Listen to the Bananas
Chapter One
Mac sat her banana down on the coffee table, threw away the toothpick and waited to see if her little brother was correct. He had been doing a simple science experiement for a fair at school that she had not been aware would work. He had asked her to sit and watch his presentation yesterday and Mac couldn't have been prouder than if it had been her own work.
So when Logan had called this morning, asking if she could stop over and help him with a plan for Veronica; Mac had grabbed a banana and her smoothie and left the student union.
She had brought along her banana to eat but finding the toothpicks on the counter had been fortuitous. So she had written a something as funny as she could think of on it and was waiting for both the words to show up and Logan to exit from his bedroom.
Grabbing her laptop and heading to the balcony when she heard the shower start, she left the banana on the table and picking up her bottle of water went to work out in the sunshine.
Dick was still a bit hung over as he entered the suite, hearing the shower running and knowing that Logan could take forever, he sat down on the sofa to wait him out. Starting his gaming system, he began to play World of Warcraft wanting to get some practice in.
He had been beaten two days earlier rather ignominiously by Mac and that just couldn't stand. He couldn't let a girl knock him off the leader board on his own damn game. Let alone a girl that did to him what Mac did.
Hearing his phone ringing, he looked at it and saw that it wasn't the phone but the alarm. Opening it up, he saw the reminder that he had a meeting at the frat house, so shutting down the game, he went to Logan's bathroom, shoved open the door really really hoping Veronica wasn't here and called out. "Don't forget man, we have to meet tonight at Casey's boat."
With that, he left before he could hear Logan's response, went to the small kitchenette grabbed a Gatorade and looked over the fruit selection. Not finding anything he particularly wanted, he was grabbing the apple when he saw the banana on the coffee table.
Trading the apple for the banana, he heard his phone beeping again to remind him of the meeting, he muttered "Okay, okay."
In the car on his way to his frat meeting, he didn't have time to eat the banana but after parking in the driveway of the frat, went inside and settled in just as the meeting was to begin. Looking around, he saw that at least he had dressed; most of his frat brothers were still in their pajamas or boxers.
Drinking some of his Gatorade as they discussed the upcoming kegger and how the new sudden enforcement of the rules was affecting their party plans, he soon grew bored and went to rip open his banana.
Looking down, he was about to do so when he shook his head sure that he was losing his mind. "What the fuck?"
"Dick, do you have a problem with that?" Chip asked from his spot near the stairs.
Looking up, he said "What were we talking about again?"
"The new policy regarding the recycling of liquor bottles so that we don't get kicked off campus for underage drinking." He replied.
"Why would I care about that, shouldn't you be telling the cleaning crew." He said then looking down at his banana saw that he wasn't insane there were words on it.
Turning to Charleston who was sitting next to him, he leaned over and whispered "What does this banana say?"
"That you are crazy as shit, now shut up." Charleston said glaring at the blond who didn't seem to realize he was hung over as crap and wanted to go back to bed.
Dick looked down and saw the words don't use your teeth and blinked a bit then looked at Tripp on his other side and started to ask him what he saw but the junior was looking at him like he was nuts when he held the banana up.
Opening the banana, saving the skin, he broke it off in pieces and ate it that way, not because he was obeying the fruit but because he always ate it that way. At least that was what he tried to convince himself, his eyes on the words on the skin.
The meeting over, Chip saw him eating the damn yellow fruit and came over "What is up with you today?"
Reaching for the rind, he didn't find it so looking down, he saw that it wasn't there. "Where did my banana go?"
"I threw it out." Tripp snapped as he walked back from the door then watched as Dick flipped out and rushed to the small trash canister near it and began to dig through the trash. "Why are you acting like a five year old on crack?"
Lifting his head, Dick said "Dude, that isn't even cool, five year olds shouldn't be taking crack."
"Twenty year old Pi Sigs shouldn't be digging through the trash for empty banana rinds, Dick." Chip said then leaving the frat house, shook his head at the even stranger than normal behavior.
Mac returned to the living room an hour later to grab her banana hoping to see if there were words on her banana. "Okay, how did my banana turn into an apple."
Logan who had followed her in after they had made the reservations for his romantic weekend for Veronica said "Dick."
"Casablancas?" Mac asked like there was any other Dick who would steal her fruit.
"He probably grabbed it when he came into my bathroom to remind me about Casey's boat trip tonight." Logan said and hearing Mac groan said "What?"
"I wish you hadn't reminded me. I had it all planned. Its on the wrong day on my phone, I was going to use that as an excuse to skip the party but now Veronica won't believe me."
"What's wrong with going on the boat ride?" Logan asked. "I mean, it is only going to be the four of us, Casey, Lizzie Manning and of course Dick."
"Why was I invited?" She asked.
Logan knew that Casey had invited Mac to ensure that Veronica and Lizzie came. He didn't get why Casey was so determined for Veronica to be there but they were sailing on his boat to one of the smaller islands near Catalina. "Don't know, just that Casey invited you."
"Great, I guess I had better go change my shoes." She said lifting her feet to show off her sandals. "Go, have your lunch with Veronica but do me a favor, tell your fruit stealing roommate that I will get my banana back."
"You do remember who my roommate is, don't you?" He asked with a smirk on his face. "Do you really want me to make a fuss about a fruit that particular shape around him?"
Groaning Mac smiled back at Logan and said "No. Just tell him to ask first next time."
That night, Mac soon found out that Lizzie and Casey were dating and that she had been the one to push him to invited both Veronica and her onto what otherwise would have been a boys trip. "Why me?"
"I knew Veronica was dating Logan and well, we always got along in school, you and I." Lizzie said as she led the way to the galley. "Casey wants to spread his grandmother's ashes over board like she asked him to. Its supposed to happen at dusk and I wanted to be there for him but I really didn't want to be without someone who could handle the boat if Casey gets drunk and morose afterwards."
"So that it's explains Logan and Dick." Mac said getting it.
"And I wanted to talk to Wallace too." Lizzie said then looking at her said "Did you know that Wallace's mom works for Gant Publishing now. She is head of HR and I am working for her part time after school."
"Oh, no, I didn't." Mac said as they heard Dick arriving and to her surprise, Logan and he agreed to stay sober for this.
Out to sea, Mac was standing at the bow, listening to Logan asked Veronica if she wanted to reenact the scene from Titantic. When Veronica went to kiss him, Mac protested and said "No way because otherwise we might end up enacting the later scene, you know the one where the boat sank."
Lizzie and Casey walked over and he was carrying his mom's ashes. Wallace had joined them when Dick called out "I dropped the anchor."
Fifteen minutes later, Casey placed the now empty urn on the bench next to him and sat there, staring off into space. Logan and Dick went to get them back under way knowing their friend was going to need a few minutes to deal with his emotions.
Watching as Veronica sat down next to Casey and spoke to him, she joined Lizzie who was moving down the deck to the galley. When she grabbed a bottle of cheap rye, Mac said "Really, on Casey's boat?"
"It is what his grandmother drank. Something about memories of his grandfather. He is going to drink down the last of it." Lizzie said grabbing a glass and going to rejoin Casey.
Mac wandered the boat, though she would guess it would be called a yacht when it was this big. Arriving at the staircase to the wheelhouse, she joined Logan and said "Looks like you lost Dick."
"Nah, he went to make sure that the outer lights were working on the starboard side. We couldn't tell." Logan said as he guided the boat towards Neptune.
"You are pretty good at that." Mac said talking about his skill for sailing.
With a bitter twist, Logan said "The one thing I learned from Aaron. His dad was a fisherman, he insisted on teaching me. Its about the only time he wasn't a jackass."
"Hey Ghostworld, come to learn from the masters?" Dick said with a bit of a leer as he rejoined them. Mac took in the blond wearing the boat shoes with a pair of surf shorts and obscene t-shirt and wondered why she was so aware of him physically.
"Dick, that reminds me. Don't steal Mac's fruit." Logan warned and then closed his eyes when he saw the gleeful expression and realized that somehow Dick was going to make a dirty joke about what he said.
Mac hastily added "I left my banana on the coffee table while out on the balcony today. When I came back it was an apple."
"Wait, you were on the balcony, at the suite?" Dick asked surprised. "I didn't see you."
"Why am I not surprised?" Mac said then repeated "That was my banana."
"Oh." Dick said and went quiet for a moment then asked "Was the message from that lab rat boyfriend of yours. Were you supposed to use the banana to practice? Because dudette, he is right, you really shouldn't be using something so sharp on anything that delicate. I mean, if you want to practice on a real live subject, I am-."
"Don't finish that statement Dick." Mac said her voice sounding rather menacing to the blond and Logan looked between them completely confused as to why Mac looked like she was getting ready to shove Dick overboard.
"Available, any time Mackie. Trust me, you can use me as a-." Dick suddenly let out a rather girlie ouch as Mac punched him in his gut. And Mac stormed away. "Hey she hit me. Why did she hit me?""
"Where do you want me to start, Dick?" Logan asked shaking his head. "I guess you didn't know, Bronson broke up with Mac."
"Whose Bronson? What happened to the lab rat?" Dick asked.
"He is the lab rat." Logan said shaking his head at Dick's sudden smirk. "Hey, be nice, she saw him out on a date last night with a girl from her calculus class."
"Fine, but she didn't have to hit me. What is it with girls like Veronica and her, why do they have to resort to violence with me?" Dick asked as he winced in pain.
"Oh the reasons..." Logan said trailing off as he saw Dick rubbing his stomach like Mac had actually hurt him. "You know she could have punched you about eight inches lower."
Mac exited the boat, ship, yacht whatever the heck it was vowing vengeance on Dick after he had came down from the wheelhouse and had made yet another suggestive and leering offer of tutoring.
Arriving in her dorm room to hear Parker getting busy with Piz, she considered crashing in his room but then remembered that Wallace was going to his mom's place for the night since he was leaving for an away game early the next day.
Deciding on doing the same, she arrived at her parent's place, snuck off to her old room and crashed onto her bed, smiling a bit as she remembered Logan's news that Veronica had said yes to the trip to the countryside for five days and four nights that weekend.
In the morning, arriving in the kitchen to see Ryan running his last day of experiments, she watched her mom sigh as she looked at the bananas. "Mom?"
When Ryan had gone to get ready for school her mom said "I will be so happy to take a break from bananas. I have tried every recipe I could find on the Internet so that the bananas don't go to waste but even it is running out of ideas."
Mac laughed and offered to take a bunch but her Mom pointed her to the garage. "We have about ten bunches left. I was thinking you could take them to Veronica and your other friends. I will even pay you if you make them disappear."
Mac went to the garage and saw that the leftover bananas were in various states of ripeness and had a wicked idea. Going back inside the house, she kissed her mom and said "No payment necessary, I promise to put those bananas to good use."
Deciding she was going to have a little fun with Dick, she looked in her purse and found the key card Logan had given her a few weeks ago. "I knew there was reason I didn't return this."
Thanks to Veronica, she was able to get Dick's schedule and through hijacking his phone for about an hour in the student union that afternoon, she soon had his planner. Going to her dorm, she sat down and looked up the site that her mom had told her about and began to write on the first group of bananas.
Joining Veronica at the suite later that afternoon, she waited until Veronica had distracted Logan and went to 'play' games with Dick.
"So what was the real reason there were words on your banana, Macster?" He asked after she had kicked his ass at his game. She had been moving around the furniture, a bit worried as she once again felt the heat that said Dick was now seated next to her again.
Hoping she had better acting skills than Aaron Echolls, she turned to Dick and said "Uh, what are you talking about?"
"You know the message on your banana that said don't use your teeth." He explained as he sat there next to her, surprised to realize he had enjoyed himself that evening yet again hanging with Mac. He often avoided her due to the memories of Beaver and more worryingly the awareness of her by his libido.
"Are you saying that my banana told you not to use your teeth? Yeah, right Dick. Any excuse to give me a hard time. I thought that we were if not friends that we had declared a truce, but clearly that isn't true." With that, she grabbed her bag and left the penthouse.
Sitting in her car, she reached over for her messenger bag and pulled out the bananas she had traded for her own specially designed ones.
Dick woke up at six, went to knock on Logan's door and was told he would meet him at Dog Beach. "'Kay dude, but find out from Ronnie what is up with Macster."
Going to the kitchen, he grabbed his standard, fruit and a Gatorade. Looking at the banana, he saw that there were no words on it and shaking his head, reminded himself that the words hadn't been meant for him.
On the beach, he caught the first wave he saw and rode it in enjoying the peace of the early morning quiet. Two more rides and he waded into shore and went to grab his banana.
Putting it on the inside of his wet suit, he paddled back out, sat on his board and peeled his breakfast. He was about to toss it overboard when he blinked and read "Don't forget to swallow."
"What the fuck?" Looking around for someone, he saw only a man walking his dog and in the distance a guy jogging.
Heading towards shore, he wiped out midway in on a medium wave, his nerves jangled at the words on the fruit. Dropping the rind into the ocean as he fell into the water, he was soon on shore, gasping for breath.
He was on his way to the car when he saw Logan pulling up. "You're too late."
Looking at his cell phone, Logan said "I told you I would meet you at seven, its six fifty two."
"I lost my banana." He snapped.
"Okay." Logan said. "Maybe its karma for stealing Mac's yesterday."
"Mac." Dick said then looking around didn't see her little green toy car. "Maybe...never mind."
Stomping to his truck, he got rid of the sand, went to the suite, showered and was on his way to the Hearst campus, determined to ask Mac if she had messed with his banana.
Finding her in the student union along with her overly cheery roommate, that dishrag Piss and Wallace, he went to the cashier and bought a banana.
Dropping it on the table in front of her, he snapped "Here, I replaced your precious banana. Now leave mine alone."
"Uh, thanks." Mac said looking at him like he was nuts. Dick knew that look, it was a Veronica Mars special.
"I mean it, no more freaky messages on my fruit, Mac." He ordered.
"Okay." She said then Dick saw her looking at Wallace.
Parker smiled at him like she was convinced he was crazy too, which upset Dick so he asked "Are you in on it?"
"On what?" Piz asked staring at the upset blond now standing in front of them wearing a shirt that had him looking the other way feeling embarassed to be seen with him and a pair of cargo pants. He couldn't believe Wallace knew this idiot let alone that Veronica and Mac did.
"The messages on my bananas." He said.
"Messages on your what?" Wallace asked. Dick saw his eyes narrowing and then he asked "Are you drunk already, Dick?"
"No, look, yesterday my banana said don't use your teeth and today it said to remember to swallow." He informed them. When they all just stared at him, he stomped away, brushing past Chip who turned to follow him.
Mac was listening to Veronica's story about how Dick had confronted her about messages on his bananas. "I am beginning to think that he is cracking up. I told him to skip the bananas and stick to the apples, that they don't talk."
Hiding her need to laugh, she said "I know, he accused me earlier today. He tried to tell me that the banana I took to Logan's yesterday had a message on it that said something about teeth and that today's had someone about swallowing. I think it is a practical joke on his part."
"The messages do sound like something that Dick would say, aren't they." Veronica replied then hearing her phone ringing answered it. A ten minute conversation with Logan later, she asked "Is there anyway you could check on Dick, make sure he doesn't end up in jail or worse this weekend. Logan is worried about Dick."
"Sure, as long as I don't have to go to the penthouse with you both gone." She replied.
"He should be at the frat house most of the weekend. They are having a party." Mac kept her need to smirk off her face as she realized that if Dick was drinking this weekend, it meant that he would be more susceptible to her mischief.
Early the next morning, Mac slipped into the penthouse and planted the fruit. On campus she saw Dick arriving to attend class and how spooked he was. Moving towards him she waited until he was halfway to the sidewalk before she called out "Dick, did Logan give you the message?"
"What message?" Dick asked then said "Wait, tell me what this says?
"What what says?" She asked as he dragged her to his car. When he opened the door and leaned in to grab the rind, she said "Oh god, is this about the banana, again?"
When he removed the rind and pushed it into her hands he said "What does that say?"
Mac looked all over the now over ripe yellow skin and said "That you are disgusting. Throw this stupid thing away."
Walking over to a trash can, Mac made a point of tossing it away then moved back to Dick and rubbed her hand all over his shirt. "There, no more banana gunk on my hand. Seriously, Dick, that has to make your car stink."
"You didn't see anything?" He asked with wide eyes as he looked at the trash can, there was no way he could get that lid off to retrieve the fruit.
"No, was I supposed to see something besides a rotting banana skin." She retorted.
"It didn't say I want to be inside your muffins." He asked.
Mac let her jaw drop then she pretended anger as she said "Dick, that has got to be the most idiotic way to hit on a girl I have ever heard. Grow up, would you."
With that she stomped away as fast as she could. Meeting up with Weevil in his janitorial closet, she leaned against the wall and laughed until tears came as she said "You should have seen the look on his face when I accused him of hitting on me."
Weevil who had switched out the banana rind in Dick's car while Mac had distracted him, chuckled then asked "Why are we doing this again? I mean as much as I enjoy messing with an 09er, I would like to know the reason."
"Let's just say that Dick is going to learn to think before he speaks or else." Mac replied.
"Oh man, there is going to end up being a banana shortage if you are going to do this until he learns to do that." Weevil replied then watched as Mac left and went to her morning class.
Dick entered the penthouse suite, shaking his head, sure that Mac had had to read the words on the banana and that she had been pretending to not see them.
Tossing his books down, looking at the note from his psyche professor and knew that she would never believe him if he were to tell her the truth about why he had been so jumpy in her class. Forget drug intervention, he would end up in a padded cell.
Moving towards the fruit bowl on the counter, he picked it up and tossed it into the trash, called down to the reception desk and asked them to send up a whole new bowl of fruit.
"Yes, Mr. Casablancas."
Heading to bed in spite of the fact that it was barely four, he fell asleep and dreamed that the bananas were chasing him. Awakened by the nightmare, he sat up in his bed and went to the living room where sure enough there was a fresh bowl of fruit.
Walking over, he looked at each piece, not a single word on any of them. Noting that the trash had been emptied, he went back to bed, sleeping the sleep of the dead.
Mac tiptoed into the suite, went to the fruit bowl and switched out both an apple and a banana before heading out. At her dorm, she quickly went to bed, planning on being to the student union as early as possible the next day.
Making a call to the police station as she arrived, she made the call she had promised Logan to make and when Tina came on asked "Tina, it's Logan's friend Mac. Did you see Dick leaving this morning?"
"Bright and early, he had his surfboard with him."
Perfect." Mac thought knowing that the heat of the sun would do her work for her.
Dick kept his fruit in his wet suit as he worked his way out to his favorite spot. Seated on his board, he unzipped his wet suit and pulled out the apple he had brought after carefully checking it over that morning.
About to take a bite, he smirked at the idea of getting one over on the person screwing with him, he stopped, looked at the bright red apple and almost fell off his board.
"Listen to the banana."
The words were clear as day and Dick was now convinced that he was losing his mind because they hadn't been there when he had put the apple in his wet suit.
Starting to surf in, he knelt down and paddled in, afraid he would wipe out again. Seeing Sheriff Mars walking his daughter's dog, he rushed over and said "Help!"
"Dick, what is it?" Keith asked the frantic blond.
"Look!" Dick shoved the apple in front of his face but in his haste he dropped it and Backup thought that it was a ball and grabbed it running off towards the surf. "Hey come back here."
Chasing after the dog who thought it was now playtime, Dick was just about to grab him when the dog gave him a grin that looked so much like Veronica's, that Dick stopped and stared a bit freaked out as Backup dropped and ate the apple.
"Richard, what is going on?" Keith asked as he arrived at the two some.
"My apple said listen to the bananas." He stated.
"Okay, what did the bananas say?" Keith asked with a straight face.
"To not use my teeth and for me to remember to swallow and the last one said I want to be inside your muffins and Mac was all upset with me for hitting on her, but I swear, I wasn't sir." Dick replied.
Keith took in the earnest expression on the boy's face and couldn't remembering him when he had been a ten year old trying to convince him that he hadn't meant to pull Veronica's pigtail.
"Richard, I am going to suggest that maybe you should cut down on the drinking. Son, it sounds like you are drinking a bit too much, nevermind that it is illegal."
"You don't believe me." Dick said staring at him.
"Would you believe you if you were in my shoes?" Keith asked feeling a tad bit guilty when he saw his bewilderment. "You want me to believe that you are getting messages from some mysterious place on fruit."
Dick opened his mouth to say that he would believe himself then closed it, knowing that he would think Logan was crazy if he told him that fruit was talking to him.
Going back to the Grand, he showered and went to his car. The banana had no words on it, but he was sure that at some point during the day it would speak to him and he wanted proof, he wanted someone else to see the messages.
Mac saw Dick carrying around the banana all day, heard the whispers of two Pi Sigs while she ate lunch and hid her gleeful joy at the news he had asked several different people if they saw words on his banana.
One girl had slapped him silly and at least a couple of his frat brothers were now convinced that Veronica was messing with Dick. Chip was leading that crew, mainly out of his major dislike for the blond in spite of how many times she had saved his butt.
When she saw Chip talking to Wallace, she moved closer and heard the Pi Sig president ask Wallace where she was. When he refused to answer, Mac moved in and said "Veronica is out of town with Logan, did you need something Chip?"
"Wait, when did they leave?" He asked his eyes narrowing.
"A day or so ago. Why?" Mac asked. "And how would it be any of your business?"
"Echolls went with her?" He asked sounding a bit frantic. "Do you have his number?"
"Yes." Mac said then looked at him without saying anything else.
"Give it to me." He ordered.
"Well if you had asked nicely I might have been nicer in telling you no but since you weren't. NO WAY IN HELL." Mac said with a smirk on her face.
Wallace looked at Chip and said "Why do you need Veronica or Logan?"
"Casablancas' elevator is a few floors short this week." Chip stated.
"Is that supposed to be a breaking news headlines?" Wallace asked and he heard Mac laugh. "What is he doing? As his frat brother's aren't you supposed to be supportive and stuff."
Chip started to explain then realized it sounded nuts so he just said "He is acting stranger than normal."
"Well he is a Pi Sigma Sigma, you all act strange if you ask me." Mac replied and guided Wallace away from the frat boy.
"He is right, though. Maybe we should call Veronica." Wallace replied.
"Why, because Dick is acting a bit strange. I don't think so. I promised Logan to keep him out of jail and alive, nothing was said about keeping him away from the men with the really nice tailored white jackets that tie up in the back." Mac replied.
Wallace chuckled and Mac hurried to her dorm room to change clothes before heading to the police station. Being sent to Keith Mars' office, she heard him chuckling when he saw her. "I guess it went well."
"Better than you would have believed. Dick was so nervous that he dropped the apple and Backup got ahold of it." Keith said. "He ate the evidence. Just to ratchet up the situation, I suggested that he quit drinking and reminded him that it was illegal."
"Thanks, sir." Mac hadn't told Veronica's dad what Dick said but had told him about the banana theft and how it had led to her 'pranking' the blond. He had agreed that it was harmless fun.
Returning to the campus, she was in the library when she had an idea for the next day so she wrote it down and went back to studying.
TBC