Ordinance 155
By: Swordkat
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Disclaimer: I do not own FAKE.
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This fic is a post-series fic. And when I say the series, I also mean the short epilogue, 'Like Like Love'. So if you haven't read it, you will be lost. If you wish to read it, Fakephoenixhas the scanlation.
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"Hello, this is Chief of Investigations for the 27th precinct speaking, how may I help you?"
"Hi, this is Jim Campbell. I'm head of forensics over at the Bronx station. I was checking up on some rules for a case I'm helping out on, and I just happened to spot a regulation that you might want to warn your unit about. I met two detectives by the names of 'Dee' and 'Ryo' a while ago…"
"Do you mean while we were sharing your station after ours blew up? That was years ago!"
"Yeah, well, it seemed like something was going on between those two, so I wanted to send you the heads up. Take a look at Ordinance 155 and you'll see what I mean."
"………. WHAT?"
"Yeah, I kinda feel sorry for you. That Dee seemed to have quite a temper, at least from what I remember."
"You have no idea. I think it might be best if I called a group meeting for this announcement."
"Why? Do you have even more like them?"
"I have one that needs to be warned, but I want the rest there in case things get… ugly. Ryo alone probably won't be able to stop Dee if he decides he wants to murder me."
"Please don't tell him where you heard it from. After you, he'd probably come after me."
"I won't. Oh, and thanks for telling me."
"No problem. And good luck."
"I'm going to need it."
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The Chief had put this meeting off long enough. Oh well, he thought, you can't live forever.
"Hey Ryo, CI meeting in my office in ten minutes. See if you can dredge up your lazy partner and drag him along for once." Ryo nodded to the chief. "Will do, sir. Do you want me to tell the others?"
"Yes, please, I need to track down Commissioner Rose." Ryo nodded and left the room. The chief watched him go and inwardly wondered if he should have delayed the meeting a bit longer. Oh well, too late now. Now to find Berkeley.
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The 'Commish' was currently in his office, holding a small box and pondering a dilemma far more troubling (to him) than many of his cases. He had been seeing Diana for a while and wanted to ask her a question. However, he didn't know how she would answer and he was afraid to ask.
There was a sharp knock on the door. He quickly flipped the box closed and stashed it in his coat before answering. "Yes? Come in."
The chief stuck his head around the corner of the door. "Commissioner Rose? Could you attend a CI meeting in about 8 minutes? I need more authority in case things get out of hand."
"I would be glad to. But may I inquire as to the nature of this conference?"
"It's about ordinance 155. I'll see you at the meeting!" And with that, the chief scurried off to make sure Ryo had collected everyone.
"Ordinance 155? Hmmm…" Berkeley remembered that one from when he was chasing after Ryo. 'At least I'm not swinging in that direction at the moment. And this will be a great chance to make fun of Dee…'
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The chief looked at the assembled men. Dee was staring at Ryo, Ryo was trying to ignore Dee, Drake was looking guilty, and JJ was bouncing up and down in his chair (someone must've given him coffee. The chief glanced quickly back at Drake, who was now trying to hide a smile, and sighed before looking back at the line of detectives.). Ted was beside the ecstatic JJ, drawing on a notepad and ignoring everything going on around him. Next to him was Marty, who was glancing at Ted's notepad and blushing furiously. In a back corner of the cramped little office sat Berkeley Rose, who was staring determinedly at the ceiling.
The chief coughed slightly to gain the attention of those cramped into the small, stuffy room. When everyone was at least pretending to listen to him, he started to speak. "I'm just going to cut to the chase. I've asked you all to come to this meeting because something has been brought to my attention that I thought three of you needed to hear. I need the rest of you to keep one of those three people from kil- doing something drastic. I will state this as plainly and straightforwardly as I can, because if I draw it out too long I will just be postponing my inevitable demis-"
Dee finally cut him off, "Just tell us already!"
The chief gulped and glanced at Rose, who was clearly enjoying himself. "Ok I just needed to tell you about ordinance 155, which clearly states….
'Under no circumstances is one male detective to have a romantic relationship with his partner because of the risks therefore incurred to both parties and all coworkers involved in an on-the-job risk including danger to one of the partners and the biased reaction of the other.'"
Dead Silence.
Someone had found a way to shoot Silence, for there it lay in the middle of the tuna-can of an office with a bullet straight through it.
The chief gulped again and dared to look towards Dee, who he was certain would have in his mind some dangerous penalty, perhaps akin to the fate of Silence, for the bearer of bad news. Surprisingly, Dee wasn't the one out for his blood. Instead, the chief found himself pinned to his office wall by three very angry men. Ryo, Drake, and Ted had simultaneously leaped to the attack while the other half of the office glared, laughed, bounced on obliviously, or stared in slack-jawed shock at the scene unfolding before them.
Silence suddenly leapt back to life and fled the office, chased by the yells of some extremely angry people.
"What do you mean romantic relationships aren't allowed?" Ryo yelled into his boss's face.
"I will not give up what I went through hell to finally get!" Drake looked ready to kill someone, namely the man he was helping to pin against the wall.
"……..?" Ted was too far gone to be able to form a coherent sentence.
The chief shrank back even further against the wall. And he had thought Dee would be the one to kill him. Instead he was going to die at the hands of his most 'peaceful' detectives. How ironic. Rose must be laughing his head off right now just seeing the chief in this predicament. Speaking of Rose, why wasn't he restraining the three attackers?
The chief looked over the apoplectic figures of his attackers to where the other four members of this meeting sat. Now here was an interesting sight. Dee was glaring at the chief while trying to decide whether to assist in the murder or to just sit back and enjoy the show. Marty was still slack-jawed in shock. Commissioner Rose had returned to his intense study of the ceiling tiles. And as for JJ? He was now adding a rhythmic humming to his bouncing.
The chief had finally had enough. "EVERYONE, SIT DOWN!" he bellowed.
This was just enough to jolt Ryo back to his senses. He released his chokehold on his boss and pulled the other two away. Dee came up and pulled Ryo back to the table while Drake and Ted followed.
The chief cautiously returned to his seat and shot a nervous glance at his officers while massaging his throat before speaking again.
"Ok….. I guess that we will just have to find a loophole so that those in violation of this ordinance can remain on the force. So anyone not involved in a relationship with a fellow officer may leave the meeting."
The chief looked at his detectives. It seemed the lack of air flowing to his brain had made him forget that Ryo wasn't the only one who attacked him. He fully expected Ted, Marty, and possibly Drake to get up and leave the room. Which probably explains why the chief fell out of his chair when not one of his detectives made to leave the room.
After climbing back into his chair, he waited for a minute to regain his composure before speaking.
"Please raise your hand if you are currently in a relationship with someone else in this room."
One by one, some boldly and some not-so-boldly, the six detectives raised their hands.
The chief then asked the obvious. "So you're all gay!"
"I'm Bi, dammit, not gay! It's completely different!" Dee (of course, who else would it be?) yelled.
Ted and Drake glanced at each other, then at their respective partners, before turning to the chief. "Yeah, what Dee said!" they said in unison.
The chief looked at the other three. "Well?" he asked," What about you three?"
Ryo glanced at Dee. "Nope, I'm gay."
Well, he was certainly adjusting to admitting things. Dee must be helping.
The chief nodded and turned to the bouncing, humming, mass that was JJ. "And you?"
JJ looked up, but his gaze slid past the chief to Drake. "Drakey!"
And so Drake was down for the count as the result of a JJ-on-caffeine glomp (ten times the strength of a regular JJ glomp attack).
The chief shook his head and looked at Marty. "Well?"
Marty turned to Ted for support before flushing a deep red shade and answering the chief. "Umm… I guess I'm just… gay."
Rose had finally returned to actually listening. With that infuriating smirk of his, he finally spoke.
"Guess all your hard work was for nothing after all, eh Dee?"
Ryo grabbed Dee and dragged him out of the office before he could attack Rose. Ted and Marty were having a whispered conversation near where Drake was still laying unconscious with JJ on top of him.
The chief wondered what exactly he had done to deserve this. He was in danger of losing every single one of his detectives, and it was all because of a stupid, little, rarely-enforced rule. Surely things could not possibly get any worse.
The door to the office burst open. The chief looked up, expecting to see Dee and Ryo returning. Instead, a teary Diana stampeded in and flung herself at Berkeley. Ryo and Dee came in quietly behind her and shut the door.
All eyes were on the distraught FBI agent (even Drake's, it seemed he had somehow regained consciousness and was now trying to pry JJ off while still watching Diana).
"Diana? What's wrong?" Rose finally managed to wheeze out from within her super-tight chokehold- er, embrace.
Through her sobs, the office managed to make out a few garbled words.
"New…law…about police/FBI relations…scared of information leak...forbidden…no romances…"
Once again, Silence's corpse decided to grace the office while those gathered in the small space worked out what Diana was saying.
However, the Silence was broken by Dee, who picked up the corpse and threw it out the door (where it promptly shattered). Then he spoke to the chief.
"Well, it looks like you need to try and find six new detectives, a new commissioner, and a new agent to send to the FBI. And while you're busy with that," he said turning to address the rest of the room, "why don't the rest of us go out for drinks? I know this really neat bar that's open to gays, lesbians, bis, and the few straights who tolerate us."
JJ was the first to answer. "Ok, I'm in!"
"Then I better come along to make sure you don't get too drunk," said Drake.
Ted glanced at Marty, then replied, "Sure, we're up for a few drinks."
Dee turned to Ryo. "Sure, I'll come. But Dee, we can't stay all night. Bikky is coming into town tomorrow and we promised to have lunch with him and Carol."
"Ok," Dee said, turning to a much-calmer Diana and a now-breathing Berkeley. "How about you two? You guys up for a drink?"
"You mean you are actually inviting me?" Rose exclaimed incredulously.
Diana put her hand over his mouth before he could say anything else. "What he means is, of course we would like to go out for a drink!"
"Okay, then let's get going! Have fun replacing us, walrus!" said Dee happily.
And with that, they left the poor chief alone in his office to find a solution.
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OWARI