Title: Eh?
Series: Tiger & Bunny
Summary: In which Ivan has a birthday, everyone goes skating, and Keith is very, very Canadian.
A/N: Please note that is crack and pokes fun at the Canadian stereotype. Yes, I am Canadian myself, but it's not intended to be malicious. Thank you.
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"Are we seriously going to do this every time?" Karina asked, irritably clicking her pen.
She jumped when Nathan suddenly appeared by her side, the scent of his cologne strong enough to wrinkle her nose. "What's wrong? Don't you like a good party?"
Wheeling her chair away, she crossed her arms and said, "It's just not practical. Also, what if we can't have a birthday party for someone? Won't they feel left out?"
"We're heroes," Antonio said. "This job isn't about convenience."
Arguing would only make her seem like a brat, so she glared at the table instead. The heroes, minus a few, had hijacked one of the conference rooms to plan Ivan's party. Planning a surprise party for the guy who seemed to be everywhere was difficult and had the heroes stumped. She almost wished that Kotetsu and Barnaby weren't so busy being famous; if anyone could sort this out, it would be them.
They were writing down any ideas on a large piece of paper, trying to brainstorm something viable. They knew that he liked anything Japanese and had thrown around the idea of going out for sushi, but maybe that was too predictable.
"Why don't we get him a cake?" Pao-Lin suggested.
Karina sighed and clicked her pen again. "Okay. But what about the flavor? Or the decorations?"
The younger girl looked sheepish and muttered, "It's just an idea…"
"Yes!" As always, Keith was loud, his strong voice filling the entire conference room. He stood up, suddenly invigorated, and gestured at the assembled heroes. "A cake from all of us is the perfect gift! I must thank you for the suggestion. And again! Thank you!"
Pao-Lin smiled shyly. "Y-You're welcome."
Uncapping his blue marker (which he carried around at all times for some reason), Keith wrote 'CAKE' in thick, block letters. It stood out next to Karina's delicate cursive.
"And next! The question of flavor!" He drew a line down from 'CAKE' and wrote 'FLAVOUR' with a question mark on the end.
"Maybe we could make it match his suit? Like, a blue cake?" Pao-Lin offered.
"Steel blue, to be exact," Nathan said, picking at his fingernails.
Karina knew that she had to say something when Keith wrote 'COLOUR = STEEL BLUE'.
"Okay. Keith, what's with all the 'u's?"
He blinked at her. "I must apologize, Miss Karina, but I don't understand the question."
"T-The… The 'u's!" She pointed at Keith's writing. "That's not how you spell color."
He dutifully examined the word. She could see his eyes tracing it over and over again until he finally declared, "I'm certain that this is the correct spelling. Could it be that you are somehow mistaken?"
Pao-Lin leaned over the table. "She's right. Color doesn't have a 'u'. Neither does flavor."
While Keith scratched his head and looked confused, Nathan started laughing. At first it was quiet, just a piece of background noise, but soon everyone in the room was staring at him.
"How cute," he said, winking at the blond hero. "It seems that Mr. Sky High isn't from around here."
Keith grinned and happily replied, "I was born Canadian! My desire to become a hero brought me to Sternbild, to protect those who live in this city fr-"
"You're Canadian?"
He didn't seem to mind that Karina cut him off. He gave her a thumbs-up and said, "Yes! Even my dog is Canadian!"
"I should've guessed," she muttered. "You're just too nice."
"That's a stereotype," Antonio said, narrowing his eyes at her.
She felt an instant stab of guilt. "You're right," she admitted. "Sorry, Keith. I… I guess that was a pretty callous thing to say…."
"Don't worry about it." Keith grinned, showing off his perfectly white teeth. "Now, let's return to planning the surprise!"
"Surprise?"
She nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard Ivan. He was peering over Pao-Lin's shoulder at their jumbled mess of ideas.
"H-How did you get in?"
He blinked. "The door was unlocked."
While Karina tried to throttle Nathan (since he was the one in charge of security), Keith grinned and patted Ivan on the back, his strength nearly toppling the quiet hero. "Your birthday is coming up and your fellow heroes want to celebrate it!"
Ivan blushed, bangs obscuring his face. "Like… L-Like a party?"
"If you want a party, then we will throw you a party! Yes! It will be the mo-"
His soft voice somehow overpowered Keith. "I don't really want a party," he confessed and the room went quiet.
Awkwardly, Karina sat back down. She smiled in what was hopefully a reassuring way and asked, "Well, is there anything you do want? Like, a gift or to visit somewhere…?"
Ivan perked up, suddenly brimming with enthusiasm. "I haven't been skating in ages. I mean… If it's not too much trouble, maybe we could all…" He trailed off, hiding behind his bangs again.
"What an excellent idea!" Keith announced, startling Ivan with another pat on the back. "A leisurely skate… Why, I can picture it now!"
Karina sighed. "I hope Kotetsu can come…" She nearly kicked herself for admitting that out loud. But, thankfully, the other heroes were too focused on Ivan's suggestion.
"I've never been skating before," Pao-Lin admitted, "but it sounds fun!"
"If you think falling a whole lot is fun," Antonio muttered, crossing his arms.
Nathan was practically sparkling with excitement. "I'll have to show off my double axel. It's electrifying!"
While they were distracted, Karina neatly wrote down 'Ice Skating' and underlined it.
XXXXXX
Ivan's birthday was on a weekday and they went early in the afternoon. The arena was nearly empty except for a few young couples and families happily skating around. The damage from the NEXT incident had been repaired, and Karina found herself admiring the architecture. It really was beautiful.
Still, she was in a bad mood. Tiger and Barnaby's popularity was at an all time high, and no matter how much Kotetsu complained to their manager, they had several events to attend that day. Of all the people in the world, why did she have a crush on him?
"He'd probably make a fool of himself anyways," she muttered, pulling her laces tight. Her rented skates weren't the best quality, but this wasn't a performance. It was okay if she stumbled a few times.
Nathan was already in the center of the rink, one leg high in the air while he spun around and around. The show of flexibility was impressive and maybe a bit inappropriate with so many children around…
She forced down the sudden urge to compete with the flamboyant hero and stepped onto the ice. These skates definitely were different than her own and her arms immediately shot out for balance. Stumbling was okay, but doing a face-plant was not.
Once she adjusted, skating was easy. She went around the arena a couple of times at a leisurely pace, admiring the building again. Her life was usually so busy that she couldn't stop and look at what was around her. If she was doing an event here, the windows would've been the last thing on her mind.
Turning her skates just right, she quickly stopped. Ivan was leaning on the sideboards with a small smile on his face, but he was also all alone. Did the others forget that this was all for him?
He noticed her approach. "This really is great," he said, glancing away shyly.
"I saw you skating earlier," Karina said, kneeling down and tying her skates a little tighter. "Why did you stop?"
"I-It's been awhile," he admitted quietly, "and I'm not very good. But I'm having fun, so please don't worry."
She stood back up and watched the others for awhile. Even though she was just a beginner, Pao-Lin was teaching Antonio how to avoid falling every five minutes. It was kinda cute.
"Where's Keith?" Karina asked, not seeing his blond head anywhere.
"One of his sponsors called, but he said he'd be right back," Ivan replied.
Right on cue, Karina saw Keith step back onto the ice. He waved at her and Ivan.
Karina raised her eyebrows. "What's on his head?"
"It's a toque."
"A what?"
She couldn't stop staring at the big red pom-pom on top of it. As Keith skated closer, she saw that it had a cute pattern of sled dogs running in the snow.
"I like your toque," Karina said, cringing at her pronunciation.
He laughed. "Thank you! Our conversation the other day reminded me of my Canadian heritage. Hockey on frozen ponds, summers around the campfire…"
While Keith majestically stared into the distance, probably reliving his childhood, Karina pushed herself off the sideboards and started circling the other heroes. She slowly made her footwork more and more complex, leaving delicate white lines on the pale ice.
"Before my NEXT powers activated, I always wanted to be a lumberjack…"
Keith's confession caught her off guard and she forgot to move her left foot. Before she could fall face-first, Karina latched onto Ivan's arm and pulled herself back up.
Apologizing, she carefully let go. Ivan muttered something and rubbed his arm. Maybe her nails were getting a bit too long…
"Are you alright?" Keith asked, his eyes full of concern.
She nodded. "I'm fine, but… You wanted to be a lumberjack?"
She could've sworn that Keith glowed with pride. "Of course. My summers were spent in the forests of British Columbia. The buildings in Sternbild may be taller, but there is nothing as majestic as a Western Red Cedar."
As Keith continued, Karina tried to picture him in a plaid shirt and jeans, posing in front of a large stump. Of course he was also wearing the toque.
She cringed. It fit a little too well.
"Let's get back to skating," Karina suggested.
Keith wasn't offended when he was cut off. Instead, he grinned and spread his arms, somehow gesturing to the entire arena at once. "Of course!"
Ivan sighed and pushed off the sideboards. He was a bit unsteady and used his arms to balance, but Karina found it oddly endearing.
Keith was the one who really surprised her. He obviously did everything with gusto and enthusiasm, but she was somehow unprepared when he took off across the skating rink, expertly avoiding the other skaters and even waving at each one he passed. That perfect, charming grin never left his face.
"What the….?" Antonio, being trailed by Pao-Lin, stopped next to Karina. He was staring at the golden blur that was Sky High.
"He's not a stereotype. He's not a stereotype," Karina chanted to herself.
"Don't be silly."
Startled, she whipped around and met a pair of intense green eyes.
"M-Mr. Petrov?"
The Administration of Justice's Yuri Petrov looked like he'd just left work, dressed in his usual suit. The only difference was his pair of jet black skates.
"All Canadian citizens can skate like that. It's a national requirement."
"You… You're joking. You have to be joking."
He raised one very menacing eyebrow, daring her to challenge him. "Maybe a demonstration is in order. I am a dual citizen myself, but the rule still applies."
He was suddenly moving forwards, hair flying out behind him like a banner, and then he was just gone, rivaling Keith's own impressive speed.
"Aha! A fellow Canadian!" Keith called out. "So it's a skate-off…"
"Standard rules apply," Yuri said, narrowing his eyes.
"Eh? Of course! I am honored to be your opponent."
To Karina's left, Ivan sighed.
"This is the weirdest birthday ever…"
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A/N: My third fill on the Tiger & Bunny Kinkmeme. The prompt was: "Sky High is Canadian. In America."
As always, thanks for reading!