Bound
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Sam was apparently deep in the study of one the ancient tomes that filled the shelves of the extensive library, but in truth his eyes were following his brother as he paced restlessly around the room, lifting and replacing any random object he found near to hand.
A pacing Dean was a nervous Dean, and though his brother was a Zen master in pushing down stuff he didn't want to think about, he obviously had something big eating away at him.
Usually Sam would have intervened by now and tried to get Dean to share whatever the heck was bothering him, but his little brother radar told him to bide his time and wait for Dean to make the first move.
X
"Interesting book?" Dean asked eventually, his voice breaking the silence that had become as thick as a cement wall.
Sam sighed in relief, whatever it was, his brother was ready to unburden himself now.
"Yeah...,yeah; it's one of the oldest in the collection. The way the books are catalogued makes everything so easy to find. There's enough information in this room to keep a person reading for the next century or so," Sam answered unable to keep the echo of enthusiasm out of his voice despite the fact that something was going on with his brother.
X
Dean scowled, hesitated for a second, then made his way in resolute strides over to the table and pulled out a chair directly opposite Sam.
"I suppose that's great news for a geek like you Sammy, but I can't say that sitting here for the next hundred years studying all this," he circled his hand in the air indicating the books that lined the walls, "...gets the adrenaline running through my veins."
"It was only a figure of speech,Dean. I doubt we've got a hundred years to dedicate to anything, let alone the books," Sam answered, a half-smile curling his lips.
"Yeah, " Dean acknowledged, shifting almost nervously on his chair. "I wanted to talk to you about that. "
"About the books?" Sam replied confused.
Dean mumbled something under his breath which Sam didn't catch.
"What's with the mumbling, man. If you want to talk, just come out with it. I'm not going to bite. Whatever it is that's been making you pace up and down for more than an hour can't be any worse than what we've thrown at each other in the past." Sam remarked, trying to make it easy for his brother to spew his guts.
X
"What I just said about the books isn't quite true, I have been reading some of them and I came across a ritual," Dean confessed.
"No shit, Dean. Rituals? In these books? Who would have thought?"
Dean shot him a look. "Smart ass! Are you gonna listen or are you gonna make stupid remarks?"
"I'm sorry, Dean but come on man, you've been pacing around like a restless tiger, I was just trying to lighten the air. I'm listening."
"Yeah, well... Just how many times have we died now, Sam?"
"More than we ever should have You must hold the world record, thanks to that douche-bag of a Trickster." Sam's puppy eyes grew more rabid than that of a hell-hound as he remembered the torture the being had put them through.
"Aw,come on Sammy, it must have been funny to see me kick the bucket in so many weird ways," Dean smirked, the macabre thought making him smile; he couldn't really remember being ganked so often anyway.
"Dean, " Sam scolded, his eyes softening." How can you joke about it. You don't know what it was like to see you die every day and not being able to stop it."
Sam was wrong there, Dean thought to himself. He could well imagine what it would have been like if Sam had been the one to die every day as he looked on helplessly. It would have been Hell, living breathing hell-on-Earth., so he caught Sam's gaze and his eyes answered Sam's question, without the need for words.
"Yeah, " Sam breathed reading his expression. "I see you get it."
x
"Fine, Sam," he sighed. "Let's just say we've died plenty but how many times have we died together?"
Sam stared at him, his mop of hair quivering as he cocked his head in confusion at his brother's weird conversation.
"What's with the dying crap, Dean?"
"Just answer, Sam."
Sam pursed his lips into an upside down-smile as he pondered the question. " Maybe just the once, when we were shot by Walt and Roy."
It was Dean's eyes that darkened this time as he remembered Sam falling back against the bed, his chest full of bullet-holes. He had done what he had promised though, and his revenge on the two men had been swift and sweet. Sam didn't know and Dean wasn't ever going to tell him. Some memories were his alone.
"Right, that's all I can remember too, but," Dean searched for his brother's eyes, " I...uh..don't want one of us to die alone ever again. I don't want to outlive you Sammy..."
X
Dean didn't have to continue, Sam understood.
He tilted his head, taking a second to work out the best way to answer but simple was best, "That works for me too, Dean. I've outlived you plenty and I don't want to ever again."
Dean unleashed the smile he reserved only for his little brother, the one that emanated from his very soul, His Sammy smile.
"The ritual you mentioned, Dean...?"
"A binding one. If performed it links the death of one person to the other; if one dies the other snuffs it too," Dean elaborated.
Sam nodded, "You want us to perform it. If you die, I follow..."
"...and if you die, I come right after you, " Dean concluded.
"I wouldn't have wanted that for you Dean. You deserve more than following me into death." Sam whispered sadly.
"No Sam, maybe there should be something else, but there isn't. It's just you and me, but then if you're not sure... I mean I always wanted more for you too Sammy, you've had a crap life. If you don't want to... I understand..."
"No, Dean," Sam said almost angrily, one of his hands coming forward and grabbing Dean's arm. "I ...you're the most important thing in my life, more than anything. If you die, then I want to go out too."
"Okay, okay then, " Dean said as his other hand came down on his brother's, sealing their pact. "We have to get a special tattoo first. Then we perform the ritual."
"A tattoo?"
"Yeah, " Dean rose and pulled a book from one of the nearby shelves and planked it down in front of Sam, opening it a book-marked page."Take a look, research-boy" he gestured.
Sam studied the Latin words of the ritual, then looked up at Dean. "Seems legit," Sam confirmed.
"After we get the tattoos, which has to be done with the same needles, we have to repeat the words together under the rising phase of the moon and it's done. There's a tattoo parlour in the nearest town, so that's easy enough, the moon is about to hit the right phase. I would say we're good to go."
X
Dean stared at his brother. He had been scared to propose the idea to Sam, but his brother had agree to his request without a second thought.
His heart almost burst with joy at the thought that Sam was so willing to meet death by his side, whenever that moment might come.
X
"We're good then, Sam? " Dean asked, wanting to be sure.
"We're good , Dean," was the quick reply. "If you thought I wanted to live on after your death, you should have seen how I was reduced the times I lost you. You're my big brother. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you; dying by your side is the least."
X
Dean felt the wetness of a tear slide down his face. He had Sam. It was all he wanted and to know that his brother felt the same, was almost too much to bear.
X
The End