Author's Note: I'm going to regret this but the muse goes where it goes, I suppose.
So, the title comes from the one and only Hamilton, from which this story is derived. And it takes place within the bandit outlaw queen verse, which I had to take a few liberties with—sorry Isaac!—to kind of fit with the story of the Schuyler sisters, which I also adapted to fit Zelena and Regina—sorry Lin!
For those of you who already know the story, you know it means that, yes, Robin and Zelena will be married. I know that for some of you, this is bothersome but please trust me when I say I'm not happy about it either but this is an AU so things are different and they will be different. And don't worry, even this Zelena is nothing like my sweet angel Eliza and will not be treated as such.
Ok, now that I got that out of the way, you guys know I don't own anything, so all that's left to say is I hope you like it!
"And now we will hear the speeches! First up our wonderful Maid of Honor and my loving sister!"
Light applause echoes through the tavern. The steady rhythm of encouragement crescendos in the room, beckoning her to the front to greet the guests and welcome them to the celebration of her sister's union. But she's stalling, unable to move or think—for what, they'll never know, but her hesitation makes enough of an impact to start the whispers. Murmuring starts to mix into the symphony of commotion when she doesn't immediately respond.
The introduction had sounded years away, as do the new sounds that spread like wildfire around her. It's almost like being underwater, she can hear muffled notes of this and that, and she knows what the sounds are, but they are distant and far away from her. Or, rather, she is distant and far from them. Though her body is present in this time, her mind and her heart have traveled elsewhere. Instead, she is somewhere, three years prior, reminiscing on the choices that landed her here. How could she have been so foolish to let herself end up here?
Only one sound emerges from the muted garble.
"Regina?" she can hear her sister prod.
Her head snaps upward and her deep brown eyes meet with the pleading icy blue ones that belong to Zelena. And they communicate in those brief seconds with their eyes, just as they've always done.
Please, don't ruin this for me, Regina.
Don't worry. Everything is okay.
Everything must be perfect, so please.
Zelena doesn't even need to speak for Regina to hear her perfectly accented and mature voice, begging her to not mess this up. Zelena had always been the one who was prim and proper. She was, and still is, the elegant sister, the one who was destined for a perfectly average and simple life. But Regina had never been that way. She'd loved riding horses and drinking down at the tavern and, most importantly, leading a life of adventure.
Once, Zelena had asked Regina what was it exactly that she was chasing. It always seemed as though nothing was good enough for Regina. And, frankly, Zelena was right; it wasn't and it still isn't. She's not looking for anything other than the next chase. Settling is just not her style.
For awhile, when Snow White was still in power, Regina had no choice. She lived a life on the run, trying her hardest to escape her impending death at the hands of the vengeful queen. Perhaps, that was what started Regina's race against satisfaction, but she believes her lust for risk taking, started at a young age with the horse riding. They should've known, then, when she constantly refused to ride with a saddle. But despite all the signs, Mother did everything in her power to try and make Regina into the perfectly molded housewife that she successfully made Zelena into.
Sometimes, Regina imagines that Cora was happy when Regina screwed up and was forced to live her life on the run. She was no longer a responsibility or a social liability on their good name. But, Zelena hasn't confirmed whether or not that's true. Cora and Zelena were never exactly close. In fact, Zelena had often been jealous in their young age that Regina got more attention. Nevermind that Regina would've willingly given her sister all the attention that had been dedicated to her, but Zelena couldn't see past her own envy.
That had strained their relationship from then on. Of course, they still claimed their familial bonds and they'd (or, at least, Regina would) be more than willing to protect the other, but they were never able to be as close as they were when they were children. When Regina had come out of hiding, she and Zelena tried to reconnect but they have still maintained a distance with each other, which begs the question of why Regina was chosen as the Maid of Honor.
Regina and Zelena know the answer, of course, but almost everyone else hasn't heard the story of how exactly Zelena and her husband met. And they never will. Sure, she has part of the story wrapped up in her little speech, but the real truth, the whole story, is buried deeply beneath a conglomeration of old feelings, distant memories, and Regina's own need to deny herself satisfaction.
But in the story Regina knows, that night is the one night that she will regret for the rest of her life. She's played it over and over again in her mind, curious as to why she'd made the decisions she had that evening. She had an opportunity to get what she wanted, but she let her selfish and fearful logic dictate her actions. And now here she is, three years later, desperately wondering what would have happened if she had not fought against her gut.
But she cannot worry about that now because she needs to stand up and be the good sister and flawless Maid of Honor that she's been asked to be.
Her legs shake as she rises from her chair to walk to the front of the tavern. Her palms are sweaty, too, making it increasingly difficult to clutch onto the glass she will use for her toast, (even though she's been drinking out of a mug this entire time). She takes a big gulp of air as she pushes her small wooden chair back into the worn down table that is lined with glasses of ale and wine and half empty plates, which have all been abandoned in favor of chatter or simply watching her.
It feels as if all the eyes in the room are on her, too, as she quietly makes her way to the front of the tavern. She pretends as though everyone knows the truth, the spindling, winding web of horrible secrets that underlay the foundation of this marriage. But no one knows, not even Zelena. Zelena just believes Regina to be a basket case and Regina is sure her sister is currently rethinking her request to have Regina be her Maid of Honor. But she doesn't know what her younger sister knows. She doesn't know what really happened that night and the real events that led up to meeting her husband.
As Regina reaches the front, she scans across the room quickly enough that it might start spinning if she doesn't stop. The light chatter begins to thin out to allow her to speak, but she's still searching. Her eyes dance through the swirl of browns and greens and even some blues, until she finds the only pair she's looking for. Her heart stomps hard into her ribs when they finally meet his, the only eyes that saw the truth that night, too.
They are filled with worry and confusion. He probably thinks that she is going to confess the awful truth. Is he more worried for her sake or his? Unlike Zelena's eyes, when his beg her to speak, she feels compelled to. She swallows hard enough to choke, or maybe, it's just that she can't breathe when she's around him, but she feels her breathing stutter in her chest just before she lifts her glass.
Everyone does the same, raising their glasses upward—some lift them haphazardly, while others extend it as far as their arms can reach, like it is their sole duty to toast the happy couple. When she brings her eyes back to his, she finds that his never left. They remain, still scanning her concernedly. He's probably considering jumping in and saving her from a blunder that Zelena will never forgive her for. But she calls him off and shakes her head just slightly for him to know that she doesn't need him.
She's got this.
She swallows one more time before settling on a smile—at least, she thinks it's a smile, but she knows its halfhearted nature can be seen. They won't know why, which gives her a little solace, but all that matters is that he knows. Well, he knows half-truths, as well, but he knows more than all the rest. He doesn't know how she felt that night, though. And he doesn't know how much she's agonized over that night everyday since.
He never will. They never will.
Glancing at her sister, Regina knows why she resolved herself to that fact. Zelena looks so happy in her beautiful white dress. Granny Lucas had made it personally for Zelena and for no cost. It'd been a favor to Regina, who'd once helped Granny's granddaughter, Ruby.
Ruby is here tonight, somewhere. Regina thinks to look for her but knows that that would be telling, especially because if there is anyone else who knows as many truths as Regina, it's her. Regina knows Ruby is probably looking at her knowingly, silently questioning why she is here, delivering a speech that will break her heart.
But Regina doesn't look over at her friend. Instead, she only admires Mrs. Lucas' handiwork on Zelena's pure white silk dress with mesh sleeves, decorated in feathers. And there's a beautiful flower crown with white carnations atop Zelena's head to compliment the dress. She's a vision and Regina feels a swell of pride for her sister. She's beautiful and happy and getting everything she wants in her life. How could Regina ever take that away from the only other person she's loved more than life itself? Telling Zelena the truth would crush her and Regina just can't do that to her sister. Zelena deserves to be happy and live a full life of domestic bliss. And that's not what Regina wants; it's never been what she wants.
She'd thought the same of him, too, until that night.
But she was so wrong. She should've known she'd be when she introduced them. She should've known from the moment she saw her sister's face after spotting Robin Hood for the first time. And yet, she didn't see until it was too late. She didn't see until the man she loved started loving someone else.
She raises her glass in the air, just a bit higher, telling herself that that will give her more strength. Her smile tightens and her chest clenches hard, trying to bury her heart somewhere deep within her. She keeps her gaze steady on her sister, whose beautiful white smile illuminates the entire room. That's the only thing that makes this sacrifice worth it.
Zelena is happy and on the verge of starting a brand new life, one that will bring her a lot of joy and love. But she doesn't know how Regina aches in secret, pining for Robin Hood and remembering how everything would have been different if she had only accepted his offer that night. But she let her fear of the unknown inhibit her. Now, she sits on the outside looking in at the life she might have had, had she not been chasing some life long high.
Regina takes a moment to glance at her wine, which seems to turn a slightly darker shade of red as she toasts them, because she can't bear to look at either the bride or groom when she speaks.
She can feel her cheeks pull as she tries to hold onto her faltering smile. Then the words they'd all been waiting for fall from her lips, "I have a bit of a story to tell, if I may, but first—" she plucks up enough courage to look at Zelena, "—to the bride, my sister and the loveliest person you'll ever meet."
There are a several cheers that sing out in a rounding chorus. She thinks Zelena's smile brightens further, if that's at all possible, but she's turning before she can be sure. She knows she shouldn't look at him because it makes it that much harder to speak and it makes it that much harder to have any coherent thought at all. But she seeks out his beautiful blue eyes once more. She riots against the thud in her chest and the tears that prick at the corner of her eyes.
Is that pain in his eyes?
It's probably just her own eyes deceiving her, making her believe one last time that Robin might change his mind, that he might come back to her. It'd be different this time. But she knows she's seeing things. It's only her own disappointment she sees reflected in his eyes.
God, she loves those eyes. At least, she gets to keep those eyes still. At least, she has an excuse to see them often. But if only she could keep the whole of him.
Her eyes flicker to his lips without warning.
God, if only she'd kissed them.
Wait—is he mouthing something?
She takes a millisecond to read the phrase forming on his lips.
Her eyes grow wild as they fly upward to reconnect with his. He's looking at her steadily.
Keep it together, Regina, don't let them know.
But she knows what she saw. It's unmistakable, she's only dreamt of seeing his lips move to form that exact phrase for three years. But why now? Why would he say that now?
She blinks just to be sure and she finds she isn't hallucinating after all. He knows what she's doing, and he mouths the phrase again. Her heartbeat kicks up to twice its rhythm. This can't be happening.
But it is.
She knows she needs to speak. She needs to say something, anything. She needs to finish her toast. But she's at a loss for words and she's not even sure she wants to finish it now, given his secret confession that no one else seems to see even though it is right in front of their ignorant eyes.
Speak now, Regina.
Don't ruin this for your sister, Regina.
She's happy, Regina.
Toast the groom, Regina.
But how is she to toast the groom, when he just said that he's in love with the Maid of Honor?