Here comes another anon request ... I am sorry, that concentrate on Halstead and Voight (and Lindsay) this time (again) ^^" A guest told me, that I shouldn't, but this one is a little bit older and well ... it's still hard for me to concentrate on all characters ^^ But I hope that I will do it in the future after same pracitce in writing in english ;) Hope you enjoy it :)

Thank you Zoe for your help :-*

Disclaimer: Still don't own anything!

We all had lost one of our partners.

He stood under the shower with closed eyes and thought about the old times. Memories of Andrew and him, of their childhood, about how they went to school together, had done stupid things and had so much fun. How they both decided to join the army, always having each others backs. How they both make it home alive and without any physical injuries. Jay thought about his best friends wedding after they had came back from Afghanistan. That he had been Andrews best man.

Halstead could feel the knot in his throat getting bigger. His heart beat louder with every memory. He would never forget the day when Andrew decided to go back while he wasn't strong enough to do a second tour. He should had been there. He should've had his colleagues back. They were best friends since they were six and now he was dead. The last time he saw him was eight months ago. Eight fucking months and he had the chance to see him six month ago before he went back to the warzone. But Jay didn't go see him. He never thought that he would never has a second chance to talk to his friend, because Andrew was a good soldier. Much better than he was. He had always made it home – alive!

The guilt killed him. Why didn't he spent more time with him? Why didn't he have his back? Why had he left his best friend alone by himself? The tears ran down Jays face but he didn't care. He needed this moment. He was alone, so he allowed himself to be weak. Because at the funeral he needed to be strong, for Andrew's wife, for his family. For the unborn baby. Jay felt sick, the urge to vomit growing stronger as the room spun.

How was he supposed to get through this day alive? Because of Erin. Jay was more than thankful already that she agreed to go with him to the funeral. Without her he wouldn't have made it. With her by his side he didn't feel like a complete wreck. He let his best friend down and that was something Jay would never be able to forgive himself.

After he finished the shower he wrapped a towel around his waist and was heading towards the bedroom when he heard hissed voices. With a furrowed brow, Jay walked out into the middle of the discussion between Erin and her father.

"I have told you, I don't have time for this right now Hank!" Erin told her boss, stopping when she saw his facial expression suddenly change. Without turning around she knew that Halstead was behind her and she knew that Voight would get it totally wrong.

"Oops." Halstead mumbled to himself as he entered the living room where the whole unit was standing and glancing at him. He wished that he had gone straight into Erin's bedroom to get dressed, because the last thing he wanted to deal with was a pissed off Voight. Who already looked angry and the others didn't seem to know what they should think about this situation.

"What the hell are you doing here Halstead?!" Hank asked his detective and by the sound of his voice you could hear that the man's blood was rushing through his veins aggressively.

Jay didn't know what to say because it didn't matter what he said, Voight wouldn't believe him anyway.

Hank's brown eyes went from a half naked Halstead to Erin. "Are you two having a thing?"

Before Erin could say something Voight turned himself back to Halstead. He pointed at him with his index finger, his voice cold. "I have told you I will run you out of the unit if you don't keep it in your pants Halstead! I thought you were a soldier. Didn't you suppose to obey your bosses orders?!"

Jay didn't say anything. His mind was running back to his friend, his dead friend.

"HANK!" Erin shouted angrily because she knew what Jay was going through right now.

"It's enough! You shouldn't talk to him like that!"

But Voight didn't listen. He had talked himself into rage. He couldn't believe that Jay had gone against his orders! His orders to staying away from Erin!

"He can speak for himself Erin! Or at least a good soldier would do! A good soldier wouldn't betray his superior and disregard his orders. A good soldier wouldn't be afraid of anything and would stand up for himself and not let other people do this for him!"

Voight was right. A good soldier wouldn't be afraid of anything. He wouldn't leave his friends behind him. Wouldn't let them die. But he never disregarded Voight's order. Even if he would love to, Erin and him kept it professional like Voight had told him. Even if Jay knew that he hadn't done anything wrong, he felt the guilt rushing up his body. The knot in is throat returned and he couldn't take the gazes from his coworkers any longer. He had to go. So Halstead turned around and headed back towards Erin's bedroom.

Which made Voight more angry. "You don't turn your back on my Halstead! Come back!"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Erin yelled and couldn't believe how Voight could be so angry. Her look was cold. "You should shame yourself Hank! You have no right to yell at him. Not today or any other day! We aren't a thing! We didn't do something that would've displeased you or the other ones! So calm yourself down! You don't have to play the big brave overprotective father because I am grown up! I don't need your help or your protection!"

"Oh yeah? And why has Halstead come half naked out of bathroom? Huh? Doesn't his one work? You can't tell me that you were just chatting!"

"No, we are -" Erin started but was interrupted by Jay who turned back to the living room.

"- going to a funeral!" He finished her sentence and was now fully dressed in his military uniform. His heart beat against his chest. He didn't feel well at all but after Voight's explosion he was angry. Angry about what Voight said, angry about Voight himself, that he didn't trust him or Erin. That he seemed so scared of them being a thing!

It was quiet. It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Voight's face expression was getting harder. Like he was in shock.

"I have asked Erin to come with me to the funeral because I couldn't go alone. Because this is my best friends funeral, Voight! My best friend died just a few days ago! Because I left him alone! Because I wasn't strong enough to do a second tour. I don't know what you have done in your life, but I am sure that you don't know how it feels to be a soldier! How it feels not knowing if you or one of your friends are going to be dead in the next second because you are somewhere you never were before! Somewhere where a lot of people are pointing guns at you and trying to kill you!

Don't tell me anything about being a good soldier! Don't tell me that I disregarded your stupid orders because I didn't. Even if so it's none of your fucking business what I am do outside of intelligence! I saw a lot of people dying right before my eyes! You don't know me and you better stop judging by what you see or what you want to see. If me and Erin want to have a thing then we will. You can't tell me what I'm supposed to do and what I am not! I am going to my best friends funeral and needed some support, so I asked Erin because she is my partner. She doesn't judge me like some others I know."

Now it was Jay's turn to talk himself into rage. He yelled at Voight full with anger. He was sick of his boss' overprotective behavior. It made him sick to think that he had to go to a funeral to say goodbye to his best friend for the last time.

"It's okay Halstead. Voight wasn't right about what he had said." For the first time one of the other three unit members spoke up. It was Olinsky. He looked at the soldier and felt sorry for him. Because he knew how he felt right now.

"We all knew how you feel. We've all lost one of our partners." Dawson said and his heart beat heavily because he was reminded of Jules.

"He wasn't just my partner! He was my best friend! I was his best man at his wedding and supposed to be his kids godfather. He wasn't just a partner! He was my brother and I let him down." Jay yelled and could feel how the tears had started to stream down his face. His throat felt constricted.

"So you don't have any right to put me in my place Voight! You are just a sick ass son who only cares about himself. I have lost my brother … someone of my family." Jay's voice was shaking, just as his body was. Then his voice broke and the next thing he could feel was Erin pulling him into a comfortable hug. She rubbed her hands on his back and mumbled that it was okay to let his guard down.

Jay swallowed. He laid his arms around the woman and pulled his face into her neck as the tears rushed down his face. As he cried about the loss of his partner. His best friend. His brother.