Pack Up The Moon. Dismantle The Sun.
He flipped listlessly through his messages.
They were mostly junk per usual.
YOU NEED A VACATION! Trips to the 8th Moon of Distillation at prices you won't believe! Click here!
Tired? Depressed? Sluggish? It's Not You! It's Your Genes! Here at Gen-E-Swap we...
Hello, Mr. McAvoy. I have been trying to reach you. I am Prince Arlack deposed sovereign of Coris. I am currently attempting to transfer several hundred thousand credits off the surface of my planet. If you would be willing to assist I would guarantee a profit of 35%...
He sighed.
The same things. Every day. Vacation packages. Ads for genetic repair centers. The Coris Prince scam.
Delete. Delete. Delete.
How Far Would You Be Willing To Go To Find Her?
Del-
He was prepared to swipe the screen and send the message into the trash but he paused. It didn't seem like the others. Of course it sounded a bit like one of those ad's for a cruise to a singles planet but...not quite.
"How f-far would you be willing to g-go to f-f-find her?" He repeated softly to himself before scoffing. "You have n-no id-dea."
He opened the message. It was blank, there was no body, no return address for that matter. There wasn't even a time or date stamp to identify when it had been sent.
Junk mail was getting even more clever. He thought with a weary shrug.
An image of red hair flashed through his mind. Soft, teasing laughter.
No. Stop it. Don't do this to yourself. It's torture. It's madness.
With a sudden movement he stood up from his chair, stalking to the kitchen of his flat almost angrily.
Standing in front of his refrigerator he spoke.
"I'm hungry."
"Greetings, Lee. How may I serve you today? Would you enjoy a beverage?" The appliance asked him.
"No...a sandwich."
"I'm sorry. I didn't quite get that. Would you enjoy a beverage?"
"I said I want a sandwich."
"I'm sorry. I didn't quite get that, Lee. Can you try again?"
Of course the thing was on the blink. Of course. He'd had a repairman out the other day to fix it who'd groused the whole time about having to work on such an old model.
"Lee? Are you still there? Would you enjoy a bev-"
"Never mind." He said giving the door a sharp tug, I'll make it myself."
He removed the ingredients from the fridge and hastily made himself a meal he was less than enthusiastic about eating. A few minutes later, plate in hand he returned to the living room and flopped down. He raised his free hand towards the screen, ready to bring up the 3D remote in the vain hope of finding something on telly.
There was a ding, alerting him a new message had just come through. He had minimized his mail screen and with an irritated swipe he enlarged it.
It's The Compressor Valve.
He blinked as he stared at the message.
"Wha-...?"
Another ding.
It's The Compressor Valve. It's Interfering With The Audio Recognition. Easy Fix.
He looked around, suspecting a trick but not knowing who would be responsible. Maybe in the old days it could have been a mate pranking him but...no mates anymore.
Another alert.
You Never Answered My Question, Lee.
"Alright, w-whoever's mucking about you just c-c-cut it out right now."
How Far Would You Go To Find Her?
He stared at the screen for a moment.
Red hair. Children laughing. His children. That wicked, funny tongue of hers.
"To the e-e-nds of the universe." He said softly to no one in particular. Or at least he thought it was to no one in particular.
Do You Mean That? Do You Properly Mean That?
He backed out of the messages suddenly. They were all still there, a bunch of them now in a row, still bookended by ads for the latest teleport and the iPad 901.
Still no body. Still no sender. Just messages written in the header, to him, that appeared to be responding to his voice.
He pushed the food, almost entirely forgotten aside.
"W-who is this?" He asked in a near whisper.
A Friend. Came the next message, eerily prompt.
"Tell me her name." He whispered suddenly. Fiercely. "Write her name."
Donna.
He gasped. For all he thought about her, wished for her, mourned for her, he never wrote her name, never said her name anymore except perhaps in his dreams. It hurt too much to have his lips form that word. That sacred word.
He had lost so much. His obsession with her had cost him so much. His hunt for this woman had upended his life.
It had been the same for so many of them.
The Survivors Of The Library the news outlets had called them initially. Each and everyone of them had been given up for dead a century before. They returned to families that knew them as myth and sad tales. Their homes were gone. Their belongings packed away, gathering dust or long ago tossed on the rubbish pile.
The 4022. That's the name that stuck. The more interesting stories wound up on the chat shows or reality telly. They were a novelty, underdogs to root for or laugh at. There was that disastrous, shameful show "Watch Bernard Bungle" where they put a survivor, Bernard Ramsey in a thoroughly modern house and watched him fumble away with the new technology. It was played for a laugh but Lee found it gruesome. And still, he chased after the cameras like so many others.
But he had a different reason.
"I'm looking for one of the 4022. Her name was Donna Noble. She was my wife and I'd like to find her please."
A derisive snort from the interviewer.
"Yes, Lee, well could you tell us a bit more about how time passed in the Library? What did it feel like?"
"Please, if anyone out there knows or remembers Donna Noble please contact me. My name is Lee McAvoy, I can be reached on Mass Circuit 495912356. That's Mass Circuit 49591-"
"We bring him on to talk about his experience and he wants to find some bird!' The interviewer said. His mouth was laughing but his eyes weren't. Lee was not invited back. But there were other shows. Other reunion episodes. As the other 4022 moved on with their lives, some with mates and spouses they'd met in the Library, some using new skills they'd acquired there, some using the money they'd each been allocated from the survivors fund to build a new life, Lee remained. And each time he was placed in front of a camera he would send out another call. Another plea for Donna, his Donna.
He dreamed of her. He remembered vividly what it had been like to hold her in bed. To kiss her at the start of a day, at the end of it. He remembered their first date, their wedding day. He remembered how she craved everything fried when she was pregnant with Josh. He remembered his first Father's Day, her first Mother's Day. He remembered how she loved to go dancing. He remembered Ella's hard birth where he worried he might lose them both. He remembered it all.
Yes, yes he knew it was a dream. He knew it was a computer simulation. But she wasn't. She couldn't be. It didn't matter that he searched the 4022 census and there was no one with even a variation of that name. It's not like he'd used his legal name when he entered the Library, he'd gone by his two middle ones. It didn't matter that his calls that were broadcast across every planet in this solar system and the next, went unanswered. It didn't matter. She was not a figment of his imagination.
She. Was. Real.
His life eventually spiraled out of control. The Lux Corporation had allotted a dizzying amount of money to care for each of the survivors for the rest of their lives. He never had to work again. But he wasn't interested in money. He took the first, cheap flat he could find and dedicated time and effort for weeks, months and finally years trying to find her.
It was about five years after the 4022 returned that the suicides began. A rash of them here and there. Unhappy people, dissatisfied with the harsh reality of life outside the paper thin magic of the Library began to take their own lives. People like him who'd found someone on the inside but never been able to find them out here. Or perhaps worse yet when they had found them it hadn't been the same. For some the adjustment was too much. He knew one or two of them. Not many though and he hadn't seen them since he'd been teleported out. That was the thing. As much as he missed it, as much as they all missed it, they gave one another a wide berth. There were no anniversary parties for the 4022.
There were times where he seriously thought about ending it. He was miserable. The world had passed him by. He had no use. No purpose. His friends and even his friends children were long dead. He was utterly alone and the life he'd lead before that spur of the moment jaunt to the Library was a distant, foggy memory.
Eventually he had to make the choice to give up on something. Life. Or finding Donna. He chose the latter. And on dark days he let himself believe she wasn't real after all and never had been. She was pixels and bytes, just like his children. But his arms still craved the three of them. At night, he still remembers the rush, the blinding white light, the force he couldn't fight against as she was pulled away from him.
Lee?
"What do you know about D-d-d-onna?"
I Know There's A Chance For You To See Her Again. If You're Willing To Take A Risk.
"What do you m-mean?" He asked sitting forward and addressing the impassive screen. He hesitated before adding, mostly for his own sanity. "She wasn't real."
Now, You Know That's Not True.
And he did. He did know and his heart swelled that somehow, someone, somewhere else knew as well.
"W-where is she?"
Somewhere Very Far Away.
"I looked. I looked so long and so hard." He said his voice cracking.
You Could Never Find Her.
"You know her?"
I Do.
"Was she looking for me too?"
No.
There it was. So cold. So unforgiving. He thought it couldn't get worse. And then it did.
She Doesn't Even Remember You.
Anger suddenly flared in him.
"P-p-piss O-off!" He shouted and came very near to switching off the tele-screen completely. Ver near...but not quite.
Could You Do It? Could You Get Her To Fall In Love With You Again If You Had To? Would You Be Willing To Put Forth The Effort?
"Yes."
Even If It Might Not Work? There Are No Guarantees In This.
"Yes!"
You Could Never Come Back To This World, This Time Ever Again. You Have To Be Sure.
"Dear God, I'm sure. I swear to your I'm sure!" He was becoming more and more convinced this was a dream. A hallucination. But if it was then there was even less harm in saying yes.
Answer Your Door.
The knock sounded about 10 seconds later.
He started and glanced towards the door but didn't make a move.
Answer.
He stood and walked over to the door. His finger hovered over the panel that cause it to slide open. He paused.
"W-w-ho is it?"
"The person you were expecting, Lee. I'm here to help." A unfamiliar voice replied.
He opened the door and standing before him was a man in a long, heavy greatcoat. The man flashed him a broad smile.
"It's Lee, right?"
"R-r-ight. Are you the person...have you b-b-een sending me messages?"
"No that wasn't me. But I'm a friend of his. Ready to go?"
Lee shook his head.
"Go where?"
"He didn't explain that to you did he? He's kinda big on not explaining. The long story is to a new life. The short story is to Donna. The name is Jack, by the way. So, I hate to rush you but I'm kind of in a time crunch-"
"Do you know Donna?"
The man smiled even wider.
"Yeah, I know Donna. Funny, brilliant, strong, brave and a looker too. But I guess you know all that."
"W-will you p-please explain what's h-happening?" He said as firmly as he could manage.
"No. And I have to tell you, Lee, the window is closing and I mean that quite literally. Stay or go?"
Lee looked around and realized he was indeed taking a last look. His food sat uneaten on the table. His shopping list on the kitchen table. A book he hadn't really been enjoying sat next to his well worn chair. There was nothing for him here. No reason to dally. No reason to stay.
"Go." He said clearly.
"Anything you need to grab before we leave? Photo albums? Anything of sentimental value?"
Lee only paused for a moment.
"N-nothing here means an-nything to me. Let's go."
"That's the spirit. Alright, grab onto my arm and hang on."
Lee did as he was told. There was a flash of light and then this rushing sound filled his ears. It wasn't like a teleport. This felt a bit rougher a bit more unsteady and he kept his eyes closed. And then it stopped and Jack is chuckling softly by his side.
"Sorry 'bout that, Lee, it can get a bit bumpy. But we're here now, safe and sound."
Lee opened his eyes hesitantly.
He didn't know what he was expecting but it wasn't this.
He'd just gone from one flat to another.
"Where are we?"
"May 21st, 2017. It's a Sunday and we're right smack in the middle of afternoon tea."
"But where are we?"
"You're just where you need to be. He'll explain. Speaking of him I need to get this vortex manipulator back. He checks the mileage."
Those words meant nothing to Lee but he wasn't eager for him to leave.
Jack read the other man's body language.
"Look, it's alright, I promise. He didn't bring you here to abandon you. Trust me on that."
He wasn't sure why, but he did trust this man.
"Who's flat is this?"
"Yours. Ok, so, I was told to give you these." Jack said pulling two envelopes from the pocket of his coat. This one is for now and this one is for later. I don't know what they say but I'm guessing it explains everything."
Lee took the envelopes and held them gingerly.
"W-when is later?"
The other man shrugged. "He'd said you'd know. You must be pretty special. He's breaking quite a few rules to do this."
"I'm n-not remotely important."
"Funny, that's what she used to say." He replied. "Live well, Lee. Don't waste this chance, alright. And tell Donna, Jack says hello. She won't remember me, of course, but do me a favor and tell her anyway. Take care."
And then as Lee was trying to stammer out "W-wait-!" he vanished.
He stood there in the silence of this unfamiliar room on this unfamiliar planet in the year, what was it he'd said, 2017? Good grief he might as well be back in the Stone Age. What was Donna doing here? Was she really here at all?
He walked over to a sofa, his sofa, if this madness was to be believed and sat down. He set the envelopes on his lap for a moment almost fearful to open the first one. It took a few minutes but he eventually broke the seal and unfolded the paper within.
Hello Lee,
My name is the Doctor. We've never met, not even once. Well, we almost met. Ships passing in a forest of books and people-eating shadows and all that. You don't need to know much more about me except that I'm a friend and that Donna...well, she was my best friend.
The year is 2017. You are on the planet Earth in the Sol system. you've likely never heard of it and that's alright. The inhabitants of this planet are humans, you'll pass for one of them easy enough. This is your flat. That wallet there on the table is yours, it contains an identity, a history, a bank account, your entire life. I'm not so good at filling in all the little mundane details like a telephone bill or where you do the weekly shop so I had my friend Jack take care of those niceties.
This is your new life. Sit back, watch some telly, read a few books, surf the web, get accustomed to this culture. The technology is quite a bit behind anything you're used to but you'll manage. It's life and life, I've found is pretty much the same everywhere.
Three blocks to the east in a flat she just moved into no more than a two months ago is Donna Noble. She's been divorced for about a year and a half now, still stinging, still hurt but trying to put on a brave face. Every morning she goes to the coffee shop round the corner, sits down and orders a drink.
I know what you're thinking. But you can't. You can't go there now. You can't rush up to her and take her in your arms.
She has no idea who you are. It doesn't matter why. Just trust and believe me. You must never try to convince her. Never try to make her remember. You must swear to me that when this letter ends you will have put your old life to rest, for your sake and for hers. That is the burden you have to bear and that's the risk you have to be willing to take. If you don't think you can do it, you have to leave now. You can stay here in this time but if you can't be patient, you have to leave her alone for good and forever.
There's only a chance, Lee, just a sliver of a chance that a cold and merciless universe will allow this to happen. You can't force her to love you. You can't recreate those moments you had in the library. This will be work, hard work, but in the end it may very well be worth it. The most you can do is put yourself in her path and hope. Sometimes hope is all any of us have.
So, that's it then. You won't hear from me again. I owed you this, I think. I know I owed this, at the very least to my best mate.
Take care of my Donna. Your Donna.
Live well, Lee.
Be happy.
Yours,
The Doctor.
It was hard. Perhaps the hardest thing he'd ever done but he did as the Doctor said. He acquainted himself with this world. Their television. Their food. Their slang. He did his best to understand their politics, the current issues of their planet. What they found funny. What they found tragic. How they worked. How they played. How they spoke. He ventured out. He eventually got a job.
So much of it was like the world of the Library so there was a distant sort of familiarity. Perhaps that had, in a way, been Donna's creation. A facsimile of the world she knew. He had money and a nice place to live. He walked and walked endlessly around London and wondered what it might be like to drive about in one of their conveyances...cars, they called them. But their tube was nice too and it seemed he could get most anywhere using that.
He thought about Donna everyday and he thought about the coffee shop. But the more he thought about it, the more he started to fear it. And that powerful need to be there began to be overtaken by worry and doubt.
Soon he began to avoid even walking by it for fear of running into her and somehow, someway ruining things. He used to daydream about meeting her again, the joy that would flood her face as they ran to each other, reunited finally. But now his daydreams were darker. She passed right by him. He pushed too hard, smiled too broad and she found him creepy, gave him a wide berth and ultimately stayed far, far away.
So he decided that for now, months after his arrival here, perhaps it would be best to avoid her completely. Well, maybe not completely. He hadn't given up. At least he didn't think so. He just needed time. Time for what he wasn't entirely sure but now certainly wasn't the right moment. Maybe in a month or two, maybe a bit more, maybe-
He was in the middle of this internal battle with himself, completely lost in his own thoughts when he barreled into the woman and sent her coffee flying.
"Oi!" She said. "You could watch where you're going!"
An apology was forming on his lips and died there as he gazed at her as she glanced down checking her coat for stains.
Donna. It was Donna. There in the flesh, just a hairs breadth away from him. Beautiful as ever, completely unchanged. He felt his heart skip at the sight of her.
"If this isn't just my luck. The one day I decide not to just sit down and drink my coffee per usual." She muttered to herself before looking at him.
"I'm r-really am sorry. I s-s-should have been w-w-w-watch-ch-ching where I was g-g-g-oing." He said hastily and his stammer had never sounded worse to his ears.
She looked at him and her face softened. He didn't kid himself that there was any recognition there. It was just as the Doctor had written. He appeared to be nothing more than a clumsy stranger to her and his heart which had skipped now broke a bit at the truth of it all.
"It's alright. I've got two eyes as well. I'm at least 50% guilty."
"P-please, allow me to buy you another one."
"No, no that's alright. It may be the universe punishing me for getting extra whipped cream." She said and laughed.
How he had missed that laugh.
Lee extended his hand.
"I'm L-lee McAvoy. Coffee destroyer."
She laughed again and took his hand.
"My names Donna."
"Hello, D-d-d-o-
"You've got bit of a stammer there. Bless."
He blinked. It was just what she'd said to him the first time they'd really and truly met.
Suddenly she made an embarrassed face.
"Sorry, I don't mean to be rude. I've got a mouth on me."
"I d-d-din't think it was r-rude. You can't have a stammer this b-b-ad and not have a s-sense of humour about it."
She grinned at him, a genuine and proper grin and then they fell into a silence, not an awkward one but a silence nonetheless. He could sense the moment slipping away.
"Well, I should be going. It was nice bumping into you, literally." She said and started to walk away.
"Yeah it w-was."
She was leaving. She was leaving. She was leaving.
Say something!
"D-donna?"
"Yeah?" She turned around and he was glad not to note any reluctance or annoyance in her face.
"Would you like to go the library with me?"
She quirked an eyebrow at him.
"I'm sorry."
"There's a p-poetry reading there this coming Thursday, W.H. Auden's works at seven."
"You're asking me to go to the library?" She said and he could heard the amusement in her voice. Fond amusement.
"I've had some of my best times in a library, believe it or not. And don't w-worry. I won't be d-doing a reading. No one has that k-kind of t-t-time."
She laughed and walked back to him.
"Look...Lee, I'm just seeing my way clear of a bad patch. Divorced...you know... What I'm saying is I'm not sure if I'm ready for a date."
He took a deep breath, he'd expected this but he wanted her to hear his next words stutter free so he formed them carefully and took his time.
"I understand. My wife...well, I'm a widower. I haven't really even thought of getting back out there in a long time. But I think maybe I'd like to. I think I'd like to try."
It wasn't a lie. His Donna was dead. But he was being given a second chance and he wouldn't let it fall away.
He watched her face carefully. It had taken him awhile to get it all out but he'd managed. And by the way she was looking at him it just may have worked.
"I'm sorry about your wife." She said softly.
"I'm sorry about your husband...ex-husband."
"Alright...yeah, a poetry reading, I think I'd like that. But on one condition. Stop putting yourself down about that stammer."
"C-condition accepted." He said grinning broadly.
She took the napkin she'd been clutching which was lightly stained with coffee and removing a pen from her pocket scribbled down her name and number.
"Alright Lee, it's a date. Call me."
She seemed a little surprised that the word date had come out of her mouth. Surprised but not in any hurry to take it back.
"I will." He answered unable to help from nodding emphatically.
As she walked away she called back over her shoulder.
"Thanks for spilling my coffee."
"A-anytime!"
Lee hurried back to his flat, wings on his feet his head thrumming with possibility. It was happening, all that worrying and putting things off and considering that maybe he should never see her again and here it was happening. He felt happier than he could ever remember being, outside of that perfect virtual reality.
He grinned broadly leaning his head back against the sofa when suddenly a thought occurred to him.
The second letter. He had socked it away in the drawer next to the couch and he reached for it now. This mystery man who had orchestrated all this for him. Or rather for he and Donna. And he'd never even met him, though he suspected it was the bloke he'd seen standing next to Donna right before he was transported away.
He stuck his finger under the seal of the envelope opening it and with a fond shake of his head whispered, "Thank you, Doctor."
He unfolded the paper inside and read the two words written there.
You're welcome.
A/N: You guys can't even begin to understand my obsession with Lee McAvoy. I'm sure Shaun was a great guy but I have zero connection to him and I needed him out of the way. Davies said he'd considered bringing Lee back but said it wouldn't really have made sense. Well, here it is, I hope I made it make sense.
The title is from the poem by W.H. Auden called "Funeral Blues"
I didn't specify a Doctor here because I don't really know which one this is. It could be 10, that's the character I chose when I tagged/categorized the story and it's an obvious choice. This could have been something he orchestrated during his farewell tour. Though we only see him visit Mickey & Martha & Sarah Jane and Wilf etc. etc. I believe it was mentioned somewhere that he went to visit ALL of his companions before his regeneration into 11. Then again, it could be 11 or it could be 12. He doesn't forget the people he's lost or those who've lost him. And this is such an easy way to make things as right as he can for Donna.