eyebrow again. "Well, he's single right now, and you're never gonna work up the balls to ask him out. Why can't I enjoy his hot bod?"
"Katie!" Kendall protests, mortified. "Besides, I can't ask him out. He probably doesn't even like guys. I mean, have you seen his dating record? And if he rejects me... Katie, it'll mess up the entire band. I can't do that to the other guys."
Katie sighs. "Stranger things have happened," she says cryptically, before popping up from behind the plants. "Hey, James!" she calls out before Kendall can pull her back down. "Kendall wants to ask you something!"
You don't wait for your dreams to happen; you make them happen.
When Kendall was in sixth grade, James came rushing into his bedroom after school, presumably having been allowed to stay for dinner and spend the night. "Kendall, you've got to help me out!" he said, a crazed expression in his eyes.
Kendall looked up from his homework. "Who are you trying to prank? Wait, if it's girl problems, you've got the wrong guy."
"No, it's not that. It's..." He started pacing, but stopped abruptly and flopped onto Kendall's bed. "You know that musical they're holding auditions for?"
Kendall nodded slowly, starting to see where James was going with this line of thought. "Yeah. What about it?"
"Well." James swallowed once. "What would you say if I wanted to try out for it?"
"I'd say good luck," Kendall said honestly. "You'd be great, James, honest. I bet they'd even cast you as the lead role."
James rolled his head to face Kendall. "You think so?" he asked hesitantly. "But what if I fail? What if my voice cracks, or I forget the words, or my hair doesn't style right, or-"
Kendall stood up and flopped onto James, forcing the breath from his best friend's body. "You're the one who's always wanted to be a pop star, right?" Kendall asked. James nodded once. "Then you should go out for the musical. You've got to sing, James. You've got to show the world what you can do. No one wants a silent singer. You can't just drop the puck, dude. You've got to go for it, and hope you can score a goal. You'll never know what you can do unless you try." He slid off of James, letting the brunette regain his breath, and returned to his homework.
"Thanks, Kendall," James wheezed out when he could breathe again.
Kendall smiled to himself. "Anytime, James. Go makes your dreams come true."
You don't wait for your dreams to happen; you make them happen.
"Oh, hi, James," Kendall says nonchalantly, pretending he hasn't just spent an hour spying on James from behind a group of potted plants. From the corner of his eye, he sees Katie mouth "good luck!" and disappear, and he vows to get back at the teen somehow.
"So what did you want to ask me?" James asks curiously.
"Um. Do you want to, I dunno, hit up the movies or something later?" Kendall asks. You're not asking him on a date, he tells himself. You're just two friends going to the movies together.
"Yeah, sure!" James agrees. "I heard there was that new zombie one out. You should ask Carlos and Logan, too. They'd love it!"
Kendall feels his smile grow slightly strained. What did I tell you, Katie? He doesn't even realize I'm asking him out. "Yeah, alright. I'll just go find them, yeah?" He turns to leave.
"Hey, one other thing. Dude, what were you doing behind those plants?" James asks. Kendall swallows. Same old James, not a tactful bone in his body.
"Oh, you know. Just, enjoying the view," Kendall says vaguely, shrugging.
"What view?" James asks. "You can't even see anything from there besides...oh. Besides me."
You don't wait for your dreams to happen; you make them happen.
"Guys, I got the lead!" James said excitedly, jumping onto the table.
"Dude, move, you're blocking the screen!" Carlos complained, leaning to the side to see.
James stuck his tongue out at the other boy and stepped down, choosing instead to drop onto the couch so that the brunt of his body landed on Kendall, while his head rested comfortably in Logan's lap. Kendall swallowed nervously, willing himself not to get too excited.
"That's great, man," Logan said absently, concentrating on kicking Carlos's butt in whatever game they were playing. "Congrats!"
"Are you even listening?" James said, a little hurt. Kendall's heart ached to hear James feeling down.
"Come on, James. They're just being dumb. We're happy for you, really," Kendall reassured the distraught brunette.
"Seriously, man. We knew you'd get the lead all along. It isn't even a surprise," Carlos said, nodding in James's general direction.
James preened a little. "Really?" he asked.
"Really," Kendall confirmed. "You know you're a great singer. It was probably a no brainer for the judges."
James smiled brightly at Kendall, and Kendall felt his heart flip-flop. He willed himself to smile back, refusing to show the shaky nervousness he was feeling inside.
"You guys are the best," James announced.
"We know," Logan said. "Now get your head out of my lap. My leg's starting to fall asleep."
You don't wait for your dreams to happen; you make them happen.
Kendall runs his hand through his hair. "Um. Please don't hate me. Why don't we just forget this ever happened. In fact, we don't even have to go to the movies if-"
"Were you spying on me?
Kendall feels the world stop. He closes his eyes. This is what he was trying to avoid, the confused disgust that he knows James is working up to. "It was more secret admiration from afar," he says weakly, trying to crack a joke to lighten the mood.
James doesn't laugh.
Kendall sighs silently. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? You weren't supposed to find out. I mean, you've got this perfect dating record with all these pretty girls and future actresses and stuff. Why would you possibly want me, with my big eyebrows and terrible singing and general masculinity? Besides, I know how much you love being here with the band, and I don't want to mess that up for you. Can we just please forget this ever happened? If not for me, do it for the band. Carlos and Logan don't deserve to have their dreams snatched away just because I couldn't control myself. You have to-"
"Kendall. Shut up."
Kendall can feel the tears welling up behind his eyelids. He angrily tries to wish them away, but despite his efforts, he feels one roll own his cheek. This wasn't supposed to happen. James was never supposed to find out about Kendall's sick, twisted wishes. Kendall already commands most of James's attention. He shouldn't be selfish enough to want it all.
"Kendall. Look at me."
Resignedly, Kendall turns around, opening his eyes to look at James through the watery blur of his tears. He angrily lifts his hand to his face and wipes them away so he can see James clearly. To his surprise, James is closer than he expected, standing up and hardly a foot from Kendall. The brunette lifts his own hand and cradles Kendall's face, wiping away the falling tears with his thumb.
"What if I don't want to forget?"
You don't wait for your dreams to happen; you make them happen.
They had skidded onto the scene barely a minute before the deadline, but they had made it. Kendall didn't even want to be here, really, but James's face was glowing like it hadn't since the musical the year before, and Kendall would do anything to keep it that way. He heard the talent scout call James's number and waited for James to go out there and finally make his dream come true.
Instead, he watched with growing disappointment as James pushed first Logan and then Carlos out before him. He quickly covered his own sticker when James tried to chicken out again.
"James, this is your dream not mine," Kendall reminded the brunette gently. "Now remember, opportunities like this come once in a lifetime. Now, grab onto that dream with both hands, and go big time!" He saw the fear of failure leave James's eyes. He smiled to himself as he watched James push the double doors, and quickly pulled Logan and Carlos in with him behind James. He didn't want to miss the moment James finally made it big.
He would never forget the way James's face fell when Gustavo told him he had no talent. James looked shattered, devastated. Kendall felt a white hot rage build deep in the pit of his stomach. Without a second thought about the consequences, he jumped out from his hiding spot and went to face Gustavo.
"No talent? No talent? You're the one with no talent!" he yelled, wanting the producer to feel a fraction of the pain Kendall knew James must be feeling. All James had ever wanted had been denied by this demon of a producer who had no right to call anyone talentless, not when he himself had less talent than James had in his pinky finger. "You haven't had a hit in ten years!"
He tuned out Gustavo's response, reverting to autopilot. He could hardly hear anything over the rush of anger in his ears. James had only ever had one dream, and Kendall couldn't live with himself if he saw the dream get crushed. After everything James had been through to achieve his dreams, he deserved success more than anyone. Vaguely, Kendall felt two burly security men latch onto him and drag him away, but he didn't care.
He had always believed that to fulfill a dream, you had to go after it, right?
Well, this was him going after James's dream.
You don't wait for your dreams to happen; you make them happen.
"What?" Kendall whispers.
"What if I don't want to forget?" James repeats. "How could you ever think I wouldn't want you back? You're the only one for me, Kendall. You think I haven't noticed how you've always tried to make my dreams come true? You've always been there for me, and now it's my turn. You're the one who always says you have to make your dreams happen, right?"
Kendall nods dumbly, still in shock.
"Maybe it's time to stop making other people's dreams come true," James whispers softly. "Maybe it's time for you to make your own dream come true." He stills, waiting for Kendall to make the next move.
It takes Kendall a moment to realize what's happening. James doesn't hate him. James hasn't rejected him. James wants to date him. He stares dumbly at James lips, still curved in a graceful smile.
And then he swoops forward and places a light kiss upon those plump lips.
Kendall didn't wait for his dream to happen; he made it happen.
FIN