Also, if you read Could Have Gone Worse, I am super sorry for the delay. I've been working on something else for the past few weeks so hopefully I can finish that soon and get back to that. :)
Hic!
"Ugh."
Hic!
Kurt groans, taking in a breath and holding it. Usually when he has the hiccups, that makes them go away. He's not sure why it works, but he's got going to question a good thing.
For a moment, it seems like it's going to work, and Kurt lets out a relieved sigh—Hic!
Alright, then. There's no way he's getting any work done now.
"Kurt!"
"Kurtsie!"
Oh. He's definitely not getting any work done now.
"Yes?" he asks, looking up from his textbook at Nick and Jeff, who had just sat down across the table from him.
"I couldn't help but notice that you have the hiccups," Nick says.
Jeff grins. "And I just wanted to let you know I am so happy for you!" he says emphatically.
Hic! "What?" Kurt asks, looking at Jeff in confusion. He isn't even sure that he wants to know what Jeff's on about, really, but he feels the need to ask anyway.
"You're in love!" Jeff announces.
Kurt blinks and pulls a hand up to his face to try and hide the fact that he is blushing. He hiccups again, and then says, "I repeat, what?"
Jeff comes around the side of the table and slides into the seat next to Kurt. Resting his arm across Kurt's shoulders, he says, "Oh, Kurtsie, you don't know what hiccups really are?"
"It seems to me that he sincerely doesn't know," Nick says, shaking his head slowly in disapproval.
"Alright, I give, what do you guys think hiccups are?"
Jeff grins, holding up a finger. "We don't think that this is what hiccups are, we know," he says, "but hiccups, our dear little Kurt—"
"I'm older than both of you," Kurt points out.
"Our dear little Kurt," Jeff repeats, smiling when Kurt hiccups again, "hiccups are your heart leaping for joy."
Nick grins. "Is there something you want to tell us?" he asks.
Kurt looks down at the table, trying to come up with a way to escape from this conversation. Hic!
"Like, for example, something about a certain curly-haired, weird-eyebrowed soloist?" Jeff suggests.
Kurt brings his hand back up to his face to cover up his smile.
"Oh, Jeff, now we've embarrassed him," Nick says.
Kurt shrugs Jeff's arm off of his shoulder and stands up, grabbing his book. "It was lovely seeing you guys," hic! "it really was, but I can only handle so many ridiculous theories in a day."
"Listen to your heart, Kurt!" Nick calls out to him as he walks away.
"Blaine will thank you for it!" Jeff adds. This comment earns him an over-the-shoulder glare from Kurt, causing both the Warblers at the table to burst into laughter.
Ten minutes later finds Kurt sitting next to David in the library, trying to get some studying done.
Hic!
Of course, the hiccups really, really don't help.
After a few minutes of his hiccups cutting into the silence of the library, David looks up at him with a sigh. "You really need to do something about those hiccups," he whispers.
"Like what?" Kurt whispers back, closing his mouth just before another hiccup. They're starting to get painful, actually.
"Just… I don't know, tell yourself to stop hiccupping?" he suggests.
He rolls his eyes, but he decides that it's worth a try anyways. Stop hiccupping. Stop.
He waits.
After an excruciatingly long few seconds, his chest expands in another hiccup.
David shrugs. "It was worth a try, anyways," he says. "Hm… have you tried rubbing your earlobes?"
Kurt pinches the bridge of his nose. Usually David is a voice of reason. "What?" he asks.
Once again he shrugs. "It works for some people," he replies.
So Kurt rubs his earlobes, really feeling quite odd about the concept. He highly doubts that it actually works for anyone, though, and it does nothing to stop his hiccupping.
Instead of continuing to bother the other Dalton students in the library, Kurt gets up and leaves the room after saying a quick farewell to David, and finds himself face to face with Nick.
"You're trying to get rid of your hiccups, aren't you?" he asks.
Kurt nods.
"I figured when I saw you rubbing your earlobes," he replies, shaking his head. "There's really only one thing you can do about your hiccups now, Kurt."
"Oh?" Kurt asks, raising an eyebrow.
"I think you know," Nick replies with a wink, squeezing Kurt's shoulder as they part ways.
That stupid blush is back again.
At lunch, Kurt sits with the rest of the Warblers, who all seem to have their own 'guaranteed' remedies for hiccups. One by one they make their attempts at helping him get rid of their hiccups.
Blaine sits across the table from Kurt, watching the insanity unfold in front of him with a smile on his face. "I'm sure you've tried holding your breath, right?"
He is not about to put any stock into Nick and Jeff's theory about his heart leaping for joy—no, that was ridiculous and it would only encourage them—and maybe he is just imagining it, but when he meets Blaine's gaze, he swears the hiccups pick up in frequency.
Kurt nods, "But I'll try it again. Anything to get these guys off me." He takes in a deep breath, watching the hopeful look on Blaine's face and pointedly not looking at Jeff, who was emphatically gesturing at Blaine and puckering his lips every time he caught Kurt's attention.
One... two… three… four… "Ack!"
Kurt falls to the floor as Thad literally jumps on his back. Pushing the other boy off of him and getting up, he asks, "What was that for?"
"You can scare people's hiccups away," Thad says brightly. "You seemed pretty surprised. Did it work?"
Once again, Kurt waits for a few seconds, hoping that it would work. Hic!
"I guess nothing will work!" Jeff says overdramatically, throwing his body over the table. The other boys at the table give him odd looks, while Nick is shaking with laughter so hard it made no sound.
"Anyways," Trent says, lifting a pickle spear off of his plate and holding it out to Kurt. "I've heard that if you eat a pickle, it can get rid of even the worst case of hiccups.
"Thanks, but pickles are not my thing," Kurt replies, shaking his head.
Trent shrugs, biting into the pickle. "Suit yourself," he says.
"Oh! Got it!" Thad says enthusiastically, standing up and grabbing onto Kurt's arm.
"What now?" he asks.
"Can you stand on your head?"
"What? I don't think—"
"It's the oldest one in the book," Thad reasons, "so it's got to work."
"You're kidding," Kurt says, shaking his head.
"Don't mock me," Thad says, "I'm trying to help."
It takes the combined efforts of a couple of Warblers, but a few minutes later Kurt is doing a handstand, while Thad tries to pour water in his mouth. For the most part, though, the water is spilling down Kurt's face and onto the floor.
"Put me down," Kurt says, jiggling his leg. Wes complies, lowering Kurt to the ground, where he hiccups again.
"Well, as entertaining as that was, it doesn't appear to have been effective," Trent comments. "Does anyone else have any ideas?"
A few more ideas are tossed about the table, some of which they try out and others are voted down as potentially dangerous to their only countertenor with only minimal rewards.
As Kurt leaves the table to go to class, Jeff catches his arm. "You know what to do, Kurt," he says, grinning. "Blaine was right there." He waggles his eyebrows, then he's gone.
When did Jeff become so simultaneously creepy and romantic?
In French, they are taking a test, and Kurt really wishes he didn't have the hiccups, because every time he hiccups, someone looks up from their test at him. It's distracting.
Wes leans over and hands him a piece of gum. "Worth a shot," is all he says before turning back to his test.
Kurt unwraps the stick of gum and puts it in his mouth, now willing to do pretty much anything if it would just get rid of these hiccups.
When Kurt leaves class, Flint waves him down. "Kurt!"
"Yes?" Kurt asks.
"Still got your hiccups?" he asks.
Kurt nods. On cue, he hiccups again.
"Good," Flint says. He shakes his head, "I mean, not good, but this bucket of ice water won't go to waste."
Kurt backs up quickly, having flashbacks of slushie facials. He looks down at Flint's hands, not seeing any trace of a bucket of ice water, but you can never be too sure. "What?"
"Some people say that if you dunk your face in ice water—like bobbing for apples—then you can get rid of your hiccups."
"That… I'm sorry, that just sounds painful," Kurt says.
"It's not that cold," Flint replies.
"Thanks but no thanks," Kurt says. "I'll just have to figure something else out."
"Okay, Kurt," he says, "Good luck with that!"
He decides to call Rachel. After all, she knows all kind of (albeit often a bit superstitious) remedies for things that could inhibit your ability to perform. It is one of the few good things about being friends with her.
As soon as she picks up and he explains his problem to her, she puts him on speaker phone with all of New Directions, and suddenly he's being overwhelmed by a hurricane of suggestions flying at him all at once.
"Eat a lemon!"
"Massage your eyelids!"
"Swallow an ice cube!"
"No, shut up, that's a terrible idea, he'll choke."
"Okay, fine. Hold the ice cube in your mouth."
"Much better."
"Eat a spoonful of sugar."
"Take a hot shower!"
"Sneeze!"
"How is he supposed to make himself sneeze on command?"
"I saw this guy do it on YouTube, seriously man, look it up!"
Obviously, this was going to get him nowhere. Without saying goodbye (they wouldn't have heard him anyways), he hangs up the phone and sighs.
There is one thing that he hasn't tried yet.
Kurt steps into the lounge where Blaine usually studies in the afternoons. Sure enough, there he is.
He takes a deep breath (through his nose, since he doesn't want to hiccup loudly and startle Blaine) and walks over to where the other boy is sitting. "Blaine?"
He looks up at Kurt and smiles, opening his mouth to say something, only to be cut off by Kurt's lips against his. For a second he is too surprised to do anything, but then he relaxes into the kiss, reaching a hand up to hold Kurt's face. He guides Kurt into a seated position next to him because kissing someone who is standing while you are sitting is just inconvenient.
Kurt smiled into the kiss and tilted his head to get a better angle because kissing Blaine was legitimately perfect and— hic!
Once again, he is not validating Nick and Jeff's theory at all. It is still just another ridiculous belief that the troublemakers came up with (though he would be remiss to not mention the fact that it was the most romantic theory he'd heard from them yet). That said, he is not even getting a couple of seconds between hiccups. They're in quick succession and they're the sort of hiccups that hurt, especially after a few good hiccups.
Between hiccups, he manages to say, "I really like you."
Blaine grins and leans over to kiss Kurt's cheek. "I really like you, too," he says. He hiccups then, and he bursts out laughing. "Well, you know one remedy I've heard of for hiccups that we could try?"
"Hm?" Kurt asks.
Blaine leans forward and captures Kurt's lips again, grabbing Kurt's face as if it is the last solid thing on the planet.
Maybe it will work and maybe it won't, but it won't hurt to try for the next hour or so.