Christmases When You Were Mine

Sung by: Taylor Swift

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Enjoy!!

Please take down the misletoe

I slowly stretch my body so that my fingers are able to touch the mistletoe that is hung in the center of the kitchen door way. I fiddle with the hook holding the flower on and remove it from its place. Mistletoe used to be my favorite around Christmas time, especially when Nick and I were together, we always stopped underneath the amazing piece of art a miraculous number of times, spending a wonderful amount of time each time we stopped. Those were the good days, when my 'best friends' were always by my side, always supporting me no matter what kind of thing I had screwed up. No longer are they here, holding my hand through the rough times, they've all abandoned me, and I'm alone… on Christmas.


Cause I don't wanna think about that right now

I shake my head, trying desperately to erase the pictures of all of us together, decorating my house with beautiful stockings, and calendars that counted down to Christmas day. Even though I want to erase everything, I can't, because it's driving me crazy not to be able to have them around this year. And with all the crap going on in my life, well I guess I should say Hannah's life, I really need them right now. To comfort me, and just let me cry for hours. I haven't cried in so long it hurts, probably because everything that happens just keeps piling up inside me, slowly breaking me down piece by piece. But I can't cry without a shoulder; it just makes it more real to me than no one is here.


Cause everything I want is miles away

After being replaced by Demi Love and Selena Russo they bought a house in Texas, Nick's birth state. They sold their house in Malibu, which just so happened to be located exactly beside my own house, in Malibu. It still hurts to think that the only reason they moved was because of me, although I didn't do anything, it aches the gigantic hole in my heart to think that I'm the one that pushed the away from this town in California. But I was learning to live with it, but tonight it's all rushing back. The pain, and the guilt.


In a snow covered little town

According to the news, Texas has been getting lots of snow, inches and inches. Malibu, unfortunately, isn't. So while they're off playing in the snow with Demi and Selena, I'll be drowning in pain, not enjoying my Christmas at all.


My momma's in the kitchen, worrying about me

I raise my gaze from the Mistletoe still resting in my hands and notice my mom in the kitchen staring at me, a frown mounted on her face. I manage to give her a small smile, knowing that worrying about me is not what she should be doing on Christmas. One person miserable on Christmas day is enough, besides my mom deserves to be happy, and I'm not going to be the one that brings her down.


Season's greetings, hope you're well

A gush of air evaporates from my mouth and I wander over to the fireplace, cards and more cards are resting on the fireplace, different kinds of Christmas sayings planted on the front of them, all the way from 'Merry Christmas' to bible verses about Jesus being born. I take a hand away from the flower and run it along one of the cards. 'Season's Greetings' I sigh and silently pray, Dear Lord, some how could you just let the Jones family know that I hope that they are well and that I hope this Christmas is turning out great for them in Texas


Well I'm doing alright

Let them know that I'm fine, even though I'm not right now.


If you were wondering

But only if they are wondering, if they aren't then just don't even bother, Amen.


Lately I can never tell
I know this shouldn't be a lonely time

Christmas… the most wonderful time of the year; the time when all the friends and family come together to celebrate and just be together; a time when you're not supposed to be alone, not to feel the way that I'm feeling at the moment. So how come I get to be the one person that is lonely, the one person that doesn't have any friends and hardly any family to celebrate Christmas with me this year?


But there were Christmases when you were mine


Putting cheesy Christmas stickers on the windows around my house, transforming my web page into a Christmas-y page, eating Little Debbie brownie cakes shaped like Christmas Trees even when our parents told us Christmas dinner was almost ready, decorating the Christmas Tree… together. Those Christmases were perfect and apparently fresh in my memory. But those were Christmases when Nick and I were dating, and now Christmas just isn't the same without him, or his crazy brothers.


I've been doing fine without you, really

I smile; a month ago I was laughing with my best friend Mandy, and going to video premieres, I was perfectly fine. Finally convincing myself that I was over him, not hurting that his brothers are no longer speaking to me, but now I'm not convinced.


Up until the nights got cold

When December the First rolled around, that's basically the day I broke, realized that I wasn't fine, I was tearing apart on the inside; I still am.


And everybody's here, except you, baby

I hear the familiar sound of the doorbell ringing and avert my gaze toward the door; mom is already there, smoothing down her dress. She sighs and puts on a big smile, glancing at me once and then opening the front door; everyone starts filing in, except for the people that I want the most to be here.


Seems like everyone's got someone to hold

Lily is with Oliver, Taylor is with Justin, Mandy is with Terrance, Brandi is with Sam, Vanessa is with Zac, Ashley is with Jared, Alyson is with Adam, Amber is with Drake, Jackson is with Becky, and so the list goes on… of people who are holding on to each other, claiming what's theirs, and all I have to hold is this small piece of Mistletoe.

But for me it's just a lonely time

Everyone comes over to me, saying Hello's and asking How I'm doing, but I can't speak. Even though those people are here, standing in my presence, it doesn't feel like it. A light has been taken from me and I'm no longer living during this season, not when they're not around. It's still lonely, still feels like I'm in a boxed up room with nothing but myself.


Cause there were Christmases when you were mine


I've tried to forget the small kisses we shared as he handed me my present each year, I've tried to forget the smile on his face as he opens my present to him, and I've tried to forget the shine in his eyes on December Twenty-First, but I can't. Because those were Christmases when he was mine, the Christmases that I enjoyed, when we were one of those couple that could put our arms around each other and not worry about the others thinking that we were together, because we were and we were proud of that.


Merry Christmas everybody
That'll have to be something I just say this year

I guess I'll just walk around the room, and even if it doesn't feel real I'll still say the words that everyone wants to hear at this time 'Merry Christmas' maybe they'll believe me, think that I'm really acknowledging them and not just saying Merry Christmas because I have to. So slowly I walk up to every couple, putting on the best smile I can fake, and wish them a Merry Christmas, then walking off to the next couple and doing the same.


I'll bet you got your mom another sweater

Every year Nick gets his mom a sweater, and then something else. But the sweater is always there lying under their family's Christmas Tree wrapped up nicely in a box and pretty wrapping paper until Christmas morning. I imagine what this year's sweater looks like, red with white trimming and nicely curled ribbons maybe, or green with silver patterns etched onto the material.


And were you're cousins late again

And every year, when the Jones host a Christmas Dinner, their cousins, Ethan and Sophia, were always at least one hour late. Dragging in and complaining about the other taking to much time getting ready or not driving fast enough. I laugh, they truly were nice people, just never on time, and that aggravated everyone else there, complaining that next year they should tell them that dinner is an hour earlier than it really is so they might actually show up on time.


When you were putting up the lights this year

I imagine their house is lit up in crystal looking lights, brightening the outlines of every indent of their house. And I know that Nick, Joe, Kevin, and Frankie were the ones that put them up, they always did every year and I was always there with them, laughing when Joe fell, no matter how flat of a surface he was standing on.


Did you notice one less pair of hands


I wonder if they even noticed that I wasn't there this year, or if they even thought about me. They probably had Selena and Demi helping them this year, maybe they thought that Demi and Selena were better at helping them with the lights than I was, but that would be okay, because at least I crossed their minds.


I know this shouldn't be a lonely time

Everyone moves into the kitchen, Mom has mentioned that dinner is ready and everyone is ready to eat. I, however, stay in the living room, playing with the Mistletoe still in my hands and flopping down on the couch, once again the only one in the living room.


But there were Christmases when I didn't wonder how you are tonight

I wonder how he is, is he pleased with everything he got for Christmas, is he agitated that people are looking past the real reason we celebrate Christmas or he is he just content, Happy that his family could be together this Christmas? This year is the first year that I've wondered if he's okay and it feels horrible. I wish I could just see him, just a glance at his face to try and tell how he is feeling.


Cause there were Christmases when you were mine
Pictures, laughs, and smiles. I used to be happy around Christmas, when we were together, the perfect couple, as people liked to call us, but if we were the perfect couple then how come this Christmas he isn't mine?


You were mine

A/n: I've done many oneshots, well a few at least and I haven't received that many reviews. So I'm not really expecting a bunch on this one, but please if you like this story just write me a review that says 'I like it' that's all I want, it makes me happy. OK, now it's up to you, review or don't. Bleeding Loner readers, if you review this story I'll be sure to update sooner than I have planned on that story. =)