Okay, so my friends and I got really bored one day and started thinking about what would happen if the characters of Twilight were to put on the play Hairspray. This is the result. Hope you guys like it!

Disclaimer: None of us own either Twilight or Hairspray. We're just twisting them for our own enjoyment.

Scene 1

Interior, day: The auditorium of Forks High School. Rows of seats stretch across the room, facing the stage, on which there is a podium with a microphone. The students enter the auditorium, chattering loudly, and sit down. The conversations continue. The principal comes to stand in front of the podium. The chattering slowly ceases.

Principal: Good morning students.

Students: Good morning Principal Greene.

Principal: During today's assembly we will be talking about drugs. As you know…

The principal begins droning on endlessly about drugs and how they are harmful for the students and how students should say no to drugs. Whispered conversations begin to pop up between the students. Camera pans in on Cullen family, who are in the midst of a hushed conversation about an upcoming shopping trip Alice is planning.

Alice: (whispers) So I was thinking that this weekend, we could all go into Port Angeles and go shopping. What do you guys think?

Rosalie: (whispers) Sure. I'm in.

Alice: Yay! Renesmee?

Renesmee: (whispers) Can Jacob come?

Alice: Yes.

Rosalie: (speaks at same time as Alice) NO!

Renesmee: You know what; Jacob and I were planning to spend the day at First Beach. Some other time.

Edward shakes his head and tries to control his temper. Bella places a reassuring hand on his arm and whispers something in his ear. Edward calms down after shooting a murderous glare at Jacob, who is sitting several rows away with the other wolves.

Alice: Okey-dokey. (Turns to look at Bella). Bella, are you coming? Wait. (Alice closes eyes for a second, then opens them, happy). That's a yes.

Bella: But I didn't even agree!

Alice: Oh, but you will.

Bella: (mutters under breath) Stupid future seeing pixie vampire.

Alice: Yeah, but that's why you love me. And yes, I saw what you were going to say.

Bella: I didn't even ask you anything!

Alice: But you were going to. I saw it.

Bella rolls her eyes and turns her attention back to Edward. Camera pans over to wolves and their imprints (minus Renesmee). They are in the middle of planning out their circuits for the coming week.

Sam: (whispers) So, Jared, Paul, and I will take the outer perimeter this week. Leah, you and Seth will be running spokes between the two perimeters.

Leah: (whispers) Joy.

Sam: Jacob, you, Quil, and Embry will…

Jacob: (whispers) Give it a rest, Sam! We haven't had any bloodsuckers on our land in weeks. Well, except for the ones we're not allowed to hunt.

Sam: It's a precaution, Jacob. We wouldn't want someone to get hurt.

Jacob: For what?

Sam: (hands start shaking) Jacob…

Principal: Attention, students, I have one last announcement.

Students quiet down. The camera pans back over to the Cullens.

Emmett: (whispers) Now what? Hurry up so I can take Rose to the janitor's closet. Rosalie smacks Emmett on the head. Ow! Kidding, Rose.

Alice laughs silently. Her eyes go unfocused for a second before she looks at Rosalie sympathetically.

Alice: He wasn't kidding, Rosalie.

Rosalie proceeds to smack Emmett a second time. Everyone laughs. Suddenly, Alice's eyes go unfocused again and she becomes still. The laughter ceases as everyone waits for Alice's vision to cease and for her to share the news.

Edward: (Reads Alice's mind) Oh, no.

Alice's vision ends and her eyes refocus. She suddenly seems very happy and is gently bouncing on the edge of her seat.

Jasper: What's wrong Alice? What did you see?

Alice: Oh, nothing. You'll see.

Principal: As you know, students, every year Forks High School puts on its annual play. This year, we will be performing a fun Broadway musical that I'm sure everyone knows: Hairspray.

Excited whispers irrupt throughout the room. Edward's mind reading powers pick up the responses of several of the other students. His expression turns from amusement to disgust and anger.

Tyler: Oh man, this is awesome! When Rosalie sees my amazing acting skills, she'll dump Emmett in a second!

Conner: Hm… I bet I could impress Renesmee with my knowledge of the history of Hairspray. Better get on Wikipedia and find some facts, stat!

Eric: I wonder if Alice would be impressed by my rendition of "Ladies' Choice." Probably. I bet Jasper can't sing half as good as I do.

Mike: Yes! This is my chance to win Bella away from Edward. All I have to do is make sure that she's the Tracy to my Link. Then we'll have to kiss and she'll realize that I'm meant for her, not Cullen.

Lauren: This is my big chance. Of course I'm a shoo-in to be Tracy. No one else here can act. Then some big-shot Hollywood agent will see me and sign me on the spot. I'm going to be a star!

Jessica: Edward, oh, Edward. Now you will finally see just how perfect I am for you. You and I will be the best Link Larkin and Tracy Turnblad the acting world has ever seen. Bella will be nothing to you once we share a kiss on stage. Oh, Edward! I love you!

Bella: I don't want to know what they're thinking, do I?

Edward: No love. You might just try to kill Jessica.

Alice: Because she needs a reason to kill her.

Principal: Auditions will be next week after school. Since all of you have either taken or are taking an acting class, the auditions will be singing only. Please come prepared with either a solo part or a duet for your audition. You are dismissed.

SCENE