Deans POV

I couldn't handle it, once again I fucked up, and I fucked up big. I stare at the bottle of whiskey on the table, its amber color reflecting from the beam of light that leaks from the window. The scowl is becoming worse, twisting my face in what i would imagine would look like i am in agony. I am. The pain of loss was almost unbearable, I have had my chest ripped into ribbons by a hellhound, yet it does not compare. I lost him. I lost Sam.

I should of known something was up, it had to be a trap... yet I turned a blind eye to it and let him continue the case in the state he was in. Worn, tired, injured, we should've drawn back to recollect ourselves and recover.. We were fools.

I slam my head on the table, cursing out loud. I need him..why did I never tell Sam that I needed him?! It's too late now.

I heard a rustle from behind, and I shoot out of my seat "Cas!"

There in front of me stood the angel who helped us out all those times, he was basically family. " Hello, Dean." His eyes were grim, he looked exhausted.

I hesitate before asking, skeptical that any good news was coming my way. "Did...Did you find anything Cas? What is the news?" I struggled to keep my voice even, trying to look stronger than I really was. But there was no doubt that he knew that I was truly broken.

"There is not any news on the look of Sam's soul... We could not find it in heaven..." He sighed before adding, "There is no news of his soul in hell either..."

I knew he was trying to cheer me up, but the weight on my heart did not ease. "How could you guys just lose a soul!" I know it wasn't Castiel's fault, in fact he was trying to help. Yet, I can not help myself from snapping. " Listen here Cas. Go tell those feathered dicks to look harder!" I pace the floor back and forth, seething. " We need to bring him back... We need to!"

Castiel kept his calm expression, I am glad he did. He seemed very understanding, and he was also the only one I had on my side left. " Dean, you need to calm down... Did you find Crowley yet?" the angel cleared his throat, knowing the subject of Sam might being in hell was a sore spot for me... more than a sore spot, it was taking a knife to the spine "He keeps tabs...down there... He might know something."

" Cas, I tried" I sit back down, rubbing my temples in frustration as I pour myself a glass of whiskey " The bastard is MIA, no luck contacting him." I down the glass, feeling the burning sensation in the back of my throat as I pour yet another glass. " Do..Do you think he is torturing Sammy down there, Cas?" My voice cracks again, the idea of Sam burning in hell tugs at my gut. I am a horrible brother.

" I don't know Dean, we can't find anything-"

" If not Hell, and not heaven...Do you think he might be in purgatory? "

" There is a possibility, just like the rest Dean, I promise that I will keep looking"

" Maybe he is still alive" I gave a bitter laugh knowing better...but the idea of Sammy bursting through the front door going 'Hey guys, did you miss me?' brought a little comfort, though the hope was not their.

Castiel sat down next to me, staring me right in the eyes. " Dean, it takes a lot to bring someone back, it disrupts the whole cosmos...We would know if he was brought back, hell or no hell."

" Thanks for the comfort Cas, really" I grumble, eyes returning to my empty glass.

" We could attempt to trap death.." Castiel tried to suggest, but The mentioning of death sent chills up and down my spine.

" No, Cas...We both know that death threatened us, that if we were to ever try trapping him again, he would make sure he would kill us before we even start the ritual. We can't bring back Sam if we are dead ourselves."

Castiel nodded, looking a bit glum himself. Our little stitched together family was missing a member, and it took a toll on both of us. " Dean, I am sorry. I should have been there to assist-"

" Cas, you tried your best. What happened to Sam was not your fault." I cut in, the look of guilt on the angels face made me feel worse.

Castiel's eyes narrowed a bit " Neither is it yours ,Dean. You cannot keep blaming yourself for his death.

" I should have protected him! It was my job! I AM HIS BROTHER!" I forced back tears, guilt of my own resurfacing. It was my fault, I promised myself I would protect him. " Cas, It is my fault, all of it!"

" Dean, I-"

"That's enough ,Cas" my voice hollowed, I just wanted to be alone. " Please just go away , I need some time to think... Come back tomorrow."

And with the sound of the breeze, the angel vanished. I stared back to the bottle, eyes closing.

Sam... Where are you?