Well, hello again! It's been a year since TSOV, right? I know I said I wouldn't do another, but I had this idea circling around all year, and it wouldn't go away. Now, since it's Shakespeare's birthday, I thought I'd post it!

I think in the year away, my writing's got a little better. Updates won't be as frequent, but chapters will be a lot longer, like double the size they were in the first Child Swap.

Also, some new characters are going to be introduced! Yay! You might recognise some being mentioned in this chapter. Many of the characters are from Shakespeare's so-called history plays. Therefore, they will be a mixture of their personalities in the play and the historical person they were based on. I'm saying this because RichardIII1955 has made a Ricardian out of me, and I don't like what Shakespeare wrote about poor Richard III.

And also, this is the first installment which is M rated! You'll find out why later.

Disclaiming time - Two characters, Allegra and Micro, do not belong to me. They belong to Cornadopia, who kindly lent them to me when I was writing ALYN, and has let me feature them since. As a thanks to Cornadopia for letting me use them, please read and review her story, Mercutio and Allegra. I also have made a unlikely pairing in this story that also features in another R&J fanfic. I wish to stress this is not me copying it, but rather due to my interest in Greek mythology and how Greek mythology often features in Shakespeare's work.

"Mercutio," said Escalus, trying to sound friendly and firm at the same time, "Have you ever thought about taking up any royal duties?"

"What royal duties?" asked Mercutio, fiddling with his phone.

"Well, you know. Public appearances, charity work, being an ambassador for our family on state visits. Have you ever thought about it?"

"Nope!" sang Mercutio delightedly.

"Well," said Escalus "I think you should. The role of the royal family in society is changing, and you are twenty years old now. I've indulged you long enough. You're going to have to start thinking about it, because, Verona expects it of you."

"Verona can suck my-"

"Mercutio!" cried Escalus, before Mercutio could say something rude.

"You made me ruin my game!" shrieked Mercutio, "You mean old poo poo head!"

"Mercutio, really?" groaned Escalus. Mercutio threw his phone at the wall and turned around to face the other wall, sitting down on the ground and sulking, "What are you doing?"

"Being stupid and immature, as always," Paris rolled his eyes, wandering through the hallway.

"That's enough, Paris," said Escalus firmly, "I was just explaining to Mercutio, that Verona expects him to start performing royal duties now that he is of age. In fact, if anything, he is over age. He is twenty."

"And he acts like a four year old," scolded Paris, "You wouldn't think he had a kid of his own"

"I am in the room, you know," retorted Mercutio, swivelling around.

"Good. I wanted you to hear," swarmed Paris.

"That's enough, both of you!" sighed Escalus.

"Anyway, Paris, what are you doing here?" asked Mercutio, "And why are you smirking like that?"

"None of your business," replied Paris, "Oh, wait, actually, it is your business. And, Uncle Escalus, it's yours too. You'll both be the first to know."

"The first to know what?" asked Mercutio.

"I have something to confess," Paris grinned widely.

Mercutio held his hands together as if he were praying, "Oh please God, he's gay. Gay, gay, gay!"

"No!" spat Paris, "I'm engaged!"

"To another man? Gay, gay, gay!"

"That's impossible. We don't have gay marriage here," said Escalus, "Yet."

"No!" snapped Paris, "I'm marrying a woman!"

"Who?" Mercutio wrinkled his nose, "Who would be that desperate?"

Paris rolled his eyes again, "She's not desperate, and I'm not desperate. We happen to love one another."

"You, love? You, have feelings? Ha!" snorted Mercutio.

"That's enough, Mercutio!" Escalus scolded. He turned eagerly to Paris, "Well done, my boy! Tell us more, Paris. What's her name? Who is it?"

"Helena, the heiress to the Lancely family. They have links to the Greek city states, and she is due to inherit some land and titles there through her mother. As have I, but in Troy. She used to be friends with that Capulet tart-"

Mercutio leapt across the room and grabbed hold of Paris, "Call Hermia that again and I'll kill you. I mean it!"

"That's enough! Mercutio, put your cousin down!"

Mercutio tossed Paris to the ground. Paris coughed, and rose again, "There was talk of her marrying the second son of the Menelaus family, who have connections in Sparta, but it turned out he...was not suitable."

"Because he's a perv and rapist," growled Mercutio.

"So I got to know her myself, and decided a match would be suitable," finished Paris, rubbing dirt from his clothes.

"Oh, she's a lovely girl!" beamed Escalus approvingly "Well done, Paris! You have chosen well"

Mercutio chewed his lip "She could do better"

"Like who? Like that monster?"

"No! I meant, she could do better than a stupid, stuck-up, pompous, vain, money-obsessed prick like yourself. What do you want, her inheritance?"

"No!" scoffed Paris "I care about her! She's a sweet girl! We understand each other! Neither of us like to brag and show off and do weird things, unlike a certain person I know, we're both sensible, and we both love the same kind of music, and we both care about our futures, take an interest in our people, and like to talk about our plans. And anyway, at least she's not a wild cat like that thing you bred with. Our kids will be normal!"

"That's it! You insulted Herms, now you're starting on about Al! I'll make you pay!" roared Mercutio, lunging at him.

"Stop that!" yelled Escalus, jumping between them, "That's enough! Will you two please just stop squaring off with each other? I've had enough trouble with the Plantagenets in England fighting each other and either sides ringing me, the Duke of Mantua, the Duke of Milan, and the Council of Ten in Venice, up, demanding money and armies, which none of us have. I don't know what I'd do without Angelo these days..."

"Why, what's he doing?" asked Paris.

Escalus glanced this way and that, before whispering to the boys, "Telling Margaret of Anjou where to stick it."

Mercutio cackled gleefully, "Can I talk to her? Can I blow raspberries down the phone at her?"

"No, you bloody well can't!" cried Escalus, "We're trying to stay neutral in the English civil war. If either side come knocking, asking for money and armies, we say, no, quite politely. If they flee here looking for shelter, we give it to them, but we ask them to move on as soon as possible. I forbid you, Mercutio, from antagonising any of them. Don't prank call any of them, don't post them any of your 'presents' and don't antagonise them on social media. Do you understand?"

"No," Mercutio stretched, "Can I go now? I said I'd watch Micro so All could see Juliet without him bugging them."

"Yes, you can go," sighed Escalus, "But remember, I've warned you!"

Mercutio pranced off, doing a bizarre dance-walk. Escalus shook his head, but then motioned for Paris to follow him.

"You do know we'll have to invite them"

"Yes, I do. But I'm sure everything will have blown over by then," said Paris.

"Hopefully," Escalus glanced up at the sky.

"I'm more concerned with matters here in Verona," said Paris.

"Why's that?" asked Escalus.

Paris patted his slick black hair back into place, "Because Angelo Fulgencio is due to call for an election."

"I know. It's been put off for some time now," said Escalus.

"Perhaps we ought to make sure our home affairs are secure before we are dragged into other political squabbles."