Warning: This story will contain talk of sex, rape, drugs, abuse, prostitution and slavery. This is going to be a VERY dark story.
I can't believe I'm doing this...but it is something Puu (I can't help calling her that, I still find it kind of funny to find someone who enjoys cosplaying at work like that) suggested. She said it would help me sort through my feelings on my own and decide what to talk about during our next session.
I guess I should decide what to call you. Dear Diary? Dear Journal? To Whom it May Concern? I'm not much into that shit, so maybe I'll just talk to you, you know? Tell you about our sessions and what we talk about during them. Somehow I can't see how this helps, especially since this isn't part of their whole environmentally friendly crap seeing as how you are an actual diary.
Okay, I admit that today was a rollercoaster ride from morning until tonight. I'm laying here exhausted, both mentally and physically, as I write to you. I really should be trying to sleep, but my mind is too wound up right now with everything so I'm hoping this really helps.
Anyways, my first actual meeting with the woman went a lot better than I was expecting. She was a lot different than I thought a therapist should be, but she does get to you and make you trust her...
"Come in." Setsuna called just as Will raised her fist to knock on the door making her stop in surprise. Just how did the woman know she was out here. Pushing the door open Will saw the inside of an office just like the outer office of the principal office. There were only one desk, filing cabinets that Will had suspected was mostly empty, and two doors with one marked restroom and the other marked counselor. Like the other office though there weren't people rushing back and forth working, only Setsuna sitting at a chair behind the desk looking a little lazy.
"Am I early?" Will asked as the woman stood up, giving Will what the redhead thought was a reassuring smile.
"Not at all, Will. Please come this way." Setsuna said as she gracefully stood from where she was sitting and led the way to the office marked counselor. As the woman let Will inside the inner office, Setsuna closed it as she followed and hit a button on a strange machine on a little table near the door. "White noise machine so no one outside hears what we talk about. Please, have a seat."
"I was kind of expecting a couch." Will said softly, a little nervous as she had no idea what to expect as she sat down, seeing two trays of food with plastic over them making her mouth water a little.
"Since you skipped lunch, I brought you some stuff. I wasn't sure what you like so I got some different stuff together so eat whatever you like." Setsuna said as she took her seat behind the desk while grinning at Will before continuing. "As for the couch, it's on back order."
"I don't have the money to pay for this stuff." Will said as she fought off the urge to reach out and grab the food before her.
"You won't pay me back, I don't want you to. As for the food, you will eat it. You should not be skipping meals." Setsuna said before saying sternly. "Now eat."
"Yes Ma'am." Will gulped as the woman's mood seemed to change so quickly. Reaching out and pulling off the plastic Will took a bite of a taco while the older woman looked pleased and clapped her hands together under her chin.
"Good girl, now don't let me see you skipping lunch again." Setsuna said happily making Will wonder if this woman was really a counselor or a patient. "After you finish, we can have a little chat. I'd love to get to know you better."
"I know what you are planning on doing." Will sighed as devoured everything before her despite it being two or three meals worth. She couldn't help it, she wasn't sure how long this would last getting decent meals.
"And what am I planning on doing?" Setsuna asked with a small smile as she folded her hands on the desk and leaned over them a little.
"You plan on getting me tell you enough shit so you can say everything is my mom's fault. Shrinks always blame the mom." Will said matter of factly before giving a sad smile as she pushed the now empty trays away from her, "Well for once, you wouldn't be wrong."
"What do you mean?" Setsuna asked as she arched a long, graceful eyebrow at that statement as she waited for Will to clarify. She didn't though, they sat in silence for a few minutes until Setsuna sighed. "Will, you are safe here. Nothing you say will go outside this room. It will be strictly kept between us unless you play to hurt yourself or someone else."
"Believe me, I've thought about it from time to time." Will sighed as she leaned back in the large fake leather chair and hugged herself. "I won't though, I'm too scared of finding out what's on the other side. Plus, I may actually have friends here."
"I'm glad you wouldn't, but if you ever feel the need to I want you to call me. I'll give you all my numbers before you leave." Setsuna said. "It's good to have friends though."
"Not always, friends tend to stab you in the back when you least expect it." Will said as she looked a little angry.
"Sometimes, but they can also help you when you need it the most." Setsuna said sadly. "Anyways, I'd like to know why you think your mother is to blame."
"It would take forever to tell you everything." Will said as she felt herself shudder a little bit.
"Why don't you start at the beginning?" Setsuna suggested, looking worried as Will just sat there while wondering if the redhead would say anything. When Setsuna was about to give up and try another topic, Will finally answered.
"It was about three years ago, it started not long after my dad left us. My mom got involved with someone who she started drinking with, and she always drank once she started. Then he started hitting her, putting her down all the time when they thought I was asleep or not around." Will sad, her eyes dulling a little as she remembered everything. "It wasn't long before she started drinking until she passed out."
"Did he ever touch you?" Setsuna asked sadly, almost guessing on what the answer would be.
"He never hit me, not like he did my mom. No, he started coming to my room. He would ask why I was so sad, touching me in ways I didn't really like. The way he rubbed my shoulders and moved to far down the front. Or how he would squeeze my leg, moving up my thigh." Will explained, staring off into space as she shook a little more, her eyes staring off into space. "I told him...I told him I was sad because no one loved me. My dad abandoned me and my mom...she was more or less ignoring me."
"If it gets too much, you can stop and we can continue later Will." Setsuna said softly, shaking her head. She had a feeling where this was leading and it pissed her off that someone could do something like this.
"He told me he loved me. He told me he could show me how to get others to love me." Will said, continuing without giving any indication that she heard what Setsuna said. "I hated him, had a feeling that it wasn't good, but I said yes. I was stupid enough to believe that he was serious. He started yanking my clothes off while kissing me. I was...I was so scared, but when he...it hurt...I screamed for mom. I begged her to save me, but she never came. She cared more about her fucking beer than she did me!"
"Let's take a break Will." Setsuna said pushing a box of tissues across the desk that Will thanked her for. "You don't need to continue if you don't really feel up to it right now. We can come back to this later and talk about something else now."
"I'm okay, I never told anyone about this. If I don't get it out now, I don't think I will be able to later." Will said shakily, her voice a little weak. "I tried to tell mom about it later, but every time I did he steered us apart and ended up doing it to me again when he got a chance."
"Your mother never heard you? Was she passed out every time?" Setsuna asked curiously.
"Sometimes she didn't even drink enough to pass out." Will said. "She had to hear me at some point. She just didn't care. I was never so happy when they broke up. She never told me why, even when I asked hoping that she would tell me that she found out and got rid of him for me."
"So you never saw him again?" Setsuna asked making Will swallow nervously as she knew she left out something very important that she was scared of telling the woman. It was bad enough telling the older woman what little she did...but she wasn't sure how much to tell her. Of course, that question led to what she was hiding.
"I saw him a lot." Will sighed, deciding she might as well seeing she already told this much. "There was something else he did when he was with my mom. He started rewarding me...I didn't know what it was and when I learned later it was too late. He started giving me this white stuff that I had to sniff. I...it was so addictive that after going a week without it I was a mess."
"What did you do?" Setsuna asked softly, almost afraid of the answer.
"He came by me on my way to school one morning and waved a baggie of the stuff out of his window. Said if I wanted more to come with him. I...you don't know how much pain I was in without the stuff. I couldn't stop myself from getting in. I spent the day forced to be with him in exchange for just a little bit of it. Told me when I needed more to skip school and come to him."
"Oh sweetie." Setsuna said sadly.
"That isn't even the worse of it...after a few times he started bringing in strangers. He made me sleep with him so they would pay him for my next hit." Will said crying. "I hated myself for it, I still do."
"It wasn't your fault, Will." Setsuna said softly as she came around the desk and gathered a sobbing redhead into her arms.
It was strange, it felt so bad telling her about that. Yet at the same time it made me feel good to get it out finally. The rest of the time we just sat there talking about everyday things until she brought up the stupid 12 step programs that I was required to join one. She went and got us some brownies while we went over the different ones and told me the one held Saturday afternoons at the school would be perfect for her as it had only students besides Setsuna herself over seeing it. She also said that she would probably know at least one of the other people there and it would make her more comfortable.
Question is, do you think I should go? Then again, why the hell am I asking you? Your just a stupid book...
Well, I guess I'll see talk to you later.
Sorry about the shortness of the chapter, but each chapter of this story will be kind of on the short side seeing as they are only going to be Will's sessions with Setsuna. Question is, does this format work for this story? Diary entries with flash backs in the middle?