It's Just One of Those Days
By Shell
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations that belong to Twentieth Century Fox, not me. I am also not making any money off of this story. Thanks for taking the time to read this. I hope you enjoy!
Hawkeye Pierce glanced carefully through the screen walls of his tent, making sure no one was watching. B.J. Hunnicut kneeled at his feet, working busily with a saw. "You done yet?" Hawkeye asked.
"Not yet," B.J. muttered. "I knew I should've taken that woodshop course in high school. Just give me a minute." The worn saw they had managed to find was sluggish, and it didn't cut the cot's legs very well. He was careful not to cut all the way through, though; leaving the cot looking completely normal when casually gazed upon.
"There," B.J. said with a smile as he rose to his feet. "All done. That didn't take too long."
Hawkeye grinned in anticipation. "Charles won't know what hit him."
"Except for the floor," B.J. noted with a grin.
Charles suddenly appeared walking towards their tent, causing Hawkeye and B.J. to scramble for their respective bunks. B.J. shoved the saw under his cot, and laced his fingers behind his head in his best casual look. Hawkeye was calmly lounging on his bunk when Charles entered.
"Afternoon, Charles," he said with a smile. "Enjoy your walk?"
Charles didn't comment at first, staring straight into Hawkeye's face. "Pierce, that was almost a normal inquiry." He glanced between them with suspicion. "What are you two up to?"
"Nothing, Charles," B.J. said. "Why would you think such a thing?"
"Because the thought of you two attempting to be normal frightens me," Charles snapped. He turned to his bunk. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to escape from you two and sleep." Hawkeye bit his lip to keep from laughing as Charles sat on the edge of his bunk, laid back, and closed his eyes.
Nothing happened.
Hawkeye glanced at B.J. "What happened?" He whispered.
B.J. shrugged. "I guess my beaver skills aren't the best. Look, I'm sure-"
He was cut off by the sound of splintering wood. They turned just in time to see the back legs of Charles bunk split, sending him headfirst into the screen of their tent.
Hawkeye was in hysterics when Charles groaned and sat up in his broken bed. B.J. followed suit, filling the tent with laughter. Soon spectators from around the camp came to see what was going on, and only added to the laughter.
There was no point in even responding. Charles merely laid back into his slanted position, put his pillow over his face, and sighed.
Company clerk Radar O'Reilly had heard the crash coming from the Swamp, and the following laughter, but he decided not to even look and see what happened. He was far too busy delivering the unit's mail, and it was a job he took pretty seriously. Being twenty thousand miles from home was bad enough, but not getting and word from home would be far worse.
Once he had made his way around the camp, he finished his deliveries back at the camp's office. Walking into Colonel Potter's office, he handed Potter his mail from home.
"Thanks, Radar," Potter said as he opened a letter from his wife. "In Mildred's last letter, she told me all about the new jam she was going to make. Maybe this letter will hold the results. Anything else?"
Radar handed him a telegram. "This came in from Tokyo," he said.
Potter's eyebrows raised as he read the message. "You better call a senior staff meeting," he said. "They're going to want to hear this."
Ten minutes later, the senior staff of the 4077th was assembled, the group consisting of Fr. Mulcahy, Margaret Houlihan, Colonel Potter, Claire Morgan, and the surgeons. Radar stood behind Potter's desk with a clipboard.
When they had all taken their seats, Hawkeye asked, "Colonel, what's this all about? We were all taking naps in the Swamp." He and B.J. chuckled while Charles shot them a deadly look.
Potter ignored the comment. "I just got a telegram from Tokyo today, and it seems that we're going to have a visitor here in a few days."
"I knew Truman was going to show up with our release papers," Hawkeye declared.
"Too bad we won't get out for good behavior," B.J. replied with a smirk.
Margaret rolled her eyes at them. "That's for sure," she snapped. "Now will you two please let the Colonel speak? Some of us are actually interested in what he's saying." She elbowed her assistant head nurse. "Right, Claire?"
Claire, more interested in her own thoughts, looked up in confusion. "Sorry, did you say something, Major?"
Potter sighed. "If you're done, children, I'll continue. It looks like Major Carter from Tokyo General will be visiting us for a few days."
Claire's eyes widened in shock. "What? Did she say why?"
Charles spoke up then. "Excuse me, Colonel, but I seem to be in the dark on this matter-"
"And on a lot of other matters," Hawkeye muttered.
"-might I ask who this Major Carter is?"
"She's my old boss," Claire said, crossing her arms over her chest. "Luckily I escaped from her clutches. Or at least I thought I did."
Potter shrugged. "All she said in the telegram I got was that she was coming to observe our surgical technique."
Claire scoffed. "The only reason why Carter would ever come here is if I was in trouble. Frankly, I have a bad feeling about this."
"Well," Potter said with a sigh. "All I can say is we better shape up a bit. Brass like Carter are big on discipline."
"Something we threw out the window a long time ago," B.J. muttered.
"Don't worry, we'll help," Hawkeye said. "We can sweep some of the crud beneath the scum."
Potter frowned at him, but continued. "The bottom line is we all know exactly what we have to do to get this place looking decent. So let's hop to it. Meeting dismissed."
When the faded green jeep rolled into the main part of the compound three days later, Claire was ready for it. The camp had been cleaned considerably in the past few days, and she hoped that it would please her picky former commanding officer.
The jeep stopped beside her, and a thin older woman stepped out. "Ah, Captain Morgan," she said as the driver ran to get her things from the back of the jeep. "I'm surprised you came out to meet me personally. Knowing you, I expected your commanding officer would have to drag you kicking and screaming to see me."
Claire fought a smirk. "Well, I like to think we've all grown a bit in the past few months, Major Carter."
"Yes, of course." Pulling off her brown gloves, Carter gestured towards the 4077th's office. "Now let's go see your CO." With that, she strode off without another word.
The driver of the jeep came up to Claire and handed her Carter's things. "Just between you and me, after driving her for half an hour, I didn't think I'd make it. I've never heard anyone nag more than her. Good luck, ma'am."
"Thanks," Claire muttered with a frown. "I'm gonna need it."
"And here's the form so we can order more forms to order more tongue depressors."
Radar handed the piece of paper to Potter, and he signed it quickly. "I just don't see why the Army can't be a little simpler," Potter muttered. "Why can't there just be one form for everything?"
"I'll see if I can find a form for that, sir," Radar replied, making a note on his clipboard.
The swinging doors to Potter's office burst open as Major Carter strode in, Claire at her heels. "Colonel Potter, I'm Major Carter of Tokyo General." She gave him a stiff salute.
Potter returned the salute and gestured for her to take a seat. "Glad you could make it, Major. Tell me, how are things in Tokyo?"
"Quite well, Colonel," Carter. "I'm very happy to have this rare opportunity to observe your staff in action. The patients my staff and I receive from your unit are always in wonderful condition considering your situation here."
"Thank you, Major," Potter said. He turned to Radar. "Radar, help Major Carter get her things in the VIP tent."
"Colonel, we'd like to meet our guest!" The office doors swung open again and Hawkeye and B.J. entered. Carter rose and turned to greet them, but stopped short when she saw their unmilitary stance. Giving them a hard glare, she said, "Aren't you two forgetting to salute a superior officer?" Claire, who had taken a position off to the side, sighed silently to herself.
"Sorry," Hawkeye said with a smile. "But we only salute superior officers on Sundays. Come back for the Early Bird Special and you might get two."
Before Carter could respond, Colonel Potter stepped in. "Major Carter, these are two of my surgeons, Captains Pierce and Hunnicut. They're the best in Korea."
Carter's frown of disapproval remained, but she turned back to Potter without another mention of it.
When a session of wounded arrived two hours later, Major Carter insisted upon helping in the OR. Claire was assisting B.J. as he reconstructed a patient's large intestine, with Carter leaning over her shoulder the entire time.
"Uh, Major Carter," Claire said delicately. "I'm sure the other operations are a lot more interesting than this one."
"Nonsense, Captain," Carter said with a chuckle. "Your work is fascinating. Dr. Hunnicut is just as skilled as Colonel Potter said. But I think you could use a little work yourself."
Claire gave B.J. a look, and he simply shrugged his shoulders and smiled. Across the room, Charles called to Major Carter. "Major, if you wish to see something a little more interesting than a simple intestine, you should make your way over here to see this chest wound here."
When Carter left to observe, Claire sighed. "This is the one time I'm glad he's so pompous," she muttered to B.J.
Over the next two hours, Major Carter kept herself busy by barking orders to the other nurses in the OR: correcting errors, scolding their speed, and taking some of their duties. Margaret tried in vain to have Carter back off, but she would have none of it.
"No need to worry, Major Houlihan," Carter replied. "All your nurses need is a little discipline. You concentrate on your work; I'll keep them in line. It's no problem."
Hawkeye had had his fill of the situation. "Look Major Carter, I don't know who you think you are, but we were doing just fine here before you started cracking your whip. Trust me, we can all do a lot better without your babbling."
Carter's eyes widened above her surgical mask. "Colonel Potter, are your surgeons always this rude to a superior officer?"
Hawkeye pointed his scalpel at her. "Nothing is superior about you, Major."
"That's enough, Pierce," Potter snapped from his table. "Forgive his behavior, Major, the long hours here can put anyone on edge."
"Don't worry about it, Colonel," Carter said. "I understand completely. Your staff has simply inherited some rebellious influences. But don't worry, with my help, this will be a regulation military outfit in no time. I'll go observe the Pre-Op area." With that, she turned and left the OR.
Claire shook her head. "The nerve of that woman!"
"You know, Claire," B.J. said. "I never did believe you when you said she was unbearable. Now I see what you're talking about."
"We're just going to have to deal with it for now," Potter said. "A woman like that probably has the attention of more than one general in Tokyo. She could even break us up."
"Break us up?" Hawkeye cried. "Don't worry, Colonel. I'll break her up long before she can break us up."
After an agonizing week, the entire camp was ready to see Major Carter depart. It was the worst for Claire, who was followed by the Major almost 24 hours a day.
Claire walked up to the VIP tent and knocked on the door gently. She was allowed to enter, where she found Carter packing her things.
"You wanted to see me, Major?" Claire asked.
Carter faced her with a smile. "Yes, Captain. Since I'm leaving tomorrow morning, I thought it would be a good time to tell you the real reason I came here."
Claire nodded. "I see. Why me?"
"Because it involves you. Even though your outfit's work is exceptional, I really only came to observe your work."
"Me?"
Carter nodded. "I wanted to see if you were still up to par. You really impressed me. That's why when I leave tomorrow, you should come with me. I want you to be Assistant Head Nurse of my staff in Tokyo."
Claire's eyes widened. "Major, I don't know what to say."
"What is there to say? It's not like you'll need to think about this long," Carter said. "An opportunity to get away from all this fighting is one you won't get often."
This was all too much. Going back to civilization would be a dream come true. "So what would be duties be? How many patients would I be responsible for?"
Carter shrugged. "You would assist me with all my duties. You know: take notes for the nurses, schedule appointments and luncheons, attend lectures for me. That sort of thing. My last assistant was entirely too busy to see any patients, though." She laughed. "Anyway, that's one less burden you'd have to worry about."
The dream had suddenly become less than Claire had hoped for. "But Major, I became a nurse so I could help people. This job sounds more like I'd be your secretary."
"Well, that is a way of putting it, but you would be a big help to watch the other nurses and make sure that they don't make mistakes."
Claire sighed and shook her head. "So the reason you came here was to see if I'd make a good babysitter for your nurses. I see."
Carter took a deep breath. "Captain, remember, this job is in Tokyo, far away from all the violence of this war. The Army would provide everything you need: an apartment, a better wage, and almost any other luxury. Do you really want to spend the rest of this war in this sewer? Captain Morgan, you could get killed here, you know that, don't you?"
Claire didn't bother answering the question. "Have you told Colonel Potter yet?"
The older woman shook her head. "No, I wanted to speak to you first. Frankly, I expected a different reaction than this. Could you actually be considering staying here?" When there was no response, she continued. "Well, you have until tomorrow morning to decide. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll go inform Colonel Potter. Good night." She walked around Claire and left the tent.
Claire sighed and walked outside. How could she possibly leave the 4077th for some cushy job at Tokyo General where she would answer the phone all day? The M*A*S*H was already understaffed at times, and losing another nurse would make the burden on everyone else grow tenfold.
Taking a look around at the camp, the scene was practically just as Carter described. It was miserable here, but Claire had never felt deep down that she was here for nothing. She could imagine any of the other nurses scrambling for a job out of Korea, but Claire wasn't too sure. She was finally a real part of the 4077th, like one of the family. Even she and Margaret were starting to get back the friendship they'd abandoned years ago. Hawkeye and B.J. had become a light in this dreary place, and she hated to leave them behind.
It was definitely something to think about.
The next morning, Major Carter strode out of her tent to gaze at the rising sun at the horizon. Her driver came up behind her, dragging her heavy suitcase on the ground.
"Don't drag that!" She snapped.
"Yes, ma'am," the scrawny corporal said, heaving the suitcase into the back of the jeep. "Are you ready to leave, Major?"
Carter held up a hand. "Just another minute. I'm just waiting to see-"
Suddenly the door to Claire Morgan's cabin swung open, and out strode the Captain, a filled duffel bag on her back. "You ready Major?"
"Now I am, Captain. Hop in." Carter slid into the passenger seat of their jeep and turned to Claire. "You coming? Our plane won't wait."
Claire was taking one last look around the 4077th compound: the Mess Tent, her tent, the OR, and Hawkeye's tent. As she looked at the words "The Swamp" painted on the door, it swung open, and an angry Hawkeye Pierce stomped out.
"So you're leaving?" He asked as he came up to her. "Just like that?"
"Yeah," she said. "But I-"
"Trust me, you don't have to say anything," Hawkeye snapped. "Radar told me all about your new job. How you're just going to abandon us so you can take the cheap way out. Or the fact that it's a waste of your time and talent."
Claire gasped in shock. She'd never seen him this angry. "Wait just a second, Hawkeye, it's not-"
Hawkeye waved a hand at her. "You know, I really thought you weren't like this. I suppose I was just really stupid to think you actually cared about the work you were doing here. I'd expect Charles to pull something like this, but not you. I must have been wrong."
She wasn't about to stand idly by and let him yell at her. "Well, Hawkeye," she cried. "You're wrong about a lot of things! You never listen to anyone but yourself. I'm glad I'm leaving!"
"So am I!"
Claire was about to explode. "Yeah, well, goodbye!" She spun on her heel and jumped into the back of the jeep.
As the engine roared to life, Hawkeye raised his cries above the noise. "Oh yeah? Well, good riddens! Who needs you?"
The driver thankfully hit the gas and the camp was soon behind her.
Claire glanced up to see four choppers flying in front of her towards the 4077th. It looked like a big batch of wounded. Of all the times to leave...
"This is just perfect," Hawkeye was saying to himself as the choppers circled the camp. He barely noticed Colonel Potter walk up beside him.
"You know Pierce," Potter said with forced calmness. "You're very lucky that wounded arrived right after the scream session you just had. Waking up the entire camp for no reason is never appreciated!"
Hawkeye frowned. "It was worth it, Colonel. You had to have known about the way Claire left us."
"Yeah," Potter said, nodding. "It's a real shame. Can't we discuss this on the way to the OR?" He put a hand on Hawkeye's shoulder and nudged him forward.
Hawkeye was barely aware he was walking as he spoke. "Shame? She left us in the dust, even though we're short on staff already. I wouldn't call that shame; I'd call that irresponsible to those kids in there."
"The army never really gives anyone of us a choice," Potter said gently.
"True, but not this time," Hawkeye snapped. "Carter gave her a choice to go, and she took it."
They had stopped just in front of the OR by now. "You got your wires crossed, Pierce," Potter said. "Carter had a chat with Morgan last night and got the impression that she didn't want to go. So she decided to pull a few strings at HQ and give her transfer orders. She didn't have a choice in the matter."
Hawkeye felt like his jaw would hit the ground. Claire was right after all; the only opinion he had bothered to pay attention to was his own. She had probably been trying to explain it to him when he...
"I just told off an angel," he murmured. "What have I done?"
Potter pulled on his arm. "You can't think about that now. We have to save a bunch of kids first. I'll have Radar take care of it later."
Radar had made many attempts over the coming weeks to get in touch with Claire Morgan over the coming weeks, but with no success. She never seemed to be around when a call from the 4077th came through.
Meanwhile, Claire sat at her desk in the Nursing office of Tokyo General Hospital. A pile of nursing schedules an inch thick sat before her needing to be finalized, but she hadn't bothered to glance at them all day.
She was spending that afternoon the way she spent a majority of her time, daydreaming. Her crisp white uniform had never been stained with blood, but it didn't even have the opportunity to be. The other nurses saw patients; Claire just walked around sometimes and made sure they didn't burn anything down. It was the babysitting job she had imagined.
A lot of the nurses went out to lavish parties the Generals threw after work. Claire always went home to her small apartment and read or listened to music. She knew they spoke about her behind her back. She was described as pleasant but distant, kind but bland. They had figured that Claire had lost her personality somewhere in Korea.
A nurse was walking down the hall at that moment when Major Carter stopped her. "Where are you going?"
"There's another call for Captain Morgan," the nurse replied. "From the M*A*S*H unit."
"Tell them she's busy," Carter said. There was a look of protest, but the nurse turned and walked back down the hallway.
Carter entered the office. "Good afternoon, Captain. Busy as usual, I see."
"Yes, Major," Claire said, jumping from her thoughts. "What brings you here?"
"General Embry is throwing another party tonight. I need you to come along to make a good impression on the nursing staff."
Claire shook her head. "No thanks, Major. I-"
Carter pointed a gloved finger at her. "That's an order, Captain. You're not getting out of it. You do have a decent dress, don't you?"
"Well, yes, but-"
"Good," Carter said with a smile. "I'll send the address along later. See you there." With that, she was gone.
Hours later, Claire was entering the lobby of what had to be the largest hotel in Tokyo. Wearing the royal blue evening dress she had brought from home, it was a strikingly elegant difference from her normal nursing attire. People were milling about everywhere, all engrossed in interesting conversations of every sort.
"Ah, Captain Morgan, you're here," Major Carter had practically come out of nowhere. She was wearing a dark red kimono-style dress, and Claire suddenly had the strongest urge to laugh.
"Well don't just stand there, Morgan," Carter said, grabbing her elbow. "You have to come and meet the General. And don't forget to make my nurses look as good as possible."
The dining hall she was dragged into was immense and richly decorated with bright red carpet, small dining tables, and a large central dance floor. A bar made of a fine dark wood took up the entire right wall.
The crowd was dense, but Major Carter navigated through it with ease. She pulled Claire to the largest dining table where a group had gathered around, laughing. General Embry was the center of attention, wowing his crowd with his war escapades.
Carter pushed a woman aside to tap the General on the shoulder. He turned and grinned. "Major Carter! What a pleasant surprise. Glad you could make it."
"Thank you, General," Carter said, pulling him casually aside from the crowd. "I want you to meet my new head nurse, Captain Morgan." She waved a hand at Claire.
"Nice to meet you, Captain," Embry said, shaking Claire's hand. "Major Carter has mentioned that you used to work in a M*A*S*H unit back in Korea. This must certainly be a difference."
"Yes, General," Claire said. "More than you can imagine."
"Do you see a lot of patients at Tokyo General?"
"Actually no," Claire began, and she soon caught a glare from Carter. She decided to ignore it. "I do all the paperwork."
Embry's smile slipped away. "What? An experienced army nurse like yourself shouldn't be wasting your skills by sitting behind a desk."
He put an arm around Claire's shoulders and began to walk away from the crowd, with Carter at their heels. "I used to know a nurse like you. Took a job as a secretary for some businessman. She got the opportunity to be a nurse again, but those years away from the hospital made her lose her skill. Were you aware of this, Major Carter?"
Carter looked like she was ready to explode. "Captain Morgan was fully aware of what she would be doing, General."
"But it wasn't as if I had a choice, General," Claire said pleasantly. "Major Carter gave me travel orders from HQ."
"I see," Embry said thoughtfully. "Well-"
"General," Carter jumped in. "If you'll excuse us a moment, I need to speak with the Captain." She put an iron grip on Claire's wrist and yanked her a few feet away.
"Are you insane?" She snapped. "What part of 'make the nurses look good' didn't you understand?"
"I just told him the truth, Major," Claire replied. "You and I both know I wasn't trained to baby-sit nurses."
Carter pointed a finger in Claire's face. "You had better be very careful, Captain. They don't want you back at your M*A*S*H unit, and if I decide I don't want you here, the only place left is an aide station on the front lines. I can guarantee you won't want that job." She gestured toward the bar. "Now go over and sit there. Don't speak to anyone important or it just might cost you your job, got it?"
Sitting alone with a martini, Claire was staring off into space, her drink left virtually untouched. She heard someone sit down beside her, but she didn't bother to look.
"Anyone sitting here?" A voice asked.
"No, but-" She turned to look and her mouth fell open.
Hawkeye Pierce was sitting next to her at the bar, nicely dressed in his formal brown Army uniform. His face held the same warm smile that it had the day she met him. "You should have told me you have such great parties here."
She ignored the comment. "Hawkeye, what in the world are you doing here? Does Colonel Potter know about this?"
He waved a hand in dismissal. "Of course he does. B.J. and I needed a vacation anyway. He's still at the hotel sampling the sushi." He smiled, but Claire didn't return it.
He took a deep breath. "Look, Potter told me what happened with Carter, and I shouldn't have said what I did. I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry in person." He put his hand over hers. "We really need you back at the 4077th. But we all miss you just as much. I mean, a few people are beside themselves...but I won't mention any names. So, please, will you forgive me and come back? Colonel Potter can work it all out-"
Claire couldn't help but smile. "I forgive you. And I'd love to come back. This place isn't really me."
Hawkeye grinned just as a song started on the dance floor. "That's great. But before we get back to the trenches, let's dance."
The 4077th had never looked better. As the jeep, B.J., Claire, and Hawkeye rode in rolled to a stop in the middle of the compound, Claire took a moment to take a long look at the rolling hills of Korea in the background, with the cloudless blue sky and shining sun that warmed her back. It really felt like home.
Colonel Potter and Margaret walked up to meet the jeep. "I'm glad you kids all got home in one piece." He smiled at Claire. "It's good to have you back, Captain."
"Thanks, Colonel," Claire said. "Hi, Margaret. Anything exciting happen while I was gone?"
Margaret smiled and gave her a hug. "Nothing out of the ordinary. I'm glad you're back."
Hawkeye came over and put an arm around Claire's waist. "It really took a lot of convincing on my part, Colonel. But I finally got her to come with us."
"We only had to knock her out once," B.J. said with a smile.
An announcement sounded over the PA system. "Choppers in the compound! Choppers in the compound! This is no drill, folks!"
The entire camp sprung to action around them, and Potter sighed. "Sorry about this lousy timing, Captain Morgan, but we really need you in there."
Claire smiled. "Thanks, Colonel. It's good to be needed."
The End
The End
By Shell
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations that belong to Twentieth Century Fox, not me. I am also not making any money off of this story. Thanks for taking the time to read this. I hope you enjoy!
Hawkeye Pierce glanced carefully through the screen walls of his tent, making sure no one was watching. B.J. Hunnicut kneeled at his feet, working busily with a saw. "You done yet?" Hawkeye asked.
"Not yet," B.J. muttered. "I knew I should've taken that woodshop course in high school. Just give me a minute." The worn saw they had managed to find was sluggish, and it didn't cut the cot's legs very well. He was careful not to cut all the way through, though; leaving the cot looking completely normal when casually gazed upon.
"There," B.J. said with a smile as he rose to his feet. "All done. That didn't take too long."
Hawkeye grinned in anticipation. "Charles won't know what hit him."
"Except for the floor," B.J. noted with a grin.
Charles suddenly appeared walking towards their tent, causing Hawkeye and B.J. to scramble for their respective bunks. B.J. shoved the saw under his cot, and laced his fingers behind his head in his best casual look. Hawkeye was calmly lounging on his bunk when Charles entered.
"Afternoon, Charles," he said with a smile. "Enjoy your walk?"
Charles didn't comment at first, staring straight into Hawkeye's face. "Pierce, that was almost a normal inquiry." He glanced between them with suspicion. "What are you two up to?"
"Nothing, Charles," B.J. said. "Why would you think such a thing?"
"Because the thought of you two attempting to be normal frightens me," Charles snapped. He turned to his bunk. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to escape from you two and sleep." Hawkeye bit his lip to keep from laughing as Charles sat on the edge of his bunk, laid back, and closed his eyes.
Nothing happened.
Hawkeye glanced at B.J. "What happened?" He whispered.
B.J. shrugged. "I guess my beaver skills aren't the best. Look, I'm sure-"
He was cut off by the sound of splintering wood. They turned just in time to see the back legs of Charles bunk split, sending him headfirst into the screen of their tent.
Hawkeye was in hysterics when Charles groaned and sat up in his broken bed. B.J. followed suit, filling the tent with laughter. Soon spectators from around the camp came to see what was going on, and only added to the laughter.
There was no point in even responding. Charles merely laid back into his slanted position, put his pillow over his face, and sighed.
Company clerk Radar O'Reilly had heard the crash coming from the Swamp, and the following laughter, but he decided not to even look and see what happened. He was far too busy delivering the unit's mail, and it was a job he took pretty seriously. Being twenty thousand miles from home was bad enough, but not getting and word from home would be far worse.
Once he had made his way around the camp, he finished his deliveries back at the camp's office. Walking into Colonel Potter's office, he handed Potter his mail from home.
"Thanks, Radar," Potter said as he opened a letter from his wife. "In Mildred's last letter, she told me all about the new jam she was going to make. Maybe this letter will hold the results. Anything else?"
Radar handed him a telegram. "This came in from Tokyo," he said.
Potter's eyebrows raised as he read the message. "You better call a senior staff meeting," he said. "They're going to want to hear this."
Ten minutes later, the senior staff of the 4077th was assembled, the group consisting of Fr. Mulcahy, Margaret Houlihan, Colonel Potter, Claire Morgan, and the surgeons. Radar stood behind Potter's desk with a clipboard.
When they had all taken their seats, Hawkeye asked, "Colonel, what's this all about? We were all taking naps in the Swamp." He and B.J. chuckled while Charles shot them a deadly look.
Potter ignored the comment. "I just got a telegram from Tokyo today, and it seems that we're going to have a visitor here in a few days."
"I knew Truman was going to show up with our release papers," Hawkeye declared.
"Too bad we won't get out for good behavior," B.J. replied with a smirk.
Margaret rolled her eyes at them. "That's for sure," she snapped. "Now will you two please let the Colonel speak? Some of us are actually interested in what he's saying." She elbowed her assistant head nurse. "Right, Claire?"
Claire, more interested in her own thoughts, looked up in confusion. "Sorry, did you say something, Major?"
Potter sighed. "If you're done, children, I'll continue. It looks like Major Carter from Tokyo General will be visiting us for a few days."
Claire's eyes widened in shock. "What? Did she say why?"
Charles spoke up then. "Excuse me, Colonel, but I seem to be in the dark on this matter-"
"And on a lot of other matters," Hawkeye muttered.
"-might I ask who this Major Carter is?"
"She's my old boss," Claire said, crossing her arms over her chest. "Luckily I escaped from her clutches. Or at least I thought I did."
Potter shrugged. "All she said in the telegram I got was that she was coming to observe our surgical technique."
Claire scoffed. "The only reason why Carter would ever come here is if I was in trouble. Frankly, I have a bad feeling about this."
"Well," Potter said with a sigh. "All I can say is we better shape up a bit. Brass like Carter are big on discipline."
"Something we threw out the window a long time ago," B.J. muttered.
"Don't worry, we'll help," Hawkeye said. "We can sweep some of the crud beneath the scum."
Potter frowned at him, but continued. "The bottom line is we all know exactly what we have to do to get this place looking decent. So let's hop to it. Meeting dismissed."
When the faded green jeep rolled into the main part of the compound three days later, Claire was ready for it. The camp had been cleaned considerably in the past few days, and she hoped that it would please her picky former commanding officer.
The jeep stopped beside her, and a thin older woman stepped out. "Ah, Captain Morgan," she said as the driver ran to get her things from the back of the jeep. "I'm surprised you came out to meet me personally. Knowing you, I expected your commanding officer would have to drag you kicking and screaming to see me."
Claire fought a smirk. "Well, I like to think we've all grown a bit in the past few months, Major Carter."
"Yes, of course." Pulling off her brown gloves, Carter gestured towards the 4077th's office. "Now let's go see your CO." With that, she strode off without another word.
The driver of the jeep came up to Claire and handed her Carter's things. "Just between you and me, after driving her for half an hour, I didn't think I'd make it. I've never heard anyone nag more than her. Good luck, ma'am."
"Thanks," Claire muttered with a frown. "I'm gonna need it."
"And here's the form so we can order more forms to order more tongue depressors."
Radar handed the piece of paper to Potter, and he signed it quickly. "I just don't see why the Army can't be a little simpler," Potter muttered. "Why can't there just be one form for everything?"
"I'll see if I can find a form for that, sir," Radar replied, making a note on his clipboard.
The swinging doors to Potter's office burst open as Major Carter strode in, Claire at her heels. "Colonel Potter, I'm Major Carter of Tokyo General." She gave him a stiff salute.
Potter returned the salute and gestured for her to take a seat. "Glad you could make it, Major. Tell me, how are things in Tokyo?"
"Quite well, Colonel," Carter. "I'm very happy to have this rare opportunity to observe your staff in action. The patients my staff and I receive from your unit are always in wonderful condition considering your situation here."
"Thank you, Major," Potter said. He turned to Radar. "Radar, help Major Carter get her things in the VIP tent."
"Colonel, we'd like to meet our guest!" The office doors swung open again and Hawkeye and B.J. entered. Carter rose and turned to greet them, but stopped short when she saw their unmilitary stance. Giving them a hard glare, she said, "Aren't you two forgetting to salute a superior officer?" Claire, who had taken a position off to the side, sighed silently to herself.
"Sorry," Hawkeye said with a smile. "But we only salute superior officers on Sundays. Come back for the Early Bird Special and you might get two."
Before Carter could respond, Colonel Potter stepped in. "Major Carter, these are two of my surgeons, Captains Pierce and Hunnicut. They're the best in Korea."
Carter's frown of disapproval remained, but she turned back to Potter without another mention of it.
When a session of wounded arrived two hours later, Major Carter insisted upon helping in the OR. Claire was assisting B.J. as he reconstructed a patient's large intestine, with Carter leaning over her shoulder the entire time.
"Uh, Major Carter," Claire said delicately. "I'm sure the other operations are a lot more interesting than this one."
"Nonsense, Captain," Carter said with a chuckle. "Your work is fascinating. Dr. Hunnicut is just as skilled as Colonel Potter said. But I think you could use a little work yourself."
Claire gave B.J. a look, and he simply shrugged his shoulders and smiled. Across the room, Charles called to Major Carter. "Major, if you wish to see something a little more interesting than a simple intestine, you should make your way over here to see this chest wound here."
When Carter left to observe, Claire sighed. "This is the one time I'm glad he's so pompous," she muttered to B.J.
Over the next two hours, Major Carter kept herself busy by barking orders to the other nurses in the OR: correcting errors, scolding their speed, and taking some of their duties. Margaret tried in vain to have Carter back off, but she would have none of it.
"No need to worry, Major Houlihan," Carter replied. "All your nurses need is a little discipline. You concentrate on your work; I'll keep them in line. It's no problem."
Hawkeye had had his fill of the situation. "Look Major Carter, I don't know who you think you are, but we were doing just fine here before you started cracking your whip. Trust me, we can all do a lot better without your babbling."
Carter's eyes widened above her surgical mask. "Colonel Potter, are your surgeons always this rude to a superior officer?"
Hawkeye pointed his scalpel at her. "Nothing is superior about you, Major."
"That's enough, Pierce," Potter snapped from his table. "Forgive his behavior, Major, the long hours here can put anyone on edge."
"Don't worry about it, Colonel," Carter said. "I understand completely. Your staff has simply inherited some rebellious influences. But don't worry, with my help, this will be a regulation military outfit in no time. I'll go observe the Pre-Op area." With that, she turned and left the OR.
Claire shook her head. "The nerve of that woman!"
"You know, Claire," B.J. said. "I never did believe you when you said she was unbearable. Now I see what you're talking about."
"We're just going to have to deal with it for now," Potter said. "A woman like that probably has the attention of more than one general in Tokyo. She could even break us up."
"Break us up?" Hawkeye cried. "Don't worry, Colonel. I'll break her up long before she can break us up."
After an agonizing week, the entire camp was ready to see Major Carter depart. It was the worst for Claire, who was followed by the Major almost 24 hours a day.
Claire walked up to the VIP tent and knocked on the door gently. She was allowed to enter, where she found Carter packing her things.
"You wanted to see me, Major?" Claire asked.
Carter faced her with a smile. "Yes, Captain. Since I'm leaving tomorrow morning, I thought it would be a good time to tell you the real reason I came here."
Claire nodded. "I see. Why me?"
"Because it involves you. Even though your outfit's work is exceptional, I really only came to observe your work."
"Me?"
Carter nodded. "I wanted to see if you were still up to par. You really impressed me. That's why when I leave tomorrow, you should come with me. I want you to be Assistant Head Nurse of my staff in Tokyo."
Claire's eyes widened. "Major, I don't know what to say."
"What is there to say? It's not like you'll need to think about this long," Carter said. "An opportunity to get away from all this fighting is one you won't get often."
This was all too much. Going back to civilization would be a dream come true. "So what would be duties be? How many patients would I be responsible for?"
Carter shrugged. "You would assist me with all my duties. You know: take notes for the nurses, schedule appointments and luncheons, attend lectures for me. That sort of thing. My last assistant was entirely too busy to see any patients, though." She laughed. "Anyway, that's one less burden you'd have to worry about."
The dream had suddenly become less than Claire had hoped for. "But Major, I became a nurse so I could help people. This job sounds more like I'd be your secretary."
"Well, that is a way of putting it, but you would be a big help to watch the other nurses and make sure that they don't make mistakes."
Claire sighed and shook her head. "So the reason you came here was to see if I'd make a good babysitter for your nurses. I see."
Carter took a deep breath. "Captain, remember, this job is in Tokyo, far away from all the violence of this war. The Army would provide everything you need: an apartment, a better wage, and almost any other luxury. Do you really want to spend the rest of this war in this sewer? Captain Morgan, you could get killed here, you know that, don't you?"
Claire didn't bother answering the question. "Have you told Colonel Potter yet?"
The older woman shook her head. "No, I wanted to speak to you first. Frankly, I expected a different reaction than this. Could you actually be considering staying here?" When there was no response, she continued. "Well, you have until tomorrow morning to decide. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll go inform Colonel Potter. Good night." She walked around Claire and left the tent.
Claire sighed and walked outside. How could she possibly leave the 4077th for some cushy job at Tokyo General where she would answer the phone all day? The M*A*S*H was already understaffed at times, and losing another nurse would make the burden on everyone else grow tenfold.
Taking a look around at the camp, the scene was practically just as Carter described. It was miserable here, but Claire had never felt deep down that she was here for nothing. She could imagine any of the other nurses scrambling for a job out of Korea, but Claire wasn't too sure. She was finally a real part of the 4077th, like one of the family. Even she and Margaret were starting to get back the friendship they'd abandoned years ago. Hawkeye and B.J. had become a light in this dreary place, and she hated to leave them behind.
It was definitely something to think about.
The next morning, Major Carter strode out of her tent to gaze at the rising sun at the horizon. Her driver came up behind her, dragging her heavy suitcase on the ground.
"Don't drag that!" She snapped.
"Yes, ma'am," the scrawny corporal said, heaving the suitcase into the back of the jeep. "Are you ready to leave, Major?"
Carter held up a hand. "Just another minute. I'm just waiting to see-"
Suddenly the door to Claire Morgan's cabin swung open, and out strode the Captain, a filled duffel bag on her back. "You ready Major?"
"Now I am, Captain. Hop in." Carter slid into the passenger seat of their jeep and turned to Claire. "You coming? Our plane won't wait."
Claire was taking one last look around the 4077th compound: the Mess Tent, her tent, the OR, and Hawkeye's tent. As she looked at the words "The Swamp" painted on the door, it swung open, and an angry Hawkeye Pierce stomped out.
"So you're leaving?" He asked as he came up to her. "Just like that?"
"Yeah," she said. "But I-"
"Trust me, you don't have to say anything," Hawkeye snapped. "Radar told me all about your new job. How you're just going to abandon us so you can take the cheap way out. Or the fact that it's a waste of your time and talent."
Claire gasped in shock. She'd never seen him this angry. "Wait just a second, Hawkeye, it's not-"
Hawkeye waved a hand at her. "You know, I really thought you weren't like this. I suppose I was just really stupid to think you actually cared about the work you were doing here. I'd expect Charles to pull something like this, but not you. I must have been wrong."
She wasn't about to stand idly by and let him yell at her. "Well, Hawkeye," she cried. "You're wrong about a lot of things! You never listen to anyone but yourself. I'm glad I'm leaving!"
"So am I!"
Claire was about to explode. "Yeah, well, goodbye!" She spun on her heel and jumped into the back of the jeep.
As the engine roared to life, Hawkeye raised his cries above the noise. "Oh yeah? Well, good riddens! Who needs you?"
The driver thankfully hit the gas and the camp was soon behind her.
Claire glanced up to see four choppers flying in front of her towards the 4077th. It looked like a big batch of wounded. Of all the times to leave...
"This is just perfect," Hawkeye was saying to himself as the choppers circled the camp. He barely noticed Colonel Potter walk up beside him.
"You know Pierce," Potter said with forced calmness. "You're very lucky that wounded arrived right after the scream session you just had. Waking up the entire camp for no reason is never appreciated!"
Hawkeye frowned. "It was worth it, Colonel. You had to have known about the way Claire left us."
"Yeah," Potter said, nodding. "It's a real shame. Can't we discuss this on the way to the OR?" He put a hand on Hawkeye's shoulder and nudged him forward.
Hawkeye was barely aware he was walking as he spoke. "Shame? She left us in the dust, even though we're short on staff already. I wouldn't call that shame; I'd call that irresponsible to those kids in there."
"The army never really gives anyone of us a choice," Potter said gently.
"True, but not this time," Hawkeye snapped. "Carter gave her a choice to go, and she took it."
They had stopped just in front of the OR by now. "You got your wires crossed, Pierce," Potter said. "Carter had a chat with Morgan last night and got the impression that she didn't want to go. So she decided to pull a few strings at HQ and give her transfer orders. She didn't have a choice in the matter."
Hawkeye felt like his jaw would hit the ground. Claire was right after all; the only opinion he had bothered to pay attention to was his own. She had probably been trying to explain it to him when he...
"I just told off an angel," he murmured. "What have I done?"
Potter pulled on his arm. "You can't think about that now. We have to save a bunch of kids first. I'll have Radar take care of it later."
Radar had made many attempts over the coming weeks to get in touch with Claire Morgan over the coming weeks, but with no success. She never seemed to be around when a call from the 4077th came through.
Meanwhile, Claire sat at her desk in the Nursing office of Tokyo General Hospital. A pile of nursing schedules an inch thick sat before her needing to be finalized, but she hadn't bothered to glance at them all day.
She was spending that afternoon the way she spent a majority of her time, daydreaming. Her crisp white uniform had never been stained with blood, but it didn't even have the opportunity to be. The other nurses saw patients; Claire just walked around sometimes and made sure they didn't burn anything down. It was the babysitting job she had imagined.
A lot of the nurses went out to lavish parties the Generals threw after work. Claire always went home to her small apartment and read or listened to music. She knew they spoke about her behind her back. She was described as pleasant but distant, kind but bland. They had figured that Claire had lost her personality somewhere in Korea.
A nurse was walking down the hall at that moment when Major Carter stopped her. "Where are you going?"
"There's another call for Captain Morgan," the nurse replied. "From the M*A*S*H unit."
"Tell them she's busy," Carter said. There was a look of protest, but the nurse turned and walked back down the hallway.
Carter entered the office. "Good afternoon, Captain. Busy as usual, I see."
"Yes, Major," Claire said, jumping from her thoughts. "What brings you here?"
"General Embry is throwing another party tonight. I need you to come along to make a good impression on the nursing staff."
Claire shook her head. "No thanks, Major. I-"
Carter pointed a gloved finger at her. "That's an order, Captain. You're not getting out of it. You do have a decent dress, don't you?"
"Well, yes, but-"
"Good," Carter said with a smile. "I'll send the address along later. See you there." With that, she was gone.
Hours later, Claire was entering the lobby of what had to be the largest hotel in Tokyo. Wearing the royal blue evening dress she had brought from home, it was a strikingly elegant difference from her normal nursing attire. People were milling about everywhere, all engrossed in interesting conversations of every sort.
"Ah, Captain Morgan, you're here," Major Carter had practically come out of nowhere. She was wearing a dark red kimono-style dress, and Claire suddenly had the strongest urge to laugh.
"Well don't just stand there, Morgan," Carter said, grabbing her elbow. "You have to come and meet the General. And don't forget to make my nurses look as good as possible."
The dining hall she was dragged into was immense and richly decorated with bright red carpet, small dining tables, and a large central dance floor. A bar made of a fine dark wood took up the entire right wall.
The crowd was dense, but Major Carter navigated through it with ease. She pulled Claire to the largest dining table where a group had gathered around, laughing. General Embry was the center of attention, wowing his crowd with his war escapades.
Carter pushed a woman aside to tap the General on the shoulder. He turned and grinned. "Major Carter! What a pleasant surprise. Glad you could make it."
"Thank you, General," Carter said, pulling him casually aside from the crowd. "I want you to meet my new head nurse, Captain Morgan." She waved a hand at Claire.
"Nice to meet you, Captain," Embry said, shaking Claire's hand. "Major Carter has mentioned that you used to work in a M*A*S*H unit back in Korea. This must certainly be a difference."
"Yes, General," Claire said. "More than you can imagine."
"Do you see a lot of patients at Tokyo General?"
"Actually no," Claire began, and she soon caught a glare from Carter. She decided to ignore it. "I do all the paperwork."
Embry's smile slipped away. "What? An experienced army nurse like yourself shouldn't be wasting your skills by sitting behind a desk."
He put an arm around Claire's shoulders and began to walk away from the crowd, with Carter at their heels. "I used to know a nurse like you. Took a job as a secretary for some businessman. She got the opportunity to be a nurse again, but those years away from the hospital made her lose her skill. Were you aware of this, Major Carter?"
Carter looked like she was ready to explode. "Captain Morgan was fully aware of what she would be doing, General."
"But it wasn't as if I had a choice, General," Claire said pleasantly. "Major Carter gave me travel orders from HQ."
"I see," Embry said thoughtfully. "Well-"
"General," Carter jumped in. "If you'll excuse us a moment, I need to speak with the Captain." She put an iron grip on Claire's wrist and yanked her a few feet away.
"Are you insane?" She snapped. "What part of 'make the nurses look good' didn't you understand?"
"I just told him the truth, Major," Claire replied. "You and I both know I wasn't trained to baby-sit nurses."
Carter pointed a finger in Claire's face. "You had better be very careful, Captain. They don't want you back at your M*A*S*H unit, and if I decide I don't want you here, the only place left is an aide station on the front lines. I can guarantee you won't want that job." She gestured toward the bar. "Now go over and sit there. Don't speak to anyone important or it just might cost you your job, got it?"
Sitting alone with a martini, Claire was staring off into space, her drink left virtually untouched. She heard someone sit down beside her, but she didn't bother to look.
"Anyone sitting here?" A voice asked.
"No, but-" She turned to look and her mouth fell open.
Hawkeye Pierce was sitting next to her at the bar, nicely dressed in his formal brown Army uniform. His face held the same warm smile that it had the day she met him. "You should have told me you have such great parties here."
She ignored the comment. "Hawkeye, what in the world are you doing here? Does Colonel Potter know about this?"
He waved a hand in dismissal. "Of course he does. B.J. and I needed a vacation anyway. He's still at the hotel sampling the sushi." He smiled, but Claire didn't return it.
He took a deep breath. "Look, Potter told me what happened with Carter, and I shouldn't have said what I did. I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry in person." He put his hand over hers. "We really need you back at the 4077th. But we all miss you just as much. I mean, a few people are beside themselves...but I won't mention any names. So, please, will you forgive me and come back? Colonel Potter can work it all out-"
Claire couldn't help but smile. "I forgive you. And I'd love to come back. This place isn't really me."
Hawkeye grinned just as a song started on the dance floor. "That's great. But before we get back to the trenches, let's dance."
The 4077th had never looked better. As the jeep, B.J., Claire, and Hawkeye rode in rolled to a stop in the middle of the compound, Claire took a moment to take a long look at the rolling hills of Korea in the background, with the cloudless blue sky and shining sun that warmed her back. It really felt like home.
Colonel Potter and Margaret walked up to meet the jeep. "I'm glad you kids all got home in one piece." He smiled at Claire. "It's good to have you back, Captain."
"Thanks, Colonel," Claire said. "Hi, Margaret. Anything exciting happen while I was gone?"
Margaret smiled and gave her a hug. "Nothing out of the ordinary. I'm glad you're back."
Hawkeye came over and put an arm around Claire's waist. "It really took a lot of convincing on my part, Colonel. But I finally got her to come with us."
"We only had to knock her out once," B.J. said with a smile.
An announcement sounded over the PA system. "Choppers in the compound! Choppers in the compound! This is no drill, folks!"
The entire camp sprung to action around them, and Potter sighed. "Sorry about this lousy timing, Captain Morgan, but we really need you in there."
Claire smiled. "Thanks, Colonel. It's good to be needed."
The End
The End