You know what trademark Vandread is, right? Let's hope so.
As one may expect, Hibiki Tokai was having
his usual losing streak when it came to his
card game with Gascogne Rheingou; right
now, he slammed down his hand in the
form of five cards, saying, "Beat that-
4 of a kind!"
But as always, Gascogne revealed her winning hand, saying, "Sorry--a royal flush."
Enraged, Hibiki growled, "#&$!
YOU CAN'T BEAT ME LIKE THAT!
Come on, another game!"
But Gascogne chanced to spot something
in the 4 of a kind that Hibiki had--four spades
starting with a king of spades, a queen of
spades, a ten of spades and an ace of spades-
which caused the supply shop leader to draw
back in fear. "You're in trouble now, H-man"
she said.
"Trouble?" challenged the hothead. "Just because I lost?"
"You just don't get it, when it comes to bad juju, do you?" said Gascogne, pointing to the ace of spades card. "That card, is the ace of spades--the card of death, which means someone here...is earmarked for death."
"Listen, lady," said Hibiki, a slight bitter tone on his tongue, "you believe in that hocus pocus bunk? I shake my Taarak keister in the face of such so called bad juju and other STUU-------PERSTISTIONS!"
"While we're on the subject, may I remind you it's also bad juju to blaspheme in the theater," stated the supply shop leader. "Over the centuries, stage people have always been paranoid when it comes to superstitions--case in point, you can't say 'Good luck' to any stage actor, instead, you're supposed to say, 'Break a leg.'"
Shaking his head nervously, the hothead said a bit
shakily, "You say something like that to anyone,
and that is JUST what that person will do--break
a leg."
At that moment, the alarm klaxon went off, just as B.C.'s voice was heard from the P.A. system:
"Emergency! All Dreads prepare to launch!"
Upon hearing that, Hibiki jumped up and ran for the door, saying, "Let's kick some Harvester BUT-TOCKS!"
But even as the hothead hightailed it out,
Gascogne couldn't help but shake her head in worry.
That wasn't all--for just a yard or so down the hall were the Mutt and Jeff of the Nirvana, a.k.a. Barnette Orangello and Jura Basil Elden; when they heard the klaxon and B.C.'s anouncement, they started to head for the hangar. But just as they started to go, Hibiki ran past them, and as he went, he had the bad luck to unintentionally step on Jura's foot in the process.
"YEE-OUCH!" shrieked the blonde, who now was jumping up on one foot. "You #$&! You stepped on my foot!"
"HEY!" roared the hothead. "EKSQUUUUUUUSE
ME! I didn't even see your foot! Besides, we've got
to take flight against some Earth bad naughties,
remember?"
"And I hope those 'bad naughties' wipe you out for
stepping on my foot--and for not giving me what I want"
snorted the diva Dread pilot.
"Whatever! See you!" said Hibiki before he ran for the hangar.
While they ran for the hangar, Barnette grimly said to Jura, "You
shouldn't say stuff like that to people like Hibiki! It's bad juju
to want someone to die! Just because he wouldn't give you a baby,
not to mention step on your foot is no reason to be so...so
immature and vindictive!"
"Juju?" said Jura haughtily. "You believe in that &$#?"
"Be careful what you wish for," warned Barnette. "You just
may get it. It's said if you wish something on someone it
becomes reality. Mark my words, if anything happens to Hibiki,
you're going to be crying and wishing you hadn't said that stuff."
"Me?" said the blonde. "I wouldn't cry if Hibiki died, regardless."
"Why I had a relationship with you is beyond me," moaned the green hair pilot. "Just because you've got no feelings for Hibiki, doesn't mean you shouldn't care for the guy."
Within moments, the Vanguard and the four Dreads
were launched out ahead where there was a huge
blue purple gas cloud covering up much of the
starry section of space. Right now the head pilot
Meia Gisborn was saying, "There's no telling just what
could be in that cloud. For all we know there could
be a planet, a space station, or worse, those Harvesters.
So, whatever you do, approach with caution!"
"ROGER!" replied the other pilots.
For Hibiki, approaching with caution was no easy task-
especially with Jura and Dita Liebely pestering the
hothead to combine with one of their Dreads; right
now, Dita was saying, "Hurry, Hibiki, combine with me!"
"No, combine with me!" said Jura. "Pretty please, with sugar on it?"
"Why don't you two jokers leave me alone?" roared the hothead before he took off, speeding off, even to the point of speeding ahead of Meia, to her annoyance.
"HEY!" she called. "Didn't I say approach with caution?"
"Don't tell me it's bad juju to go off ahead?" charged Hibiki.
"Juju?" said the head pilot. "Did Gascogne tell you that?"
"What do you think?" said the hothead. "You don't think
'da beeg bad J.J.'s in cahoots with The Harvesters, huh"
Engaging his turbo boost, he surged ahead into the cloud,
shouting, "I am callin' you out, you $&# juju
Harvest bastards!"
But when Hibiki reached the other side of the cloud bank, he began to wish he hadn't--for up ahead, in the heart of the cloud, was a staging area for twelve Harvester flagships, surrounded by their computerized radio controlled dreadnaughts, and he had flown right in the center of it all--and so did the Dreads.
"I was afraid of that," muttered Meia. "Hibiki, you and Dita come with me. Barnette, you, Jura and the rest try to wipe out those #&$s, got it?"
"ROGER!" came the reply.
For the next several hours, the battle got intense,
starting with many of the enemy fightercraft streaking
by, firing salvo after salvo of lethal firepower. In fact,
more often than not, there were a few narrow escapes
when a Dread would almost be hit by enemy weaponry.
Once, such a blast nearly hit the side of Barnette's
Dread and she went into a tail spin before regaining
control in time.
"Those &#$ Harvest devils!" she groused.
"It's an insult to use such cheap tactics!"
"That sucks," agreed Jura "You think they could read our minds?"
"How in the living daylights would I know that"
charged the green haired Dread pilot. "Let's use
use the ol' razzamatazz tactic on them." To the other
Dreads, she said, "All of you, make with the razzamatazz,
fast!"
"ROGER!" said the other pilots.
Barnette's "razzamatazz" tactic turned out be a method in
which a group of Dreads would surround an enemy
like Indians circling a covered wagon, firing on the
target as they did so, till it blew up--the enemy,
that is. Such a tactic tipped the scales in favor of Barnette
and co. with each enemy ship exploding to bits.
"WHOOOOOOOOO------HOOOOOOOOOO"
cheered Jura. "Just like The 4th Of July!"
"Instead of safe and sane fireworks," quipped Barnette,
"we're using unsafe and insane fireworks."
Thankfully, the Nirvana had entered the cloud and the fray,
and on an order from Capt. Magno Vivian, helmsman
Bart Garsus had launched time and again, a heavy dose
of plasma torpedoes to dispatch many of the enemy
minions along with a few of the flagships.
For that matter, Hibiki, Meia and Dita were also doing their part, cutting down the Harvest quota with some unusual methods. Once, the Vanguard was trapped twixt two flagships, both ready to fire their huge guns.
"HIBIKI!" shrieked Dita. "WATCH OUT!"
But the hothead, as it turned out, had a strategy in in mind; just as the guns were at their peak, he flew his Vanguard up and out from the spot, before the guns opened fire, the plasma blasts crossing each other and hitting and destroying each other's flagships.
"Yay, Hibiki!" cheered Dita, who was clapping.
"You did it!"
"I could've told you that," said Hibiki. "And the adventure is just beginning."
Another time, Hibiki, Meia and Dita used a two step
battle tactic in which first the hothead combined his
Vanguard with Meia's Dread, making Vandread
Meia; from there, they blasted a hole and tore into
the side of one of the flagship and blasted its central
processing unit (CPU) before tearing out through the
other side. Then they broke up and Hibiki merged
with Dita's Dread, forming into Vandread Dita;
after that, they blasted through, using an energy
charged javelin, from the front end to the back,
before the enemy ship blew up.
"Stick a fork in that Harvester--it's done"
declared the hothead.
"Hurrah for the red, white and BLOOEY"
squealed the redhead known as Dita.
With such strategies, it didn't take long for
the enemy fleet to be depleted of its cube
ships, fightercraft, carrier pods and, make
no mistake, the flagships--for that matter,
there was only one flagship left. But even so,
all those victories were taking their toll on
the Dreads, especially Hibiki's already
overtaxed Vanguard, which was already
sparking here and there, one engine
already knocked out. And despite all that,
he was hell bent on taking on the last
flagship.
"Hibiki, wait!" called Meia. "Gascogne's coming by to fix you up! Wait for her!"
"Wait for what?" growled the hothead.
"That bastard's likely to open fire any
second!" Directing his words to Jura, who
was just arriving on the scene, he said,
"Hey, J.B.E., get your fat BUT-TOCKS
over here so we can combine!"
"'Bout bloody time!" said the blonde
pilot before adding, "KEE-RIPES!
Stop making fun of my butt!"
Anyway, Hibiki's on its last leg Vanguard merged with Jura's Dread, resulting in Vandread Jura, before using the energy blast to rip through the tough armor plating of the flagship, tearing into the reactor core, and out through the front cannon section--after that, the ship exploded in a fireball that would rival the likes of Haley's comet.
"Good riddence to #&$ Harvesters"
said Dita.
"Hey, that was my line!" said Hibiki, who was already trying to fend off a wildly hugging and kissing Jura, before breaking off...until the Vanguard started sparking all over crazily, one of the sparks dangerously close to the fuel tank.
"HEY!" squawked the hothead. "What's happening?"
At that moment, Gascogne's repair ship came by, its pilot saying, "Hang on! "I'll get you fixed up in a jiffy!"
But before the robotic appendages from Gascogne's ship could reach the Vanguard--
--it exploded, oblitering a hapless Hibiki with it, turning into a firey bomb of destruction.
Inferno!
"Hibiki! NO!" gasped Meia.
HIBIKI! WHAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH"
sobbed Dita.
"Oh no! Poor Hibiki!" said Barnette.
"Hibiki...! First my sister and now you"
said Gascogne.
"Serves you right, you stupid idiot," muttered Jura, without any feeling at all.
Once the news of Hibiki's death was rendered public,
shockwaves spread all over the Nirvana crew as well as
the populations of Taarak and Majere, with everyone
mourning.
On the day of the funeral, the Nirvana's crew, much
of the diplomats from the two planets (and many others)
were there, gathered to pay their last respects to the
greatest Vanguard pilot in history that gave his life to
defend the galaxy.
Meia, Dita, Misty Cornwell and Barnette (who were all
crying their eyes out), along with Capitan Boss Magno,
Buzam A. Calessa, Paiway Underberg, Ezra Vieil, Parfet
Balblair, Duero Mcfile and Bart each said a moving eulogy
for their fallen hero, and many speeches were made by
Lord Grampa and Lady Grandma as well. But, of all the
people that came, only one didn't, and that someone was
Jura, to the chagrin of Barnette and co., stayed home,
complaining of a headache. Yet the green haired pilot
couldn't help but wonder if her now selfish friend was
at home, partying and cheering, "YAY! No more
Hibiki, EVER!" without a care, nor feelings for Hibiki, believing
that the only person she cared for was Barnette; Jura
had said she wouldn't cry for Hibiki, and she never
did...
One thing was for sure...for the first time in years,
the Dread team's victory over The Harvest was a
bittersweet one--based on a so called ace of spades.
OWARI (THE END)