The end of May has come. The end of spring is here. The end of Masaya and me has already gone by.

It was not intentional, just a mournful fixation which no objection was to be bestowed upon.

I still remember the glazed sun trying to hide behind him, the rays illuminating a dark halo around his striking head. The cool breeze pushing the fragrance of fresh cut grass to my face, as if the fragrance would calm me and sooth me but it was a pitiful attempt. A knot slowly tied in the place of my heart, like a little child trying to perfect a knot with his shoelaces, but repeatedly muddling up and striving perfection so much that the knot finally became untie able.

Despite my utter repulse and antagonism, the despondency was unbearable. Looking at my hands I still feel my nails piercing into my skin leisurely and indefatigably, leaving the shape of five crescent moon as a result of my fists tautness. I solicited my parents to let me join him but my age was apparently too adolescent to permit me to leave with a boy all the way to the other side of the world. So he left, I just stood there and to my one satisfaction kept my vow to not cry. Why break his heart too when he unintentionally broke mine?

Holding me back, my parents apologized by saying there would better guys, that just made it worse. I didn't want other guys, I wanted MY Masaya!

How many times have I used the words my, I or me? Oh that's right about 20.

Because of him I've grown self absorbed, Jealous, and depending on the subject, a little cruel. I can't keep my thoughts strait for one second, because he's always there, calling me out of reality. I don't want him any more, I just want to forget. Not forever though, just a little time to get me head on strait. I need some time with out him, sometime to get my thoughts un scrambled.

But I'm that type. I can't go one day without a boyfriend in my arms.

' This is ridiculous!'

Wiping my sleeve to the corners of my eyes I roll off my bed and limp towered my chair. Pulling on my desk drawer, I take out a clean new notebook. Turning to the first page I flip the cover to the back and place it on the center of the desk to search for a pencil. I close my drawer to fast and it slams close. Wincing I sharpened my pencil and begin to write, taking my time to make each character perfect.

My Ideal Boyfriend. . .

1.Sweet
2.Caring

Bringing the eraser to my lips, I tilted my head back, why was this so hard? Was it because I was afraid it would turn out as Masaya?

My Ideal Boyfriend. . .

1.Sweet
2.Caring
3.Cute
4.Loving

still I had trouble, so placing my note book in the bottom of my desk drawer I grabbed my violet jacket after making sure to close the drawer softly. Going down the stairs I discovered a light spring in my step, and at that realization I let a soft hum escape from my gently closed lips. I felt my foot fall and opened my closed eyes to see the bottom of the lightly wooded stair case was a few steps behind me. I looked up the stairs diminutively timid, an enchant had settled over me profoundly and I had just discovered my hair was down and now almost reached my shoulders. I shifted my glance to my father sitting on the couch watching European football (soccer) and my mother baking pastries of some sort, the light from above seemed to pour into her hair, entwined in it with immense gratification. The light now avoided my hair which had lost its lustrous excel and gained a dim guise.

" I'm going out." This is how all our conversations started, no more than a monotone sentence from me and a pitiful reply from them.

" Where to?" Shintaro asked not leaving his gaze from the screen of the living room TV.

" ...The park..." I mumbled scarcely, my eyes were left dark by my bangs, almost completely shadowed, leaving me a gloomed face. My mother turned around and met me with a sympathetic look.

'I DON'T need your sympathy!'

Now Shintaro turned to face me, worry lines formed beneath his eyes and his lips were pursed together, slightly falling down.

" I didn't hear you?"

" To the park!" I let out with a tone almost considered aggressive, 'almost' being the alternative. I walked towards the door with out a comply.

" Alright, be back before dark okay! Enjoy yourself!" my father pitiably let out, forcing a smile on his lips giving off another sympathetic look.

' I said I don't need your stupid sympathy!'

My mentality got the better of me, forcing my lips to scowl and muscles tighten. Slowly I pulled out my navy blue shoe's and rushed out the plain door, slamming behind me as if it was relieved of the fact I was leaving for a bit. The once soft wind swimming through my rosy pink window frames now swiveled violently around my body, hate secluding its every movement. I quickened my pace and forced my way through the inanimate force. I walked for what seemed as eternity, casually tripping on my own feet. Turning a corner, the sidewalk abruptly widened and split in many directions. Before my mind could process anything I knew I had arrived at the park.

I didn't know what had led me to the water fountain and I don't think I would ever find out but I went any ways and sat on the cement outline. For some few moments I just sat in a daze, taking real interest in my swinging feet. The wind had died down; it was only a calming whistle now. After letting my mind wander I slipped off my navy blue shoe's and pulled off my thin white socks, turning around to meet the water filled with coins and wishes. That's all they were wishes, never to let any come true the fountain held them all greedily under it's defiant surface. Never to let them escape. I stared up at the fountains architecture and admired the structure which had been placed in the middle of the springing water. The sculpture depicted a girl, ten or eleven years old nude, to be covered by a flying cloth. She out stretched her arms to the sky, letting the cloth wrap around her pearl white skin like velvet. Her hair was a mass of long curls; slightly covering her eyes which were narrowed in a slightly seductive manner. Around her were fish and other sea creatures, water shooting out of there mouths. Wings sprouted her back into a blaze of the burst sun.

Walking under the shooting water, water grazed over my cloths and hair; sticking them to my skin. I sank onto my bottom, the water rippling just below my arms which wrapped around my knees and chest. A gust of wind blew, a shiver raced up my spine and tickled the back of my neck. My head tilted towards the sky and a rain drop landed on my pupil. I rubbed my eyes and sank further into myself; deep in thought. My eyes snapped open, from the other side of the fountain came mumbling. My ears perked up to pick the sound.

"What the hell did they know about feelings? Everything has feelings."

I strained to figure out the voice.

"I should forget about her and save my people! "

It was...

"Every time I confess that I love her and act like a compete idiot and that's how she treats me as!"

It was...

"acting as nothing had happened and I wasn't there a couple of feet in front of her"

It was...

"Should I apologize to her? no..."

Kisshu...

"I just wished it would have been you Ichigo"

Kisshu...

I stood up and over to the other side and there he was. Just sitting on the sides Kisshu was soaked with the rain water. I took in a breath and stared at him.

" I'm sorry."

He turned around and...

" I'm so sorry "

...just glared at me.

" I never meant to, I didn't mean to, I just."

I felt tears brimming my eyes, along with a lump in my throat. Before I could register any thought I was staring at my hands which collected tear drops. I cried harder into my hands and felt my knees shake. It was embarrassing, I was sobbing my eyes out in front of Kisshu who just blankly stared at me. I was cold, flustered and miserable. I swallowed... Hard.

" I'm so sorry! I don't want you to think I'm heartless or cruel! I don't think you're worthless! and I...and I -I... and I d-do care!"

I started crying again and now sank onto my knees. Why was the water so cold now? I wiped my face and cried harder. Turning to leave a hand grabbed my elbow. Kisshu pulled me closer until I was buried in his chest. It was awkward and my body was stiff until he pulled me closer and I felt light headed.

" Silly Koneko-Chan."
We stayed in the same position for what seemed days and finally I had gotten out of the shower, sneezing as I took out my note book. I flipped page after page until I had found it.

My Ideal Boyfriend. . .

1.Sweet
2.Caring
3.Cute
4.Loving

I made no hesitations this time, I took clicked out my pen to write. I new exactly what I wanted. Erasing everything I pleased myself with only one thing on the page...

My Ideal Boyfriend. . .

1.Kisshu

O.W.A.R.I

HAHA! The sequel to 'Why do I feel this way? I don't Know.' I am sooooooo Happy! It's taking long to update because my mouse is crappy, just today it started working! Another razor- I mean reason I 'm happy is because... drum rolls please!!!!!

Envy:: (Drum rolls)

I got A NEW SATIN PINK RAZOR PHONE WAHHAAAA! (clears throat) sorry. A new chappie of Melody mew mew's should be up Thursday ( no seriously) and I'm almost done with another kishXIchigo one-shot! ahhh the joys of one shots. It's soooo great to be back and finally A SEQUEL! I'll start writing a sequel to 'I W I L L N O T B E M I S S E D' and I have to start a new Tokyo's Sutoro chappie which had NO reviews what-so-ever on the new chapter (sob). I beg of you REVIEW! you all wanted a sequel I gave it to you and the least you could do is review because I really don't have time to update because final exams are coming up. I'm also thinking of starting a mintoX Ryou story when final exams are done and theres only a week or two left of school and I got it all planned out.

Kissue:: Review or Envy 'n I will stab your heart out and sell it to Dante.

Why would Dante want a heart??

Envy:: because she lacks one herself.