Hey everyone! Okay so Iv'e decided to write a South Park story about Kyman which makes it even better! So Cartman is going to list why he hates Kyle, I know that this has been done before but I couldn't help myself, so enjoy! Also sorry for any grammar mistakes.
Disclaimer: I don't own South Park.
Cartman's P.O.V.
Everyone has something that they hate in life, whether it's their parents, a possession they own, food, or just something or someone that pisses them off in general. In my case though it may seem that I hate almost everything known to man kind, except my fabulous self of course, there is one person who tends to piss me off everyday. That person is Kyle Broflovski.
Kyle has been my sworn enemy ever since preschool when he stole my red crayon. Now your probably wondering why someone would despise someone else over a crayon? Well here is the thing, my shit is mine and your shit is yours. You just don't go around taking my stuff especially if it's my red crayon. I don't even give a shit if you ask to use my stuff because chances are I'm just going to tell you to go and fuck your self.
Especially if you take something without asking because then your just asking to be put on my shit list. Mind you, Kyle didn't ask for my crayon, so you can probably guess who's number one on that list. Anyway, that's basically how I started to hate Kyle and learn who he truly is, nothing more than a greedy little Jew rat.
Another reason I hate him is because he is always calling me fat ass, lard ass, or something along those lines. First of all, I'm not fat I'm big boned. Secondly, It's not like we can all be the captain of the basketball and track team, and in return be rewarded with a hot toned body. I once bumped into him in the locker room and saw his chest, I was like damn when did he get abs! Anyway like I was saying, whoa whoa whoa I did not just call him hot. What I meant to say was that he has a scrawny weak body. Psh like seriously why would anyone consider him hot? He's ginger after all.
Moving on, what I also hate about him is his hat. It pisses me off because when I'm sitting in class I can't fucking see. It's either that or I get tempted to play with the flaps. They are just so damn distracting. On the bright side, whenever I do get the opportunity to play with them it totally pisses him off and he gets all pink and flustered. Oh how I love pissing off Kyle, not only do I have his full undivided attention, I also get to gaze at his adorable face without someone questioning me. Did I say adorable? I meant ugly, yea Kyle is so fucking ugly. Ugh get a hold of yourself Cartman.
Anyway, not only is his hat annoying but his hair is too. He mostly wears his hat but when he doesn't his hair is equally as distracting. To start off, his hair is fucking frizzy and curly. Not to mention it's red. RED FUCKING RED! why can't it be a different color like blonde, black, or even brunette. Anything but my favorite color. Why is God punishing me in the worst way possible? So now when I'm in class all I can do is stare at him even more, and try to fight the urge to run my fingers through his fierce locks.
Did I forget to mention his eyes?! Oh my God, I could stare at the for hours. They are green and every time we argue they glisten, and I just forget about every thing else around me and just focus on him. Not only that but they change shades. They're fierce when he's angry which is mainly because of me, mush to my pleasure. Then they're calm which is always when we are not arguing, they're just the regular green that I can't seem to keep my eyes away from. Aww man! I sound totally gay right now.
As long as I keep naming the reasons why I hate Kyle I won't be tempted to think kindly about him. Okay, so besides his hair I also hate his personality. He's just so happy go lucky, and it pisses me off. Whenever I see him at the bus stop he's always in a happy mood. Just standing there laughing at what ever stupid shit Kenny and Stan had said. I seriously can't understand how he can be in such a joyful mood everyday. If I was living in his house I would've ran away or shot myself by now. His family is fucking crazy.
First, we have his bitch mom. I know that I made that Kyle's Moms a Bitch song in elementary school, but God damn is she a bitch. Always trying to stop the latest world problem. I swear sometimes she thinks she's the President of the United States. Next, we have Gerald who is a layer. See it is true Jews will do anything they can to be wealthy. That bastards always driving around in his hybrid acting like he's all high and mighty. Bitch please. Ugh how I hate that guy. Lastly, we have Ike, Kyle's younger adopted Canadian brother. He's just a fucking dildo.
See, why would anyone living in that house hold not reach their breaking point. Anyway, back to Kyle, so like i was saying he is always so fucking happy. The only time he's pissed off if when we fight and after he acts like nothing happened. Why does he have to be so perfect? Seriously, everything goes right for him. He's the captain of the basketball and track team, one of the most popular kids at school along with Kenny and Stan his best friends, and he gets straight A s all the time. What more could a kid ask for?
Ugh there I go again, seriously what the hell is wrong with me? Like I was saying, besides his personality I also hate how he looks. There is his nose which is just weirdly shaped. Next, there is his lips. They are mostly bright red from the cold, and almost look like they are swelled up. Why does everything about him have to involve the color red? First my crayon, then his hair, and finally his lips. Ah how they look so kissable at some moments. Ugh I gotta stop this! I hate Kyle, I hate Kyle , I hate... oh who the hell am I kidding I'm in love with Kyle Broflovski, and I'm damn proud of it!
Well there you have it! Hope you enjoyed it, sorry for any grammar mistakes. Anyway, R&R Bye!
~Tswizle~