Disclaimer: You know the drill. I own none of the characters they all belong to Louise Rennison, who is a vair fabby writer. Although, I do own some of the plot. But most of the Georgia words do not belong to me Louise Rennison gets all the credit for these. Anyway on with the show!! Enjoy!
10:38 By the river with Dave
I am in a state of confusiosity. With knobs
Dave the laugh said he loved me. But I do not love him no siree Masimo is my one and only.
4 minutes later
Then why do I keep 'accidentally' snogging him. Jas would say it is because I am a tart but she does not know the call of the horn, as she is boring and only loves Tom.
1 minute later
And owls. As I have said many times before I am a teenager and cannot control my bits and bobs.
Anyway after we snogged I tried to say
"Listen Dave this is vair naughty I have Masimo and you have Emma, we should not be doing this"
But all I could manage was
"Nggghhhh." My jelliodness always seemed to rear its ugly head at the most inappropriate times.
He just laughed and said "I can't help that the ladeeeeezzzz find me too irresistible, you included sex kitty." Cheeky cat.
30 seconds later walking back to the boy's tent
Then we walked back to the boys' tent and I fell into a badger hole or something. Dave laughed for about a million years.
"Dave as you may or may have not noticed I have fallen into a hole and am in need or some assistance"
"Many apologises gorgeous, I shall be your loyal man slave and carry you back to the tent." But I could see he was till laughing because he had that naughty look in his eyes.
God it gave me the horn. No shutupshutup! Stupid horn.
5 minutes later Back in the boy's tent
Dave started telling everybody about how I fell into the badger hole. I swear I heard Jas mutter, 'Idiot' so I biffed her over the head with one of the pizza boxes and now she is ignoring me and has stormed out with Tom trailing after her. Merde.
2 minutes later
Sven and Rosie have disappeared off into the woods and every now and again you can hear Sven scream out stuff like;
"OHHHCCJJJJJAAA! YOU ARE A WILD AND CRAZY CHICKY"
It sent Dave and me into hysterics.
30 minutes later
Now Ellen Dec and Mabs and Edward have buggered off leaving me and Dave alone. Ellen said;
"We… erm… are… like... erm…just like… you know… like…going to"
"We're just going to get some air and see what Rosie and Sven are up to" Mabs interrupted, which I must say was a relief as if Ellen was left to say it we would have been there for the rest of the month.
As soon as everybody left Dave said;
"Soooo…kittykat we are very much alone, we should snog just to kill the tension."
Dave is such a minx!
30 seconds later
Somehow I have actually managed to find myself attached to Dave's mouth. Again. Yummy scrumboes. We got to number six with a hint of nip libbling. Lip nibbling, that's what I meant! Pwhoar Dave does give me jelloidness and redbottomisity.
10 minutes later Back in my tent
I think Jas is right, I may be a tart. I'm with Masimo, but try telling my lips that I only have to be within a mile of Dave to feel my lips puckering up. After the accidental kiss I ran off back to my tent saying I think I could hear Jas calling me, he looked at me like I was quite insane, which I am. Jas doesn't do things like this, she's normal (and I use that phrase loosely). Well, normal minus the obsession with owls and vegetables.
1 minute later
And her stupid fringe.
1 minute later
And her obsession with humungous knickers.
1 minute later
And the fact that she always has midget gems hidden on her person, actually that is quite useful. I wonder if she has any hidden in her tent.
30 seconds later
I knew she'd have some midget gems. And by some, I mean about six million packets (well two) hidden in her shoes (erlack), among a magazine called 'Tree Huggers United, the weekly subscription.' Wow, she is pathetico personified.
2 minutes later back in my tent with Jas's midget gems
Jas is going to go crazy when she sees her precious midget gems are gone. Hehehehehe. I've been a bad, bad, bad girl. The midget gems call to me, 'Eat me Georgia! Eat me…you know want me.'
2 minutes later
I am beyond the valley of boredom and oh so aloney on my owney. Minus Jas' midget gems...which are now empty.
10 minutes later
Jas is outside her tent with Tom, I know because I can hear them talking about nature and twigs. Wait doesn't twigs count as nature…shutup brain shutupshutup.
"Ohhh Tom did you see that newt it had such unusual markings. Ohhh Tommy Wommy did you see those droppings they were so"
That's were I switched off. What is wrong with Jas, the droppings were so what wonderfully fragrant? The droppings were so runny? She becomes a different when she with Tom. I could almost hear her playing with her stupid fringe. Blimey.
1 minute later
Their kissing, I can hear them kissing. Every now and again I can hear a sort of slurpy, sucky sort of sound. Erlack.
"Oh Tommy Wommy, come in and have some midget gems, I'll show you my addition of 'Tree Huggers United'"
Blimey O'Reilly's undercrackers.
30 seconds later
I can hear her rustling around in her tent.
She's going to realise her precious midget gems are gone, and kill me. I must hide the evidence, by stuffing the empty packets of midget gems down Rosie's sleeping bag and playing dead (pretending to sleep).
20 seconds later
"Tom my midget gems are gone, they've been kidnapped" Kidnapped? Kidnapped? Is she serious?
"It's Georgia. She's taken them. Oh bugger! Now I have to eat my emergency pack"
"There, there Jas, I know you've been saving them for a special occasion"
Oh dear Lord…
11:30 Still in my tent and still awake
Iwill never ever be able to sleep I am in too much agony thinking about what Dave said. When I tell Jas about this she will just laugh and say something like;
"Dave said he loves you! I knew he was insane hahahaha I needed a good laugh, thanks Georgia."
2 minutes later
Still not asleep I shall never get to sleep. If I don't get my beauty sleep I will end up looking as bad as Spotty Norman. Well not that bad.
What if my nose grows? What if it ends up getting so big it sags over my lip like vati's.
Half a second later
Zzzzzzz.
17 minutes later
Guess what? I'm awake again. I finally get to sleep, then Rosie and Jools come crashing back in and dive right on top of me. Literally. Blimey she weighs a ton.
2 minutes later
"What the hell is at the bottom of my sleeping bag, Georgia?" Poo and also triple merde, I'm never going to get to sleep. Zzzzzzz.
13 minutes later
Awake again! Jools and Rosie woke me up because she said she can hear rustling and she thinks it's a bear. So Rosie is clinging onto my arm like a fule and won't let go. She keeps saying tings like;
"My Sven, what if I never see him again? What if I get eaten by this rouge bear? I knew I shouldn't have brought cheesy snacks. Why didn't I share a tent with Jas, no offence Georgia but tings like this always seem to happen around you! Where's my beard, if I'm going I want to die in style, with my most treasured possession"
And Jools keeps saying stuff like
"I don't want to die; I haven't even got to number 10"
I can't handle this. I want to stab myself in the face with Rosie's Viking bison horns.
30 seconds later
I can hear rustling and not good rustling as in the wind. Well come to think of it, wind rustling is not really too great, especially if you are wearing a skirt. That can actually be quite an unpleasant site if you haven't shaved or are Lindsay because of her stick insect legs, which are I must say vair frightening.
1 minute later
I can hear the rustling sound again. Now I must say I am also vair worried!
3 minutes later
The bear is outside out tent. It's at the door, well flap.
Poo, these are my last moments on Earth. I'm too young to die!
1 minute
I am writing my will under torch light;
Dear Mutti and Vati,
I would first like to start this letter by saying you have been terrible parents to me and now you shall be eternally sorry. I begged you not to make me come on this camping trip! But you made me. Let my death be on your hands.
Mutti I have a few wise words for you get a nunga reduction because you and I both know they are out of hand. Secondly divorce Vati, you can do much better. Lastly take some bloody cooking lessons, give Libby the chance or not being malnourished, the chance I never had.
This is a will so I am meant to be saying who gets what etc. well I would like to give all of my clothes to Mutti because I know how much you enjoy wearing my clothes and stretching them out of shape. Everything else I own goes to charity because I know if Libby gets it she will end up doing some strange voodoo ritual and Vati will enjoy my girly products far too much, I've seen the way you look at my make-up Vati.
Finally I want a shrine built in my honour.
Yours sincerely,
The late and Great Georgia Nicolson.
P.S just because I am gone does not mean you can now kick Angus out.
Hehehe, I can almost see the steam coming out of Vati's ears when he reads this.
1 minute later
The bear is opening the flap of our tent! Wait do bears have thumbs?
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Love from BeautyIsPain.
xXx