The DMC gang and were doing the usual on a Friday night: Just chilling, having the time of our lives on the town... And then killing an army of zombies. Dante was taking them on stylishly on his own, Trish and Lady were teaming up to kill them, Lady shooting rockets for Trish to ride on and lastly, Nero and I were back-to-back, gunslinger style, blowing the demon's heads off one by one.
"Think you can handle this many?" He asked.
"Could be tough if a few more show up, but I think I can manage!" I said, putting Ice in a roaring demons mouth and pulling the trigger.
([Boom. Headshot.]) My head voices and I said at the same time.
"Then those will be the ones I deal with." Nero said, referring to when I said it would be tough if a few more showed up.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't notice you were fighting." I smirked. Then I got an idea. "Hey, I could use A HAND." I said.
He thought for a second, but then got it. "Hop on." He said, making a giant hand with the Devil Bringer for me to jump on, high above the battle.
"FOR PONY!" I shouted, throwing down millions of fireballs. With satisfying explosions, the demons were dealt with easily. "So, what next?" I asked, jumping down as the group reconvened.
At that moment, a colossal demon showed up, looking ready to rip everything apart. "That." Dante said, firing at it.
"I got this!" I said, stepping forward with my hands on fire. Looking up at it as it looked down at me, I noticed that...
"Sai? In case you aren't paying attention, that thing is 20 times your size." Trish said.
"It's not how big your fwoosh is, it's how you use it." I said, turning to her and pointing to make a fact.
"Okay." She acknowledged.
I then turned back in time to see it stomp on me and crush me... What felt like about an hour later, I was put into some car and driven to an unknown location. I was then dragged somewhere, then it felt like I was being patted down for any weapons. Good thing only the wearer of the trench coat can pull stuff out of the pockets... Other than the rat traps I leave as nasty little surprises for people who try to steal stuff out of it. I chuckled when I heard the trap snap close and someone freak out about it, then I was dragged into some room and sat in a chair.
At that moment,someone slammed a fist, or something, down on the table to wake me up. "Aiya, karatechop!" I said, quickly, getting into a fighting stance. "Oh..." I said, sitting down. It was some old dude with a white mustache, a work shirt, some type of vest and two straps on his pants. They weren't overalls, though. He was also accompanied by a short, fat man in a suit.
"Who are you?" The fat man in the suit asks.
"Who wants to know? And where am I?" I demanded.
"Take it easy, son. I'm Gotham Police Commissioner Gordon. This is warden Quincy Sharp. You're in Arkham Asylum for some questioning." He said, putting a small plate of donuts in front of me.
Hahahahaha! The hell kind of a name is Quincy Sharp?! My idiot head voice asked.
[Focus! He just said we were in an Asylum. As in a looney bin!] The smart one said.
(Lesson 1 of being a badass: Get pissed at everything.) I explained to you readers in my head.
"Arkham ASYLUM?! As in a mental facility?! What the hell?! Why did you bring me here?!" I demanded, slamming my fist down on the table, causing the fat man to get scared and jump back.
"Calm down, son! We found you unconscious at a crime scene with the body of some giant monster we don't know what it is! Care to tell us what that would've been and why you were there?" He asked.
"You bring me to a mental facility based on THAT?! First off, if you find someone unconscious. You should bring them to a hospital! Not the looney bin! Second: You cannot arrest me or keep me here without any evidence supporting the claim that I'm guilty! You also did not read me any Miranda Rights! That's a technicality and you legally HAVE to let me go! I want to speak to my lawyer RIGHT. NOW. I am going to sue your asses so hard you won't have a cent between you. Hell, I'm suing this whole asylum and everyone who works here!" I shouted.
"Well, answer me this! Who the hell are you and what was that beast that was laying there, dead?!" The Commissioner shouted.
"Shut the hell up! You have no right to shout at me! I'm the one who should be pissed and I say again, I want my lawyer!... And a coffee: Cream and 2 sugars!" I demanded.
"At least tell us what your name is! And why you had rat traps in your trench coat pockets!? They broke the hands of a number of my guards!" The warden said.
"They shouldn't have been digging in my pockets." I said.
Then there was an announcement on the intercom. "All units, to the front gate, Batman is en route to Arkham Island." The girl on the PA said.
"Sounds like you two are busy." I said, putting my feet on the table and leaning back.
"Yeah. And you will be, too, when Batman is finished with the Joker." Gordon said, walking out along with the warden.
"Sounds fun. I'll have to clear my schedule." I said, shrugging one arm.
[Hey, doesn't Batman sound familiar to anyone?]
Yeah, a little bit. I think Deathstroke described him as a high-and-mighty, pain-in-the-ass vigilante who refuses to kill people. And from the looks of the pictures he showed us, the dude's probably a pedo. Sounds like somebody who's ass we need to kick.
"Yeah, doesn't sound like someone we'd get along with, does it, boys?" I asked them.
[Not really.]
A pedo in a rubber suit with an exaggerated crotch piece? Hell no!
"Yep. Nothing to do LEGALLY to pass the time, might as well call up a few people, see what they're up to and find out why the HELL they left me there after they killed the demon." I said, calling Dante's cell.
We're gonna call Katana for her to get our ass out of here, right?
"Of course. This place looks like a shithole, no way in hell are we staying here." I said, putting the phone up to my ear.