DISCLAIMER: DON'T OWN ANYTHING OF ABC INCLUDING THEIR CHARACTERS AND SHOWS, ITS ALL THEIR'S.
DON'T OWN OR KNOW ELLEN DeGENERES AT ALL. HER SHOW BELONGS TO HER, ABC & / NBC I THINK... BUT I DO LIKE HER SHOW.
also this is only two chaps, its a short fic i like both Stef and Lena, but i just had to let my imagination run with the whole kiss thing and then some of lifes other stuff.
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CHP 1 – THE TEXT THAT BROUGHT THE HOUSE DOWN
Lena and I never hid- anything from each other well the important stuff, we at least made an effort to talk about things, even if it would be a difficult subject, we made the effort to communicate, because there was a lesson to be learned from so many of our other friends marriages falling apart. Well at least there was for me, I guess not so much for Lena. I never thought that there would be something my life partner of 15 years would keep from me but there was- is something she did.
I can't forgive her, even though she's asking me to, I can't ever forgive her because it was intentional on her part and her 'WANTING TO BE SOMEONE ELSE' wanting to not be with me. I guess I should have listened to her ex-girlfriend Gretchen who warned me that Lena was in love with the idea of being married but eventually she would get bored of it all, get bored of being the same, doing the same things over and over and eventually get bored of her partner because there was no mystery to them anymore, there would be no appeal once she got what she wanted which is why she never proposed marriage to her in the first place at least not while they were still young maybe when they are a little older. I thought I had gotten the older, mature Lena, serious about commitment.
How wrong I was and how so very fucking right Gretchen was.
~ FB~ 12 hours earlier
"Buzz-buzz…" a phone buzzed on the bed, where I sat trying to finish typing up the last sentence of the report I had brought home with me because it needed to be done and on the sarge's desk first thing in the morning. Not paying attention to the identical phones, which had the identical screen savers I grabbed the phone that had lit up and swiped my finger across the screen to open it, hitting the message icon a tick later…
"I need you Lena… please- I promise it's the last time…M."
When I looked at the number and name that sent it, a sick feeling of dread began to take over, this can't be what I think it is, I had to be misinterpreting the meaning of the words, but my everything screamed I wasn't, that it was exactly what I was thinking. I shook my head to rid the voice that wouldn't shut up now. No it had to be a mistake, it could be that Monte was going through a breakup or something else personal and Lena being her friend was helping her through it, I mean Monte was straight and she and Lena were principal and vice principal so they always worked closely together… there wasn't-couldn't be more to the sudden late meetings at school she and Monte sometimes had twice or three times a week… there couldn't be more to the two day conference's she had to attend to two months in a row with Monte for two Thursday-Saturday weekend… NO! She was overthinking things, she had to be, I mean Lena wouldn't do that to me with Monte –who was straight-would she? Hearing the tap somewhere in her subconscious turn off signaling Lena done with her nightly duties, Stef, closed the message window and placed the phone back on the bed besides hers and then closed the case file, removing her glasses.
"Hey babe you finish with your report?"
"Yeah- so I am gonna just hurry up and brush my teeth… um are we going to you know after?"
"If it's alright with you babe, I'm tired can I take a rain check, I promise we'll get together this weekend."
"Yeah-its fine good night love." I said with a tight smile before heading to the bathroom.
'Lena's cheating on you-you stupid cow, she is… all the signs are there, the text is all the proof you need…' screamed the voice in my head, the same voice I listened to when I am doing my job because it's my instinct and its almost never wrong… oh how I wish this one time it was dead wrong about what I think my wife is doing behind my back.
I took a little longer in the bathroom, just looking at my reflection in the mirror asking myself if my wife was really having an affair with the principal who is supposed to be as straight as they come. I wondered if my wife of two years had fallen out of love with me. I wondered if not really dealing with the issue of us losing the baby had manifested itself into this what I think my wife is doing, has become…. I mean we talked about it but she kept saying she was fine, I wanted to be there for her but she told me she was fine, that we needed to move on and she will, that we both will but what if she hasn't? Somehow this –I hate to think it but somehow I know I am too be blamed…. with work, with the Callie situation, with the Ana situation, I mean the last time Lena and I were intimate was….a three weeks ago- it was my birthday but then work got more hectic and I also had to take on more hours because we needed the money after Lena's hospital bills and I thought we were managing everything, I thought we were keeping an open line of communication so when and if it is true when did Lena become this other person and why? Did I push her into it because- because I was trying to keep things together, trying to take the pressure of her having to pay the major bills because she earned a bit more than me? Besides having seven mouths to feed.
"No Stef-stop it, she wouldn't not your Lena, she wouldn't do that to you, it's just crazy talk, the text didn't mean that and you need to stop over thinking it now." Stef chastised her reflection in the mirror. She turned the tap on and cupped the cold water splashing her face with it and then hurried with brushing her teeth, before cutting the bathroom light and crawling into bed next to her already sound asleep wife, but forsaking to out her bedside lamp just yet.
Stef lay on her back, willing sleep to come and willing the voice in her head to stop talking. She breathed in and out trying to find some kind of calm and peace, she turned on her side facing Lena's back, she moved in a little closer to her wife, who did not even budge, maybe she could change Lena's mind about not having sex right now because right now that is what she needed to shut the voice up and find some peace at last to fall asleep. She pushed the blanket of her wife's waist to her hips gently running that same hand up her hips to her waist lifting her night shirt higher to expose beautiful, warm, soft caramel skin. She shifted some sliding lower down the bed to bring her face into contact with the skin she wanted to kiss and taste so badly, also it was a sensitive spot for her wife having that skin between her waist and hips kissed and licked, however Stef pulled up short… there was no mistaking it, the fading bruise of a bite mark, or it could genuinely be a bruise from her bumping her skin against something, her skin was sensitive like that and bruised easily, so that could explain the fading bruise, but then I would also be trying to act blind to what was so blatantly obvious, lying next to me in my bed was cheater…. My Lena is a cheating, lying, deceitful, manipulative woman whom I love more than I can say in words and yet she would do me like this.
Anger unlike anything I have ever felt enveloped me, it urged me to confront her now, I wanted to yet I had to be rational and I didn't want to wake the kids and maybe, just maybe Lena would be able to explain away all my insecurities, my mad thoughts if I asked her and I was going to ask her, because I would only torture myself trying to keep this knowledge within waiting for her to slip up possibly, no I must be going crazy and I was going to put an end to it all once and for all come the morning, as soon as the kids left for school. Pulling the sheet back up to cover Lena some, Stef grabbed both their phones this time and slipped out the bedroom. She tiptoed quietly through the house to the kitchen and out to the back porch, thankful that she didn't have to turn on any lights as there was a house light on outside already. She quickly placed a call to mike, asking him to stop by within the hour and collect the file as she would not be going into work early as she had a family issue to deal with. He was working the night shift till 6 am so it was better to send the file now she didn't know if she was up for the drive and she also wanted him to hand it over personally to the chief. She placed her phone on the cushion next to her after ending the call and picked up Lena's, and going straight to her message history. There was only texts in here exchanged between her and me and the children and one from Monte about getting together to discuss the application for the new school grant, but that was it, nothing else incriminating except for the one text in her inbox from Monte…sounding very much like a text one would send to lover, it was too personal to be just a friend text, but what if it was just a friendly text and Monte really was going through a rough time with something personal.?
"Don't be a fool Stef you know you're instinct is usually almost always right about things and its right about what you are thinking, your wife is having an affair with her principal."
Stef was alerted to mikes arrival by a text, she hurried inside and grabbed the file off the counter and headed out the back to head round the front…
"Hey Stef everything alright?"
"Hey mike, yeah I hope, it's not life and death if that's what you're thinking but Lena and I have something to do in the morning after the kids head to school, I'll be in work later to cover the hours I am late I'll call the cap later and let him know, but thanks –really I mean it for doing me this solid."
"Aw it's no biggie Stef, well I hope you and Lena get through with whatever, I mean if you guys need a night to yourselves I'd be happy to watch the kids."
"Thanks mike but it's not that kind of situation, so I better be heading back to bed before she misses me, thanks again mike."
"Welcome Stef, see ya later." He said waving the file and heading back to his car parked two cars down.
I did go back up the stairs to place Lena's phone on the night stand but did not go back to bed, my thoughts were to rampant and my anger was simmering slowly, because of the confrontation I knew was to come and I hope to god I was wrong, I didn't mind having to beg and grovel at my wife's feet to forgive me for accusing her of such things, it would only strengthen my resolve to make an even greater effort to try and work out whatever little niggling issues that still surrounded us. I was wired to the core, I felt like a caged animal wanting its freedom, I slipped on my hoodie and a pair of running shoes and headed out for a run, maybe that would help calm me and clear my mind. By 12am things were no better as I started my run back towards home, by the time I got in I headed to the garage and started cleaning, we had a lot of stuff that needed to be sorted and thrown away or given away and since I couldn't sleep I guess now would be a good time to make a dent into that task that we all had been putting off for the last couple months.
52 boxes, 10 garbage bag full of clothes and 4 hours later I was done sorting everything, each labeled 'throwaway/giveaway'… 'Keep'… and two as 'unsure who's stuff is this' … looking at te time I knew the kids would start getting up in a bit so I decided to prepare a nice breakfast for us all. I started the batter for the pancakes and then scrambled some eggs, bacon, I cut up some fruits, made fresh orange juice and set the table.
"Morning mom…" I heard Brandon say behind me before leaning against my side.
"Hey son, sleep alright?"
"Uhhmm-you're up early where is mama?"
"Sleeping, but I made us all breakfast so you better dig in before the others get here."
"What's bothering you, I have only ever seen you cook this much when you're stressed and if you have cooked this much food that means you also organized the garage junk."
"Nothing and I just felt like cooking and cleaning."
"No-mom," he said nibbling on a piece of bacon as he sat down and started to help himself."
"B I swear I am fine, I just couldn't sleep, work you know and I figured since I was up I would cook and clean it helps to clear my mind when I am stuck."
"Okay, but you'll tell me if anything is wrong right?"
"Yeah B, I always do."
"Okay." He replied stuffing a whole pancake in his mouth.
"Hey chew your food."
"I have to get in the shower before Mariana she uses up all the hot water."
"But breakfast tastes great mom." He replied chugging down a glass of OJ.
Soon, Jesus, Jude, Callie and Marianna entered the kitchen and Brandon ran out shouting he was going to bathe first, mariana turned around and headed after him, but was too late as the bathroom door slammed shut Brandon safely inside.
"Brandon, you're such a punk, you're supposed to let a lady use the bathroom first."
She didn't clearly hear what Brandon was saying and so headed back downstairs once more.
Everyone had eaten and gotten ready for school and Lena had yet to make an appearance. When they did leave Stef washed the wares used and then took a seat on the sofa and waited. She didn't know what she was going to say exactly or how to start it but she had to know she had to get this thing out, she was nervous and scared at the same time-on one hand she thought it was better to be wrong about what she was thinking when Lena confirmed things for her and on the other hand she wondered if Lena would tell the truth or lie to her.
Twenty minutes later she heard the door open and Lena frantically run down the stairs shouting…
"Brandon-callie-Jesus, why didn't someone wake….STEF!"
"Morning love…"
"WH-what are you doing home?"
"I decided to take the morning of as I have something I need to discuss with you."
"Did you turn of my alarm?"
"I did, you're the VP I'm sure the principal can handle things for a couple hours without you."
"What- Stef what is going on with you this morning?"
"I made breakfast, saved you a plate lets go sit in the kitchen while you eat."
"I-um okay." Lena faltered following Stef into the kitchen, Stef held the chair for her, then placed the plate in front of her and set a fresh cup of hot coffee in front of her.
"Lena looked at the lavish breakfast spread… "Wow!" she breathed out
"Don't be so surprised, I can cook to you know."
"I –I know but it's a lot, is it my birthday, is it an important date today that I forgot?
"No love, I just felt like cooking a nice breakfast for everyone, since I had a lot of time on my hands."
"Did you sleep at all, why are you in running clothes?"
"I couldn't really sleep last night had a lot going on in my head and then I went for a run that also didn't help to clear my head_"
"Did you clean out the garage?"
"You know me so well love."
"I should and it's your go to when you're stressed about something, so what is it… work? Mike? A case?" Lena fired off before digging into her laden plate.
Stef just shook her head a wry smile on her face, how well Brandon and Lena knew those things about her, so maybe all this was just in her head after all but she still needed to ask. She watched Lena eat everything on her plate before finishing her coffee.
"Stef really thank you it was a wonderful breakfast surprise I am stuffed till I feel very lazy."
"Thanks, it was nothing so you up for the discussion now?" Stef asked leaning forward on the table.
"I am, just hope I don't doze off on you."
"I- I don't know how to say this or ask for that matter- but um you know I love you right?" Stef asked waiting for a reply
"I do and I love you to."
"Good-good and you know I trust you with my all right?" again she waited for a reply
"As do I you hun-Stef what's the matter, you're scaring me?"
"You also know I would never do anything to hurt you right and there is no one else for me right?"
"I know I feel the same way about you to." Lena replied a smile on her face, nothing betraying about her features.
"So it's all in my head that I think you'd cheat on me with someone else right?"
"What! Hun what makes you think that?" Lena said reaching for Stef's hand on the table, "Baby I love you more than I can put into words and you make me so happy, you also made my dreams come through on having a big family we have five wonderful kids and I wouldn't change anything about it at all."
"But you haven't answered my question." Stef said looking her dead in the eyes and then she saw it, the little quiver tick of her lips when she was hiding something
"Stef where is all this coming from, what happened to make you feel this way or think those things?"
"Lena all I want to know is the truth, tell me outright that it's not true."
"Stef-baby it's not true." She said looking Stef in the eye but again unable to hide that little tick of her lips quivering as she lied to Stef's face.
"Is there something going on between you and Monte?"
"WHAT! Stef she is my co-worker, the principal, my superior for god sakes, of course there is something going on between us… a working relationship is what, I-the school needs her to help us get funds."
"I don't mean like that, I meant personally, you two always alone after school, meeting two-three times a week, traveling for monthly conferences, it was-is all to do with the school needs right?"
"Yes baby, there is nothing going on between me and Monte, she is the principal and also a friend that's it."
"So-what did she mean by that text she sent you last night?"
"Sh-she texted me-you read my messages… why…? You had no right to go through my phone Stef."
"I have every right to, we don't keep things from each other, or we'd have locks on our phones and you never had a problem with it before the many other times you asked me to check your message when you got one and you were preoccupied with something else."
"We don't need locks on our phones because I trust you Stef, I just didn't think you would invade my little privacy like that without asking me first."
"Do you really trust me? Or did you think I was just that stupid being a lowly paid cop and not highly educated like you with the fancy degrees and what not?"
"Stef what is the meaning of this, I don' think you're stupid or care how much money you make you could be a waitress for all I care I would still love you."
"Are you sure, or maybe Monte would have come along anyway and you would have run of with her because she can give you so much more than I and also she is not in danger everyday of not coming home to you, because she might get shot at or killed someway while working in the job I am?"
"Stef-baby… Monte and I are just friends, she meant nothing by the text, what did the text say?"
"Check your message and you tell me." Stef snapped Lena reached in her pocket and pulled out her phone and went to her message inbox… Stef paid close attention to her face wanting to see the look of recognition that she had been found out on her face….
Lena swallowed hard and finally bit her lip to hide the now blatant quiver…
"So how are you going to spin your masterful lie now, what are you going to say to convince me that I am over reacting, that I am paranoid, that my wife isn't fucking her friend… her coworker… her principal, who the school needs to bring in funds for them and who is also very fucking straight? What Lena? How far will you stretch your lie, how much more do you think you can blindside me, I want the truth Lena I want the fucking truth now or so help me god no one will be able to find both your bodies."
"Stef-please… it was nothing, it wasn't anything, and it's been over a very long time now."
"Are you fricking kidding me, how long has it been over Lena?"
"As soon as it started with a mistaken kiss_"
"When did the kiss happen?"
"At work, she has become sort of a friend-when I couldn't talk to you about losing the baby, she listened to me, I just needed to talk without being fucking judged and she helped me through that little period because we had so much going on at home, callie and Jude adoption, Ana and the baby, and I know you said if I wanted to talk you would listen but you were always so tired pulling the extra hours because I know we needed the money and we had our own stuff going on at the school trying to keep programs because we were told we had to make cuts but Monte said if we got the grant then we wouldn't have to cut anymore programs, she has some good connections and then the school board called about a donation being made to anchor bay in the form of a grant for the next two years and it just felt like a huge weight of our shoulders, my shoulders mostly and then we were celebrating getting the new grant for the school, I mean it was just a bit of Champaign and then she kissed me and for a sec I kissed her back but then told her I couldn't that I was married."
"Why was it so hard for you to talk to me…? When have I ever been judgmental of you? I thought we were communicating? No matter what's going on here in this home I need to know that you're alright, that you're still happy in this relationship, this family, with me and you really mean to say that couldn't simply talk to me, no matter how tired I am or was I would have fought that and listened to you if you wanted someone to listen, I am your bloody wife Lena, I stopped being your girlfriend when we made a commitment to each other… for rich or for poor, in sickness and in health, till death do us part…what's yours is mine and mines is yours- so your problems, worries, fears, grief, hurt they are mine as your life partner."
"Stef- I –I didn't want to be a burden, you were short sometimes with me when I did try to talk to you and I didn't want to add to the stress."
"I wasn't done talking yet…"
"Stef there is nothing."
"Do you swear on our children's life-my life?"
"Stef I've never had to swear on our children's life and I won't start now, you either trust that I am telling you the truth or not."
"Alright fine humor me… what did Monte need you one last time for?"
"She needed me to talk, she went through a nasty breakup with her then fiancé, and I was just paying her the same courtesy she gave me when I needed someone to talk to."
"And she couldn't talk to you after school, at the lunch break, why does she need you to meet her wherever?"
"It's not very professional to discuss your personal problems at school where anyone can overhear it."
"But drinking alcohol is acceptable, kissing a married woman is acceptable- I mean JUST HOW FUCKING STUPID DO YOU THINK I AM LENA…? I AM A COP FOR GOD SAKE- you had to know I would have caught onto you eventually, I mean my god who are you, what have you done with my wife, the sweet, honest, caring, kind, loving, FAITHFUL, woman I married, whom I have loved since I first laid eyes on her fifteen years ago, where is that woman Lena?"
"She's right fucking here Stef, staring you in the face …just-Stef please listen, nothing is going on…"
"I don't believe you, you are looking me in the face and directly lying to me, why, why are you fucking around on me, why did you have to do me that way Lena?"
"I –Stef please just listen."
"Listen, you cannot spin this again, it's out-YOUR FUCKING SECRET IS OUT! Gretchen was so right about you… you finally grew tired of me, tired of being permanently locked down in a committed relationship and of the kids, was it too much being a mother to them all, did being a wife become too much for you?"
"That's not true Stef and it's unfair, I am still your Lena, still that woman you met the first time… you know me Stef." Lena said finally breaking on a sob
"I thought I did, but I don't anymore, and I guess this is all my fault- I can't believe I never saw it before till now- I guess that means you know me all too well… know how long you could carry on this shit right beneath my nose knowing that I would never suspect you even fathom you would do such a thing to me… you know how I work-when I work-who I work with… I trusted you to be working all those late evening when you said you were but you were really fucking her… what about those two weekend you both went away for did you fuck her then at your pretend conference… god fucking damn how stupid and blind I must have been to not have seen it."
"Stef-baby, I swear it wasn't like that."
"Do you even still love me Lena?"
"God Stef-I do-I do so much you're my world Stef you and the kids mean everything to me."
"Do you really believe that-believe your own lies?"
"It's not a lie it's the truth I love you Stef."
Stef stood from the table and walked around to Lena's side, grabbing her arm and pulling her up on her feet… "If it was over the moment it started then how the fuck do you explain that fading hickey mark at the curve ending dip on your hip…" Stef snarled raising Lena's shirt to show her just where the mark was… "Come on-tell me Lena because I certainly didn't put it there… are you going to tell me you fell down? Bumped into a door? What Lena-? What fucking sweet lie are you going to tell me to explain away a love bite that I didn't put there?"
"Stef please I can explain…"
"Explain what? Do you really think I am some dumb stupid Blonde? Is that it…?" Stef cried out on a sob, finally giving in and succumbing to a pain she never felt before, her thoughts running like a train wreck… how could this happen to her-them? When did her wife become this other person? What was she going to do? How was she going to keep this from the kids? Was there any hope for them to recover? Could they work this out? She, hurt- she hurt so much, Lena had fucking hurt her more than anyone, more than a fucking bullet ever could and how did this happen?
Stef wanted to fight, she did infact attempt to get out of Lena's hold, Lena was kneeling in front of her hugging her, crying with her to and if she had any strength left she would, but everything had just been taken from her, her happy home had just come crashing down. She sobbed harder.
"Babe-I am sorry, Stef please just listen, we can get through this, and I'm sorry baby I am so sorry, I never meant to hurt you, I never meant for it to get so out of hand Stef baby I'll do anything to get your trust back just please give me another chance to make it up to you, please don't say it's over we can make this work, we can get through this I swear I can fix this and fix us I swear it baby."
"NO! - GET AWAY." Stef growled pushing Lena hard enough to break free of her grasp
"This isn't about a simple, one time kiss, I would have been forgiving of that but this is about the affair that you are carrying on with fucking principal-your fuck body Monte, my kids go to that damn school and do you know what this will do to them, when they find out that their mama has been whoring herself out to the principal of their school, do you think they can live with that kind of shame? Do you think they or I deserved what you have done to us, how you have destroyed us? DO YOU LENA?" Stef screamed scrambling to her feet
"Stef wait, just give me a chance –let's talk about it baby, it meant nothing to me, she means nothing."
"Now she means nothing…? Now it means nothing, you should have thought of that first before you fucking started fucking her, there is nothing you can do to fix any of this, further more I don't want to see you."
"I am not going anywhere Stef, just let me explain."
"EXPLAIN? You want to explain what another lie, say that she forced you into it, did she threaten to fire you if you didn't fuck her- what Lena, what is there to explain except that my life partner, my damn wife of less than two years grew bored of me in our marriage, grew tired of the predictability, grew tired of the same routine and now I believe holds me responsible for you miscarrying."
"NO-NO that's not fair Stef you are not responsible for that we both aren't it just wasn't meant to be with the baby and I am not bored or tired of you and our life- it's just I don't know- it was different,, having another woman desire me like that at all."
"So what you needed me to tell you every time how beautiful you are, that I love you, didn't I do that and showed you that?"
"It's not that Stef, it's just- I felt a spark, I s-sort of came… alive under the new attention when I had been feeling so depressed about losing the baby and disappointing you because I couldn't even do such a simple thing as carry our baby to term."
"I never blamed you for the miscarriage, these things happen Lena and I didn't love you any less."
"I know, but I couldn't look myself in the mirror and it honestly wasn't going to go further than that first mistake kiss, for two weeks I thought everything had gone back to normal between us, then Monte corners me in my office on a lunch break-she had a dream about me and she couldn't forget how my lips felt against hers and she had never been with a woman nor attracted to one until me and she just wanted to be with a woman and she wanted it to be a friend, someone she could trust and she wanted me and when she kissed me again something in me just gave in and we did it in my office bathroom."
"Did you use your mouth on her…?"
"Ste_"
"Did you fucking eat her pussy or not Lena?"
"Y-yes."
"How long have you two been fucking?"
"It's not like that, it's not a relationship it's just for a day or a couple hours I can be someone else, not be the proper uptight mother, not be the dull housewife, who goes straight home to her family after work because she has nothing else to do, I –I just get to be someone different and that's the whole drive behind it."
"WOW! How often did you two pretend to be somebody else?"
"Once a week- we would just touch each other to get off_"
"Because it was a thrill, it was daring knowing that you could get caught anytime and yet you still fucked her anyway and then you come home to me and kiss me with that same mouth, how could you Lena, what did I ever do to deserve you doing this to me, shattering my life like you have, what was it Lena? Did you miss the thrill of when we first met and I was still married to mike, but confused about my sexuality… is Monte confused about her sexuality, does she need you to confirm that she is one hundred percent a diehard lesbian, that she really loves pussy and not dick?"
"God no Stef, it-I-it was just different it made me feel different."
"Which leads back to my original conclusion and Gretchen words being right, you grew bored of plain ol' boring vanilla Stef… I am sorry that my job sometimes fucked with our personal life, I am sorry that I don't have as many fancy degrees as you and Monte, I am sorry I stopped pleasing you, stopped making you happy, I am sorry that we lost the baby because I wasn't always forth coming about the things I didn't always be straight wit you about, callie's adoption and threatening Robert and the Ana baby situation- just a handful of small things I wasn't forth coming with but it's because I didn't want you to undertake any of the stress I wanted you to focus on the baby… I took on the extra hours because I knew with the time of you would take and then the hospital bills it would be a lot to undertake s I was trying to do my part but I guess it was for nothing in the end… but I never once stepped out on you, it never even crossed my mind, I mean I thought we were so happy, even when we were last intimate for my birthday, but if you had told me that you needed sex like every fucking other day and that you wanted to role play then I could have done that I would have tried my damn hardest to satisfy you."
"That's just it Stef, it wasn't about the sex- I can satisfy myself on my own we have enough toys for me to do that, there is no other way I can explain it than I just wanting to once in a while be someone else, be fun and daring and exciting and not so tired and depressed and frustrated with the way our life was going, we stopped having fun Stef, we stopped being adventurous, there was no spontaneity… it's just her attention made me feel different and I liked it at first."
"You mean you still like it because you're still fucking her and lying to me, and if I didn't see that text or spot that fading hickey then I would still be clueless to what a lying, cheating, two timing, manipulative bitch my wife is."
"Stef we can work this out that hickey was from three days ago, I ended it for good then with her."
"A little too late for that now isn't it, so I want you gone, get out this house right now, pack your shit and leave or I am going to throw it all out."
"This is my home to Stef, my name is on the lease, where do you want me to go?"
"Go be with the fucking bitch, your new best friend, your somebody else that makes you feel alive since I make you feel dead, depressed, bored, since I cannot give you the adventurous life you so desperately want."
"Stef, hun- I am sorry I am- just give me a chance to make this all up to you, I am not giving up on you and my home or our kids. I need them and they need me, you're all I have."
"Not anymore, you lost all of it the moment you started this affair, I can't ever trust you again Lena, because you lied to me and kept lying and deceiving me, fucking abusing my trust in you and I won't have you do that to our children."
"Stef I won't go."