May Angels Lead You In
By AntipodeanOpaleye
Disclaimer: Everything you recognize from any other source either doesn't belong to me or is a purely coincidental occurrence. Anything that you've never seen probably belongs to me. I write for enjoyment and no copyright infringement is intended. The song Hear You Me belongs solely to Jimmy Eat World.
Author's Note: This is my attempt at pure Alec/Max centric angst, though I'll admit that it isn't extraordinarily great, due to the fact that it was written after a really, really bad day, more as an outlet than anything else. But I have been meaning to write this scenario out. Anyway, moving on. To my beta, Johan; you rock. Thank you so much, as always. Please read and review; I live for what you have to say! Thank You!
Anyway, hope you like it!
Dedication: To Vin, you know why. Thank you for everything! You're so great!
May Angels Lead You In
(Jimmy Eat World's Hear You Me)
There's No One In Town I Know
You were hurt. Badly. It wasn't surprising, though, because so many others were sprawled out, dead or dying, their bodies littering the streets. But with them I was able to pass by and move on. But you, you were different. You always have been. You told me to go, not to come back, to send someone else. You didn't want me to have to see what happened. But I came anyway, and seeing you on the street, blood pooling around you, that broke all the rules of leadership, of battle, of composure. It broke my heart. And I couldn't bear to leave you there alone.
You Gave Us Some Place To Go
I ran over to you, briefly relieved that you were breathing, but all of that alleviation was shattered as I saw the wounds marring your body, and realized that the small breaths you did take were heavy and labored. I bent down to be level with you, begging you to wake up.
"Please Alec," I whispered shakily, my heart pounding against my ribs harder than I'd ever felt it. It hurt. It hurt because you were hurting. It hurt because I felt your pain.
I Never Said Thank You For That
"Alec," I whispered again, praying to every god in the known universe, to Ben's Blue Lady, anyone, that you'd wake up. Your eyes fluttered open, though it was obvious that even that small motion was a struggle for you. I reached down to you, and I noticed you blinking rapidly, as if to clear your vision. You smiled slightly, and then began to cough uncontrollably, wincing all the while at the pain it caused as the convulsions racked your weak body. I grabbed hold of you, tenderly yet with required firmness, and I hugged you to me, trying to calm you. I lost regard for everything I knew, and just embraced you, trying to make the pain go away.
I Thought I Might Get One More Chance
You were finally able to calm yourself, but you were in more agony than you were to begin with. I could tell. You opened your mouth slowly, and whispered hoarsely.
"I," you started, taking a deep breath and flinching as you did so. "Thought I told you to stay put."
I shook my head. "I couldn't. I was worried. For valid reasons," I replied pointedly, shooting a concerned look in your direction.
You looked upset. "Are you ok?" you said, looking at the dried streaks of blood on my hands and face. I nodded. "Not mine."
You grinned feebly. "As long as you're ok," you sounded as if you had more to say, but you drifted off without another word.
"Alec," I whispered, "what happened?" I mentally cursed my bluntness. Here you are, critically wounded, and all I could think to say is 'Alec, what happened?'
"Bullets," you choked out, coughing again, though much less than before. "White."
"He hurt you?" I hissed, anger surging through me, but it quickly ceased as I saw you, with some effort, begin to shake your head.
"White's dead," you whispered in your now strained voice. "I killed him. After he got his shots in."
I nodded solemnly. I barely heard you whisper.
"He was coming for you."
My head snapped up, turning to you, searching your face for some sign, some more comprehendible explanation of what you'd just said. But all I could see was excruciating anguish.
What Would You Think Of Me Now
"Alec," I begged, grabbing your hands impulsively, shuddering at how deathly cold they were. Your breathing slowed once more, becoming harsh and shallow. I felt the tears that had welled up in my eyes begin to fall, and my own body began to shake in agony. My vision blurred as I started to sob, and then suddenly, I felt your soft fingers brush lightly against my face, your thumb gently wiping away the tears.
"Please," you asked me, "please, Max. Don't cry."
I shook my head, at a loss for words. How could I not cry?
"I'm just a screw up Max," you said with a lacing of meek sarcasm, but more hurt than anything. "This was inevitable."
"Don't say that," I whispered, more tears running down my cheeks as I bent over you, the hot teardrops falling on your bloody abdomen.
So Lucky, So Strong, So Proud
"You're not a screw up, Alec," I whispered, no longer looking at you, but instead staring off into the distance. "You never were. I'm," I choked back a sob and continued, "I'm so sorry."
You coughed again, and I felt even worse. I blanched, and I felt as if I might vomit. But I stayed by your side.
"Maxie," you said quietly, your tone almost inaudible. "Promise me something?"
"Anything," I answered in a frightened undertone.
"Never forget me," you choked as you took a shuddering breath.
I Never Said Thank You For That
"No," I hissed, horrified. "Don't you start that. You're going to be fine."
You shook your head. "Promise me, Maxie."
"Why?" I whispered hoarsely, not wanting to come to terms with the unthinkable. Not wanting to even allow the thought to cross my mind.
"I couldn't bear it," you gasped in mid sentence, "if you forgot me."
The tears began to flow more quickly down my face. "I could never forget you."
You smiled, a small, genuine, very uncharacteristic smile, full of regret and fear, void of any sarcasm or 'smart aleck' intention. It broke my heart.
Now I'll Never Have A Chance
"We should get you back, so that someone can fix you up," I said determinedly, though I didn't move. I saw the look in your eyes. A sort of defeat that I'd never seen there before. An almost relieved defeat.
"No, Max," you said quietly, closing your eyes briefly, staring up at me with renewed remorse.
"Alec," I began, but you cut me off.
"It's over. It's no use either way. I'm sorry."
"What are you saying?" I asked you, my voice quivering uncontrollably with the question, even though I knew perfectly well what you meant.
"I don't have much left, Max," you told me, your expression determined. "I won't make it."
"You can't do this to me, Alec," I begged pitifully.
"I'm sorry," you repeated, sighing as I begin to sob once more.
May Angels Lead You In
Hear You Me My Friends
On Sleepless Roads
The Sleepless Go
May Angels Lead You In
So What Would You Think Of Me Now
"Maxie?" you asked softly, emotion breaking your already delicate voice.
"Yeah?" I whimpered back.
"Will you stay with me?"
I stared at you, wondering what would make you think that I would just up and leave, finally coming to terms with the fact that I'd never given you any reason to think otherwise.
"Of course, Alec."
You smiled again, that small, melancholy smile. Sobs begin to wrack my body again, and with what had to be close to all the strength you had left, you embraced me lightly, pulling me to the ground with you, laying my head on your chest, stroking my hair. My tears fell onto you, and I could feel yours dropping steadily onto my skin. And, regardless of all of your pain, of the fact that you'd accepted imminent death, you comforted me like no one else had ever bothered to do. You put me above yourself.
So Lucky, So Strong, So Proud
I was hysterical, more so than I had ever been before. You continued to stroke my hair, and that began to calm me down. The beating of your heart under my cheek was comforting, but at the same time enough to make me want to cry even harder. The strong rhythmic pulse, the one that I'd listened to before all hell had broken loose, that confident, youthful, powerful cadence was gone, replaced by an ever slowing throb that was barely detectable. It was at that point that I realized that this was the end. That at any moment, you'd be gone forever. It was more painful that anything I'd ever felt. Like I was dying right along with you. And, in more ways than not, I was.
I Never Said Thank You For That
"Maxie," you whispered, not even attempting to steady your voice.
"Alec."
"I don't want to die Maxie. I don't want to be without you."
I began to sob harder once more. "You can't leave me, Alec. I'll die without you." I couldn't have cared less about anyone else, and what they thought of me at that moment. Damn the foreplay, the bickering, the petty arguments. I would die without you. Hell, I would already be dead without you.
"Can I tell you something?" You asked quietly.
I nodded, tears falling from my eyes as I bobbed my head against your chest.
"I love you Maxie."
Now I'll Never Have A Chance
There was a time I would've slapped you for that admission. Or hung my mouth open in shock. Perhaps I'd have babbled and talked incoherently until you changed your mind or were yapped to death. But, right then, I just smiled slightly and buried my head deeper into you. You loved me. You. Loved. Me. And that was worth the world. I'm not sure why, or how, but that fact was able numb the pain for a split second. Able to create the perfect world, one which revolved solely around you and me, if only for an instant. I closed my eyes, a few unshed tears falling onto you.
"I love you, too."
May Angels Lead You In
Hear You Me My Friends
On Sleepless Roads
The Sleepless Go
May Angels Lead You In
May Angels Lead You In
"Maxie," you whispered again, your voice beginning to sound more and more distant. More and more strained. "I love you. I'll always love you."
"No, Alec," I pleaded uselessly. I knew that this was the beginning of the end. What would I have to live for now? I sat there, weeping uncontrollably as the stroking of my hair slowed and finally ceased, your heartbeat weakened until I could no longer feel it, your eyes closing eerily. I continued to cry as I brushed the hair from your face lovingly, feeling you expel your last breath, sensing your essence, your soul, escaping from your body, as I realized that you were gone.
May Angels Lead You In
It's been a week. It seems like an eternity. So many people lost their lives that day, you know. But in all honesty, you were the only one anyone really cared about. We all took care of things for a sort of funeral, the best we could give you in Terminal City. Believe me, everyone went out of their way. Joshua was whimpering the entire time. Mole was in shock. Luke and Dix, along with so many others, were besides themselves, only now believing that the indestructible Alec had been taken out. That was a tough blow. You not being there. Your charisma, your upbeat persona, your grin, your contagious optimism and laughter. Your presence. You're missed, Alec.
May Angels Lead You In
You should've seen them, Alec. They all turned out to pay their last respects. Every last one of them. And the majority of them were in tears. No matter who or what they were, how well they knew you, or how you'd affected them. They were your friends, and seriously, I didn't know you had so many. Hell, Sketchy came. He was bawling, you know. If I hadn't been so detached, I may have noticed the humor, but at the time, no one acknowledged the potential amusement in his actions. But they loved you Alec. They still do.
May Angels Lead You In
Me, on the other hand, sat beside you the entire time, nursing constant waves of tears. Everyone offered their condolences, for which I'm grateful, but with every word they had to say, I cried harder. My eyes might be permanently red for all I know. Not that I would care if they were. I could care less about anything right now. Maybe you already know that. The only person who could get close to me was OC, who came as soon as she heard what had happened. And she had trouble convincing me to let her help. I only want one person. The person I can't have anymore. I only want you.
And If You Were With Me Tonight
Oh, God, you have no idea how many times I begged for you to come back. If you were here, I would do things so differently, Alec. So differently. I'd treat you better. We'd be together. We'd spend every moment of every day, just me and you. We'd love each other Alec. And if we did nothing else, that would make me the happiest woman on earth.
I'd Sing To You Just One More Time
I'd apologize for all those things that I'd said to you. Even if it meant swallowing my pride and admitting I was wrong. You meant so much more to me than you knew, Alec. More than I knew. And now you mean that much more, but that fact is twice as painful than it ever was before. You were such a strong, amazing person. You always will be. Why did you have to die?
A Song For A Heart So Big
Alec, you are one of the most caring people I've ever known. Whether you let on or not, you were always compassionate beyond your years, and you always, always put others before yourself. Maybe you had too big a heart. But somehow, I don't think that's possible. Because whether it cost you your life, and whether I agree with it or not, you wouldn't have really been living if you hadn't been putting your own interests after ours.
God Wouldn't Let It Live
You know that saying people use? How a million words couldn't bring you back, I know because I've tried, and neither would a million tears, I know because I've cried? Well, I can testify to that. Because if it wasn't true, you would never have left me alone. Never left me to hurt, scarred with wounds that will never heal. Not without you.
May Angels Lead You In
Hear You Me My Friends
On Sleepless Roads
The Sleepless Go
May Angels Lead You In
I've been sitting in my room since it happened. I haven't eaten, haven't slept, haven't spoken, haven't moved. I cry occasionally, but I've run out of tears, it seems. All I feel is numb, and then the deadly stab of cold, hard, uncaring, unsympathetic reality. And then numbness once more. OC's stayed with me in the silence, not even bothering to offer me any consolation except a warm, sisterly embrace. She's as devastated as any of us, and maintains the stillness. But I still feel cold. Deathly cold.
May Angels Lead You In
Hear You Me My Friends
On Sleepless Roads
The Sleepless Go
May Angels Lead You In
Do you know what it's like to feel constant pain with every moment you go on living until you get to the point where you no long possess the will to go on? I do, Alec. I won't be able to do this alone. No way in hell. I need you Alec. I'm wondering more and more often why I keep going on, anyway. But then I realize something.
On Sleepless Roads
You would never leave me. You'll always be there.
The Sleepless Go
And then I understand exactly why I keep on living. It all makes sense.
May Angels Lead You In
I live for the moment when we'll be together again.
A/N: Aww, so sad. Make myself cry. Hope you liked it.
Anyway, R/R, Thanks!
-AntipodeanOpaleye