Title: Kettles (Nothing Boils Even With Eyes Closed)

Rating: PG

Pairings: Sarah and Ellie friendship, background Chuck/Sarah canon UST.

Spoilers: general for s2.

Summary: Sarah and Ellie talk over dresses and cookies.

Kettles (Nothing Boils Even With Eyes Closed)

When Ellie asks her to be a bridesmaid, Sarah has a very rare moment of being taken off guard and doesn't know what to say. The right answer is yes, but the word doesn't want to leave her mouth so she settles for:

"Oh, wow."

Ellie seems to takes this as a positive thing, because the next thing Sarah is aware of is of being enveloped in Ellie Bartowski's giddy hug.

"This is going to be great!" Ellie is all smiles, happily babbling about how great it is that Sarah said yes, making Sarah's smile feel all the more forced.

That's how Sarah finds herself in the Bartowski's living room after her shift at the Orange Orange, sitting on the couch as Ellie pulls out some ideas for bridesmaids dresses. And not for the first time since she was given this assignment Sarah is left to wonder just how she's became a part of this group of people — family, a voice she doesn't listen to whispers — and why they seem to like her so much. It's not that Sarah thinks she's particularly un-likeable, hell, she's been trained to blend in, make an impression and if need be, to be quickly forgotten. She's been trained to be liked or despised according to the mission, but none of her training prepared her for the warmness of the Bartowski siblings and their close knit, if a bit eccentric, group of friends.

It's their natural, unassuming charisma she tells herself. They just make everyone around them feel comfortable and for a spy, for her, it's dangerous. Comfort is not a luxury any spy can afford. Always on guard, always ready to run. Always ready to disappear.

"So, do you have any colour preferences?" Ellie smiles at her, two pieces of fabric held in her hand, and Sarah blinks, snapping back into the moment.

"Oh, sorry, what?" She stammers, moving towards where Ellie is sitting at the table, a book of fabric opened in front of her next to medical books.

"For your dress," Ellie waves the fabric in her hands again, "I'm not going to have any ugly dresses in my wedding, and no offence to Devon's mom, but yellow taffeta? I don't think so." Like Chuck, the female Bartowski's smile is a wide and friendly and Sarah can't help but match it. Ellie'senthusiasm over bridesmaid dresses is not surprising at all either; neither Bartowski ever feels the need to hide their feelings. Both of them open books, and in this moment Sarah sees why Ellie and Devon work as well as they do.

"Not awesome?" Sarah has to smile, even though she's trying not care that the elder Bartowski cares for her opinion as much as the younger one does.

Ellie smiles back, wide and honest, nose wrinkling. "Definitely not."

They hide nothing about who they are, how they feel.

Sarah wishes she could say the same. She just points to the red satin, trying not to remember how Chuck looks at her when she wears red on missions. Ellie beams, making a note of Sarah's choice, sharing the latest suggestion the Awesomes have given her and Devon on the wedding.

Chuck once said that he didn't need to know about her past to know her and in that moment it had felt real. True. But it's not that simple. Chuck may think he knows her, some days she thinks he does too, but there is still so much she hides from him. Not just about the past, though that is where most of the things she never hopes he finds out lie, but now. There's so much he's unaware of now, so much she doesn't, can't, tell him.

Can't, because she can just imagine how his eyes would dim, still smiling at her like everything is okay. And nothing is.

"Hey, Sarah, you okay?" Ellie leans forward, a gentle hand on her wrist.

Sarah mentally slaps herself, scolding herself for getting lost in thoughts she rather not be having in the Bartowski's living room. Or, really, at all.

"Oh, fine. Sorry. Long shift today. I'm being no help, aren't I?" She doesn't mention that her long shift consisted of driving with Chuck and Casey across town to stop Georgian arms dealers from selling to a well-know terrorist group.

Ellie immediately shifts into the concerned older sister that Sarah sees when Chuck is around and pats Sarah where she's still has her hand on Sarah's wrist. "You're being a great help," she appeases Sarah and stands, "how about I make us some coffee and we can leave the wedding stuff for later?"

Sarah sits up, feeling shy for some reason, "Oh, Ellie, you don't need to. I'm fine, really."

"It's no trouble and you can be the first to try the cookies I made earlier." Ellie pays no mind to her, walking towards the kitchen. Sarah shakes her head at Ellie's energy and follows.

"Thanks." She sighs.

And she must sound really tired because Ellie turns to her and pauses, head tilting, concerned. "Are you sure you're okay? If you need a nap, you can go crash in Chuck's room. I don't mind."

The genuine concern in Ellie's voice makes Sarah's chest tighten the same way every time Chuck alludes to her as family. She shakes her head, "I just need some coffee and cookies."

"Well, you're in luck. These are a Bartowski family recipe and normally between Chuck and Morgan they're gone in minutes. So we're very lucky they're not around right now." The roll of the eyes that comes mentioning Morgan seems automatic, making Sarah stifle a laugh. She knows, that just like her, Ellie thinks that despite Morgan's many, many quirks, Chuck has no better friend.

"I'm very grateful then." Sarah takes a cookie as Ellie places the plate on the counter, turning to make the coffee.

The cookie is amazing and it makes Sarah realise how hungry she is, so much she ends up eating five before the coffee is even ready. "Wow, Ellie, these are really good."

"Thanks!" Ellie beams, looking at the plate, putting out more. "I guess we have another convert to the Bartowski cookies."

"Sorry, I guess I didn't realise how hungry I was."

"Don't worry, like I said with Morgan and Chuck normally devouring them, I always make extra. I can teach you to make them if you want."

The statement burns in Sarah's ear, especially at how easily it's given, and she has to once again stop herself from saying yes. "Oh, I don't think that would be a good idea, I'm a horror in the kitchen. I wouldn't want to disgrace the fa—recipe."

"Hey, I remember the soufflé," Ellie starts and then cringes, "before it was set on fire and showered." They chuckle at the memory, and Sarah then remember how that same night Ellie almost lost her brother and sobers. Ellie doesn't appear to notice, encouraging, "If you can make a soufflé, you can definitely make the cookies."

And there's the corner. Luckily, Sarah has been dodging corners for practically her whole life. "Wanna know a secret?" She leans forwards conspiratorially, adding that extra level of tease in her voice that has Ellie curious.

"Always." Ellie grins.

"I didn't make that soufflé. I wanted to impress you and Chuck and got it pre-made, put it in a dish I bought and ta-da!" She shrinks in her seat ever the shy girlfriend and watches Ellie.

Laughter bubbles out of the other woman. "Oh, Sarah! You didn't have to do that."

"Don't tell, Chuck still doesn't know."

Ellie mimes zipping her lips, "Your secret is safe is safe with me."

The cookies and recipe are forgotten and Ellie now feels she has a connection to her outside of Chuck, like a real friend. Sarah wishes she could feel better about it, but she can't, the secret, the thread of friendship, she gave Ellie is just another lie.

They all are.