Drift
Drift: drift – to move in a slow, smooth, gentle, and unforced way, usually without any direction or purpose.
Can you exist by merely drifting? Can standing still really give you the best view of your life?
Today it did.
She lay in her bed, sleeping away all worry and all disillusions created by Chloe's sudden gift. Every few moments she would shake and call out a random name. None of which was his.
Which disappointed him for reasons he didn't quite understand. He wanted to hear her name come from his lips. He wanted that.
Did he really need a reason as to why?
Their conversation was still fresh on his mind. And he knew more than anything that she was right. She needs to know. He needs her to know.
His heart needs her to know.
It had only clicked in his mind when she fell asleep how often he had been watching her. How often he would find himself wondering about her, talking to her.
How much he loved her.
Did this scare him? On so many levels of his brain and heart. But he knew that deep within her eyes she saw the same as him. She thought the same as him.
They're meant for each other.
He had never had reason to think that particular thought before. He was the one meant to be alone right?
Watching her as she slept changed his mind instantly. He felt an overwhelming sense of serenity from her; he felt that from no one else.
"Clark."
His eyes widened as she moaned out his name from her silken lips. She was starting to break out into a cold sweat. He stood and went to her side, carefully grasping her hand in his.
Her breathing slowed and her sweating stopped, she instantly calmed. But she also gained a death grip on his hand.
A few moments later her eyes popped open and she looked at him with no emotion in particular. Her hazel eyes searched his body, a slight slouch was evident.
"What do you think about in your dreams when you say people's names?" He asked her suddenly.
She didn't seem surprised. "My mom always told me when you say a name, you care for the person. Whether it is friend, family or lover. It all depends on how the name is said."
He looked down at his hands which were nervously stroking each other, he had let her hand go. "You said my name Lois."
She sat up and stretched. "I'm not surprised."
He blushed. "You...moaned it."
She laughed at his uneasiness. "Well we have seen each other naked, it's ok to have a wet dream every once in a while."
His eyes shot up and met hers. "Wet?"
She laughed at him. "Why are you so nervous Smallville? Jeez. Get a grip."
"Well being as I just heard you moan my name and after all that happened yesterday, I have to right to be nervous don't you think?"
To move in a slow, smooth, gentle, and unforced way, usually without any direction or purpose.
She looked at him before standing and walking over to the kitchen area. She opened a bottle of water and took a long drink, calming her thirst.
Truth be told she didn't know how to speak with him about what happened, but he made her feel as if she needed to. She was hoping to ignore it, she knew it wouldn't happen.
"I'm sorry you had to see me like that."
He stood and walked over to her. "I'm not."
"What?"
"You finally let me in Lois. I'll never be sorry for what happened, I am for why though."
Yet again after the silence hit her she decided she would have to side step his words. "So have you done anything important this morning?"
He gawked at her as the words came from her mouth. He grabbed her hands and turned her around. "Lois. You can't step around this. Not anymore."
"And what am I stepping around?"
"The fact that I get under your skin and get to you. The fact that I can help you and you don't want it. Why don't you want it Lois? Why don't you take the help I offer you?"
"Because I am independent Clark. You know what that means? It means being able to handle things on your own." She tried to pull her hands from his grasp.
"It does. But it also means knowing when to go for help when you can't do something alone."
"Drop the hero complex Smallville, would you? It's not flattering to me."
He dropped her hands. "You are so frustrating!"
She smirked at him. "Thank you."
He watched her walk around the apartment into her bathroom and come out a few seconds later.
Was she drifting by in her life?
Does she barely exist in her mind as he does in his?
"Do you not trust me with who you are?"
"I don't trust myself with who I am around you. You seem to like to get me to spill my guts out every time you're around."
"It's called being a friend. And I do the same around you."
"Right. And now we are back to your secret right? Tell me Clark. Do you trust me or is it something else?"
He starred at her for a moment.
"Exactly. It's not that easy to just give something you've protected away is it?"
"I never said that it was easy. It's never easy to tell anyone Lois."
"You call me frustrating? Look in the mirror! Those lead confinements around you are strong than mine!"
"Lois…don't turn this around on me."
She started fighting the urge to hit him. She raised her hand up in the air and slowly dropped it back to her side.
"This fight is about both of us Clark. IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED!"
He jumped as she screamed, the loud noise startling him.
"Ok. Maybe we both have problems opening up! I get it alright! But we both have different reasons!" He was slowly getting agitated.
"No we don't! We're trying to protect ourselves! That's it. Simple as that! But there's a difference in you and me. You want to know what that is?"
"Lois-"
"I open up to you when you ask it, I give you my heart when it's broken and you fix it. That's how it's worked. But every time I try to help you with your heart, you only give me a small piece. And damn it I don't think that's fair. I don't think it's fair that I give everything to you, like I've never done before and you just half-ass it with me!" Tears streaked down her face as she gave her soul to him yet again.
She fell to the floor and put her hands to her face, cradling the tears as they fell from her eyes.
He looked at her for merely a second and then dropped to her side. He lifted her into his arms and slowly rocked her back and forth.
"Lois. I'm so sorry. I just-" He bit back his tears as he felt his shirt getting soaked from her sobs. "I don't know anymore."
"You don't have to be open with me Clark." She whispered into his shoulder.
"I want to Lois. I just don't know how."
She looked up at him. "Who are you Clark? Who is Clark Kent?"
He bit his tongue and looked down at her. Her puffy red eyes making her look more real than she normally does. But it gave him definition to the silence he was giving her. He suddenly knew she would never tell, she would always protect him.
Always, not matter the cost to her.
"I'm Kal-el of Krypton."
She jumped out his arms and situated herself in front of him. Suddenly she was starring at him with such intensity that worried him.
"Ok." She said after a moment. "That's all I need to know."
"Lois. That's not even half of it."
"That's all of it." She placed a hand on his chest over his heart. "I know who you are."
"You know about-" He was suddenly scared again.
"I know you are a good man. I know you help people whether or not they want it. I know you love with everything you have and you would give yourself away for someone else to live. That's all I need. Because I know who you are." She gave him the sweetest smile he had ever seen.
She leaned forward and kissed his forehead. "You're Clark Kent of Earth, and Kal-el of Krypton. But you're only Smallville." She grabbed his hand and placed it over her heart. "That's all you are right here. Right here with me."
She leaned forward again and kissed his lips slowly, he responded achingly. He needed this as much as she did. She pulled away and placed her chin on his shoulder, resting the side of her head against his. She listened to the sigh of relief he gave and it somehow made her smile.
"And I'll never let you go." They whispered together.