Grim Bird
By Diana Moon Glampers
Disclaimer- The amount of content I own in this story is proportional to the amount of living pegasus on Earth. Which is really just a fancy way of saying I don't own anything, not even my original characters. Go ahead and steal them. I don't care.
Content Warning- Big Bird says some nasty things that children should not read. If you're a kid, then go away!
Author's Note- It's November of 2012 and it is also National Writing Month. I figured that I could celebrate by crapping out a one shot story in less than a day and see where it takes me.
There are two sides to all people. No one is pure good. No one is pure evil. Part of being human is having flaws. Life is a beautiful thing, but not to Grim Bird. Grim Bird was always upset that the world was not perfect. He was always upset that someone, somewhere else in the world was not happy. Caring is a virtue, but in excess, it can poison one's soul. Grim Bird's caring had made him bitter over the years. He hated life. He hated humanity. He hated everything. He was an angry, hateful, bird that held humanity to the impossible standard of always being flawless.
Grim Bird was so angry at humanity that he hoped that it would go extinct. To him, humans were all evil and incapable to doing anything good and decent without any sort of ulterior motive. He was the angriest, sourest, meanest, and most cynical bird in the universe. Fortunately, Grim Bird did not live on Earth. He lived inside of the mind of Big Bird, the tall, friendly bird that lived on Sesame Street. Big Bird was always keeping Grim Bird locked away inside his thoughts, repressed inside the deepest darkest corners of his mind.
Big Bird did not want Grim Bird, the monster inside of him, to leave him. He knew that if he were to express his thoughts and emotions as Grim Bird, then he would surely hurt his friends and everyone he loved. Grim Bird was a part of him, though. It was impossible for him to leave Big Bird's mind. It was a horrible quandary; one that Big Bird kept to himself in hopes that no one could intervene. He liked to think that he was in control of his mind, and that he could keep Grim Bird chained in the coldest dungeon of his mind until the day that he died.
It was one fateful day that Grim Bird Escaped
Interlude: Free Verse For A Fool
By Grim Bird
They all deserve to die
I want to see them all burn
I want to see the world end
They all live their worthless lives
I hate them all
All of them live their greedy evil lives
Humans have done nothing but lie
Cheat
Steal
Rape
Pillage
Destroy
Everything anyone has ever loved
I want to see them destroy themselves
This world would be so much better if it was empty
And lifeless
Without us here to spread evil through the world
The world would be a better place
Go kill yourself, you fucking waste of space
Fuck you
Big Bird had finally decided to seek help. He knew that the monster inside of him was growing. He kept trying to keep it at bay, to keep it chained down, to keep it from hurting anyone. He knew that he could not keep up much longer. He was seeing Count Von Count, who was willing to be Big Bird's amateur therapist.
"So, Big Bird, what is it that is bothering you?" Count said. "It's just, there's a monster inside of me." Big Bird said. "Really? Like Telly?" Count said. "No, I mean a bad monster. His name is Grim Bird." Big Bird said. "Grim Bird?" Count said, intrigued. "He's been a part of me for a while now. I can't get rid of him, so I toss him in the bottom of my mind and chain him down." Big Bird said. "Really? How many years has he been down there?" Count asked. "I don't know. Fifteen?" Big Bird said. Count fought his temptation to count the number of years. "Can I talk to Grim Bird?" Count said. "Okay, but can it be under one condition?" Big Bird asked. "What is it?" Count said. "I want you to tie me up. I don't want him to hurt anyone." Big Bird said.
Count found some old chains and bound Big Bird to a street sign. A few puppets that lived on Sesame Street noticed this. "What are you doing, Count?" Mary-Lou said. "Ah, I am helping Big Bird with his problem. It is a complicated one." Count said. "Mary-Lou, please, get out of here. I don't want you to see me like this. Leave, before I can become him." Big Bird said. "Become who?" Mary-Lou asked, completely unaware of Big Bird's alter ego. "You heard the bird. Please leave." Count said. She started to walk away, but instead hid behind a mailbox, desperate to know what was wrong with her friend, Big Bird.
"Everyone is gone now." Count said. "Good. I need to unleash him." Big Bird said, He lowered his head, and cried a little bit. "Is it working?" Count said. Big Bird kept his head lowered. "It's working. I can feel him casting off the chains. He's here." Big Bird said. He stopped crying, and raised his head. Big Bird somehow looked different. His eyes no longer looked like that of a large, friendly puppet. They looked angry, insane, and full of hate. "Count, I'm here. Grim Bird." Big Bird said, in a deranged, angry voice. Mary-Lou was shocked. She had never seen her friend like this before.
"Grim Bird? You are here?" Count said. "I just said that, you worthless piece of shit! Untie me this instant!" Grim Bird said. "I can't do that. I want to talk, though. Can you talk for me, Grim Bird?" Count said. "Can I talk? Can I talk about how every last one of these evil humans on Earth need to die?" Grim Bird said. Count started to see why Big Bird asked him to be chained. "Now, now, killing is wrong. We all know that." Count said. "Tell that to the soldiers of the world, brainlessly doing what pigs in offices tell them, taking the lives of the weak!" Grim Bird said. Count was getting worried. Grim Bird was struggling to free himself from his chains. "We've had a lot of progress today. Can you go back to being Big Bird?" Count said. "No! He is such a fucking pussy. He's the biggest damn puppet on the street and makes no difference to make anyone any happier. He needs to kill himself for allowing such a horrible and evil world." Grim Bird said. "That's wrong. You do plenty to make the world happy, Big Bird. You put smiles on the faces of children across the world." Count said. "Smiles don't solve world hunger, you fucking idiot!" Grim Bird shouted, struggling even harder to free himself.
Mary-Lou could not believe what she was hearing. Big Bird was such a friendly puppet, one of her best friends. He was saying horrible words that she knew Big Bird would never say and talked about horrible things. It was a like a living nightmare unfolding before her very eyes. She felt traumatized.
Count stopped to think for a moment about what was going on and laughed. "You're quite the contradiction, Grim Bird." He said. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Grim Bird said, furious. "You talk about how you want the world to be more altruistic, but then your solution is to kill everyone. That's not a very altruistic thing to do." Count said. "Yeah, well I'm a human and humans are all evil. They're pure evil. If I want to get rid of all the evil in the world, I'm going to have to do some evil too." Grim Bird said. Count laughed again. "You aren't a human, Big Bird. You are a puppet." Count said. "I am! I'm being controlled by fascist assholes like you! You tell me to pretend to be happy, multiply, and obey! Fuck you!" Grim Bird said. "You know what you need, Grim Bird?" Count said. "What?" Grim Bird shouted, in the angriest voice Count had ever heard. "You need to think for a second. Everyone in Sesame Street loves you. You aren't evil. You were created to spread fun and cheer and teach children things they have to learn. Your creator put a lot of love into you. Don't let that go to waste." Count said. "God? He doesn't love. Ask the innocent children of Sodom." Grim Bird said. "God? No, God didn't make you. It was Jim Henson." Count said. "Fuck you! Jim Henson is dead and he made me to make money!" Grim Bird shouted, struggling at his chains even harder. One of them broke.
Mary-Lou could not take seeing her friend, Big Bird, act like a monster bent on annihilating all life on Earth any longer. She came out from hiding, with tears in here eyes. "Big Bird? What are you doing? This isn't you." She said. "It is me! I've been like this for longer than I can remember you little bitch! I was just always too pussy to tell anyone." Grim Bird said. He broke another chain. He was going to break free soon. "Mary-Lou, what are you doing? Get out of here! It's not safe!" Count said. "No, Big Bird, please. Come back. You aren't like this. This isn't you." Mary-Lou said. Grim Bird had finally broken the last of his chains. He was loose now.
Inside of Grim Bird's mind, however, was Big Bird. He had heard what Mary-Lou had said, and opened his eyes. "You aren't a part of me anymore, Grim Bird." He said. "What? No! I am a part of you! I've been a part of you for forever! I'm taking over now!" Grim Bird said. "Really? You're leaving me, Grim Bird! I don't care if I have to fight you for it!" Big Bird said. Big Bird began punching himself in the face, very hard. Blood was dripping from his beak and some of his feathers were falling out.
Count and Mary-Lou were very confused now. "He is talking and fighting himself?" Count said, scratching his head. Mary-Lou shouted. "Go Big Bird! You can do it!" "Thanks, Mary-Lou!" Big Bird shouted. "Fuck you, bitch! You make the world a worse place by existing!" Grim Bird replied. Big Bird countered Grim Bird's remark by slamming his head against a street sign. He fell down, dazed.
"The world is so unhappy, and how can I be so happy with all the suffering? Big Bird? Can you hear me? Big Bird?" Grim Bird said, barely able to form a coherent thought. "You're gone, Grim Bird! Go, and never come back!" Big Bird said. He slammed his head against the pavement, passing out in a pool of his own blood. Mary-Lou was worried now. "Is he okay?" She said. "I hope. Let's get him to the hospital." Count said.
Big Bird was taken to the hospital. When he regained conscious, he assured everyone that Grim Bird was gone and could never come back. His thoughts were more clear now and he was far more happy. For his own protection, however, Big Bird was given medication to help regulate his mood. Between a powerful resolve to rid himself of Grim Bird and prescription drugs, Big Bird was finally happy.
Interlude: Free Verse For My Friends
By Big Bird
You guys are so cool
I'm bad at poetry, though
Maybe I can get better
Thanks, Count and Mary-Lou
I could not have done it without you
The End