Title: Heartache
Author: Dorri
Summary: He wasn't supposed to feel this way. No matter what woman walked into his life, these feelings would not perish! Why did he have to love this man? Why did he have to love Tim Taylor?
Pairing: Tim/Al (one-sided).
Rating: K+
Warning: Slash (male/male). If slash isn't your cup of tea, then kindly hit the 'Back' button and be on your merry way.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Home Improvement, or make any profit from my writing.
Heartache
How long had it been? Six, seven, eight years? Nine years maybe? Or was it more than that? Al had lost count. But it was not of importance anyway. The feelings he harbored for a certain man always lingered there, torturing him, making him yearn for the one person he knew he could not have and never would for many reasons.
Being interested in men was not new to Al. While he always found himself attracted to women, he often found himself lusting over men as well, and he remembered it going back as far as elementary school. While the other boys found themselves chasing after their female peers, Al would develop crushes for many of the boys, and he knew better than to act on those feelings, because he knew for a fact that something was different about him, and children had a way with shunning and mocking that which was different. He couldn't even open up to his mother about it, who often commented on how he would marry a wonderful woman some day and how he would maker her the luckiest woman on Earth. His mother was the last person he wanted to be ashamed of him.
It wasn't a mystery to him that his strong attraction towards men was probably what canceled out his skill with meeting and courting women. He remembered how he had developed a very strong crush on his sixth grade math teacher, a man who all the young girls fantasized over as well. It was even worse when he took gym. Standing next to over a dozen nearly naked boys made it very hard to keep his face at its natural skin tone. He had only hoped the other boys had not noticed how often he would gawk when they would take off their shirts.
Once he reached high school, Al tried as hard as he could to flirt with the girls, hopefully do away with his taste for other men. It nearly always proved futile. Any girls he did manage to get on a first date never saw him through to a second. Most kids seized the opportunity to tease him over this. He had been called a 'dork' and a 'geek' all throughout elementary school and middle school, and then all throughout his high school years, it was rumored that he couldn't "land a babe" because he was gay.
He was certainly bisexual, he knew this. But Al had noticed his attraction towards men and women were not equal. It was obvious he preferred men most of the time, which made him question whether or not it was fair to say he was bi. Perhaps it was best to just say he was gay. Often when his mother asked if there were any "special ladies" he had an eye for, he found himself wanting to crawl into a hole. It hurt so badly not being able to be open and honest about his sexuality, but he loved and adored his mother so much, and what she thought of him always mattered more to him than anything. With no one else to turn to, he went to venting his frustration in countless journals, the only other outlet he could think of.
For the rest of his high school years, he kept to himself. He did not approach girls, and did not hang out with any of the guys, though the other boys weren't exactly eager to hang out with someone who was rumored to be gay. Living the single life was not the worst thing in the world. After earning a steady job as a contractor, Al felt his life was complete. Did he honestly need someone in his life? With the fear of what his mother may think of him if he were to date a man, and no luck with women, Al didn't see he had many options. He tried to close himself off from the world, which worked for a few years. But that was up until Tim Taylor had entered into his life.
Tim had come off as the typical male: out of touch with sensitivity, dangerously obsessed with cars, a bit sexist, and farther from being gay than Pluto from the sun. But the moment the two shook hands, Al had felt a strange feeling surge through him, and it was no mystery to him what that feeling was. Of course, upon shaking Tim's hand, Al had noticed the ring on his finger, a symbol of marriage and unity that came with a strong "Off Limits" warning. But that did not stop the desire, which bubbled and brewed below the surface. The two were complete opposites, and yet it did not hinder the compassion he felt for the older man. Al knew better than to act on those feelings. Tim was not only his boss, but also married and with a family. It was impossible.
Al had to question what he saw in the man. Tim had constantly made fun of his beard, his flannel, and his overweight mother. So why then did his attraction slowly grow and evolve into love? Why? Why Tim Taylor of all people? Did he like that gruff exterior? Was it his looks? Tim was certainly an attractive man, and while he wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, he was still suave and had a brilliant smile. But that couldn't be it. Al had never been a shallow person. He knew that couldn't be the only reason he was drawn to him. Maybe it was the fact that while he constantly poked fun at him, he had always been there for him when he really needed him and had been protective of him. And he always offered him a pep talk when he needed it. Tim had been the only friend he really ever had, but knowing that was all he would ever be was like a knife in his heart.
The dreams had never helped much, either. So many times he would wake up in a cold sweat after a rather vivid dream of ripped clothes tossed about across the bed and floor, while flashes of two sets of bare skin danced across his mind. These dreams always made it impossible for Al to fall back asleep again, and it especially made it difficult when his fatigue came with him to Tool Time. Of course Al always made excuses for his lack of sleep, but it was hard to keep his heart from accelerating whenever he looked Tim in the eye.
Al had certainly been grateful when women started entering his life. He thought for sure it would be a distraction for him from Tim. Maybe then Tim would stop popping up in rather suggestive dreams, and maybe then his future would finally be set in stone. But he found out very quickly that that wasn't going to happen. Even when Ilene had the dream of herself and Tim being together-riding a golden stallion among other things-Al had to question if he was truly upset for the reasons he thought. Jealousy was the key theme, but over who? And for what reasons? That had been a thorn in Al's side for the longest time, but he had managed to convince himself that his anger was over the fact that Ilene was with another man, even if it was just a dream. Of course that still didn't stop the lingering doubt.
It was beyond impossible. Tim was married, and now Al had found a life with Trudy. In spite of all this, it still didn't put his feelings to rest. Even at night while he held his wife close to his chest, his mind would taunt him with visions of Tim lying beside him. He decided it was inevitable. Tim would always be on his mind and in his dreams, and he was positive he would take those feelings to the grave. After all, who could he tell?
But when he knew he was alone, he said those words out loud anyway, even if they fell on no ears but his own. It still helped to lift the weight from his shoulders when it became too much.
"I love Tim Taylor."
And he always would.
Author's Note: Okay, seriously, wtf? I am truly disgusted with this fandom. Home Improvement has so much Tim/Al subtext that it could easily knock a person over on their ass, and yet no one writes anything for this pairing? At least not that I could see. Come on, people! I see plenty of Brad/Randy and other such incest pairings, but no Tim/Al, which is just wrong considering all the hints the show threw out. This pairing needed to be written. It was just begging to. I'm guessing it may have something to do with the obstacles, what with Tim being married and Al getting married himself at the end of the show, but still...so what?
Even though I'm a fan of the show, this will probably be the only story I write. I just wanted to correct the horrible wrong that has been done upon this fandom.