Ink's crazed FMA gag bag. Translation: Ink was blackmailed by a friend to make a story with the follow words together in it: "Heaven ain't close" "Ooh, nice chainsaw. I know where you can put THAT!" "The Moulin Rouge!" "It's… Herpes, I'm afraid. Best have sex with me."
I hate my friends. Ollright. This is obviously AU, as you will understand. Mebbe. I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, duh.
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Thin fingers tap the keyboard, as Alphonse runs a hand through his light brown hair. Goddamn computers… He frowns slightly, clicking on that music video. The Killers or something.
"Heaven ain't close in a place like this!" He quickly closes the page, burying his face in his hands. Then, the popups began..
He re-opens the page, surfing happily for a few moments, before..
"Hey, I could use some penis enhancement! Sweet!"
Click.
"You have contracted Herpes!" the screen flashes, before a robotic arm detaches from the computer, draws a needle, and jabs him in the arm. With a loud scream and several banging noises, he grabs the chainsaw from underneath the desk. Revving the engine, he raises it high in the air, as he watches the message scroll across the screen.
"Nice chainsaw. I know where you can put THAT!"
Alphonse claps a hand to his face, dropping the chainsaw onto his foot, and screaming like mad. Mainly because he forgot to turn it off, the dip. As he hobbles away from the computer, listening to it's frantic cries of "The Moulin Rouge! It strikes at midnight!"
In a final bout of irritation, Alphonse puts his un-maimed foot through the screen, and hobbles off to the doctor.
___________________________________At the hospital…
"Alphonse, my boy. I have very bad news."
"Well, other than the fact that I need an automail foot I suppose… What is it?"
"It's… Herpes, I'm afraid. Best have sex with me."
The bounty for Alphonse Elric is going up every day.
Worlds away, a short girl laughs like a maniac.
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Oh my god, what have I done. –shot-