You Knew This was Coming
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By: A Puppet Master.
Note: This is a fiction which I made out of boredom mostly, and it's not to be taken seriously. The characters in it aren't mine but you know that already. Either way, enjoy the fic. :)
************************
Chapter 1: All Was Quiet
Princess Toadstool awoke from her slumber to the sound of chirping birds. Every day, comes the singing of chirping birds and the Princess was getting thoroughly sick of it. Groggily she hauled her butt out of bed and yawned as she began walking towards her closet. It was full of princess dresses, every single one of them pink. She made an annoyed groan and selected the one on the far right.
Peach: "I guess this one will do..." *Changes into the dress and takes it behind a dressing curtain.*
Toad: *Walks into the room.* "Goood morning, Princess!"
Peach: "AAAGH! Get out you creepy little midget! Can't you see I'm changing!?"
Toad gets chased out of the room by various projectiles.
Peach: "I have GOT to get a door put in there. No wonder Bowser can just walk in and steal me!"
Bowser walks in and peach turned to him boredly.
Peach: "Speaking of which..."
Bowser: "I'm here to kidnap you!"
Peach: "No you're not."
Bowser: "I am so."
Peach: "No you're not. Yesterday I've passed a law saying that you cannot kidnap me anymore."
Bowser: "WHAT?! Is there any way to get that amended?"
Peach: "Nope. I'm pretty much the all powerful dictator here."
Bowser: "That sucks!"
Bowser stomps away sullenly and Peach looks out the doorway after him as he walks away.
Peach: "I can't believe that worked, but then again I do hang around some pretty stupid people."
Bowser: *From far away.* "That hurts!"
Princess: "Well I'm changed and ready to do all those stupid princess things that I've got to do."
Princess goes into her closet and fishes out a megaphone and has a Toad take all of her dresses that are in her closet. Later that morning in the courtyard, over two hundred Toads are running on treadmills. Peach is sitting in a chair, shouting various motivational slogans at the Toads who are ready to pass out from all this running.
Peach: *Screaming into the megaphone.* "FASTER! FASTER! FASTER! FASTER!"
Toads: "Why are you making us do this, your majesty!? It's barbaric!"
Peach: "No it's not! One of you morons cut the power supply when you were messing with the castle's circuit breakers. How the
heck else am I going to do my laundry?"
All the treadmills are connected to the laundry machine.
Mario: "Mama Mia! Why are you-a making me run as well?"
Peach: "You could lose some serious weight. Besides, I'm almost convinced that the reason why your voice has changed between
the old 80's cartoons and now is because of fat collecting in your larynx."
Mario: "What's a larynx?"
Peach: "FASTER!"
Mario: "You're the boss..." *Runs faster.*
Luigi: "Why are you making me run too, Princess?" *also running on a treadmill*
Peach: *Smiles* "I just like watching you. Would it kill you to show a little more skin?"
Luigi: "But I'm running in my underwear!"
Peach: "So?"
Toad: "Wait! I don't get it! If the power is cut, then what's powering these tread mills?"
Peach: "Simple. See those Toads over there?" *Points to some toads, running on gigantic hamster wheels attached to generators.*
Toad: "But wait! I don't get why--"
Everyone Else: "Shut up or else you'll give us all more work to do!"
Peach: *Fanning herself as she relaxes in her deck chair* "This is such hard work..."
Meanwhile in a castle far to the north, covered in bleak surroundings and darkness was Bowser and his Kids. Bowser finally came through the door to the main throne room, while his kids were doing their own things. Ludwig was especially busy with his sheet music, but no one really knew or cared.
Bowser: "I'm home, kids!"
Koopa Kids: "So what?"
Bowser: "What sort of greeting is that?!"
Koopa Kids: "Did you bring us any presents?"
Bowser: "No."
Koopa Kids: "...Then so what?"
Wendy: "King Dad, weren't you going to kidnap the princess?"
Bowser: "I can't anymore. They've passed a law against that."
Larry: "...Wha? Since when was kidnapping Peach EVER not against the law...and since when have you ever cared?"
Bowser: "Well technically they never officially passed a law where I couldn't capture the princess. Yesterday Peach told me that the law was passed, so now I can't kidnap Peach anymore."
Larry: "Once again for those who didn't hear...and you care BECAUSE...?"
Iggy: "Actually, the laws weren't changed at all today. I don't have a record here about a law that prohibits the kidnap of Peach of any kind. It's right here in the 2003 Book of Laws for the Mushroom Kingdom, version 2.67 revision." *Presents Bowser with the book.*
Bowser: "Well I'll be! Peach really CAN be kidnapped! How come she lied to me?!"
Larry: "Gee, I WONDER!" *Rolls his eyes*
Bowser: "Well, I'm going to kidnap her right now!"
Bowser stomps out of the room, and his children watch him leave. They go back to doing whatever they were doing at the time, not even saying a single word about what happened. Meanwhile on the roof of the castle, a compartment opens up and the flying Clown Device takes to the sky, with Bowser looking over the edge. Eventually he gets to the courtyard of Peache's castle, where all the Toads are still running on conveyer belts and hamster wheels. He jumps out of the flying clown device. The ground shakes when he lands, causing some of the Toads to lose their balance and fall on their face.
Bowser: "All right!! Where is the princess cause I got a bone to pick with her!"
A Toad: "She went into the castle because it was too hot outside for her. However she came back out for a moment with over a
metric tonne of her laundry for us to do! Apparently she wants us to do her entire wardrobe of laundry, and it's heck! Save us Bowser! Save Us!!" *He latches onto Bowser and pleads over and over again.*
Bowser: "Ugh! No! Go away, you little midget!" *He takes the Toad and pulls him off, then throws him fifty feat away into the moat.*
The Same Toad: "Ahh! That's so refreshing!" *Suddenly he sees Alligators swimming towards him and screams as he tries to scamper to safety.* "Aagh! Why in heck would the princess put alligators in the moat!?"
The Toad looked up as she saw one of the windows up on the second floor of the castle open, revealing Peach. She looked down at him.
Peach: "I did it because I was sick of Mario swimming in there!"
Mario: "I only went-a skinny dipping once!"
Peach: "Yet that was more than enough." *Grimaces.*
Bowser: "Peach! THERE YOU ARE!"
Peach: "Go away! I'm busy!"
Bowser: "Well I would like a word with you!"
Peach: "If you want to capture me, you must remember the law that was made!"
Toads: *Looking at her.* "What law?"
Bowser: "See? Not Even your stupid spore bags know what you're talking about."
Peach: "Fine! Don't move. Stay exactly where you are." *She disappears into the castle.*
Bowser and everyone else begin just poking around, looking to one another without any sort of thought in mind. Mario and Luigi looked at one another and then at Bowser who for a moment stared back and shrugged at them. They were all curious about what Peach was going to do. Suddenly they saw some sort of craft poking out of the window. It was long and black, and shone in the sun a little bit. Suddenly they heard a deafening BANG! and The area beside Bowser was now a steaming crater. Everyone jumped back.
Peach: "I TOLD you not to move!" *Shouting at Bowser and repositioning her gun, giving another BANG!! and another Crater appeared right on the other side.*
Bowser: "What in the heck do you think you're DOING?!"
Peach: "I'm trying to kill you. I would have thought you figured THAT out by now." *Positions the gun and fires it again. The
next shot creates a crater right at Mario's feet.*
Mario: "What-a you trying to shoot-a me for?!"
Peach: "I just don't like you."
Mario: "That hurts."
Peach: "Don't move and you won't have to worry about it." *Fires another shot, which lands in the moat.*
Everyone scrambles because the Princess is obviously a very poor shot. They all take cover and hide, which makes the princess stop shooting for a moment. She took her crown off and scratched her head with it.
Peach: "Where did Bowser and Mario go? And where did all my Laundry Crew go for that matter?! GET BACK TO WORK OR ELSE I'LL BLAST YOU GUYS TOO!"
Bowser and Mario were both hiding behind a hill together and looked at one another in a very shocked manner. It all seemed silent, so silent that they could hear their hearts pounding in their chests.
Bowser: "God! She's gone nuts!"
Mario: "You-a telling me!"
Peach: "Come out come out wherever you are!" *Fires another shot, and another and another. One lands in the moat and makes a gigantic splash. The second shot crashes into a tree and knocks it over, and the third crashes into a rock and destroys it, sending rock shards out in all directions.*
Mario: "You-a want to kidnap-a her now? Be-a my guest."
Bowser: "I don't think I want to anymore. You guys can keep her."
Peach: "Looks like I'll need something different."
The gun slides back into the castle and the people look out cautiously. They were all amazed and terrified at what happened here, but they clued in finally why Peach was so happy with the package she got today. Luigi cautiously ran out from behind a rock and joined Bowser and Mario.
Bowser: "Forgive me for asking, but why are you only in your underpants?"
Luigi: "Long story."
Mario: "What'sa happening out there-a?"
Luigi: "Don't have a clue. All seems to be silent...kind of like the eerie scene before a murder in one of those slasher movies." *Looks over to the bridge to the entrance.* "You know, if one of us gets in there...we might be able to stop her. Okay, who's going in?"
Bowser and Mario: "Okay! 1-2-3 NOT IT!"
Luigi: "Dammit! That wasn't fair! I wasn't ready."
Bowser: "Well it wasn't fair that Peach received a cache of firearms and explosives now was it?"
Mario: "And she-a seems to have a crush or something on-a you so of all-a the people, she probably won't hit you-a."
Luigi: "Probably not hit me?"
Bowser: "Probably not. She seems to have some sort of attraction to you so there's a chance that she may hesitate a little before shooting, but there's no guarantee. She could want to kill you too for not returning your feelings."
************************
By: A Puppet Master.
Note: This is a fiction which I made out of boredom mostly, and it's not to be taken seriously. The characters in it aren't mine but you know that already. Either way, enjoy the fic. :)
************************
Chapter 1: All Was Quiet
Princess Toadstool awoke from her slumber to the sound of chirping birds. Every day, comes the singing of chirping birds and the Princess was getting thoroughly sick of it. Groggily she hauled her butt out of bed and yawned as she began walking towards her closet. It was full of princess dresses, every single one of them pink. She made an annoyed groan and selected the one on the far right.
Peach: "I guess this one will do..." *Changes into the dress and takes it behind a dressing curtain.*
Toad: *Walks into the room.* "Goood morning, Princess!"
Peach: "AAAGH! Get out you creepy little midget! Can't you see I'm changing!?"
Toad gets chased out of the room by various projectiles.
Peach: "I have GOT to get a door put in there. No wonder Bowser can just walk in and steal me!"
Bowser walks in and peach turned to him boredly.
Peach: "Speaking of which..."
Bowser: "I'm here to kidnap you!"
Peach: "No you're not."
Bowser: "I am so."
Peach: "No you're not. Yesterday I've passed a law saying that you cannot kidnap me anymore."
Bowser: "WHAT?! Is there any way to get that amended?"
Peach: "Nope. I'm pretty much the all powerful dictator here."
Bowser: "That sucks!"
Bowser stomps away sullenly and Peach looks out the doorway after him as he walks away.
Peach: "I can't believe that worked, but then again I do hang around some pretty stupid people."
Bowser: *From far away.* "That hurts!"
Princess: "Well I'm changed and ready to do all those stupid princess things that I've got to do."
Princess goes into her closet and fishes out a megaphone and has a Toad take all of her dresses that are in her closet. Later that morning in the courtyard, over two hundred Toads are running on treadmills. Peach is sitting in a chair, shouting various motivational slogans at the Toads who are ready to pass out from all this running.
Peach: *Screaming into the megaphone.* "FASTER! FASTER! FASTER! FASTER!"
Toads: "Why are you making us do this, your majesty!? It's barbaric!"
Peach: "No it's not! One of you morons cut the power supply when you were messing with the castle's circuit breakers. How the
heck else am I going to do my laundry?"
All the treadmills are connected to the laundry machine.
Mario: "Mama Mia! Why are you-a making me run as well?"
Peach: "You could lose some serious weight. Besides, I'm almost convinced that the reason why your voice has changed between
the old 80's cartoons and now is because of fat collecting in your larynx."
Mario: "What's a larynx?"
Peach: "FASTER!"
Mario: "You're the boss..." *Runs faster.*
Luigi: "Why are you making me run too, Princess?" *also running on a treadmill*
Peach: *Smiles* "I just like watching you. Would it kill you to show a little more skin?"
Luigi: "But I'm running in my underwear!"
Peach: "So?"
Toad: "Wait! I don't get it! If the power is cut, then what's powering these tread mills?"
Peach: "Simple. See those Toads over there?" *Points to some toads, running on gigantic hamster wheels attached to generators.*
Toad: "But wait! I don't get why--"
Everyone Else: "Shut up or else you'll give us all more work to do!"
Peach: *Fanning herself as she relaxes in her deck chair* "This is such hard work..."
Meanwhile in a castle far to the north, covered in bleak surroundings and darkness was Bowser and his Kids. Bowser finally came through the door to the main throne room, while his kids were doing their own things. Ludwig was especially busy with his sheet music, but no one really knew or cared.
Bowser: "I'm home, kids!"
Koopa Kids: "So what?"
Bowser: "What sort of greeting is that?!"
Koopa Kids: "Did you bring us any presents?"
Bowser: "No."
Koopa Kids: "...Then so what?"
Wendy: "King Dad, weren't you going to kidnap the princess?"
Bowser: "I can't anymore. They've passed a law against that."
Larry: "...Wha? Since when was kidnapping Peach EVER not against the law...and since when have you ever cared?"
Bowser: "Well technically they never officially passed a law where I couldn't capture the princess. Yesterday Peach told me that the law was passed, so now I can't kidnap Peach anymore."
Larry: "Once again for those who didn't hear...and you care BECAUSE...?"
Iggy: "Actually, the laws weren't changed at all today. I don't have a record here about a law that prohibits the kidnap of Peach of any kind. It's right here in the 2003 Book of Laws for the Mushroom Kingdom, version 2.67 revision." *Presents Bowser with the book.*
Bowser: "Well I'll be! Peach really CAN be kidnapped! How come she lied to me?!"
Larry: "Gee, I WONDER!" *Rolls his eyes*
Bowser: "Well, I'm going to kidnap her right now!"
Bowser stomps out of the room, and his children watch him leave. They go back to doing whatever they were doing at the time, not even saying a single word about what happened. Meanwhile on the roof of the castle, a compartment opens up and the flying Clown Device takes to the sky, with Bowser looking over the edge. Eventually he gets to the courtyard of Peache's castle, where all the Toads are still running on conveyer belts and hamster wheels. He jumps out of the flying clown device. The ground shakes when he lands, causing some of the Toads to lose their balance and fall on their face.
Bowser: "All right!! Where is the princess cause I got a bone to pick with her!"
A Toad: "She went into the castle because it was too hot outside for her. However she came back out for a moment with over a
metric tonne of her laundry for us to do! Apparently she wants us to do her entire wardrobe of laundry, and it's heck! Save us Bowser! Save Us!!" *He latches onto Bowser and pleads over and over again.*
Bowser: "Ugh! No! Go away, you little midget!" *He takes the Toad and pulls him off, then throws him fifty feat away into the moat.*
The Same Toad: "Ahh! That's so refreshing!" *Suddenly he sees Alligators swimming towards him and screams as he tries to scamper to safety.* "Aagh! Why in heck would the princess put alligators in the moat!?"
The Toad looked up as she saw one of the windows up on the second floor of the castle open, revealing Peach. She looked down at him.
Peach: "I did it because I was sick of Mario swimming in there!"
Mario: "I only went-a skinny dipping once!"
Peach: "Yet that was more than enough." *Grimaces.*
Bowser: "Peach! THERE YOU ARE!"
Peach: "Go away! I'm busy!"
Bowser: "Well I would like a word with you!"
Peach: "If you want to capture me, you must remember the law that was made!"
Toads: *Looking at her.* "What law?"
Bowser: "See? Not Even your stupid spore bags know what you're talking about."
Peach: "Fine! Don't move. Stay exactly where you are." *She disappears into the castle.*
Bowser and everyone else begin just poking around, looking to one another without any sort of thought in mind. Mario and Luigi looked at one another and then at Bowser who for a moment stared back and shrugged at them. They were all curious about what Peach was going to do. Suddenly they saw some sort of craft poking out of the window. It was long and black, and shone in the sun a little bit. Suddenly they heard a deafening BANG! and The area beside Bowser was now a steaming crater. Everyone jumped back.
Peach: "I TOLD you not to move!" *Shouting at Bowser and repositioning her gun, giving another BANG!! and another Crater appeared right on the other side.*
Bowser: "What in the heck do you think you're DOING?!"
Peach: "I'm trying to kill you. I would have thought you figured THAT out by now." *Positions the gun and fires it again. The
next shot creates a crater right at Mario's feet.*
Mario: "What-a you trying to shoot-a me for?!"
Peach: "I just don't like you."
Mario: "That hurts."
Peach: "Don't move and you won't have to worry about it." *Fires another shot, which lands in the moat.*
Everyone scrambles because the Princess is obviously a very poor shot. They all take cover and hide, which makes the princess stop shooting for a moment. She took her crown off and scratched her head with it.
Peach: "Where did Bowser and Mario go? And where did all my Laundry Crew go for that matter?! GET BACK TO WORK OR ELSE I'LL BLAST YOU GUYS TOO!"
Bowser and Mario were both hiding behind a hill together and looked at one another in a very shocked manner. It all seemed silent, so silent that they could hear their hearts pounding in their chests.
Bowser: "God! She's gone nuts!"
Mario: "You-a telling me!"
Peach: "Come out come out wherever you are!" *Fires another shot, and another and another. One lands in the moat and makes a gigantic splash. The second shot crashes into a tree and knocks it over, and the third crashes into a rock and destroys it, sending rock shards out in all directions.*
Mario: "You-a want to kidnap-a her now? Be-a my guest."
Bowser: "I don't think I want to anymore. You guys can keep her."
Peach: "Looks like I'll need something different."
The gun slides back into the castle and the people look out cautiously. They were all amazed and terrified at what happened here, but they clued in finally why Peach was so happy with the package she got today. Luigi cautiously ran out from behind a rock and joined Bowser and Mario.
Bowser: "Forgive me for asking, but why are you only in your underpants?"
Luigi: "Long story."
Mario: "What'sa happening out there-a?"
Luigi: "Don't have a clue. All seems to be silent...kind of like the eerie scene before a murder in one of those slasher movies." *Looks over to the bridge to the entrance.* "You know, if one of us gets in there...we might be able to stop her. Okay, who's going in?"
Bowser and Mario: "Okay! 1-2-3 NOT IT!"
Luigi: "Dammit! That wasn't fair! I wasn't ready."
Bowser: "Well it wasn't fair that Peach received a cache of firearms and explosives now was it?"
Mario: "And she-a seems to have a crush or something on-a you so of all-a the people, she probably won't hit you-a."
Luigi: "Probably not hit me?"
Bowser: "Probably not. She seems to have some sort of attraction to you so there's a chance that she may hesitate a little before shooting, but there's no guarantee. She could want to kill you too for not returning your feelings."